9. Alison #3
I step onto the sidewalk beside Cassandra.
Daniel is still sitting in the town car.
I can feel him watching. Don’t look. Don’t act weird.
We’re going to the Harringtons. Cassandra is writing a real article about Edgewood’s bicentennial.
She is really interviewing Tobias. Dad knows.
Mom knows. There is absolutely nothing suspicious happening here.
Except for the portable ultrasound machine Darla brought to Cassandra’s house.
My hand almost moves toward my stomach. I stop it. Not here. Cassandra catches the movement anyway.
She doesn’t look at me. Just walks. “You okay?”
“Yep.”
“Liar.”
Walter and Tobias are several steps ahead of us now. Tobias is telling him something about Edgewood’s original school building. Or possibly ghosts. I can’t tell.
I glance at Cassandra. “Is the interview actually real?”
“Completely.” Cassandra’s expression softens. Then she says quietly, “Darla’s already there and everything is set up.”
Suddenly three houses feel like three miles. “What about Ryan?”
Cassandra looks at me. My mood changes immediately. She sees that too. “He’s there.”
“Great.”
“Ally—“
“Please don’t.” She stops. Not walking. Talking. I appreciate it. I’m going to see him. I’m going to stand beside him and see our baby. I can do that. I can love him and still be furious with him. Apparently that’s a thing. Lucky me.
We reach the Harringtons’ driveway. Tobias releases Walter and runs ahead.
“Don’t go inside without us,” I call.
“I’M NOT.” He is already opening the door.
Cassandra follows Tobias inside. Walter holds the door for me. The second I step through, I hear Darla. “There he is!”
Tobias stops. His entire face lights up. “Dr. Darla!”
Darla comes around the corner from the living room. She isn’t dressed like she normally is when I see her at the hospital. Jeans. Sweater. Hair pulled back.
She opens her arms. Tobias goes straight into them. “Well, hello, handsome.”
“I’m getting interviewed.”
“I heard.”
“For the newspaper.”
“I also heard that.”
Tobias turns back to Darla. “Are you interviewing me too?”
“Nope.”
“Then why are you here?”
Every muscle in my body locks. Cassandra doesn’t. Walter doesn’t. Darla definitely doesn’t.
She smiles. “Because I have something much cooler to show you first.”
Tobias’s eyes widen. “What?”
Darla looks at me. My heart starts pounding. She leaves it to me. I swallow. “The baby.”
Tobias freezes. “The baby?”
I nod. “Darla brought some equipment so we can check on it.”
He launches himself at me. I barely have time to brace before his arms wrap around my middle. “Toby.”
“Sorry!” He immediately jumps back and stares at my stomach in horror. “Did I squish it?”
“No.” Darla laughs. “You didn’t squish anything.”
“Are you sure?”
“Very.”
“Because I hugged her hard.”
“The baby is extremely well protected in there.”
“By what?”
And we’re off. Darla’s eyes light up. I swear to God she has been waiting her entire medical career for Tobias. “Come with me and I’ll show you.”
“You can show me?”
“I can show you lots of things.”
He takes her hand. “Does it know I’m here?”
“Not quite yet.”
“Why?”
“Because the baby is still tiny.”
“How tiny?”
Behind me, Walter murmurs, “She’s doomed.”
Cassandra smiles. “She loves it.”
She does. Darla is already answering the next question before Tobias finishes asking it. They disappear into the living room.
And then I see Ryan. He’s standing near the doorway to the guest room Darla has apparently temporarily turned into an exam room.
Jeans. Black T-shirt. Bare feet. His eyes find mine.
Everything else inside me collides at once.
I love him. I’m furious with him. I want him beside me.
I want to hit him with my notebook. His gaze moves over my face like he’s checking that I’m okay.
I hate that too. He takes one step toward me. I look away.
Darla calls from the other room. “Ally?”
My nerves immediately swallow everything else. I walk toward her. Ryan waits. I get almost to the doorway before looking back. He’s still standing exactly where I left him.“Are you coming?”
Something flashes across his face. “Yeah.”
Darla has turned one of the downstairs guest rooms into the world’s smallest doctor’s office.
There’s a portable ultrasound machine beside the bed, towels, a small bag of supplies, and Tobias sitting in the chair beside it like he’s been appointed chief medical officer.
Walter takes the other chair. Cassandra stands behind him. Ryan stays near me. Still not touching.
I climb onto the bed. My hands are shaking.
Darla notices. “Hey.” I look at her. “We’re just taking a look.”
“I know.”
“Anything different since we talked?”
“No.”
“Good.” Tobias raises his hand. Darla looks at him. “Yes?”
“Why would she bleed?”
My eyes widen. Oh, Jesus. Darla doesn’t miss a beat. “Sometimes doctors ask questions to make sure everything is going exactly the way we want.”
“But why—“
“Toby.” He looks at me. “Maybe save the blood questions.”
“Okay.” Beat. “Can I ask about pee?”
Walter covers his mouth. Cassandra turns away. Darla smiles.
“Absolutely.”
“Does the baby pee?”
“Yes.”
His eyes get huge. “Inside Ally?”
“Yes.”
“Where does it go?” Ryan makes a strangled noise beside me. I look at him. He is fighting for his fucking life. Darla launches into an explanation. Tobias listens like she’s revealing government secrets. And somehow that helps. My hands stop shaking.
Until Darla lifts my shirt enough to expose my stomach.
Then everything comes rushing back. Baby.
Real baby. Our baby. I look at Ryan. He’s already looking at me.
The anger is still there. It hasn’t magically disappeared.
But beneath it is something bigger. Fear.
Love. Wonder. All the same things twisting through me.
Darla squeezes gel onto my stomach. I jump. “Jesus, that’s cold.”
Tobias immediately leans forward. “Does the baby feel that?”
“No,” Darla says.
She explains. All of it. Where the baby is.
How it’s protected. Why it doesn’t feel the cold gel.
What the placenta does. Tobias asks if the baby eats my food.
Then whether it gets hungry. Then whether it likes pizza.
Then whether it can taste pizza. Darla answers every fucking question.
Not once does she tell him to be quiet. Not once does she treat him like he’s too little to understand.
She just adjusts the explanation until he can.
Then she presses the probe to my stomach. The screen changes. Everything stops. I forget Tobias. Cassandra. Walter. Darla. Ryan. I forget how to breathe. There’s — something. A shape. Tiny. Impossible.
Darla moves the probe slightly. “There.”
My throat closes. “Oh my God.”
Beside me, Ryan doesn’t say anything. I look at him. His eyes are locked on the screen. His entire face is different. No Ryan Harrington from Edgewood. No asshole who threw my notebook on the floor. No boy trying to outthink my father. Just Ryan. Looking at his baby. Our baby.
Tobias whispers, “That’s it? That’s a baby?”
“Yep.”
“Where’s its face?”
She points. “Right here.”
Tobias gets out of his chair. Walter catches the back of his shirt before he can climb directly onto the bed.
“I can’t see.”
“Come here.” Walter lifts him.
Tobias settles against his chest and leans forward. “Is that the head?”
“Yes.”
“That’s a big head.”
I laugh through the tears already running down my face.
Ryan finally looks at me. His eyes are wet. That almost breaks me completely. I reach for his hand without thinking. He takes mine. Immediately. Our fingers lock. I’m still mad at him. Apparently I can be mad while holding his hand.
Darla moves the probe again. “Everything I’m seeing looks exactly the way I want it to.”
Tobias looks between us. “Can we hear it?”
My heart stops all over again. Darla looks at me. Then Ryan.
“Ready?”
No. Absolutely not.
I nod. Ryan does too. Darla makes an adjustment. For half a second, there’s nothing. Then the room fills with sound. Fast. Rhythmic. Impossible. My baby’s heartbeat.
I cover my mouth. Ryan’s hand crushes mine. Nobody speaks. Not even Tobias. The sound fills every corner of the room. Fast-fast-fast-fast-fast. Alive. My baby is alive. Our baby is alive.
I look at Ryan. A tear slips down his cheek. He doesn’t wipe it away. Neither do I. Walter’s hand lands on Ryan’s shoulder. Cassandra is crying openly now. Darla smiles at the screen.
And Tobias — Tobias looks completely fucking awestruck. “That’s its heart?”
Darla nods. “That’s its heart.”
“It’s really fast.”
“Babies’ hearts beat faster than ours.”
“Why?”
Darla starts explaining. Of course she does. And I laugh while I’m crying because Tobias is already asking another question and Darla is answering it like nothing in the world could possibly be more important.
Ryan bends his head. His forehead touches mine. Just for a second.
“I love you,” he whispers.
My chest hurts. I close my eyes. “I know.”
Not I love you too. He notices. His forehead leaves mine. Good. I’m still mad. But I don’t let go of his hand until Darla turns off the machine.
Darla leaves the machine on for another few seconds. Maybe for Tobias. Maybe for me. Maybe because nobody in the room is ready for that sound to stop. Then the rapid little heartbeat disappears, and the silence afterward feels enormous.
Darla reaches for a towel. “Okay. Before Tobias begins his second round of interrogation, let’s get you cleaned up.”
Ryan takes the towel from her before she can hand it to me.
I look at him. He doesn’t say anything. Neither do I.
He just moves beside me and carefully wipes the gel from my stomach.
The tenderness of it makes something inside me ache.
Because his hands don’t match the boy from lunch.
These are the hands I know. Warm. Careful.
One of them slides beneath the hem of my shirt to keep it out of the way while the other cleans the last streak of gel from my skin.
Tobias leans around Walter. “Why is it sticky?”