20. Roman
ROMAN
What happened back there?” My voice is low.
I don’t want Briar to hear us, but fuck, we were just attacked for the first time since settling in Bane Falls.
Why now? Everything is escalating so quickly, and I’ve never seen the man who shot Gale before…
Is that the connection to the underworld we’re looking for?
“Jesus Christ, Hopper, you are so lucky this hit your side. It’s just a flesh wound. Nothing vital was struck,” Bensen mutters as he retrieves the bullet and drops it into a bowl we normally use for bolts.
Gale winces and sighs once the tweezers are out of his body. “Stopped by abs and not the full metal.” He coughs and chuckles as he shoots me a wry look.
I give him a disinterested frown.
John folds his arms and glances out the small office window into the shop to make sure Briar is still okay before answering me.
“We can’t ignore that she arrived right around the same time that this all started escalating.
They knew where we were. They were likely watching us for a while and we had no fucking idea. ”
I drag my hand down my jaw. How could we allow ourselves to let our guard down?
I know yesterday was a surprise too, but this close to our auto shop, especially during the day, is unlike them.
Grahm must’ve reported in yesterday when the guys grabbed Briar.
That’s the only reason this new fellow would show up and shake their routine of only making moves at night.
Taylor nods slowly. He’s leaned up against the far wall, smoking a cigarette and tapping his forehead with his thumb, brainstorming. “That guy wasn’t from Bane Falls. He has to be the connection, but did you see the way he reacted to her voice?”
I nod gravely. He knows her.
She knows him.
“I’m going to report in to the general.” My words hang in the room for a few awful beats. The men sit with it because they know as well as I do what it means.
General Nolan doesn’t leave loose ends. Tired of his work or not, he’s not the kind of man to let innocent people live.
I guess neither am I.
“Syxx?” John looks at me, not as his superior but as a friend. “What do we do?”
My jaw feathers, and I tap my finger over my arm. “I don’t know.” I pause and look each of them in the face. Gale shifts up to his elbows now that Bensen has him all patched up. I take a deep breath. “You trust your lieutenant, don’t you?”
They all nod in unison, without hesitation.
I hold their gazes—a heavy burden I’ve learned to shoulder.
“Good,” I mutter as I walk out of the room and head downstairs. There’s a distinct mildew scent that lives in these old bricks. I sort of like it, if nothing else because it reminds me how cruel nature is.
The lights flicker on as I step into the room I’ve been staying in. It’s always cold in here; the cement walls have been crumbling for at least the last decade.
I lean up against the sink in my room and glance at the mirror. My face is covered in dust and dried blood. None of it is mine, and that thought used to bother me—being drenched in others’ blood was a living nightmare until I realized that it was either them or me. Then it became simply my reality.
I’m no stranger to the man in the mirror. I’m indifferent to him. He’s cruel and callous, pushes people away because he knows they die easily. And humanity, of all things, is what almost killed him once.
Before calling Nolan, I take a shower. I let it run until the water is no longer red and my thoughts don’t seem as dreadful.
The phone rings once.
“Lieutenant Syxx.” The general’s voice is clipped as usual.
“General… We had a situation come up. I’m reporting in for clearance and orders moving forward.” I sit at the edge of my bed, my head hanging down.
He’s quiet for a second. “Proceed.”
I tell him about the attack and, reluctantly, about Briar.
“Our intel shows that the man you mentioned arrived in Bane Falls yesterday. If you suspect that he has ties to this girl for any reason, I want you to use her to lure him out. He’s likely our ticket in, and I want him alive.
Find that fucking flash drive too.” I hear Nolan slam his fist against a table across the line.
My leg bounces. “Use her, sir?”
He’s never asked me to use a civilian for a mission before. She could get hurt, and she’s already been put in danger twice now because of me.
“Yes, I want their hideout exposed by the end of the month. She doesn’t need to be recovered, so discard her when you’re done.”
My mouth parts, but no words come out.
How did it come to this? How have I lost so much of my humanity that Nolan knows I wouldn’t have a problem doing something so heinous?
My eyes widen. I guess it’s because if I didn’t have this weird attachment to her I would follow his order with no hesitation.
Because I am heinous. I picture her sweet smile that she still extends to me even though I don’t deserve it.
Nolan notes my silence with a dramatic breath. “You’ve done much worse, to more innocent people, Syxx.”
I swallow thickly, letting that notion sink in. Is it because she sees me in ways I didn’t think anyone else could? Why do I care what happens to her when I didn’t the others? My jaw feathers as I clench my fist. “I’m aware.”
“But?” His tone is unreadable.
But you don’t know how she caresses my scars and yearns for every horror story I have wrapped up in my bones.
I clear my throat. “Nothing. I will carry out the mission and we’ll find their hideout.” The words taste like poison on my tongue. A loathing I’ve never felt for myself fills my chest.
“Good, andLieutenant?”
“Yes, general?”
“If she does end up surviving your use, I want her disposed of, got it? This isn’t something we can let a civilian live with.”
My throat is tight, and a knot forms.
“Yes, sir.”
The phone clicks, and I let it slide out of my hand. It falls to the floor and I stare at it for a few minutes. This shouldn’t be a big deal to me, so why is it? I want to covet her. Not hurt her.
What is it about Briar that drives me insane? Why do I see myself in her?
I let out a long groan and run my hand down my face.
If I don’t follow orders, my squad could be terminated, so there’s not much of a choice. Once an order is given, it must be seen through.
I’ve never not delivered, and I don’t plan on letting the general down.