Chapter 21
brIAR
When the guys come back out from the room, Roman isn’t with them. I force my eyes to meet their gazes. They’ve all washed up and are clean. Gale’s in an unstained T-shirt and doesn’t look like he’s dying as he did earlier, so I allow a breath of relief out.
Thank God everyone looks okay minus some scratches and cuts here and there.
John lowers to his knee to get to my eye level and offers a small grin. “Hey. You all right?” He presses his wrist to my forehead to check my temperature.
I nod. “I just look like shit because I’ve been crying,” I say with a slight laugh. No one else finds it amusing.
“Here, I’ll help you get cleaned up while the guys get a movie going. We’re making tacos tonight too,” he says in a chipper tone.
I blink twice. “A movie? Dinner? Do you have any idea what just fucking happened? This isn’t okay, none of this is okay.” I motion my hands to them. How can they just act like this is normal. Gale was fucking shot and people died.
John squeezes my hand reassuringly. “I know it seems like that for you, Briar, but this is what our squad has been trained to deal with. You can hold on to the trauma and the shit and let it ruin your day, or you can move the fuck on and enjoy your night. Tomorrow isn’t promised, not for me, you, not even Roman. ”
My chest constricts at the thought of any of them dying. “I get that. But I haven’t been trained to deal with this… It’s a lot, John. It’s too much. I just want to…”
He looks at me as we reach the bathroom, and he has me sit on the tub wall. “Just want to what?”
“I want to go home.” But I don’t have one.
I hate how defeated and sad I sound, but I’m too tired to care.
John wets a towel and wipes my face gently. His weak smile is soft and reassuring. “Don’t we all?” He’s quiet for a few minutes as he finishes wiping me down and scrubs the blood from my hands. “Do you want a word of advice?”
I meet his ocean eyes. “Home is where the heart is?” I scoff and glance down at my hands.
He grips my chin and tilts it up until I’m looking at him. “Home is where the squad is, Private Squirt.” John winks, and it brings a smile to my lips.
I hold on to those words more than he could ever know.
We head downstairs and as promised, Taylor and Bensen have tacos ready for us to eat. We each grab a soda and some tacos and eat them on the sofas where some movie I’ve never seen before plays. Gale’s snoring before the opening credits are over.
Taylor’s on his phone, texting someone constantly. I’m so zoned out I can hardly pay attention to the movie. My mind is lost in the past and on what happened today with Callum. Not only him but the people who died too. Was Grahm one of them? I hope not.
I shut my eyes and try not to think about it like John said, but it’s impossible.
Bensen hands me a blanket. I blink at him and lift a brow before I realize I’m shivering. “Thanks,” I whisper and happily take it.
John scoots in closer to my side and pulls me against his chest. “You’re still pretty cold from the other night,” he mutters and brushes my hair from his face.
I instantly melt into his arms. His warmth bleeds into me so quickly that I can’t help but latch on to it. John sets his hand on my side and rests his head on the top of mine. A thread of guilt moves its way through me, because I wish it were Roman and not John comforting me right now.
Why do I yearn for comfort from someone who is utterly incapable of giving it?
Just as my eyes are starting to get heavy, the lights flick on. It makes me flinch. I almost forgot that Roman was still in the building. Everyone ignores his presence except John.
Roman’s eyes burn into me. He works his jaw as he lets his gaze drag over us and where we’re cuddling on the couch.
He tilts his head and gives me a cruel grin.
“Go figure, Squirt makes her way around, doesn’t she?
Seconds don’t look good on you, Bishop.” Roman doesn’t spare us another look as he stomps upstairs.
My cheeks flare. “That’s it, I’ve had enough of his fucking shit,” I grind out and crawl off the couch to chase him upstairs.
John grabs my wrist and shakes his head. “He’s just being an asshole.”
“That’s fucking bullshit and you know it.” I shake him loose and follow Roman up the steps. By the time I get to the top, he’s already in the garage, revving up his crotch rocket and about to put a helmet on.
He gives me the coldest eyes.
“What’s your fucking problem?” I fist my hands at my sides to stave off the fury that has me trembling like a leaf. I’m so sick of being afraid of him.
He just scoffs at me with a nasty smirk and sets his helmet over his head. I storm up to him and try turning his motorcycle off. Roman snatches my wrist and shoves me back.
I fall on my ass and have to swallow the pain that shoots up my tailbone. Roman physically jolts when I hit the ground, and I can hear him let out a furious sound in his helmet before he takes it off and tosses it.
My lungs fill with oxygen, and my eyes widen as he bends down and lifts me up effortlessly. I set my hands on his shoulders for support as he sets me down on his bike.
“My problem is you, Squirt,” he says with a deeply furrowed brow.
“Why am I always your problem? I’m not doing anything! And—” My words are shut off with a brutal kiss. Does he seriously think I’m going to just let him kiss me after what he’s said today? I set my hands on his chest and push him away.
He backs off for only a second before he’s licking his lips and gives me another crushing kiss. This time he threads his fingers through my hair and pulls my head back. A cry escapes my lips, and I’m left whimpering as he kisses my throat.
“You are my problem because you’re fucking distracting. Trouble follows you wherever you go, doesn’t it?” Roman murmurs over my neck and curls his fingers into my waistband. “I hate how much I want to touch you.” He leans up and kisses me as he slips his hand into my panties.
Chills erupt over my skin, and all I can do is hang my head back and breathe sharply as he inserts two fingers deep inside me. I bury my nails into his back and he groans, deepening our kiss and devouring me.
The brief moment of pleasure is interrupted by my sensible side. Am I really going to let someone who calls me terrible things and nicknamed me Squirt finger me right now?
I’m not letting go of Whoreton.
I break our kiss, and he stares at me with half-lidded eyes filled with lust and desire.
“If I’m such trouble, then why don’t you let me leave.
I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m a survivor and after today, it’s clear that this isn’t the place I should be.
” In an odd way, I want to stay. I’ve gotten rather close with them, and as much as I hate to admit, Roman did save me earlier.
But a nagging guilt rears up: Why didn’t I shoot Callum when I had the chance?
Callum would’ve taken the shot if given the same opportunity. I know he would. So why couldn’t I do it? Gale’s life was on the line.
Roman’s fingers are still knuckle-deep inside me, but his expression is made of stone. “We’ve already gone over this—you are tied into this as much as we are now.”
I look away, even though we’re stuck in a very intimate position right now. “Yeah, well maybe it wouldn’t be so hard if you weren’t such a coldhearted asshole. It’s clear you despise me, so instead of messing with me and getting in my head, just leave me alone.”
He curls his fingers, and it makes me squirm. A soft moan escapes, and his eyes flicker at my response. “Why? So you can go back to John and let him comfort you again?” Roman says ruthlessly.
He withdraws his hand and grabs my wrist, pulling me over to the Benz. My brows knit, but I’m more worried about why he’s dragging me all the way over here to it.
“At least John is nice to me! You called me Whoreton.”
“Because he pities you, Briar! For God’s sake, look at you.” I flinch at his verbal attack.
“What? Why don’t you just tell me?” I shove him and he whirls on me, pulling me against his chest and grinning wickedly. Roman Syxx, he’s so fucking deranged. He loves when I push his buttons, and damn it if I don’t get a high out of it too.
My heart is racing and my thighs warm; need grows there quickly.
“He pities you because you can’t keep your eyes off demons like me. It’s already gotten you in trouble before. What do you expect will happen this time, Squirt?” Our chests are pressed together, and no matter how much I struggle, he doesn’t let me go.
“You’re disgusting,” I bite out.
He chuckles. “And you’re a liar. If I’m so vile, tell me to let you go and I will,” he whispers over my lips. His hand moves down my back until he reaches my ass and squeezes it roughly.
I literally can’t utter a word because I don’t want him to stop.
He smiles at my silence and shamed expression. “That’s what I thought,” he tuts as he turns me around and bends me over the hood of the car. My pulse leaps as the cold metal hits my stomach.
“You’re sick,” I say with a breathy voice.
He shoves my pants down, and I hear his hit the floor a second later. His hands are hot as they wrap around my ass and he lines himself up with my pussy. It’s already so wet from feuding with him. I don’t know why my body reacts like this to him, but I can’t help it.
“Oh, you have no idea just how sick I am.” Roman lets his hand glide down my back and splays it over my ass before slapping it hard.
I moan loudly at the painful burn.
“If given enough chances, I’ll end up stealing everything from you.” He thrusts once savagely with his hips and fills me up. I let out a muffled cry.
Holy shit, why does he feel so much bigger than he did before? Is it because he’s fucking me on the hood of an expensive, stolen car? Fuck, he wasn’t kidding. They really are corrupt as shit.
I try to clamp my mouth closed so we don’t attract an audience again, but Roman wastes no time shoving two fingers in my mouth and pumping his hips into me relentlessly.
“Tell me you hate me,” Roman grunts as his hand smooths down my side and then snakes around to find my clit. My hips buck of their own volition as he starts rubbing me and building my orgasm.
He withdraws his hand from my mouth and moves his grip to my throat. My pulse leaps with fear and pleasure.
“I hate you,” I choke out. Furious tears spill down my cheeks at my inability to tell him to go fuck himself. Because even if I don’t like him, I love the way he fucks me.
Almost as if he needs it as much as I do.
Someone to be crazy with and let our dark sides out to play.
He moans at my words and sets his forehead on the center of my back, rutting into me like a fucking animal. “Do you mean it?” he grinds out, grip tightening around my waist as he nears his climax. My hips are practically vibrating on his dick as I’m on the edge of coming.
I hesitate. He makes me mad and says terrible things to me. I should hate him. I should hate him as much as I do Callum. And yet there’s something so genuine in the way he lets his soul bleed through his scars. I can’t look away no matter how hard I try. They are the constellations of a broken man.
Maybe he can bring beauty out in mine too.
“No,” I murmur, and the word brings him to a halt.
He’s fully seated inside me, spreading me open and pushing against my cervix. Roman flips me over so my back is against the hood and secures his hands on my thighs in a vise grip as he starts plowing into me again.
He fucks me so hard that tears prickle in my eyes.
“Say you do.” He glares at me as he rocks his hips so roughly into me that I’m about to come all over him.
“I’m not going to lie to you, Roman.” I hold on to his forearms as he ruts into me. His breaths are getting clipped, and I’m not sure how much longer I can last either.
“Haven’t I given you a million reasons to?
” His jaw flexes and he thrusts in ruthlessly one more time before he’s spilling his come into my deepest parts and rearranging my insides.
I writhe beneath him, and he leans against the car, arms braced on either side of my head and staring down into my eyes.
“Haven’t I been cruel?” he whispers against my lips.
All I can focus on right now is the erratic beating of my heart and the throbbing hot dick that’s pulsing come into my deepest parts.
I lick my lips and stifle a moan as I try to form a response. “You’ve given me one to not hate you.”
He lifts a brow inquisitively, almost as if I’ve offended him terribly. “When?”
A playful smile splays across my lips. “I guess you’ll never know.” He traces my features with his softened gaze and firms his lips as he pulls out.
I know he isn’t mine to fix. But sometimes I wonder if it was fate that brought us together to mend one another’s tattered souls.
Roman is like an old worn coat, with holes and tears you could fit your hands through. Something abandoned and left to rot. Yet against all odds, he treks on. He doesn’t hide his monsters, yet Callum hid all of his. At least I know what Callum is capable of.
“You aren’t as cute as you think you are, Squirt,” he murmurs as he collects me in his arms and gently sets me on the ground. He keeps me pressed close to his chest, and when I look up at him, he presses a soft kiss to my lips. Almost as if it’s an apology for the rough sex.
Once we have our pants pulled back up, Roman walks over to the wall-to-wall cabinets and pulls out an extra helmet. I quirk a brow and nearly have the breath knocked out of me when he tosses it at my chest.
“Grab the jacket on the hook.” He nods to the coat rack by the door leading back to the hallway. “We’re going for a ride.”