Chapter 20 - Kelsey
Pink tendrils wrap around the massive boulder, holding it far above our heads as though it weighed nothing. The magic looks like a pink-and-gold rope, pulsing and glittering in the crisp forest air.
“Ok, now turn it and put it over there,” Mira points to the other side of the training arena.
With graceful ease that no longer surprises me, but still makes me incredibly proud of myself, I set the boulder down next to the training cabin’s store room.
It’s almost the same size as the cabin.
Mira giggles. “I’ve always wanted that boulder over there instead,” she muses, and several girls around us burst into laughter.
Our training sessions have attracted crowds who come and watch the entire thing each morning. At first, I was really shy about it, and it affected my ability to think straight. But the girls cheer for me and get excited when things go right. This is what a support system is supposed to feel like!
“I don’t think there is anything else I can teach you, Kels. You’re freaking incredible!” Mira says excitedly.
“I’m sure there’s loads more to learn,” I argue.
“No, I’m serious. All your learning from now on will be out in the real world. Practice practice practice. That was your last session with me,” she smiles, stepping close to me and grabbing me in a tight hug. “And you did amazing!”
“So, I graduated from magic school?” I joke.
“You graduated from magic school,” Mira grins.
The girls around us burst into a cheer and start clapping. Some of them get up to hug me. “Well done, Kels! That was so good!”
“We still want weekly shows though!” Someone else shouts, making us laugh again.
Mira pulls me aside to talk to me in private as the crowd disperses and they head out to get on with their day.
“Kels, your improvement was so fast. And you’ve changed,” Mira says with a quiet smile.
“I’ve changed?” I ask, nervously wondering if that’s good or bad.
“Yes, you’ve come out of your shell. It’s like you found your wings and you’ve learned how to fly without caring about what people think anymore. It’s...it makes my heart really happy. I’m super happy for you, my friend.”
“I think…I think it was because of Miles,” I muse. “He’s been so supportive.”
“I told you my brother was a good man,” Mira grins.
My heart swells with pride. I feel like I’m part of something much bigger than myself. When I first felt the magic surging through me, I thought it was a curse. I thought it was something to push me further away from the pack and give them more reason to call me an outcast or a freak.
I can’t believe that I’ve been so accepted and even supported with my magic.
It’s all because of Miles. He’s the one who set the tone for this right from the beginning.
“I need to go tell Miles that I graduated,” I grin, excited to let him know how well I’ve been doing. “I want to say thank you to him for helping me with this from the start. If it wasn’t for you and Miles, I think I would have freaked out and run away to become a rogue,” I tell Mira.
She scoffs. “I would have hunted you down and dragged your ass right back home,” she says.
Pulling her into another hug and squeezing her as tight as I can, I whisper. “You are truly the best friend I could ever have hoped for. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”
She hugs me back just as tight, then steps away and says,” Shoo. Go on. Go find your husband.”
I grin and run off to find my phone.
Miles doesn’t answer, which makes me think he’s in a meeting of some sort.
Heading toward the pack house as a best-guess, I ask people along the way, and they confirm that Miles is inside, talking to the elders.
It’s still early. The training session ended sooner than I expected, but that’s nice. Maybe Miles and I can go get waffles to celebrate.
Outside the pack house, the guard points to the windows of the main meeting room in the house.
“He’s in there. Been in there for a while,” the bulky man says.
“Thanks. I’ll wait out here.”
He nods and returns to his duties.
Sitting on the grass below the second-story window, I pull out my phone to browse the news and catch up on things. Above my head, I think I catch someone saying my name, which instantly piques my curiosity.
Grinning cheekily, I send a tendril of magic up to the window and hold it against the wall, allowing me to hear everything going on inside the meeting room.
It’s absolutely not allowed, but they said my name. Who wouldn’t want to know if someone was talking about you?
“And the marriage?” Lexus asks. He’s one of the two highest-ranked elders in the pack. My curiosity peaks even more.
The voice that answers is Miles. I recognize it instantly, and my heart flutters at the sound.
“The marriage is going as expected, sir. We are getting on well enough, and from the outside, I believe we are achieving the desired effect.”
As expected? What does that mean? It sounds horrible. That isn’t how I would describe our relationship at all. Achieving the desired effect? What effect?
“The omega is making a decent wife for you?” Lexus asks.
“Yes, sir, she is as good a wife as I could expect. The arranged marriage is a stable union and a good example for the rest of the pack that omegas and betas from different ranks can co-exist and work together.”
Is this about ranks? Am I some sort of experiment to them? Is that still all this is to Miles? I honestly thought that we were past this.
My heart is sinking lower as each word is spoken. All the joy and excitement from my magic training have been sucked right out of me, replaced by a deep-seated hurt that is swelling inside me. I can’t believe this is how Miles views me.
“And you have maintained your status within the pack without letting hers drag you down,” Lexus adds with thoughtfulness as though he is surprised that this was even possible.
Are you fucking serious?
I really am just an experiment to these people.
My heart is now fully broken, and I’m fighting to hold back tears. Standing up, I dust the grass off my butt and try to get myself under control before anyone sees my face and the obvious hurt traced over it.
Inside me, I feel the magic pulsing as though it’s trying to protect me, but this is life. This is what it means to be me. I trust people, I let them close, and it always ends the same way.
Standing up a little straighter, I push my shoulders back and try to shake off the horrible feeling, but I can’t.
For a second, I’m worried that my magic is going to overpower me as it builds stronger and stronger along with my emotions.
There are so many people here. Too many.
Even though I’m outside, I suddenly feel suffocated and smothered by everything around me. I need to escape. I need to run away.
There is somewhere I can go through.
Running home, I climb into the Jeep, and without letting anyone know where I’m headed, I go to my field.
The Frustration Fields are the perfect place for me to safely release this pain and take a much-needed breath.
Driving a little too fast, I get there quite quickly. I park right where Miles parked the first time he brought me here. There is fresh snow over the ground, and the new plant growth that I created last time is buried under it.
I run to the middle of the field with my arms held out at my side as magic already begins to pulse and twist around them as it flows towards my fingers.
Out here, I don’t even need to try to hold it back, so I just let it build and build.
There is pressure inside me as it starts to push against the seams of my psyche.
A scream of frustration and hurt ripples from my chest and bursts from my lips when I can’t hold it in anymore.
Magic pours from me.
It spreads in a wide arch above and around me, then erupts like an explosion.
I do it again and again until I’m too tired to think straight or care about what he said.
When I collapse to my knees on the soft, cleared soil beneath me, I hold my head in my hands and accept that even tired, even exhausted, the hurt isn’t going to go away.
But at least I’m not going to end up doing something stupid with my magic now that I’ve released what was building.
Tears stream in a river down my cheeks, and angrily, I wipe them away.
Crying gets you nowhere, Kelsey. It never has and it never will.
The sound of a car grabs my attention, and I stand quickly, not wanting to be caught showing weakness.
Miles’ Jeep turns into the field and makes its way towards me.
I bite my lip, not sure if I’m ready to face him yet.
Straighten my face so that I can hide my emotions. I take several deep breaths while he parks and climbs out.
“Kels!” He shouts as he walks towards me with a grin on his gorgeous face.
“Hi,” I shout back, hoping my voice doesn’t sound too shaky.
I watch him. The man that I have been falling for.
Last night was so fucking incredible. I honestly thought it meant something. I thought that we were starting to mean something.
A flicker of anger touches me, but it doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense to be angry at someone for not loving you. People don’t choose who they fall in love with. It’s not his fault that he doesn’t feel the same way about me as I feel about him.
“What are you doing out here?” he asks when he’s closer.
“Oh, um, just practicing and hanging out. I finished magic training today,” I add with an awkward smile, remembering that I’m supposed to be excited about it.
“Oh wow, really? So, you’re officially the best witch I know!” He muses.
“I’m the only witch you know,” I scoff, smiling sadly and trying to make it look genuine.
You need to let this go, Kelsey. You need to get over this hurt and enjoy the good things in your life. There is so much good despite this loss.
“You look a little down?” He says, his brows knotted as he steps closer to hug me.
My body responds to him instantly. My wolf, too. Kala has never hidden the fact that she is drawn to him and to Mudder. She is openly expressive about it. I push her back into my mind and rest my head on his chest.
“You sure you’re ok?” he asks, stroking his hand down my back.
“Yes, of course. I probably got overexcited and did a little too much magic to celebrate,” I grin, lying to him because I don’t want him to feel bad about anything. Again, I remind myself that he has no control over who he loves or doesn’t love.
“Ribs?” He smirks.
“I was thinking about waffles, actually,” I grin back at him.
“Waffles it is!” He agrees, wrapping his arm around my waist and leading me back to where we parked.
It’s going to be ok, I tell myself, Everything is going to be ok. There are so many good things in your life now. Things have changed for the better. Focus on those good things.