Chapter 23
CHAPTER 23
AMALIA (PRESENT)
The moment I saw Jamal walk out of the house with a quiet anger emanating from him, I knew I needed to rush to Noah’s side. I could feel that he needed me, but I wasn’t prepared for what I’d walked into when I stepped inside.
The door barely closed behind me when the sound of a ragged gasping breath filled the silence in the house, echoing off the walls.
My stomach dropped. “Noah?” I barely got out when my eyes landed on his figure seated in the living room.
He was panting heavily, sweat gleaming off his skin as his head rested against the tiled wall of the living room, his hands clutching the fabric of his pants where his thighs were.
His eyes were closed and his chest kept heaving up and down in shallow breathing as I hurried to his side, my heart racing. I was no stranger to witnessing a panic attack—ángel had them often after our mother left—but I’d never seen Noah like this.
I tentatively moved to cradle his face between my hands as I sat on the wooden table in front of him to level myself with him. When he didn’t flinch at my touch, I kept my hands on him, holding the sides of his face more firmly.
“Baby, I’m right here,” I said, but he didn’t seem to hear me. So I repeated myself. “Noah, you’re okay. You’re not alone. I’m right here with you.”
I repeated my last words over and over again, hoping my reassurances would help ground him. He eventually peeled his eyes open, his pupils dilated and unfocused.
“I… I c-c-can’t breathe,” he whispered through chattering teeth.
“Noah,” I called a little harsher this time. “Look at me,” I ordered him, hoping to pull him away from the panic he was tethering from, and he did, his brows furrowing lightly at my tone.
“You can breathe.” When uncertainty wrestled in his eyes, I slowed my breathing down, intending for him to catch on and follow my lead. My thumbs brushed over his cheekbones. “You can breathe.”
His eyes were still dilated, but this time, when he locked his glistening brown eyes to mine, he took me in, almost as if he wasn’t sure I was real.
Then, slowly, ever so slowly, Noah’s breathing began to steady, his frantic gasp giving away to slower, deeper inhales that matched both of my own and the rhythm with which I was still brushing the pad of my finger against his skin.
“That’s it, pretty boy,” I said, infusing flirtation into my tone in the hopes that it would help slightly relax him. “You’re okay,” I said again, brushing my lips over his in a soft kiss.
His eyes fluttered closed at the contact before he opened them again. “I’m okay.” He sighed after a shuddering breath with a nod.
“Yes, you’re okay,” I confirmed, giving him a small smile. “I’m right here with you and you’re okay.”
Noah’s trembling gradually subsided and the harsh grasp he had on the fabric of his pants relaxed, a semblance of calm settling over his features. Eventually, Noah finally relaxed beneath my touch and brought his hands up to cup my own.
He brought his lips to mine in a featherlight kiss before he pulled away, his hands dropping down to rest on his upper thighs.
I moved my hands away from his face, brushing back a loose strand that had fallen on his forehead before placing my palms on his knees.
“Safe to say Jamal wasn’t delighted with the news,” I said lightheartedly,
A huffing laugh escaped him. “Yeah, you could say that,” he replied, but despite the small smile he gave me, I could see the torment in his gaze.
I hated seeing him like this. It broke my heart.
Despite never having met Jamal, I knew how important he was to Noah and I just hoped that in time, he would see past Noah’s secrecy and forgive him. I didn’t think Noah would ever be okay otherwise.
I knew firsthand how hard it was to be on the receiving end of Noah’s confessions. But ever since last night, I was beginning to understand that Noah’s actions had never been fueled by selfishness but were rather a mere consequence brought on after a little boy had grown up unwanted by someone who was supposed to care for him and had never been given a chance to heal from it.
He’d been embarrassed of his legacy and I couldn’t blame him for what he’d chosen to do with it when I knew how he must have felt.
My own past had been tumultuous and I tried my hardest not to let it define me. But in comparison, my parents leaving me and my siblings behind was more a blessing than a curse.
I couldn’t even begin to comprehend what it was like to be in Noah’s position.
Hopefully, Jamal would see the same.
I pulled myself out of my thoughts and focused my attention back on Noah, a faraway look in his eyes. I gave his knee a light squeeze. “He’ll understand,” I said, trying to reassure him.
He brought his gaze back to me, letting out a heavy sigh. “What if he doesn’t?” he whispered, uncertainty coating his tone.
No matter how much I wished I could guarantee him that Jamal would forgive him, how much I’d love to offer Noah the perfect reassuring words that would erase the doubts creeping up that beautiful mind of his, I wouldn’t lie to him and offer false hope.
So I told him what I knew I could guarantee him. “Then we’ll figure it out.” I reached for his hands and intertwined our fingers together, squeezing once. “Together.”
My words didn’t dissipate the torment in his eyes completely, but it left room for a hint of relief to peek through.
He brought our joined hands to his lips, pressing a kiss to my palm. “I love you,” he mouthed, pressing the words into the skin of my wrist, right above my pulse point.
I shook my head with a small laugh. “Yeah, yeah.”
Noah cocked his head to the side as he narrowed his eyes at me. “No ‘I love you too’ or maybe a ‘You’re the love of my life, Noah, I love you dearly’.”
I knew he was still hurting, but seeing him being playful tugged at my heartstrings. I’d missed this side of him.
I stayed quiet for a moment, pretending to muse over my response before saying, “I don’t recall ever saying that.”
“Oh yeah?” he taunted.
I fought a smile and playfully shrugged.
He tugged me forward until I fell onto his lap, scooping me up so that I was sitting sideways onto him. Before I could register what was happening, his fingers dug into my ribs.
My eyes widened as I let out a scream, not having expected the sudden pressure. “Noah,” I yelled, squirming in his lap as I tried to get him to stop. He didn’t, and a laugh so strong bubbled out of my lips, I struggled to breathe.
“Say it,” he said next to my ear, playfully nipping at it as he continued to prod at my sides.
“Okay, okay, okay,” I repeated between ragged breaths. “I love you,” I yelled, hoping he could hear me through my fits of laughter.
The clearing of a throat sounded in the room and Noah’s fingers stilled. He didn’t move them as we turned our heads toward the source to find Kai, Valentina, and Jamal standing in the kitchen, looking at us.
Kai had an amused look on his face, Valentina’s expression was impartial, while Jamal’s features were torn with a mix of emotions.
An awkward silence cloaked the room until Kai broke it again, which seemed to be his role in the group—speaking for all of them.
“Sorry to interrupt, but perhaps we should get started on why we’re here?” he questioned, his gaze bouncing between Noah and me.
“Yea—” I cleared my throat, turning my body forward. “Yes,” I said, moving to stand, but Noah’s hands kept me in place as if he were using me as a shield. I glared at him over my shoulder, but he just shrugged in response.
I shook my head and gently placed my hands above his, redirecting my attention back to our guests, who remained rooted in the kitchen.
Tension lingered in the air and I didn’t really know how to dissipate it. In any other circumstances, I would simply take myself out of it and leave the room, but I didn’t want to leave Noah alone.
Just as I opened my mouth to suggest grabbing something to eat since I was starving and I figured they might be too after traveling, a sharp knock echoed through the room.
Instantly, all of us went on high alert at the intrusion, each one instinctively reaching for a weapon.
Good to know everyone came prepared.
I swiftly made my way toward the front door, everyone trailing behind with their weapons drawn as it swung wide open.
I let out a sigh and lowered my gun when Nassim walked in, large brown bags in each arm, a sweet and savory smell wafting off it.
I had completely forgotten that I’d called him earlier both to get him to come and avoid more of Kai’s relentless interrogation.
I’d barely had time to settle in my seat when he and Valentina had followed me outside, taking the seats opposite me around the outdoor tile table. While Valentina had remained silent and looking anywhere but at me, Kai had launched into asking me a series of questions.
The Academy’s rigorous selection process paled in comparison to Kai’s endless probing about who I was, where I came from, about my family, to which I gave vague answers. But he’d just kept going, no matter how much I’d tried to steer into not talking.
At one point, I hadn’t known whether to laugh when he didn’t get the hint or shoot him to get him to stop talking.
Who knew one person could talk this much?
So instead, I’d excused myself and had called Nassim to stall for a little while until Jamal walked out and I’d hung up on him without another word, knowing Noah needed me.
“Such a warm welcome,” Nassim said, an amused smile playing on his lips.
“Sorry, I forgot you were coming,” I said, clicking the safety back on my gun.
“Don’t be, it turns me on being on the other end of a barrel,” he teased, shooting a playful glance at his wife who was tucked behind him.
Daniela rolled her eyes and smacked his shoulder, a slight flush creeping up on her cheeks. “We’re in company, stop saying shit like that,” she muttered under her breath.
Nassim chuckled and blew her a kiss before turning his attention back on me and the others gathered behind me.
With a casual wave, he greeted them, “Hello, everyone with their guns still pointed in my face, I’m Nassim, and the exquisite woman behind me is my wife, Daniela.”
“I like him already,” Kai said from behind me.
This should be interesting.
I shook my head, leading the way back into the living area. Everyone followed suit, exchanging handshakes and proper greetings before filing into the living room.
I plopped down on one of the sofas, Noah taking the seat on my left. Nassim and his wife squeezed onto the same one, while Jamal and Kai occupied the other sofa. Valentina, on the other hand, chose to remain standing, leaning against the wall.
Although she was mostly quiet, I liked her.
Her presence commanded attention, not in a way that she sought or demanded it, but because you couldn’t help yourself but respect her.
Her expression remained mostly stoic, except for the rare softening when her gaze met Kai’s, but I could tell she’d been through a lot beneath her unfazed facade.
Because she reminded me of myself.
She also didn’t trust us, which I wouldn’t either if I’d just met strangers asking me to overturn decades of a cartel.
We all dropped our guns onto the living room table, Nassim pushing some of them out of the way to clear a space for bags he was holding before placing them onto its wooden surface.
“There’s sandwiches inside with l7am bel ber9o9 ? 1 that I grabbed from a juice shop on the way here, some fruits and water bottles. Help yourselves,” Nassim offered.
I didn’t need to be told twice. Not only was I starving but l7am bel ber9o9 was one of my favorite dishes I’d discovered when I’d moved to Morocco for work, so I immediately reached inside of the bags and grabbed a paper-wrapped sandwich, the scent making my mouth water.
As we ate, Nassim briefed Jamal and his friends, taking them through every step so that they’d be ready for tomorrow.
At one point, Kai and Valentina each had brought out a rugged laptop, typing away with every new information Nassim provided them.
Jamal mostly remained quiet, absorbing each detail and only interjecting when he needed clarifications or additional information on an aspect of the plan.
The hours passed in a blur, and after coordinating everything necessary and another food break, Nassim and Daniela left as the sun was setting with plans to meet tomorrow evening in Bab Al Mansour in another safe house he’d secured a few days ago.
Shortly after they’d left, Noah retreated outside while I moved to the kitchen to do the dishes. Kai and Valentina were still typing away on their computers and talking in hushed tones while Jamal just sat next to them, his eyes far off like he was lost in another world.
I was rinsing the last plate when he abruptly stood and moved in my direction. Kai looked at him, worried, and I was about to ask if he needed anything when he breezed past me and opened the back door, closing it behind him as he stepped into the courtyard.
Through the small window that looked out into the back, I watched as Noah slowly turned around, his expression morphing when his eyes landed on Jamal.
Please let this be good.
1 ? Beef tajine with prunes (Moroccan dish).