Chapter 24
CHAPTER 24
NOAH (PRESENT)
It’d been a day.
When Nassim showed up, I’d pushed this morning’s conversation to the back of my mind and focused on the task at hand because I was good at that. Ignoring how I felt, putting on a fa?ade, and keep going.
But now that the day was almost over, everything I’d buried was resurfacing.
I was standing outside in the courtyard, hoping the air would help clear my mind, but the quiet lull was just making the thoughts in my head spiral.
I closed my eyes and gripped the edge of the chair in front of me, trying to steady my breathing and calm my racing thoughts when a voice behind me cut through the air.
“Hey,” he said tentatively.
I glanced over my shoulder to find Jamal lingering a few feet away from me, his hands tucked in his trousers. His expression was guarded, but beneath it all, I could see a subtle hint of vulnerability.
The realization weighed heavily on my conscience. I hated that I’d played a part in putting that expression on his face. My job had always been to protect him, to shield him from anything bad, but it felt like I’d failed him and had done the opposite.
A heavy silence stretched between us, uncertainty dancing in his gaze. Until he broke it. “Can we talk?”
Okay, I wasn’t expecting that.
“Oh… yeah. Sure. Let’s talk,” I said awkwardly, stumbling backward as I gestured toward the table. “Want to sit?”
“Standing is fine,” he replied quietly.
“Right, okay.” I nodded, bringing a hand up and rubbing the back of my neck.
I’d raised this kid, and we’d had serious conversations before, but I’d never felt more nervous than I did in this moment.
Him wanting to talk should be a positive thing, right ? Then why did it feel like I was standing on the edge of a cliff, waiting for the other shoe to drop?
Breathe, Noah. Stop jumping to the worst conclusion.
“So about earlier…” he trailed off, looking away.
A silent beat passed and I wanted to fill it, to make him talk to me, but I fought the urge because Jamal had never initiated conversation, so I had to give him the space to do so.
Anything else would be selfish of me and I’d been selfish for long enough.
Taking a deep breath, he met my gaze again. “I’m sorry I stormed off earlier.”
My eyes widened in surprise. “ You’re sorry? Jamal, I’m the one who should be sorry. I am sorry for not telling you sooner, for what my…” I paused, the word caught in my throat. I let out a deep sigh, but before I could continue, he interrupted me.
“Don’t apologize for him,” he protested. There was a hint of anger in his voice, but it wasn’t aimed at me, at least I hoped it wasn’t. But it quickly faded away with his next words. “You’re not responsible for what he did.”
I shook my head. “I know, but…” I began, but I wasn’t sure what to say because in some way, I knew he was right.
I wasn’t technically responsible for what happened, or for any of my father’s actions, but deep down, everything always came back to one thing despite how hard I’d tried to ignore it over the years.
If I had been good enough, strong enough to withstand him, I would have completed my initiation, taken the role I’d been born for, and none of this would have happened.
My mother, Reda, and I wouldn’t have had to hide for all these years. I wouldn’t have worked for the Bureau. I wouldn’t have met Ayoub or his wife. My father wouldn’t have tried to teach me a lesson.
Jamal wouldn’t have suffered for years from extensive injuries a fire my father had caused, wouldn’t have lost the two most important people in his life.
Countless lives had been lost at the hands of my father. What if I could have prevented all of it?
A hand on my shoulder jolted me out of my rumination.
“Hey,” Jamal said firmly and my eyes met his. “It isn’t your fault. None of this was. I was angry earlier, but it wasn’t at you.”
I cocked my head to the side, raising a skeptical brow in response.
“Okay, okay, I was a little mad at you,” Jamal admitted with a sheepish look, “but it was only because you didn’t tell me sooner. The only person I—well, I don’t even think ‘hate’ covers it—is Barrera.”
There was a pause before Jamal added, “And I wouldn’t be the man you raised me to be if I blamed you for what he did.”
His words didn’t erase years of guilt, but it eased the nozzle I’d had gripping tight around my chest from the moment I ran out of a house on fire, carrying a ten-year-old kid in my arms, only to watch his whole world crumble under the flames while I waited for the backup I’d called on the way there.
No matter how hard the aftermath of that day was, it had brought Jamal into my life, who quickly became one of the biggest blessings of my life.
I learned so much about myself raising him and he taught me that all my fears about being a parent one day were unfounded.
That despite my missteps and mistakes, he’d still stand by me.
I wasn’t my father and I’d never be. And there was something a little freeing about realizing that.
Tears welled at the back of my eyes as I reached up, gently cupping the back of his head like I always had when he was a kid. “Thank you,” I murmured, my voice thick with emotion.
He placed a hand on my shoulders, squeezing once. “I don’t know what you’re thanking me for, but you’re most welcome,” he said, a teasing smile playing on his lips.
I shook my head and brought him into a hug, something we rarely did. He reluctantly wrapped his arms around my upper back, patting it once. He moved to pull away, but I tightened my hold on him, needing just another second.
He chuckled, giving me another pat on the back. “Okay, I think it’s enough hugging to last a lifetime,” he teased.
I released him from the embrace and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, bringing him to my side. “Guess I didn’t do too bad of a job with you.”
He glanced at me. “Well, don’t give yourself all the credit,” he countered with a grin.
I’d missed this side of him. He didn’t show it very often or to most people, but whenever he did, you felt special because you knew every smile or laugh he gave you was genuine.
I smiled at him. “Fair enough,” I conceded, ruffling my hand over the top of his head.
He jerked his head away but didn’t move from my side. “You’re messing up my hair, man.”
I laughed, playfully flicking the back of his head. “Show some respect to your elders.”
He furrowed his brows, a playful glint dancing in his eyes. “You’re not even a decade older than I am.”
“Doesn’t matter. I’m still older,” I retorted with a smile, giving his shoulder a final squeeze. “All right, let’s head inside.”
We made our way out of the courtyard, but Jamal paused once we reached the back door. He turned to me with a pensive expression on his face. “I know you were trying to protect me, but no more keeping secrets, okay?”
I gave him a solemn nod. “No more secrets, Jamal.”
“Good,” he said before reaching for the handle to open the door.
Once we stepped inside, my gaze landed on Amalia, who was still in the kitchen, a small rag in her hand. She offered a knowing smile as if she knew what had transpired between Jamal and me outside.
Knowing her, she’d probably watch our whole interaction through the window.
Valentina’s eyes stayed glued to her screen, but Kai glanced up from his computer, his eyes bouncing between Jamal and me.
“Finally,” he exclaimed. “It was about time you two made up.” He looked at Jamal. “You were getting even grumpier than you usually are.”
Jamal rolled his eyes as he made his way to them. “Keep the commentary to yourself, Kai,” he said, grabbing his own computer and taking the seat next to him.
Kai looked at him and held his hand up. “Apologies, sir. Just stating facts.”
“Just get back to work,” he told him, never looking away from his screen, his fingers tapping away on the keyboard.
I chuckled under my breath, amused by their back and forth. With one last glance at them, I turned my attention back to my girl, making my way over to where she leaned against the counter and placing my hands on either side of her.
She tossed the damp rag she’d been holding onto the side and rested her hands on my hips, the warmth of her skin seeping through the thin fabric of my shirt.
“I take it the conversation went well?” she asked, her gaze meeting mine.
I nodded, a sense of relief washing over me. “Thankfully,” I responded, grateful that Jamal and I managed to have this conversation.
Leaning forward, she pressed a gentle kiss before pulling away, a knowing smile playing on her lips. “I knew it would,” she murmured.
I returned her smile. “Because you’re always right?” I replied softly, brushing a stray strand of hair away from her face.
Amalia shrugged before leaning into my touch. “Well, someone has to be,” she teased, her tone playful.
“So modest,” I countered, shaking my head.
“I never claimed to be.”
I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer. I huffed out a laugh. “I love you,” I whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead. Then I cupped the back of her head and brushed my lips to hers.
It was supposed to be a short kiss, but she gripped the front of my shirt and pulled me closer, deepening it. Her tongue slipped inside my mouth, tangling with mine and I groaned into the kiss.
I almost forgot where we had been when someone cleared their throat and Kai’s voice called out, “Please remember you have company.”
At the same time, Jamal said, “The last thing I want to see is my uncle making out with his girl.”
I pulled away and Amalia rested her head against my chest.
Then we both burst out laughing.
We’d been driving for the past two hours, a mix of anticipation and fear racing through my veins with each passing mile. On one hand, I couldn’t wait for today to be over and close a chapter that had been hanging over my head my entire life.
But on the other, what if it didn’t?
What if getting rid of my father once and for all didn’t free me of this constant gnawing I felt in my chest no matter how much I tried to tamp it down?
Not only that, but what if something went wrong? What if my father went after Amalia or Jamal?
I pushed the thought away and focused on getting Amalia and me to where we needed to be.
We were now only a few minutes from our destination. The drive back to Bab Al Mansour was normally only forty-five minutes, but Amalia and I had taken the back roads while Kai, Jamal, and Valentina took the main highway.
All of us yesterday had agreed to not only leave at different times but also take different routes to avoid landing on my father’s radar.
Nassim had sent a text earlier, informing us that he and Daniela were already at the safe house. They’d left late last night and had met with their men this morning to brief them on the plan we’d devised yesterday.
The only variable we weren’t able to account for was the number of men on the premises. Nassim’s men had tried to do so, but since Amalia and I fled, my father had upped the security around the mansion and they couldn’t get close enough without attracting attention.
This meant two things—Infiltrating the riad would be much harder than we’d anticipated and we’d be outnumbered.
At least Kai’s drones and Valentina’s skills as a sniper would give us a better chance at mapping out how many were on the grounds and where each one was.
It was almost sundown by the time we pulled over behind the apartment building, the descending sun casting long shadows across the alley. Amalia’s burner phone buzzed against my back as I brought the motorcycle to a stop, cutting off the engine.
I waited for her to get down before throwing my leg over the seat and turning to face her. She removed her helmet, raking her fingers through her hair.
I pulled off my own and grabbed hers as she reached into her leather jacket pocket, retrieving the new burner phone. She’d bought it when we’d stopped for gas earlier because she’d wanted to leave anything that had the potential to be traceable behind.
Flipping it open, she read the new message before showing it to me. It was a message from Nassim, giving us the information on which building, the apartment number, and the code for the door.
She slipped the phone back into her pocket. “Ready?” she asked, her features betraying her worry as she glanced back at me.
I gave her a small nod. “Yeah, I am,” I replied, despite the apprehension now coursing through my veins. A million thoughts spiraled through my brain because I needed this to work, but what if it didn’t?
What if everything we’d planned wasn’t enough?
Focus, Noah. Feelings are for later.
“Hey,” Amalia’s voice softened as she reached up to cup my cheek reassuringly.
I grasped her wrist and leaned into her touch, closing my eyes as she pushed herself up on her toes. She swiftly pressed a kiss to my lips before pulling away.
Opening my eyes, I found her intently looking at me. “I know this is a lot, but we got this,” she said with determination.
She was so cute.
I chuckled. “Look at you giving me motivational speeches.”
She withdrew her hand from my face and playfully swatted my chest, shaking her head. “Let’s go, pretty boy. We have somewhere to be,” she said before heading down the alleyway.
With a deep breath, I followed her, trying to ignore the dread slithering down my spine.