Chapter 54
BECKHAM
I crank the hot water in the shower, then I stand and look in the mirror.
My face is already blooming with purple, and there’s remnants of blood on my skin. I’m surprised Marten didn’t say something, but I guess that explains the cautious look on his face when he first saw Kai and Vinny in the living room.
I feel a throb between my ass cheeks, but the pain is welcomed—because I know it’s what Vinny needed. Even though the entire reason for his actions was just dismissed, I know he needed to take that control from me.
I wish I could say I’m okay, though, and as I strip off my clothes and step into the burning shower, a sob rolls through me.
How do we come back from this? How can we possibly pretend none of this happened? How do we move on?
Sitting on the tiled ground under the spray, I wrap my arms around my knees and pull them to my chest as I cry.
Sage would know how to handle this—she’d know how to make me feel better. She’d say the exact right thing to put the pieces of all three of us back together, and the reminder that she’ll never be able to makes me cry harder.
Sage is dead, and Vinny has crossed lines, and Kaiden is dead inside, and none of us will ever be okay again. How are we ever going to come back from any of this?
The water beats down on me, and I drop my head between my knees to gasp for air. I feel so broken, so torn apart from the inside out, like my organs are being held tight in someone’s fist, and I can’t find the strength to breathe.
Everything hurts, from my face to my muscles to my chest. I just want the pain to stop.
I want my piece of happy back. I want to move back in time and protect Sage from whoever hurt her, to shield Vinny from the pain of thinking it was my fault, to take back the violence I’ve created with my own hands.
Suddenly, the shower curtain moves to the side, making me jump. I look up, finding Vinny looking back at me, a tormented expression pulling down his handsome features.
“Can I get in?” he asks, his voice gruff and low.
Running my hands over my face, I nod silently.
The shower curtain falls back into place as he strips, then he’s stepping into the shower and sitting down behind me, his legs going around my body so he can put his front to my back.
I feel another sob overcome me as his arms wrap around me, and his face falls to the back of my head.
“Becks…” he says, holding my body as it shakes.
He tightens his arms around me, and I fall back against him.
“I’m sorry…” he says, voice cracking as he kisses my hair. “I’m so sorry.”
My cries taper off as I relax in his hold, sliding my hands up over his forearms. He sighs in relief, my touch softening his tensed muscles before he kisses down the back of my neck. “I love you. Tell me you can forgive me. Tell me everything is going to be okay.”
Shaking my head, I squeeze his arms. “Nothing’s okay, V. Nothing will ever be okay again. You get that, right? I killed your dad, and someone killed Sage, and everything is fucked.”
“I know,” he says softly, pressing his face against my shoulder. “I know.”
A half hour into sitting under the hot spray of the shower, the water goes cold, forcing Vinny and I to get out.
I don’t say anything as we both wrap towels around our waists and move to my bedroom. Kai’s made himself comfortable on my bed, his legs crossed, arm behind his head and phone in his hand.
“We good?” Kaiden asks without looking up from his phone, and I catch Vinny’s eye as I walk to my closet in silence to pull out some clean clothes.
“Fine,” Vinny says, sighing.
“Cool,” Kai says, standing up and slipping his feet into his shoes. “I’m heading to Sage’s grandmas. Try not to kill each other while I’m gone.”
“Sage’s grandmas? What for?” I ask, my eyebrows pulling down in confusion.
“I’ve been helping her with the funeral stuff. She’s going through a lot.”
I throw a pair of sweats and a T-shirt to Vinny, then look at Kai again. “Can we come?”
Kaiden stares at me for a moment, then he looks at Vinny, who’s getting dressed in silence. “Can you behave? She’s not doing too well.”
“We aren’t children,” I snap, and Kai’s jaw tightens.
Vinny pulls the T-shirt over his head, which is a little too tight and shows off his muscular arms. “We want to help too. We’ll be fine, okay?”
“Fine,” Kaiden concedes, heading for the door. “Let’s go.”
I quickly put on a pair of jeans and a hoodie, and after Vinny’s thrown his own hoodie back on, we all head out into the cold to walk to Sage’s neighborhood.
The air smells fresh, and it makes me feel a little calmer as I take a deep breath.
The trees have all long shed their leaves, the grass a crunchy mess of browns and greens that makes the whole town look like it’s out of a magazine.
I follow behind Kai and Vinny, my nerves still on edge, even as the sun warms my skin.
After five minutes, we’re nearing Sage’s neighborhood, and Kai slides his hands into the pockets of his pants. “What are we going to do about who killed Sage?”
Immediately, my pulse speeds back up, and I’m filled with a silent rage that burns my cold cheeks.
“The cops will find who did it, and then we’ll figure out what to do,” Vinny says, his hood up as he walks in front of me.
“Whoever did it is going to fucking die,” I grit out between my teeth, trying to rein myself in, since I feel like I could scream.
“Jesus, Becks,” Vinny says on a breath, turning around to look at me. I don’t bother meeting his concerned gaze; I just keep my eyes ahead and ignore the judgement in his tone.
“Agreed.” Kaiden nods, and Vinny turns back around to send him a bewildered look.
We approach Sage’s house before anyone can say anything else, and Kai skips up the steps to the terrace to knock on the front door.
“Let me do the talking. I don’t think Sage’s grandma will appreciate the thought of her granddaughter having three boyfriends,” Kaiden mutters just before the front door opens.
A small woman stands on the other side of the door, her hair grey and her face wrinkled with age, and she smiles when she looks at Kai.
“Kaiden Thorne, lookin’ more handsome than ever.” Her eyes graze over me and Vinny, then she looks back at Kai. “Who’re your friends?”
Kai chuckles as he takes the time to introduce us. “This is Beckham and Vincent, Ms. Spencer. Remember we talked about them?”
“I ain’t senile, boy,” Ms. Spencer says, grinning from ear to ear. “And haven’t I told ya to call me Joyce?”
“Yes, ma’am, I’m sorry,” Kaiden says, smiling.
“Well, come on in, boys.” She holds the door open, stepping to the side. “You can tell me all about how ya know’d my Sage while I put on a pot of coffee.”
Vinny and I share a nervous glance as we follow Kai into the house, and I close the door behind me before we all head into the homey kitchen, sitting down at the little table. Sage’s grandma moves around slowly, getting to work on the coffee she promised.
When she turns around, she eyes Vinny first. “How’d ya know my granddaughter, son? School?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Vinny says, clearing his throat. “I play football, so Sage and I knew each other from when she was cheering.”
“Sad y’all lost that playoff game, isn’t it? My Sage only got that one game to cheer,” Ms. Spencer says, sighing before she looks at me. “And you?”
“I had a few classes with her,” I say, looking at Kaiden, though I’m not sure why. “We were all friends.”
“I won’t bother askin’ what happened to your bruised-up face, and I’ll assume you do some sorta boxin’ club or something, okay?” Her face splits into a playful grin. “I’ll also pretend like you ain’t the boy who was arrested for killin’ my Sage until this morning.”
I swallow hard. “Okay. I appreciate that.”
“You two are friends with Kaiden here, so I’m sure you’re just as sweet and pure-hearted and looked out for my Sage,” Ms. Spencer says, and I almost choke on my spit.
I start to wonder how much time Kai has spent here, how much this woman knows about him and his relationship with her granddaughter.
“So, I’ll just say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for makin’ her feel at home here in Blackmore for the short time we had her here. ”
She starts to get emotional, so she turns and faces the coffeemaker again. I feel my heart swell, and so I clear my throat and speak. “Sage was one of a kind. She deserved better than this.”
“She did,” Ms. Spencer says, “and whoever did this to my girl is gonna get what’s comin’ to ’em, don’t you worry.”
“Did they say anything about any leads, Joyce?” Kai asks, like the two of them are best friends.
As she hands out empty coffee mugs, Ms. Spencer sighs. “A few, but nothin’ credible. Just a few fingerprints and fibers at the scene they still gotta process.”
I look at Vinny. “All of our DNA would be in the crypt, right?”
Kaiden shoots daggers at me with his gaze, and I sink down in my chair a little as coffee is poured into all the mugs. Ms. Spencer clicks her tongue at Kai. “Don’t act like I’m some naive woman, Kaiden. I know what happens out at that cemetery. No need to pretend.”
A small laugh sneaks past my lips, so I grab my coffee and take a sip.
“Sorry, Joyce,” Kai says, still glaring at me.
Ms. Spencer sits down, grabbing her own mug of coffee. “To answer your question, Beckham, yes, they found all of your DNA there.”
“So, are we suspects?” Vinny asks, fear in his eyes.
“No,” Ms. Spencer says, but she doesn’t elaborate, and I don’t think any of us have the balls to ask why not. We’re just thankful none of us are under arrest.
The room falls into a silence that, surprisingly, isn’t uncomfortable, and after a minute, Kai speaks again. “So, what’s left to do for the funeral?”
“Well,” Sage’s grandmother says with another heavy sigh, “I think we’ve just about done everything besides pass out the invitations. That I’ll leave to you boys, since I never met no one but Juliet who Sage was hangin’ round.”
“Has anyone spoken to Juliet? Told her what happened?” I ask, looking around the table. Sage and Juliet hadn’t spoken in weeks, as far as I know. We managed to take over all her time after Halloween, bringing her into our circle and keeping her there with us. I almost feel bad for the girl.
“No,” Kai says, looking at Ms. Spencer.
She shakes her head. “Only person I’ve spoken to is her uncle and a few of my distant relatives, all of whom said they won’t be makin’ it to the funeral. We didn’t have no one else left.”
“None of them are coming?” Kai asks, his brow furrowing with what I can tell is anger. “What about friends from California?”
“I don’t know how to get in contact with none of ’em. Sage’s phone burned up in that fire too.” Ms. Spencer eyes me, and I sink down in my chair a little.
“Sorry,” I mutter, chest tightening as I try to hold it together.
Vinny clears his throat. “When’s the funeral?”
“A few days, on her birthday. She woulda been twenty-two.” Her eyes start to water as she chokes on sadness. “It ain’t fair that she’s gone.”
Kai puts his hand on top of hers on the table to comfort her. “No, it isn’t.”