Chapter 55
VINNY
The day of Sage’s funeral, my head is pounding so viciously that I can barely stand upright. I haven’t gone to class in a week. I don’t know if Kai and Becks are going to school—I haven’t spoken to either of them since we handed out funeral invitations three days ago.
It was hard to find people to come, since Sage’s life solely revolved around us since she arrived in Blackmore.
Juliet was nowhere to be found either. Her mom wouldn’t even answer the door when we knocked, and no one from BU knew how to contact her.
We can just hope she still has love inside of herself for the friend she once had, and she shows up to mourn her with everyone else.
Most of the cheer squad and football team agree to come, save for a few of Rachel’s closest friends. I don’t blame them—why mourn someone they never knew and give up their friendship with someone who’s still here? Whatever.
I manage to dig out a black button-down shirt from the back of my father’s closet, and pair it with black jeans that hug my thighs, then slip my feet into some black sneakers.
I still haven’t retained access to my father’s bank accounts, so I’m not sure how I’m going to keep living on my own.
I’m hoping I won’t have to sell the house, but unless my dad had been smart with money and I didn’t know it, then it’s looking like I might have to.
A diploma feels impossible now, after everything that’s been taken away from me, and what’s the point in graduating from college when my football career is over, I don’t have a penny to my name, and the girl I love is gone?
I’ll be working at one of the factories at the edge of town to feed myself in no time.
I’m filled with an endless pool of grief as I walk down the quiet streets toward the cemetery. The sky is dark grey, like it’s going to downpour at any moment, and it’s the perfect weather for today. It’s how I feel inside—empty, dark, dead.
Kai’s standing with Sage’s grandma as I make my way into the cemetery, next to a few other people who I recognize from school.
I don’t know why we’re having the funeral here—it’s not like she’s going to be buried here. What was left of Sage was cremated after the autopsy, and the ashes have already been delivered to her grandmother.
I also don’t miss the irony that we’re having her funeral in the place she was murdered. Or at least, the place her body was found.
Kaiden runs his hand through his black hair, a sad smile pulling at his lips as I say hello to everyone.
Ms. Spencer wraps her arms around me, and I feel how frail and cold she is under her thick black sweater. I rub my hands over her arms. “How are you, Ms. Spencer?”
She smiles at me, her hazel eyes tired. “I’m alright, Vincent. How are you, darlin’?”
I give her a smile, my eyes becoming blurry. “I miss her.”
“Me too, honey. Me too.” She hugs me once more, and as she releases me, I turn to see Beckham walking into the cemetery.
He’s wearing a black button-down, a coat over the top, and a pair of black dress slacks.
He presses his lips together as he steps onto the grass where we’re all standing, and he shoves his hands into his pockets when he reaches us.
He doesn’t say anything, not even to Sage’s grandmother, and that makes my heart throb with pain. He’s so broken, every piece of him an unrecognizable shard that I wish I could put back together.
Kaiden steps toward him, then wraps his arms around Beckham’s shoulders to hug him.
I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to be the one hugging Beckham, but I can’t.
I can’t be that person for him right now because parts of his broken pieces are because of me, and he deserves time to heal from what I did to him.
I find his gaze after Kaiden has let go and stepped back, and there’s indescribable pain behind it, making my stomach drop.
Although I can tell he doesn’t want to talk to anyone, he steps closer to Sage’s grandma and says hello, then says he’s sorry for her loss. I think she can tell that he’s in a lot of pain too, because she reaches for him and embraces him before she apologizes for his loss as well.
I’m not sure if she’s under the impression Beckham was Sage’s boyfriend, or Kaiden, or maybe me, and she didn’t ask for clarification, but part of me feels like she knows what was going on, that we all loved her, and that’s all that matters.
As the cemetery fills up, I make myself busy saying hello to everyone I know, accepting whatever condolences people share for the sake of it.
Sage’s grandmother organized for one of the pastors from the local church to come down and lead the funeral, which is more of a celebration of life without an official resting place, and as he steps up to the small podium set up at the edge of the walkway, we all fall silent to listen to him.
“I want to thank you all for being here today to celebrate the life of Sage Grace Blackmore, as well as mourn her sudden loss. Sage was new coming back to Blackmore, but this is where her life began. Although she moved to California when she was just a baby, she had Blackmore blood in her veins, and that makes her family to each and every one of us. In a small community like Blackmore, losing someone makes a huge impact on the whole town, and we will mourn her beautiful soul as she returns home to God.”
He puts his hands flat on the surface and looks out at the crowd, smiling.
“As I look at all of you, I see that Sage has touched all of you separately with her golden aura and beautiful smile, and in return, her soul was touched by each of you, and that is more powerful than her loss. Knowing Sage was enough, even for the little while she lived here in Blackmore, and it isn’t in vain that we say goodbye to her today, but in happiness that she’s united with our Lord and Savior, watching over her loved ones. ”
I almost roll my eyes so hard that I black out, and I want to scream at the pastor that I’m sure Sage would rather be here, alive, with us, instead of wherever the hell or heaven she is now. I certainly wish she was here, and that none of this ever happened.
As the pastor continues with his speech, I tune him out, not wanting to hear about how Sage touched us all, when no one knew her the way we did.
Instead, I stare at Beckham, the cemetery a perfect backdrop behind him, and I wonder if we’ll ever be able to get past all of this.
Will we ever be able to heal from everything that’s happened?
Or will it be like when parents lose a child, and they can’t stay together because of the constant reminder of that pain?
I don’t realize someone else has stepped up to the podium until Beckham’s face drops into a state of shock, then I’m jerking my attention back to the podium in time to see Aaron Blackmore shake the hand of the pastor, then clear his throat and speak to the mass of people, a tiny smirk kissing his lips as he gives a brief second of his attention to Kaiden, Beckham, and I.
Aaron Blackmore smiles at the crowd, a cloud of arrogance around him as everyone admires his handsome face and perfectly styled hair.
“Hello, everyone, my name is Aaron Blackmore, and I’m Sage’s uncle.
I wish it was under better circumstances that I’m here with you today…
I’m glad I have the opportunity to honor the life of my niece, though, who, for over twenty years, was like a daughter to me. ”
I almost laugh, thinking of how Aaron sent her packing when her parents died and she needed him.
Although, if he hadn’t forced her here, we never would’ve met her.
He twists the ring on his thumb mindlessly as he continues.
“Sage brought so much sunshine and so much laughter into the world, and everyone she met was affected by her beauty and her kindness. She had a passion for learning, for leading, and for endless growth. Sage was the future, and it breaks my heart that we won’t get to see her succeed how she dreamed of. ”
Aaron chokes up, so he takes a moment to pull a ragged breath between his lips before he continues. “I can’t believe I’ll never see my girl again. I’ll never get to hug her again, and I’ll never get to see her graduate college. I loved her with my whole heart, and I always will. Thank you.”
He wipes a hand across his face, although I don’t spot any tears on his cheeks, then he steps to the side. The pastor steps up to the podium once more and gives us all a warm smile. “Now, I’d like to open it up for anyone who would like to say a few words about Sage.”
The small crowd is still quiet, and I peek at Sage’s grandmother, who’s holding on to Kai’s arm like she needs the support.
He slowly walks her up to the podium, and a twinge of sadness runs through me.
I know she can get herself around fine, so maybe it means that she’s so heartbroken by the loss of her granddaughter that she needs the extra help today.
“Hello, everyone, and thank ya for bein’ here today to honor my Sage,” Ms. Spencer starts, a small smile kicking up her lips. “Mostly everythin’ has been said already, so I wanted to share a piece of Sage with y’all from when she came here to Blackmore a few months ago.”
I feel warm thinking about the short months ago Sage arrived here, when we chose her for the Games, when we didn’t know she would mean the world to all three of us.