Chapter 55 #2
“I hadn’t seen Sage since she was a baby, since her mama and daddy had moved to California to give her a different life, and when she got outta that cab all those months ago, I just knew this girl was gonna change my life.
” Ms. Spencer smiles again, closing her eyes as she thinks over the memory.
“She was exhausted, skinny and broken, with three suitcases to her name, and she showed up on my doorstep and threw a wrench into my silly little routine. It didn’t take long for me to get some meat on them bones, feedin’ her good southern cookin’ and makin’ sure she never went to bed without dessert, and soon after she got here, we was the best of friends.
She was just like her mama, sassy and playful and always makin’ jokes. ”
My eyes well with tears, so I take a page out of Ms. Spencer’s book and close my eyes as I continue to listen.
“Sage was one of a kind, she truly was. And I am very thankful I got to know her.”
I open my eyes in time to watch as Kai helps Ms. Spencer back to where she was standing, and as I look around the group of people here, I realize there’s a lot more people crying than I thought there would be. I don’t know if it’s the reminder of death, or the speech from Sage’s grandma.
The pastor steps up to the podium again, beginning whatever closing statements he has prepared.
I’ve already checked out, though, my mind going fuzzy at the edges and making white noise ring in my ears.
I stare at Beckham again, memorizing his face just in case this is one of the last times I’ll see it—because after this, what is there for us?
Although we’ve all been a family since we were kids, Sage became the glue that held us all together.
Will we all be able to keep going as normal one day?
I don’t know how to get things back to normal, and I don’t know if it’s possible.
As the funeral wraps up, I watch Beckham’s face, admiring how he gives the pastor all of his attention out of respect, even though I know he’s hurting so badly that he probably wishes everyone would just leave.
I feel my lips twitch when Becks licks his lips, his hair moving under the small breeze as the storm rolls in, then his eyes wander across the small area that separates us, and they find mine like I’m pulling his gaze with a magnet.
I don’t smile, I don’t do anything, I just stare at him, aware that I probably look like a stalker, watching him simply exist in the same place as me.
His face doesn’t change either, he just stares right back, a sliver of longing behind his expression.
I want to move across the cemetery, wrap my arms around him, and tell him I love him, that everything’s going to be okay, that it’s him and me until the end, even after everything that’s happened. But I don’t. We just stare at each other, almost as if there’s something blocking our paths.
Kaiden steps up beside me, and I finally pull my attention from Beckham, realizing the pastor has stepped down from the podium and the small gathering has turned more social as people get ready to leave.
“You okay?” Kai asks, his brown and gold gaze laced with concern.
“Fine,” I lie, sliding my hands into the pockets of my pants as I realize that my fingers are frozen. “You?”
“Fine,” he lies as well.
None of us will ever be okay, not without Sage.
A small breeze blows again, and a shiver spider-crawls down my spine, making me regret not wearing a coat. There’s a bad storm coming our way, it seems, and part of me hopes that it starts to downpour while I’m still out here in the graveyard. Maybe the rain will turn to ice and freeze me in place.
“The Hallows Boys, I assume?” A cold voice cuts into my mind, and both Kai and I look to the right to see Aaron Blackmore, his face twisted into a smile that reeks of superiority. “What a pleasure it is to meet my shit-stained legacies.”
Kaiden snorts, his eyebrow pulling up. “Excuse me?”
I press my lips together, then Beckham appears behind Aaron’s back, his voice powerful and sharp when he speaks. “You need something, dick?”
Aaron turns, stepping backwards a foot so he can keep an eye on all of us. “Just telling your brothers that it’s an honor to meet the boys who destroyed my legacy.”
Kai laughs. “Says the last member of your generation, since one’s a murderer and the other is dead. All three of you pissed on everything this Game was supposed to mean, and one day, you’ll get what you deserve as well.”
Aaron speaks between his teeth. “You have no idea what this Game was supposed to mean, you little shit. And now you’ve gone and burned it all down.”
“Actually,” Beckham interjects, a small smile kissing his lips, “that was me.”
With fire in his eyes, Aaron glares at Beckham like he may fly across the few feet that separate them and beat him to death.
Before he has a chance, I pull his attention with a question.
“What are you doing here, Aaron? You abandoned Sage all those months ago, after she lost her parents, and now you feel like you can come here and put on a show?”
Aaron’s expression settles back into one of superiority and calmness. “Sage was meant to come to Blackmore. Don’t you three know that better than anyone?”
He pauses for a moment that feels heavy and ominous, then speaks again. “As far as my being here today, I’m in Blackmore to collect my daughter, who’s already left to go back to California to attend a smaller, private university.”
“Your daughter?” Kaiden asks, trying not to show how badly the curiosity is burning him.
“Yes, I think you may know her? Juliet McIntosh? She took her mother’s name to not to draw attention to herself. She was flunking out of school, so I stepped in to help. Poor girl was drinking herself silly as well,” Aaron muses, something I can’t figure out glistening in his eyes.
“Juliet’s your daughter?” I gasp, eyes widening, even as I try to tamp down my reaction. “Sage’s cousin?”
“Yes,” Aaron says, and I expect him to give some sort of explanation as to why no one knew anything about this, but he doesn’t say anything else.
I look at Becks, then glance at Kai, hoping one of them asks him for more details, but I’m sure they’re both too caught off guard to think up anything worth asking right now.
“Well…” Aaron says as the silence starts to swallow us up. “I’m going to get going—I have a plane to catch. You three stay safe.”
His words feel like there’s something laced between them, and if I wasn’t so exhausted, I may be able to figure them out. Instead, we all stand in silence as he walks away, his lips curved into a smile so small I almost miss it.
When we’re alone, I look at Becks, hoping he’ll say something to me.
He doesn’t, just slides his hands into the front pockets of his coat and gives us both a tight-lipped smile in goodbye, then he walks away, toward where the road meets the cemetery.
Sighing, I turn to Kai. “He hates us.”
“No, he doesn’t. He’ll come around. Just give it some time, Vincent.” He shakes his head, running his hand through his messy hair before he holds a hand out for me to grasp. “I’m going to have dinner with Sage’s grandmother. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Nodding, I say goodbye to him, then head deeper into the cemetery. I almost want to go all the way out to where the crypts are, where the Hallows Crypt used to be, to see if there’s anything left of it, but when I think about Sage being murdered there, I feel sick to my stomach.
It shouldn’t be possible to be this empty, but I feel like a cup that won’t fill up, like there’re holes all over me that everything leaks from.
My soul hurts, my heart, my entire fucking body.
I’ve felt so much loss in my life, but this time, it’s so fucking different that I’m not sure how to process it.
I sit down at one of the headstones with a Blackmore last name, tracing my fingers over the carved letters a few times before I drop my head against it.
I know this isn’t Sage’s grave, that she won’t have one here, but maybe this is as close to her as I’m going to get—an ancestor who might be able to connect with her.
“Hey, princess,” I say softly, feeling a little foolish.
“I don’t know how we all got here, but I know that if you were here, you could make it all better.
You made everything better. You made Kai softer, you made Becks stronger, and me?
You made me feel loved in a new way. I was hopeful for the first time in my life.
Like maybe I was worth something after all.
Like I’m not just some dumb jock who let his dad beat his ass every day. ”
I shake my head, tracing the word BLACKMORE one more time with my fingers.
“You made us better; you made us whole. And I’m scared we’ll never feel complete ever again.”
I sigh, feeling tears spring to my eyes. “I miss you, princess. I love you.”
Standing up, I brush the grass from my pants, then make the decision to try. I’m going to try to make one thing better. I’m going to get Beckham back.