Chapter Thirty-Four #2
“If only someone were able to kill him without leaving us to die under the reign of the Dragons,” I say wistfully, as every set of eyes turns to stare in my direction.
“What? I only dream of it daily. Wishing the accords didn’t allow the Emperor to forgo naming an heir so we are all too scared to touch him, so he cannot leave us to bloodshed and devastation in his stubbornness.
And what are we to do once he does perish? Run away and hope for the best?”
Varic shakes his head. “No, that’s why we need to get ahead of this, which includes getting you safe from his clutches.”
Cirrin sighs. “I agree with Varic. We need a plan and resources first. Otherwise, we risk her safety in ways we cannot anticipate. At least at the Palace, we have some idea of how to handle the Emperor.”
“Except he has been deviating from his typical patterns,” Malin says. “And the attacks are increasing in both frequency and intensity.”
“Just what I was going to say,” Fray adds.
“Wait, I hadn’t considered,” Cirrin begins, “but should we be concerned about her ability to block magic being found out?”
“Of course,” Varic says. “We should be concerned with everything to do with her magic. Judging from the way you described it, she must have been practicing this for years, somehow without realizing it. And if Malin cannot detect her use of it, we can assume none of the other telekinetics can either.”
“You’re certain this couldn’t be the first time she used this power?” Lars confirms.
“I am.” Varic’s tone is grave, casting a silence over the room. “Now, can we all agree on returning tomorrow morning, where we will collaborate on a plan of extraction?”
I open my mouth to protest at the same time each of my Guards grunts their assent.
Whispers follow, filling the air with indiscernible noise as I need to remind them why we remain in our roles even when it all feels impossible.
“We do this for them,” I say, voice wavering. “We endure, for them.” My chest tightens uncomfortably with the use of Hendry’s saying.
Varic releases a breath and slowly pads toward the bed to sit upon the edge as it groans under him. “Yes, we do. And we have. And we will continue to do so until that tyrant is no longer able to use those he is meant to protect in order to make himself feel more powerful.”
Narrowing my eyes, I ask, “What do you mean?”
“Like I said, extraction is only the beginning.” His lips press together, forming a line. “A necessary step to change the Empire for the better.”
“But—”
“Your power has been required.” He gestures to each of my Guards.
“All of your powers have been needed. Had you not prevented the Emperor from enacting even worse policies—from making even more evil decrees—I do not care to think of what life could be like now. However, Hendry’s words will still be true once we have extracted you, because in order to gain asylum, we need to work with whichever land will have us to make our Empire a safer place for every citizen living within its borders. ”
“It’s not possible.” My voice comes out thick with hopelessness.
“I know it feels unattainable. Revolution requires an active imagination, which is something I happen to know you possess. However, after a lifetime of being held captive by such evil, I can understand it must be difficult to imagine anything could be less terrible than what you already know.”
Varic lifts his legs up on the bed and rolls over to face me, bringing that cloying heat only his attention seems to induce in me, spreading across my skin as my heart jolts from the way the mattress dips in the small distance between us.
He leans in with barely a breath of air keeping us from touching as he whispers, “There are armed Guards outside the window and every point of egress. We have each agreed to take shifts sleeping so we might regain our strength for the journey tomorrow.”
I bite down on my lips and suppress the satisfied smile from giving away my pleasure at learning this.
Cirrin’s distinct footsteps draw nearer, then halt once he reaches my side of the bed.
“I’ll try to help you sleep,” he says, wrapping his hand around my bicep. “Wow, Tasch, your heart is beating rapidly.”
Tingles scatter across my chest, letting me know Varic’s eyes are on me as he presses our bodies flush together, with the warmth of his breath casting over the sensitive skin along the curve of my neck.
“If it would help you to rest your head on my chest, you are more than welcome to do so,” he says, face falling as his eyes trace the panic in my expression.
“You don’t have to, and you don’t need to explain why, either.
” His voice contains the tender pain of rejection scarcely veiled behind his meaning.
Desperately wanting to keep from pressuring me. Caring more for my needs, even when his are screaming. All while his very being calls to mine, shaking and shuddering with the need to reach over, to make and maintain contact in an effort to soothe him.
But I cannot bring myself to act on it. I cannot tolerate this level of torment. Not when it will last one night only. A blip in time compared to what we have left, if we find a way to sustain my magic. Just a hazy impression of the life I lead in some dreamland where our love is free.
It wouldn’t be fair to do this to him, either. Even though it would settle us both in the moment. Because encouraging this affection he has for me is its own special form of cruelty.