Chapter Thirty-Four
Revelations
Crossing my arms, I glare up at Lars as he slowly closes the door behind us. He turns to mirror my pose, all while an amused smile breaks across his face.
“I always knew you had this fire in you. I just didn’t think it would take being around Varic every second to stoke it. Though I shouldn’t be surprised, huh?”
“You didn’t follow me in the name of my safety, did you?”
His grin disappears in a bright red blur as he speeds past me to check the small water closet for anything that could be hiding, gesturing to let me know it’s safe to enter.
“Any other observations you care to share since you don’t seem to be leaving?” I ask, walking to the water closet and shutting the door behind me.
Silence greets me as I take care of my task, until I depress the plunger and Lars’ voice carries. “Just that your connection with Varic has been enlightening to observe.”
I pause and lose focus as I draw my undergarments up past the short hem of the nightgown, then smooth the fabric down before returning to the main chamber to wash my hands.
“And how it’s been an honor to see you come back to life in his presence—even under the circumstances.” His eyes follow me to the vanity, where I turn on the water and stare down while washing my hands.
“The circumstances being Hendry’s death,” I say, chest tightening.
Lars looks up at the ceiling as he releases a sigh. “Among other things.”
“‘Come back to life’?” I ask, shutting off the water to dry my hands. “That’s awfully dramatic coming from you.”
Lars huffs out a heavy breath. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, since you have to focus on assessing and managing emotions in others, but I’ve seen a spark in you the last two days I haven’t seen in years. Not since you first spent time with him, if I’m honest.”
The chill of the porcelain bites the heels of my palms as I pivot to face him and reach back to lean on the lip of the sink.
“Just so I understand, the sorcerer meant to lead my protectors happens to bring out this dangerously loquacious side of me”—Lars nods for me to continue—“and you consider this an improvement, even when the change in my behavior brought on by his presence has more easily and frequently angered the Emperor?”
He reaches around to take hold of both of my hands and brings them between us, then pulls me close enough I have to tilt my head back to peer up at him.
“It has pained me—no, it has pained all of us—to witness you become a shell of yourself. You’ve been a phantom, floating wherever they make you go.
Yet with him around, you’re more alert and vibrant.
I’d even go so far as to say you’re enlivened.
And Godsdammit, Tasch—you deserve this. You deserve to live. ”
My breath catches with the last few words landing like a punch to the chest.
“Besides,” he tilts his head to the side with a smirk, “Varic will be able to keep you safe in his shield bubble thing.”
I shake my head and allow a grin to cross my lips. Then we startle and jump apart when the bathroom door swings open.
Varic stares at me while I wipe my palms down the front of my nightgown, before darting over to Lars, who nervously scrubs the back of his neck, with the only sound being that of his hand catching the short-cropped hairs along the base of his skull.
“Oh.” Varic pales and takes a step backward, releasing the door while my magic detects the rejection and panic spiraling through him.
“We weren’t—” Lars starts, thrusting a hand out to stop the door as he steps forward.
“That wasn’t—” I try as Lars and I share a look of dismay, eyes widening before we turn back to Varic, who refuses to look anywhere near us.
His ears have turned the deepest red as he rakes his fingers through his brown, wavy hair.
“You don’t have to—” Varic says.
“I wasn’t taking advantage of her, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
My eyes fall closed, and I let out a groan, then gape back at Varic, who has fully transformed to square his shoulders and glare back at Lars. His jaw feathers as he flexes his fists, and every aspect of his stance communicates he is a threat to be reckoned with.
“You wouldn’t dare,” he rasps, eyes blazing a trail everywhere he assesses me, the sensation almost as unbearable as the desperation in his expression.
My entire being feels compelled to go to him. To siphon all of his discomfort. Instead, I stare back at the sorcerer who just might have a hidden fire power for all the heat his gaze brings to my skin.
“If she chooses to be with any of you, so be it. I cannot dictate what any of you do with her consent. Taking advantage of her, however, will result in your death by my hand.”
“You sure do love to threaten murder for someone who—”
“Lars!” Malin yells, and Lars drops his gaze and scrubs the back of his neck.
Varic shakes his head, and my stomach drops from the sorrow held in his expression. He backs away, hands held before his chest as Lars falls in behind me.
I break loose from the spell that kept me in place to reach for Varic as he ducks and narrowly avoids my contact.
“I am not trying to interfere in your love life.” His voice is low and somber, though my resulting laughter draws his attention with a quirk of his eyebrow in question.
“You weren’t trying to interfere with what you assumed to be a tryst between Lars and me when you opened the door to a private room without knocking first?
” Varic’s cheeks redden. “Ask anyone in this room if you doubt my conviction when I tell you I have never had anything resembling a love life, and certainly not with any of them.”
His expression lifts, though it is too ambiguous to guess what, if anything, has changed since I do not dare to try to read his mood with my magic.
“It’s true,” Lars confirms, though he may be the least likely to be believed after the scene Varic just walked in on.
“In case it helps, I am not interested in Tasch. Nor any witch.” His eyes land on Malin.
“Besides, I’m spoken for.” Lars’ smile broadens as Varic’s gaze flits over to Malin, whose neck now matches the same bright pink as his cheeks, before returning to Lars with a nod of understanding.
Malin clears his throat. “The whole Continent knows the Emperor forbids her from engaging in intimate relations or forming a relationship. Publicly proclaiming any focus outside of her responsibilities would be an inappropriate distraction, while maintaining those same rules for Wyrth, and all of us Guards. He would never tolerate anyone being intimate with her, much less anything which could result in pregnancy, since he would never allow her to carry, nor raise, a child.”
I wince at the reminder that the future I once dreamed of has become nothing more than a fantasy.
“And even if she were to sneak someone into her chambers, do you really think she wants all of us to watch their every move in the name of her safety?” Cirrin adds, and I grimace.
“Thank you,” I say, aiming for the bed. “Now that we have reiterated how I am unable to form attachments as a servant to the Empire, might I try to get some rest?” I roll onto the mattress and pull the covers over my head like a petulant young witch, while each of my Guards grunts in confirmation of honoring my request.
I try to steady my breathing when a knock sounds, and I strain to hear as boots clomp across the room before a string of words is exchanged. Varic thanks the messenger and closes the door, then the snap and tear of a wax seal breaking is quickly followed by the rustling of paper.
“What does it say?” Malin asks.
I shove the blanket off of my head when Varic folds the letter back.
“They have yet to identify whoever is behind the attacks, and though this letter was delivered by falcon, we cannot be sure our location will remain safe for long. Emperor Aldritch commands that we report back to the Palace in the morning with the intent to present a strong image when he holds court. Apparently, placing the Imperial Grand Witch in hiding after such attacks might come across as weak to the bordering lands when we are in the process of trade negotiations.”
Ice trickles in my veins with this requirement to return to the location where a bomb nearly killed us all.
To be forced to sleep in the room where I awoke to a shattered window.
A room which was meant to be our tomb. Stone walls etched with the impression of the explosion meant to snuff the life out of us all, were it not for Varic’s hard-earned abilities with force magic.
“We can’t take her back there.” Fray’s tone is filled with resolution.
“We’re already so far from the Palace. We can just keep going East,” Lars says.
Varic releases a breath. “I wish I could agree with you. However, the dangers of traveling without a plan, to an unknown location with unknown enemies targeting her, are too great to consider. Especially without resources or a safe location where we could seek asylum. I agree we need to extract her, but we also need time to formulate a viable plan which we can execute safely.”
“You all seem to be forgetting how even if you were to formulate a plan,” I begin, “I would refuse to abide by it. Or do you believe my determination to defend our citizens against their ruler—who would neglect their needs even further in wasting every resource required to find me—is no longer true? Do you all know me so little to believe I would further endanger each of you even more than you already experience as my Guards.”
“She’s right,” Fray says. “The six of us are the biggest living targets on the Continent. Aside from our beloved Emperor, of course.”