Chapter 26
A week ago I would’ve never expected to see Elena’s vulnerable side. To see how she folds into herself when she is stressed, or how small she becomes when that mask falls away. Yet in the span of three days, I’ve seen it twice.
My arms ache to pull her in and press her against my chest, and I have to bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from doing just that.
We are in her workplace. We can’t have Rosa walk in on us again.
Or worse… the Chief. But I refuse to move from her side or to withdraw my hand.
Not that I could with the way she is grasping it— holding on to it as if it is a lifeline.
Her fingers dig into my flesh and she opens her mouth again.
“When you walk into a burning forest, you see things I don’t even want to describe. Life is lost all around you. The ancient trees, bushes, animals. And nothing is able to escape the flames. Nothing but us. Mostly.”
She pauses but doesn’t raise her eyes. I let her process instead of coaxing the story out of her. This has to be on her terms, not mine. I see her throat work and her fingers tense around my wrist.
“We were focused on the fire in front of us. Cutting handlines all morning. The trees were snapping. The forest roared so loud that you could feel the rumble in your chest. The smoke was so hot we could barely breathe. It was supposed to be black behind us. Safe ground. We had checked it. I had checked it.”
She releases my wrist and balls her hands into fists now. Her jaw is set so tight that, for a moment, I fear she might break a molar. Her eyes stare into the distance. Elena has never felt so far away and so close at the same time.
“The wind turned. Unpredictable, it was… I should have… The wall of flames suddenly chased us. I tried to pivot us back to the black, but it wasn’t black anymore. The embers somehow rekindled the fire and whatever lay under the ashes… it flamed. Low and crawling.”
Elena’s eyes flash up to mine. The panic is visible.
“We were in the middle of the fire, Maya. Inside it. And there was nowhere we could run. The embers were raining down on us like a storm and the whole world… it was just orange. Not dark, not invisible… orange.”
I swallow and put my hand back on hers.
“That sounds terrifying.”
Her nod is weak, but her eyes are locked onto mine. She is right here with me and back in the forest at the same time. I shudder. There is nothing I can do for her right now except listen.
“We dug a line so fast… thin… and far too close to us. Turned it into a bubble with some rocks. We didn’t have much time and it wasn’t much protection. The only other thing we could do was soak the ground around us, and pray.”
Elena shivers as the tears roll down her face. She doesn’t stop to wipe them away. I don’t even think she feels them.
“I didn’t even notice Cruz was gone at that point. Not until I did the head count. He had stepped out of the circle to kick away a burning log that was rolling toward us. His foot got caught on a root and… and the log pinned him down.”
Her chest heaves and her tears flow faster, but she still doesn’t stop.
“I only saw it when the flames were nearly engulfing us. We radioed for help, but what was that going to do when the fire was raging? I couldn’t leave him there. I couldn’t.”
“What did you do?”
“I jumped out of the bubble and tried to get him to safety. Two of my crew followed me. The log was so heavy, we tried to remove it but…”
“But you couldn’t. That’s how he died, isn’t it?”
She raises her eyes at me, wet with tears.
The sob that wells up from her chest is so heartbreaking that I pull her into my arms without thinking.
She presses her face into the crook of my neck, her tears warm against my skin.
Her whole body shakes violently. I pull her closer and press my lips against her hair.
This is her life, this is the burden she has to carry.
How many people has she told? Is this… is this something she went through all alone?
The thought horrifies me as she shivers in my arms.
“His son… he’s thirteen now—does really well in school. Cruz would have been so proud.”
I press soft kisses against the top of her head until her breath evens out. She leans back to look at me for a moment and cups my cheek with her hand. The gesture startles me, but I lean into the touch regardless.
“I never spoke about it. Thank you.”
Before I can answer, the door flies open and the ladder crew barges out.
They freeze mid-step when they see us embracing, and Elena instantly pulls away.
She turns her back to the crew and runs her hand over her face to brush away any residue of tears.
As I turn off my voice recorder, I realize she is more worried about them seeing her cry than she is about being caught in my arms. It takes all my self-restraint not to grin at that.
***
Elena’s ‘paper shift’ turns out to be a lot less boring than I had expected.
While she is working on her reports, she takes her time to talk to me and to tell me more about what it is like to be a firefighter.
Our conversation is filled with wild stories that make me gasp and laugh, while she writes her reports and guides her team from the sidelines.
It isn’t until the end of the day that we are finally back in the cantina where she tells me about how they once got a call about somebody screaming fire.
“The cries were so loud that we heard them on the outside when we arrived. Nando immediately banged on the door, and this old lady opened up. All innocent. But right as we want to ask her what is going on, we hear the screams again. ‘Fire, Fire!’” She raises her eyebrow at me. “Turns out it was her freaking parrot.”
I chuckle and Elena grins. But then her grin turns into a stifled yawn and she quickly covers her mouth with her hand.
I only now notice how tired she really looks.
Her eyes are slightly sunken and the skin under them is dark—her face is slightly ashen.
A jolt of worry rushes through me. I’ve seen her after twelve-hour shifts before, packed with calls, where she should have been physically exhausted but she wasn’t.
On the days where I could barely keep my eyes open, she was still buzzed with energy. This, this is a new kind of different.
The nightshift walks in right after Elena has downed her third cup of coffee in that hour.
After a brief transition, we get changed and find ourselves outside again.
The cool night air brushes against my skin and I shiver slightly.
It is rapidly getting colder now that the days are getting shorter, but that doesn’t bother me tonight.
As we walk to our cars, Elena stifles another yawn and that same heavy weight presses down on my stomach.
“El?”
“Hmm?” she turns to face me with a soft smile on her lips.
“Name five types of trees.”
“What?” she chuckles, but my lips stay pressed together in a tight line. She frowns. “Uhm… Pine, birch, uhm… the one with all the nuts, and uhm…”
“The name. I need the name,” I interrupt her.
She just stares at me. Her face blank of any expression, her eyes here but not really.
“You are dead tired.”
It’s not a question, but she nods anyway. She rubs her fingers against the back of her neck while she looks down at the tips of her shoes.
“It’s just been a lot today,” she admits in a whisper.
“Yes, yes it has,” I agree with her, feeling my own body heavy with the day. “But you can barely keep your eyes open. El, I don’t think it’s safe for you to drive right now.”
“Maya, don’t be…”
I put my fingers on her wrist and she instantly halts.
“I’m not being anything but worried. Please, let me drive you home.”
She stares at me and almost nods. Until she blinks and seems to wake up even temporarily.
“No, Maya. What about your car? How will you even get home?”
“I can grab the metro,” I say, clipped.
“No,” she shakes her head. “I don’t want you riding the metro all by yourself in the middle of the night. Especially not to just drop me off.” She crosses her arms in front of her chest and looks down at me, determined.
“Well, I’ll just have to stay over then,” I shrug, “because you’re not driving like this.”
“Please, I am a firefighter,” Elena huffs. “I have had worse exhaustion.”
“As a firefighter you should know the risks attached to driving while being sleep deprived,” I shoot back. “It’s worse than driving drunk, Elena.”
She grunts and throws her arms in the air, but I don’t budge. I simply lift an eyebrow and at the sight, all fight leaves her body.
“Fine.”
I hold out my hand and she hands over the keys, marches over to the other side and climbs into the passenger seat. By the time I have adjusted the seat and pull out, she is already fast asleep.
As I navigate through the streets, I can’t help but glance over at her every now and then. The streetlamps cast moving beams of light that trace over her, highlighting small parts of her. It’s almost as if the details of her face are being put on display, and I can’t help but admire her.
Elena has something so gorgeous about her that has nothing to do with her amazing bone structure.
Yes, the high cheekbones and sharp jawline help, but her true beauty lies within.
Her spirit, her soul, if you must. The fire in those dark eyes, the strength with which she moves those lips, the passion she emits while she looks at the world.
I am drawn to her like a moth to a flame.
And you are just as willing to burn for her. I am.
It only takes me twenty minutes to get to her apartment now that there is less traffic, and I take my time to find a good parking spot. As soon as I turn off the engine, Elena stirs awake. Her eyes blink open slowly and she looks around, a little dazed.
“Hi,” I breathe out and her eyes catch mine.
“Hi,” she says, blinking. “Did I…”
“Yes, you did,” I answer. “Let’s get you inside.”
“Mhm-mm.” Her murmur is no longer one of defiance.
She rubs a hand over her face before opening her door, and I follow her swiftly.
The walk up to her apartment is silent, but pleasant.
Tranquil almost. I am almost sorry it ends when we arrive at her front door.
Elena turns the key and pushes the door open, stepping aside so that I can enter first. I hesitate for a moment, knowing that I have to work on the interview, but she presses her hand to the small of my back and guides me inside softly. I yield, nearly buckling at her touch.
Inside, I take off my shoes and step into her living room. Elena’s eyes gleam as she watches me, a playful smile around her lips. Before I can ask her what’s on her mind, she kicks her own shoes off and walks past me.
“Tea?” she asks, somehow energized again.
“Let me,” I protest but she shakes her head.
“Sit down, please. I’ll make us a pot.”
The tone in her voice leaves no room for objection, so I sink down in the cushions.
As I pull my legs under me, my mind drifts back to a few nights ago when Elena had ravished me in this exact same spot.
I shudder and feel myself getting wet at the thought alone.
She walks in with the tea just as I bite my lip, and her eyes get caught on my mouth.
She blinks once and then gives me such a radiant smile that my heart leaps into my throat.
With two long strides she is in front of me, the teapot and glasses quickly discarded on the table, and she pulls me up by my wrist.
“You’re here,” she sighs breathily.
I let out a soft chuckle and nod my head. As if I had not just spent three days in her apartment already. But before I can say a word, her lips are already on mine, drowning out whatever clever comeback I had ready for her.