Chapter 25
“Then what do you want, El?”
Her voice comes out small and quiet. I can barely hear it.
But I do. And it slices right through my soul.
What I want is to pull her close and kiss her.
To tell her everything will be alright. For her to be mine.
But I can’t. Not with the life I lead. My job always comes first. Maya gets that though, doesn’t she?
A tight band wraps around my lungs, squeezing the air right out of me.
My chest heaves and my head spins. I stumble back until I feel the wall against my back, steadying me.
Still, she is close enough for me to smell her perfume.
To see her eyes brim and her throat bob. I swallow.
“El?” she whispers as she steps closer, back into my space. “What do you want?”
Her eyes are searching my face. They are filled with worry and fear. Her hand trembles as it cups my cheek. The warmth from her fingers feels pleasant against my cool skin. I close my eyes and lean into her. The tears drip out from under my lashes.
“You, Maya.”
The confession slips out, strangled and rough. My throat burns as I say the words.
“I want you.”
She lets out a breath, a sound that is so fragile that it makes me open my eyes again.
Tears are rolling down her cheeks as she stares at me with a pained expression.
It feels as if my heart is bleeding. She is all I ever wanted, even if I never knew I craved it.
But being with her risks my career, and everything I worked so hard to build.
I’ve seen so many women toss that away for a partner.
Women who lost all sense of self in that process. I can’t. And neither should Maya.
“Maya, the last two days… I’ve never felt happier,” I admit. “But our careers. Your boss… the Chief. We can’t risk that. I can’t ask you to risk that.”
“You aren’t,” she sputters. “I’m a grown woman and very capable of making my own choices, El.”
She brushes her thumb over my jaw. It just feels so right, like this is where I am supposed to be. With her.
“Maya…” I beg, as I turn my face away.
The soft whimper that falls from her lips as she retracts makes me look up. It’s the most painful sound I’ve ever heard. When I see the pain in her eyes, my mask falls. It shatters completely. I tremble when I pull her back toward me. Tears flowing freely now. Fuck it.
I turn us around and push Maya against the wall, before my lips find hers.
She immediately wraps her arms around me and pulls me even closer.
I wrap my hand around her throat and gently tilt her head back so that I can deepen our kiss.
She moans inside my mouth, the sound reverberating through my body.
It is as if every cell inside me wakes up with a hunger that borders on famine.
I kiss Maya as if my life depends on it, drinking in the taste of her, the feeling of her soft skin under my hands, the way her tongue moves against mine.
There is nothing but her, nothing but us. Right here, right now.
I place my thigh between hers, and slide my hands to her hips to pull her against me. She breaks the kiss to whimper at the contact and I take the opportunity to nip at her neck. The blush on her cheeks sends a jolt of electricity straight to my core. She is so fucking gorgeous.
I am about to slide my hand under her waistband when footsteps approach the door.
Maya and I both jolt back, away from each other, as the door swings open.
I glance at her—her lips swollen from our kiss, that blush on her cheeks, a flustered look in her eyes.
Fuck. But then a mask slips into place, right before Rosa walks in.
“Oh, hey guys. What are you doing here?”
“Fernandes,” I nod, ever the lieutenant. “We were just getting to the breakroom. Maya is ready for the next interview.”
She glances briefly at me, an eyebrow raised, but then nods. When she turns to face Maya, she is beaming.
“So, Carter,” she drags out the name.
Fuck! Fuck, no, fuck! I called her Maya, and Fernandes picked up on it.
“How is that article going so far?”
If Maya is feeling even a sliver of the nerves that run through my body, she is not showing it. She just smiles sweetly at Rosa and shrugs her left shoulder.
“Pretty good actually. I mean Gonzales takes a bit of probing for information…” she wiggles her eyebrows and glances at me quickly. Wait, what? “… but being around you guys really makes such a big difference.”
Maya taps Fernandes on her shoulder and then sidesteps her toward the door.
“Shall we?”
She doesn’t even glance over her shoulder, but trusts that I will follow her. I have to press my fingernails into the palm of my hand to keep my expression blank. The way she just handled this situation was not only the smart thing to do, but also incredibly sexy. You are in such big trouble.
This time it’s me racing after Maya, who’s almost at the bay already. I pump my legs to catch her before she steps out of the hallway, and pull her close to me. My heart speeds up now that her body is pressing against mine. I bend toward her and brush my lips against her ear.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
She turns her head, raises an eyebrow, and then smiles innocently.
“What? We are two professionals in a workplace, right?”
With a chuckle, she turns and continues her way to the breakroom. I can do nothing but follow her, my mouth dry, and my chest aching for more.
***
“Are you sure you want to continue right now?”
Maya glances around at some of the crew who are hanging around. She isn’t wrong. If I am going to tell her my story—which I will—I don’t want to do that in front of others. But I can hardly ask them to vacate the cantina, and I don’t trust myself enough to take her into one of the dorm rooms.
“I guess we can go to one of the offices,” I shrug.
“How about outside? We are still here if you get an alarm, still close, but at least we can talk in private.”
That actually isn’t a bad idea. There are picnic tables in the courtyard that we use during drills.
I am sure the Chief wouldn’t mind us doing the interview there.
Especially not since he has put me on administrative duty until the end of next week, with the exception of big incidents.
Something that puts me on edge. No matter how much I trust Rodriques, I hate not being able to guide my crew.
He is a good firefighter and will make an excellent lieutenant someday, but he lacks the experience and insights I have.
But right now, I need to focus on the interview. I nod at Maya and grab her wrist.
“Let’s go.”
We walk through the maze of corridors until we reach the backdoor, and slip outside.
Only then do I realize I am still holding her.
Her pulse thudding against my fingertips.
I blink and let go, pretending like nothing happened, as I slide onto one of the benches.
She follows me, and sits across from me.
“We need to talk.”
The words should feel like a punch in the stomach, but the soft smile on her lips tells me a different story. It isn’t hard to see where this is going, so I nod, inviting her to speak first.
“We can’t keep dancing around each other, Elena. It hurts us both to deny that there is something there between us.”
She slightly tilts her head sideways. Her gaze holds mine. Soft, open… safe. A pleasant warmth spreads through my chest. I let out a soft sigh and nod.
“I know. You are right.”
“Good,” she replies, her voice gentle. “Then let’s not do that anymore.”
“But we bo—” I start to protest, but she raises her hand. I fall quiet instantly.
“We don’t know what this is yet, Elena, and I’m not going to ask you to give up your whole career to find out. Neither am I going to give up mine.”
She brushes her thumb over my hand. I stare at it for a moment and then nod resolutely.
“We need rules.”
“Just one, really,” she jokes. “Keep the heat out of the workplace.”
The wink she gives me makes me laugh more than her lame pun. She grins as I shake my head and reluctantly agree.
“Good, now… since we are both professionals,” she gives me a crooked smile and I just melt, “shall we continue?”
She places the recorder between us. I guess I should be grateful for the damn thing, for this situation. After all, it brought her to me. But I feel my hackles rise instantly. My jaw ticks and I exhale through my nose.
“Fine,” I sigh, “let’s do this.”
She chuckles. It’s the best sound ever.
“Shall we pick up where we left off?”
I feel the nerves rush back through my body, but this time I nod decisively. She is a journalist and what happened is on the record. We both knew this moment would come, so there is no use in putting it off. She turns on the voice recorder and nods at me.
“Getting decorated for doing my job feels wrong. We are trained to keep people safe. It’s our calling. My crew fought hard those weeks. It wasn’t just me.”
“But it was your crew who endorsed the decoration?”
Maya lifts her blue eyes to meet my gaze. I feel the muscle in my jaw roll and my shoulders tense.
“Yeah,” I mutter. “They shouldn’t have.”
“Why do you think they did?”
Her hand slides over mine, warm and comforting. The tone in which she asks the question is so delicate, so soft. This isn’t journalist Carter asking lieutenant Gonzales. This is Maya asking me.
“Because of what happened,” I rasp.
“The entrapment?”
“Yes.”
“What happened that day, El?”
She squeezes my hand and slightly lowers her head to catch my gaze. I look at her in pure marvel. How can I be a ‘professional’ around her when she makes me feel so much all at once? I close my eyes and inhale deeply.
“The fires had been raging for days. Almost every firefighter in the country was there. Every department ran on a skeleton crew to send most of their people out to us. We even received international support. It was bad, Maya.”
I pause and see her nod. She’s still with me.
“We had helicopters in the air and boots on the ground. But a fire like that doesn’t let itself be mastered. We dug fire lines, but the ashes were so hot that they just sparked new ones. That’s what happened.”
“That’s how you got trapped?”
“Yes. We didn’t realize we were surrounded by fire until it was too late. I didn’t realize. My eyes were on the front. I was stupid enough to trust that where we came from was safe. When we turned and hit that wall of fire…”
I squeeze my eyes shut and press the inside of my palms against them.
The images of a burning deer rushing past me pop up—the panic in its eyes as its fur curled up against its already blackened skin.
My face prickles and my hands start to shake.
It takes me a moment before I realize how fast I am breathing.
Maya is suddenly next to me. She presses her hand softly against my belly.
“Use your breath to push my fingers away, El.”
It takes me two tries before I inhale deeply enough to exhale, and after a few breaths I finally feel myself calm down. Maya sits down next to me, but doesn’t remove her hand. When I glance over at the table, I see that the red light is still blinking. Great.
“Sorry, I…”
“No need. We can stop if you want to.”
“No. I just… What we saw that day was awful.” My voice is small, “but I think I am ready to talk about it now.”