Chapter 29
“Where’s the fire?”
At any other time I would have chuckled at the unintentional pun, but Helen’s blazing eyes are pinning me in my seat.
I shift uncomfortably and am instantly reminded of Elena’s fingers.
She left her touch everywhere on my body and I love that I can still feel her, but right now I shouldn’t be thinking about how she made me scream her name.
Multiple times. I bite my lip at the memory, before Helen clears her throat and glares even harder.
“You have so much promise, Maya, and I really thought we had an understanding,” she continues, now stretching to her full length. “These three articles are supposed to be your best ones yet, but I’ve never seen something as utterly shit as this. And it’s coming from you, of all people.”
She slams the papers against her desk and inhales deeply through her nose. When I open my mouth to object, she raises her finger and I snap my jaw closed immediately.
“I don’t want to hear it. Just…” She pinches the bridge of her nose with her thumb and index finger. “…Just fix it. You have three more weeks at the station. Fix it.”
My stomach twists into knots when the words sink in.
Three more weeks. Not only do I have to rewrite the whole piece—because if anything Helen is right—but I also have to wrap things up.
It means a last interview with Elena, to go over the article and close the gaps.
And then that will be it. No more visits at the station, no more ride-alongs, no more crew.
My breath hitches at the idea. I will miss the brigade—their camaraderie, their jokes.
They feel like a family that has adopted me into their midst. Who have accepted me for who I am.
The people who are an extension of Elena.
Oh my God… Elena. Not seeing her every day, watching her in action, talking to her about what moves her–the thought alone renders me speechless.
It makes me feel as if my chest is being cracked open by two crooked, bony hands with long curling nails.
My heart pounds against my ribs and my breathing speeds up.
Helen seems to take my quietness as compliance and she sinks back into her chair.
I have to bite the inside of my cheek to focus on her instead of the swirling pit of my stomach.
Her gaze drops down, as she eyes me curiously.
She squints her eyes and slightly leans forward, resting her chin on her thumb.
She hums under her breath, as if she just discovered something new altogether.
“I’ve heard she was a difficult one… Gonzales, is it?” She tilts her head in anticipation.
“Yes, no, I mean, it took me some time to connect with her, but Elena really isn’t…” I trail off and shudder slightly. “…difficult,” I finish with a huff.
“Elena, hm?”
I raise my eyes to meet the steel blue ones of Helen.
Her face is like a mask that I can’t seem to look past. She is desperately searching for something, testing me, probing me, but I don’t know for what.
I shrug noncommittally. I’ve called my subjects by their first name before, and we both know that.
“Then what is different this time, if it is not her?”
The words hit me square in the face and I have to fight to hold on to my composure instead of reeling back in my seat. Helen’s mouth is a thin line, but her eyes are sharp. Too sharp. I scramble through my thoughts for a coherent sentence that will satisfy her need for information.
“It’s just very intense. We are responding to calls all day, every day, and if we do catch a break, there is paperwork.”
“We?” She hums with a slight hint of annoyance.
“Well, they do… but you know I’m following her… them… the crew.”
“Nah, that’s not it. You’ve done that with the cop and the doctor too, this is something different. But it is fine. If you won’t tell me, I have to find out another way. You can go.”
Helen flicks two fingers toward the door, dismissing me like one of her junior staff. Normally I would open my mouth to fight her on the denigrating gesture, but right now I am just relieved I can get out of there. Away from her peering and judgmental stare. Her prying questions and prodding jabs.
What was I supposed to say if she had pushed on? That it was Elena? That I am crazily madly in love with her? That I… Wait, what?
I freeze in place as I run the thoughts over in my mind.
That I am crazily, madly in love with her?
In love… is that what this is? Love? I’ve barely known her for two months and she hated me for most of it.
Nah, that’s a lie and you know it. Well, she tried to keep me at arm’s length for the first few days anyway.
But just thinking of her makes my stomach flutter.
Her soft, curly hair and the way it glows like embers when it catches the light just right.
Those beautiful brown eyes that always scan her surroundings.
Her strong, warm arms that are both soft and hard at the same time.
And oh my fucking gosh… you are in love.
My breath stops halfway down my throat and I let out a strangled sound.
I know there is a strong attraction to her…
but love? Fuck. Yes. I guess it is, because the thought of how she pushed herself during the metro disaster, or how she slid in the water and didn’t immediately come up, steals all the air from my lungs.
I am utterly and absolutely in love with Elena Gonzales. My subject. What are you doing?
***
The moment I walk into the bay, I see Elena. She is sitting on a chair inspecting one of her jackets. Her expression is serious and focused. The one she wears when she is at work, the one I came to love so much.
Seeing her here in her element makes my stomach flutter right before it clenches.
Three more weeks. Will she miss me? Before I can spiral down this path of unwanted questioning, she raises her eyes.
The moment they land on me, her face softens, as if she is being caressed by the sun.
Her mouth relaxes and the tiny lines around her eyes crinkle ever so briefly.
“You’re back,” she states, a hint of warmth in her voice.
Rosa looks up from her boots and quirks an eyebrow. There is a playful smile on her lips, but she remains silent. I shrug.
“Yeah.”
“How did the meeting go?”
Elena looks at me with that studying, explorative look. The one that makes me feel bare in front of her, even when I am fully clothed. Rosa glances from me to her lieutenant, and then returns her focus to her boots. I swallow hard and tear at my nails.
“Horrible,” I whisper.
She is up within seconds and closes the distance within two strides. Her fingers twitch as she moves to reach out to me, but she stops herself just in time. I look at her and feel my heartbeat drum in my ears.
“What happened?”
Her fingers twitch again and I know she is fighting herself not to reach out.
It makes me want to press myself flush against her body.
To hide in her arms and bury my face in her neck.
To inhale that scent of sandalwood that always seems to cling to her skin and calms me.
I bite my lip and squeeze my eyes shut for a brief moment as I shake my head.
“It wasn’t good, it wasn’t pretty. I need to… I need to be better.”
As the words leave my mouth I also know what it means.
More focus on writing, and less time with Elena.
And that is the last thing that I want. Even if that means having to give up my career.
I’ll go back to freelancing. It wasn’t that bad and I have my connections now.
Seriously, a few steamy nights and you are willing to give it all up?
I grunt and run my fingers through my hair.
“What does tha—”
“Gonzales. Carter. In my office, now.”
The Chief’s low voice booms through the bay.
Several firefighters look up to stare at us and I hear the sharp inhale of Rosa’s breath.
I frown as I look at Elena, who looks just as surprised as I feel.
We both move to follow Fernando Salisar through the dimly lit corridors to the back of the station as if we are being called into the principal’s office.
Did Helen call him? Complain about the quality of the article?
Did she comment on Elena being ‘difficult’?
The hairs on my arms rise and I grind my molars into each other.
Elena glances over her shoulder before stepping into Salisar’s office. Her eyebrows knit together briefly and she slightly tilts her head. She parts her lips as if she wants to say something, but then turns around. The mask is back in its place.
Salisar is already behind his desk when we step inside.
His normally warm and friendly face has a cold and distant expression to it.
His eyes glide over me once, almost dismissive, before turning to Elena, and something in them changes.
They start to blaze as he frowns ever so slightly.
He doesn’t ask us to sit and he doesn’t sink into his own chair either.
His knuckles simply rest on the wooden top of his desk, as if he wants to maintain a certain distance between us.
I bite the inside of my cheek when I see his nostrils flare, and suddenly I feel like I am five years old again. What has Helen done?
“What is going on?” His voice vibrates through me, loud and foreboding.
“Sir?” Elena’s frown deepens as she glances at me for an answer.
“Do I have to remind you about the reputation this station has to uphold?”
“No, sir, it—”
“A supreme public reputation might I add?”
The Chief stares Elena down while he towers to his full height.
The scrutiny sends a chill through my body and I have to clench my fists to keep them from shaking.
I am two seconds away from telling him to back the fuck up.
That he can’t talk to her like that. But Elena is a grown woman who is more than capable of fighting her own battles.
And Salisar is her Chief. Speaking now might just add fuel to the fire.
“And you,” his gaze sweeps to me now. “I thought you came here to write an honest article. To learn what you could.” His eyes flick down once, cold.
“I… I am,” I answer, puzzled.
“Then what are all these rumors I hear?” He whips his head and points from me to Elena and back.
“Well? What the hell is going on between you two?” His hand comes down on his desk so hard that the vibration knocks over his pencil holder. I flinch at the sound and see Elena twitch from the corner of my eye, but her face still holds that unreadable mask.
“I am not sure if I understand, sir.”
Her voice is flat, void of any emotion or reaction to his outburst. His eyes flick from me back to Elena and he seems to cool down a bit.
“People are talking, Elena.”
The sound of her first name in his mouth, like it is some sort of scolding, makes me cringe. But it also gives me pause to hear what is truly behind his words and the heat with which he speaks them.
“There are rumors about you two being…” his eyes flick to me again. “…engaged.”
I hear Elena’s molars grind, but she keeps her face emotionless toward her Chief.
“The rumors are wrong, sir.”
The steel in her voice makes my spine instantly go rigid.
I had not expected her to confirm anything, quite the opposite, but to hear that cold tone hurts me in an unexpected way.
I force myself to keep my eyes forward and my expression blank, but my nails are digging deep into my flesh and my head starts to throb from the tension between my shoulder blades.
“Carter?”
His eyes bore into mine, as if he is looking for any cracks. I stare back, an eerie cold feeling swirling through my insides like long tendons gripping at my intestines. It doesn’t even take effort to keep my face neutral. I am numb from the inside out.
“You heard her. The rumors are wrong.”
Salisar stares at me for a long moment before letting out a deep sigh. He slumps in his seat and rubs his hand over his face. The stubble on his chin sounds crisp under his fingertips. The noise runs through my bones like voltage, and makes me press my fingers even harder into my palms.
“Listen, I couldn’t care less what you ladies do in your free time.” He lets out a breath through his nose. “But I can’t have the reputation of this station dragged through the mud. If there is something going on here…” he gestures between us and trails off.
Elena only lifts her chin and I press my lips together in a tight line.
What did you expect? That she was willing to throw away everything she worked for, just like you would?
Get a grip, Maya. When I swallow, it feels as if I am ingesting thousands of pins and needles.
I don’t flinch though. I just stand there until Salisar flicks his hand to tell me I am dismissed.
Because apparently that is the theme of the day—getting rid of Maya.