Chapter 35
It’s over. I broke up with Luke.
Ty
No more Ashke episodes?
Wren
That sucks, Asher. Sorry, bro.
Nick
Damn, dude. You good?
Percy
No! Why? Y’all were so perfectly wrong that it made sense!
Jack
How can we help? What do you need?
I don’t know. I really have no clue. I don’t know why and I can’t fix it. I’m so confused and hurt and mad and
And fuck him!
Cal
You don’t mean that. I get you’re upset. Not the same, but Jack and I had the confused hurt going before it got better.
Jack
Cal’s right. Sometimes you gotta break it to make it better.
Tate
We’re here for you, Asher. We’ll always be here for each other.
Thanks.
Michael/Jamie
Give me addresses. Luke’s and his bitchass momma’s.
Wren
Uh, who has the phone. I can’t even tell.
Percy
That’s Jamie.
Ty
How do you know?
Percy
It’s an artform. Not the point though. Are we pissing in bushes?
Michael/Jamie
Yes and breaking windows.
Tate
We are NOT doing that.
No, don’t do that. I did the breaking. Still hurts but it was my decision.
Michael/Jamie
The closeted thing? Got too hard?
No. Maybe. It was his call and I respect that. But, you know, I gotta respect me too, right?
Wren
Absolutely.
Nick
Fuck yeah! You gotta take care of you, man.
I just got to realizing he meant too much to me to keep quiet about it. And not only that but the pain it put him through. It was awful. It hurt so bad. It still hurts bad.
Ty
I can’t take this.
Ty has left the conversation.
Jack
Lol. One day Ty will be mature enough to handle the highs and lows of an adult relationship.
Or maybe he’s better the way he is. Maybe his way he won’t get hurt.
Tate
No. Don’t say that.
Percy
I have to believe in happily ever after. I do believe in it!
Michael/Jamie
The bad stuff gives the happy stuff purpose.
Percy
Uh, Jamie?
Cal
Damn. If Percy can’t even tell …
Wren
Shits getting deep in here.
My bad.
Tate
Not at all.
Percy
Not your bad, but I’m coming over for hugs.
Jack
Give him a hug for me too, Percy.
Cal
Same.
Wren
Same.
Nick
Hugs from all of us.
Michael/Jamie
I’ll come find you for a hug after I slash Luke’s tires.
Tate
No!
Cal
No!
Wren
No!
Jack invited Ty to the conversation.
Percy
I’ve got a knife!
Ty
WTF?
Percy
Fine. I don’t, but Dorian does. Hugs>slashing tires>then more hugs. OMW!
Ty
Why does Percy have a knife? Not sure what I missed, but I’m scared and kinda turned on.
Nick
Dude… I thought it was just me, lol.
I’ll be fine. It’s fine. Eventually, everything will be fine.
Jack
Anyone who says “fine” that many times is clearly not fine.
Percy did come by, but my lies were so convincing, I had everyone fooled. But not myself. Not my heart. Throwing my all into school so I didn’t have time for overthinking didn’t work. Daily calls with my family didn’t work.
Nothing worked.
I dwelled. I cried.
In a matter of days, I’d spiraled into barely functioning. I stopped eating, stopped sleeping well, and stopped participating in the group chat. I went to class, fought like hell to pay attention so I wouldn’t waste this opportunity while I had it, but at night, I gave in.
When no amount of holding myself ever compared to his arms, when his scent had faded from all my clothes, I buried myself under my blankets and let grief take me.
My mattress squeaked when a body plopped down beside me. Most likely Percy. He was small enough to fit on here with me.
I pulled my eyelids apart, crusty and gross, as his smiling face hovered over mine.
“Funk does not look good on you,” Percy said and shoved a pillow over my face. “Much better.”
Scoffing, I batted the pillow off, dislodging him as well, then buried all but my eyes under the blankets. “It’s not funk. It’s contemplation.”
“Well, your contemplation has a grody brown about it.”
“Thanks for letting me know.”
He sniffed. “What are friends for?” Percy cocked his head, lifting his brows and turning his mouth downward. “I’m here for an intervention.”
“No,” I mumbled.
“We miss you in the group chat.”
It wasn’t only the group chat. I’d been MIA from everything.
“This is why you only fuck a person once in college. No strings. No drama,” Dorian said from the doorway.
“Silence your mouth, straight boy, or I’ll stick my purple dildo in it,” Percy snapped.
Dorian rolled his eyes. “You don’t have a dildo, purple or otherwise.”
Percy sat straighter, trying his best to be bigger than he was. He probably had a few more years of growing to do, but I doubted he’d ever be as tall as us.
“I could have a dildo, you don’t know. But that’s not the point.” He rushed the last when Dorian opened his mouth. Percy returned his attention to me. “We’re here to cheer you up, Asher.”
“Heard you broke up with your man.” Dorian thumped Percy’s head before settling across from us on my absentee roommate’s bed.
Percy patted his hair where Dorian had mussed it. “You’re so pretty, but stop talkin’.”
“Whatever. I just walked with Percy on my way to class anyway,” Dorian said as he stood. “Hope everything works out, Asher.”
“Thanks, Dorian,” I muttered.
Once we were alone, Percy twisted until he lay on his stomach beside me, chin on his clasped hands.
“Have you eaten today?” he asked.
“No.”
“Hungry?”
“No.”
He grabbed my phone off the charger.
“What’re you doin’?” I asked.
“Callin’ Jamie.” He turned to me and crossed his fingers. “Hopefully, Michael doesn’t have the phone.”
“Text first.”
Percy nodded, and the phone rang seconds later.
“Do we need to come up there?” Jamie said on speaker. “Michael’s good for a beatdown anytime.”
I shook my head, and Percy said, “Noted, but all jokes aside, I don’t think we’re there quite yet.”
“Percy? Where’s Asher?” Jamie asked.
“He’s here with me, but it’s worse than he let on, Jamie.”
“Asher?” Jamie said softly, as if he were on my other side, sandwiching me between them.
I broke and ugly cried my soul out.
“I-I told him I l-love him,” I choked through snot and a summer shower’s worth of tears.
They cried with me because they were awesome like that. At least I wasn’t alone. Maybe they didn’t share the pain as acutely, but they hurt because I hurt. Because they were my friends.
God, I hoped Luke didn’t hurt this badly. An agony so deep and profound he’d need others to help carry the buckets of torment.