Chapter 8
RAELYNN
Rae groaned as she rolled to her left side. Someone was gently patting her back in a soothing way, almost sending her back to sleep, but she didn’t want to go back to sleep. She wanted to figure out where she was and why she was so tired all of a sudden.
Cracking her eyes open, she saw Butch sitting right next to her, his hand outstretched. He was the one patting her back.
“D-Daddy?” she whispered as she moved her right arm.
Daddy moved and started to write on the whiteboard.
Hi there, Little Fairy. How are you feeling? Do you need or want anything?
“You,” she pitifully said. “I just want you close by. I’m so exhausted.”
Tears pricked her eyes, and her nose got stuffie as she looked up at Daddy. He gave her a small smile as he wiped away the single tear that ran down her face.
I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. If you need anything, let me know. The surgery went well, and he said you’ll feel exhausted for the first several days, both mentally and physically.
“Good,” she groggily said. “Drink and nap?”
Daddy stood up, but she grabbed onto his hand, not wanting him to go anywhere. He’d just told her he wasn’t going to leave her, and yet he looked like he was going to leave.
“Stay,” she demanded. “Daddy go nowhere.”
Rae was not in her right mind. She knew she shouldn’t be calling him Daddy right now when they hadn’t talked about it, but her Little was slowly peeking out as exhaustion took over. She was just going to have to deal with the consequences when she was fully awake.
Daddy motioned with his hands on his phone as he sat down. Raelynn immediately relaxed into the bed. Closing her eyes calmly, she kept her hand on his as she waited for the drink to come. Daddy gently ran his knuckles against her cheek, and her eyes fluttered open.
He was holding a baby bottle, and she couldn’t help but have her cheeks heat at the thought of using it.
Even when they were in high school and together as Rae and Butch and Little Fairy and Daddy, they had never used a baby bottle.
She had never been brave enough to tell him that she was interested in it got closer to him leaving.
They had used sippy cups before, so she wouldn’t spill whenever she was drinking in either one of their rooms.
Rae hadn’t wanted to be the reason to hold him back from doing what he wanted.
She had a feeling that if he knew that her Little regressed and she became non-verbal, that he wouldn’t have left, and then she would have had this guilt inside her.
But at the same time, she wondered if she had told him, if her life would have been better in some ways.
Daddy’s going to feed you with the bottle, and then you can sleep. When you wake up again, we’ll go potty, and then relax in bed more.
“Okie,” she mumbled.
Daddy carefully helped her move, so he was holding her head against his arm. She opened her mouth and closed her eyes as she started to suckle on the nipple, tasting the deliciousness of chocolate milk. It felt natural.
Daddy held her as she finished the bottle, and he continued to hold her as she fell asleep.
“How did you know I liked baby bottles?” Rae asked several days later.
She had been in and out of sleep for the past three days, not doing much at all.
Daddy was always right next to her, feeding her, helping her drink, taking her to the bathroom, giving her a sponge bath, and allowing her to sleep.
It had been the same thing over and over and over again, but with Daddy, it wasn’t as bad.
I knew when we went to the store in the last months before I left that you wanted to at least try it. Your eyes would always wander over to the baby bottles when we walked past them. But I wanted you to come to me and tell me. I didn’t want to force something on you when you weren’t ready for it.
Of course he was so watchful. She should have known he would have already figured out what she wanted.
“I was going to tell you. I promise, but… but nothing…” She trailed off.
Daddy tilted his head forward, his left eyebrow going up.
We are not doing that. You’re going to tell me what you are about to say.
She sighed and nodded. They had made a promise to each other all those years ago that they wouldn’t keep things from each other.
That they wouldn’t start a sentence and then stop suddenly.
It was something that helped them communicate well and hold each other accountable.
But in times like this, it made her slightly annoyed that she had agreed to it because she didn’t want to tell him.
She had a feeling his answer would be selfless.
“But I didn’t want to hold you back. I didn’t want to tell you that I’m pretty sure I’m young and non-verbal. I didn’t want you to feel guilty about leaving. I didn’t want you to decide to stay and then me having all this guilt that you couldn’t go do what you wanted to do,” she quickly said.
Daddy grabbed her hand and gently ran his thumb across the back. She knew exactly what he was going to say before he even wrote.
I would have stayed for you. I would have waited a year so that when you graduated, you could come with me. But I was young, and I wanted to show you I could take care of you, so I left you behind, thinking you’d be okay. I don’t have many regrets, but leaving you is one of my biggest ones.
“How were you going to show me you could take care of me?” she asked.
I wanted to earn money, more money than we ever had growing up, so I could spoil you rotten. So I could spoil your Little and show her that your Daddy was kind but could also discipline you.
“You know I don’t need any of that stuff. Just being with you was enough,” she whispered.
Or she thought she’d whispered. Rae hadn’t known the volume of her voice for a long time, but no one had ever told her she was yelling, so she figured it was okay.
I know you don’t need those things, but I wanted to be able to give them to you. I know I have a lot to make up for, and I hope you allow me to do it.
She re-read the words. Was there any stopping him from doing what he wanted to do?
Will you give me the honor of allowing me to make it up to you?
He looked at her with so much hope across his face that it tugged at her heartstrings.
“O-okay,” she hesitantly said.
A Cheshire cat grin spread across his face, and before Rae could react, she was in his arms, sitting on top of his lap as he hugged her tightly. Rae melted into his embrace, loving the feeling of safety.
Deep down, she knew she shouldn’t have given in and said yes, but with the way he was looking at her and her imagining how he would have said it, she caved.
There were too many variables on what could happen, and tearing them apart again, but in this moment, she didn’t care too much.
She had already called him Daddy twice. As much as she would like to go back and not say them, she knew no time machine would let her.
Daddy pulled away from her and picked up the whiteboard. Raelynn still got annoyed and frustrated that he had to use the whiteboard to communicate, but it was the only way. She didn’t know many signs in sign language.
Do you want to eat?
She felt her stomach grumble at that moment, reminding her that she was hungry.
“Please.” She looked up at him.
Butch stood up, holding her close to his body as he started walking toward the door. Pin pricks appeared all over her body as they got to the door.
“Where are we going?” she asked, the panic rising in her.
Daddy stopped walking and pulled his phone out of his back pocket while she held on for dear life. It was awkward since her legs were wrapped around him, and he was typing behind her, as he held her back and bottom.
We’re going to get food. You are hungry, and the kitchen is out there.
“But you’ve been bringing my food in here. What about you just go and get it?” she suggested.
Raelynn knew that all the people were out there, and she didn’t want to see them. What if they all wanted to talk to her and get to know her? She wasn’t mentally up for that, and she physically wouldn’t be able to hear them, either.
We can’t keep you in this room the whole time. You need to get out, and we need to let the room air out and clean it. While we eat, some people will clean the room.
“Why can’t I stay in their room while they clean it?
” she asked. “I promise I won’t get in their way.
I’ll move whenever they need to get to a section, and I won’t sit on the bed.
Wait, that means that I have to interact with them if they’re in there.
Maybe you can put me in another room where I won’t have to talk to anybody. ”
Daddy and Rae locked eyes, and he gave her a disapproving look.
We are not hiding from people. Everyone here knows that you are having trouble hearing.
They know that you’re exhausted and scared, and not to make any quick movements.
They know that you and I are a thing, and no guy is going to try to make a move on you.
They see you as family, almost like a little sister who had been lost for years.
Some of them might want to spoil you as time goes on and love on you as well.
But either way, they know that right now, you don’t need a lot of people bothering you, so they aren’t going to do that.
They might smile in your direction or wave, so you don’t have to worry.
It didn’t make her worry any less than before. If anything, it made her more anxious that they knew so much about her and were being considerate. It had been a very long time since people were considerate of how she was feeling or what she wanted.
“I’m scared,” she finally admitted.
Scared of what?
Rae rubbed her eyes harshly, trying to stop herself from crying for the umpteenth time.
“Scared that I’m going to offend somebody.
Scared that I’m going to get hurt if somebody doesn’t like one of my answers or the way that I look at them.
I’m scared that they’re not going to like me, and you’re going to have to leave them, your family.
I’m scared that I’m going to make a bad impression and they’ll take it out on you instead. I’m scared of so much.”
This was when she wished she could hear so Daddy could hold her tightly as he whispered sweet nothings into her ears, but she couldn’t. Not now, at least.
I’m going to be right there with you. Nothing bad is going to happen to you.
You’re not going to offend somebody or hurt their feelings, and they’re not going to take it out on you or me.
They want to see you flourish and excel in whatever you want to do.
So why don’t you hold on extra tight to me while we go out, and I won’t leave you for a second? How does that sound?
“I don’t know,” she mumbled.
Do you trust me?
She nodded.
Then trust that I’m going to keep you safe. Daddy would never allow something bad to happen to you. You are my life.