Chapter 11
RAELYNN
“Nope,” she said and shook her head.
They were on their way to the doctor’s office to get everything working on her cochlear implant. Raelynn was a nervous wreck as Daddy drove them there. So many things had happened in the last several weeks, but something that hadn’t happened was talking about her hard limits.
Raelynn didn’t know what Daddy was waiting for, maybe when they could have a proper conversation, but she felt like that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.
She had done a little research on what this appointment would be like, and she knew that everyone who had gotten a cochlear implant before had said how exhausting mentally they were to hear everything.
Daddy was not going to have a conversation with her, knowing the doctor would say that during the appointment.
She looked over at Daddy, and he gave her a puzzled look as they sat at a red light.
“I don’t think I want to do this any longer.
I want to hear, but I don’t want to feel overwhelmed.
You said the clubhouse is loud, and I don’t think I’m going to be able to deal with that and not cry or not lose my sanity,” she explained.
“I think we should just turn around and go back home so we can relax in your room.”
Sure, she was going to miss not being able to hear, but she didn’t know whether she could deal with all the noise there. Not that she could hear any of it right now, but Daddy had told her several times that all of them were loud.
Daddy grabbed her hand and gave it a little squeeze as he started to drive again. She was also going to have to get used to not being able to communicate in the car while Daddy drove. But it was going to beat being overwhelmed and mentally drained by a long shot.
It didn’t take them long to get into the parking lot, and Daddy was typing on his phone.
Everything is going to be okay. I’ve already got another place where we are going to stay while we go through the first couple of weeks with your cochlear implant.
It’s quieter, and we won’t have to worry about people walking and talking.
But we are going through with this. You have talked about wanting to hear again and the importance of your happiness leading up to today.
“’Cause I was forgetting about everything that came after. I haven’t been able to hear properly in over three years,” she pointed out. “I’m already an emotional wreck when I’m with you, and I feel like it’s going to get worse.”
I think you’re extremely anxious right now, and that’s okay. I don’t know what you’re going through, but I do know that we are going to get through this together. It’s you and me, and that’s never going to change. I need you to believe that.
“I still don’t think I need to do this. I mean, it’s been three years, and I’ve gotten used to it,” she whispered.
Daddy shook his head. No, we aren’t doing this. I know it’s going to be overwhelming. It’s a lot of new and unknown things, but we are going to get through it. Daddy just needs his Little Fairy to be brave for a little while longer, and then when we get home, Daddy can take over. What do you think?
“Not that I have much of a choice,” she mumbled. “We are already here, and I know you won’t be driving home.”
Daddy gave her a smile. Let’s go then.
Rae waited for Daddy to get out of the car and walk in her direction.
She didn’t dare get out when she knew Daddy would scold her for not waiting for him.
Raelynn had done that the other day, opening her own car door, and Daddy was not happy.
Apparently, he wanted to spoil her rotten, and that meant opening her doors and helping her out of the car each time.
She couldn’t lie and say it didn’t make her get all fuzzy inside when he took care of her. She was his Little Fairy and had been for years. He used to do this all the time in high school, and she had forgotten what it was like.
Daddy helped her out of the car, and she gripped onto his hand as they walked toward the building. Maybe she should just run from here and try to make her way back to the clubhouse on her own. Daddy would be pissed off, but she didn’t know if she could do this.
It was scary.
Would she actually be able to hear again, or was this just going to get her hopes up?
Rae tugged at Daddy’s hand, trying to get out of it, but he held on tighter. Her eyes pleaded with him to let her go so she could leave, but he shook his head and picked her up.
“Daddy,” she whispered. “Everyone is going to be looking at us.”
But that didn’t seem to mind Daddy as he walked into the building, checked them in, and sat down in the waiting room. Her stomach was turning, anxiety running through her, telling her she needed to get out of the building and fast.
Rae scanned the room, seeing people of all ages sitting there, not minding them one bit. Sighing, she looked back at Daddy to see him smiling at her and already holding his phone out for her.
No one is going to bother us or make fun of you, I promise. You remember Dr. Peterson, Doc’s friend. He is very friendly to this lifestyle and makes sure that his office is a safe place for everyone who comes here. He wouldn’t allow any bullying to happen in his office.
“But still.” She looked down at her hands and began playing with them.
Daddy pulled her into his arms, gently patting her back as they sat and waited to be called in. Ever so slightly, her body started to relax. First, her shoulders dropped as she snuggled into Daddy, then her breathing became easier, and lastly her eyes started to droop as he continued.
Dr. Peterson smiled at her as he walked into the room. She forced a smile and gripped Daddy’s hand tighter. It was time. They were actually going to activate her cochlear implant, and Rae wasn’t even remotely ready for it to happen.
Hi, Rae. It’s nice to see you again. How has everything been? Dr. Peterson showed her his phone screen.
“Good,” she shyly said. “I’m a little nervous.”
That’s okay. Everyone is a little nervous when they come into the office for their activation.
Some people even get nervous when they are just coming in for one of their mapping visits.
But everything is going to be okay. We are going to get through this, and by the end of the appointment, you may be able to hear again.
And it slightly terrified her that she would be able to. It had been so many years, and part of her was slowly forgetting what things sounded like.
The first thing we’re going to do is connect your external processor and then sync it to your phone. Once we get that and the magnet’s strength correct, we'll turn it on and start the first mapping. Do you want me to explain it step by step?
“Please,” she almost begged him.
She didn’t like being in the dark about things. Edmund loved doing that and put her through hell by always staying alert and trying to figure out his next move.
When we turn it on, it’s going to be loud.
It might be uncomfortable, but we are going to work on figuring out where you need things to be.
We’ll start with some tests where you’ll hear buzzes, beeps, or tones, and you’re going to let me know if it’s too loud, okay, or if it needs to be louder.
It might take some time, but we are going to get through it together.
You can hold your Daddy’s hand the whole time if you need to. Do you have any questions?
Rae thought about it for several seconds before shaking her head.
“Wait,” she quickly said when Dr. Peterson went to write on his phone. “Will I be able to hear his voice right away?”
Just the thought of hearing Butch say a full sentence brought tears to Rae’s eyes. How long had she longed to hear him talk to her?
Not really. It’s different for everyone and what they experience their first time, but we’ll get it to where you’ll be able to hear his voice.
“What will I hear?” she asked.
Some people say it’s like a buzz, robotic, or high-pitched sounds. But with the mapping and figuring out what you can and can’t hear, we’re going to get it so you can hear his voice. Don’t worry. Any more questions?
“Not right now,” she replied and grabbed Daddy’s hand.
Things were starting to get real now as Dr. Peterson started to unbox her external processor, making her hand tighten around Daddy’s. Before she knew it, Dr. Peterson was attaching it and making sure everything sat nicely.
Are you doing okay?
“Yes,” she whispered, already feeling overwhelmed.
If that changes and you need a couple of seconds to regroup, let me know. I know this day can be a lot, and I don’t want to add to the stress. Promise me?
“I promise.”
We’re going to pair your processor to your smartphone now, and then we are going to activate it and start going through the tests, but I’ll let you know when we start to do that.
She nodded and carefully watched as Dr. Peterson synced her processor with her app and typed notes for her to remember.
“Daddy?” she whispered and looked up at him. “Will you help me remember?”
Daddy ran his hands down her hair and nodded. Her shoulders dropped as she looked back at Dr. Peterson. Rae was going to try her hardest to remember everything, but it was starting to get overwhelming with all this new information.
We’re going to start with the short tones to figure out what’s too soft, too loud, and comfortable.
Then, when we get it all figured out, you’ll come back in a month so we can change anything that you notice.
After that, it’ll be three months, six months, and then at the year mark.
After the year mark, I’ll see you twice a year to see how it’s going and if we need to change anything. Any questions?
Rae shook her head, tightening her hold on her Daddy’s hand as Dr. Peterson gave her the thumbs-up.
“I’m ready, but I’m not,” she said as the doctor turned to his computer. “It’s new, and I’m scared.”
Looking up at Daddy, he gave her an encouraging smile before she looked at the doctor. It was now or never.
“O-okay,” she whispered. “I’m ready.”