Chapter 13
RAELYNN
Tears ran down Raelynn’s face as she looked at Daddy. It had been a full day since her cochlear implant had been activated. To say she was overwhelmed was an understatement. She was exhausted, and all she wanted to do was rip it off her head so that she could have a moment of silence.
She had just finished watching the videos the doctor wanted her to, so that she got used to hearing things. It was a daily exercise, and today was the first day, and she already wanted to throw in the towel.
“What’s wrong, Little Fairy?” Daddy asked.
“I don’t want to do this any longer,” she declared. “I don’t think I can do this any longer. It’s too much. I’m so tired, and I just want to take it off. Can I take it off?”
Daddy sat in front of her on the ground. “I know you don’t, but you have to. You need to put in some hard work in the beginning, and then after that it’ll be better.”
“Can I take it off?” she asked again.
Daddy shook his head. “Not right now. Doctor Peterson said you need to keep it on for as long as possible during the day. But what we can do is sit on the couch and I can hold you so close to me silently. Does that sound okay? Or do you want some Little time, and we just be quiet together, and I’ll take care of you? ”
She crawled into Daddy’s lap and snuggled into his chest. What did she want? Rae didn’t want to make any decisions right now.
Daddy hummed. “How about I just take control, and you can go into Little space if you want? How does that sound?”
She nodded and closed her eyes.
“Such a good Little Fairy,” he whispered and kissed the top of her head.
“And if you want to go non-verbal, then you can. Daddy is going to take care of you, no matter what. But if you do, I want you to know that if you try to take off the external processor, there will be consequences. Do you understand?”
She sighed. “Yes.”
“Good. Now, we haven’t talked about punishments yet, what you are okay with now, and what is a hard limit. Do you want to do that now, or do you want to wait, and if you do anything bad, the punishment will happen later?”
Rae wiggled in his lap as unease filled her.
“Tell Daddy,” he encouraged her.
“I don’t want to wait,” she wailed out of nowhere.
“I don’t want to wait for a punishment because then the icky feelings won’t go away and will grow in my stomach.
What if it grows so much that it plants something, and then I’ll need surgery or something?
But I also don’t want to have the anxious feeling of not knowing when it comes. ”
“What happened?” Daddy asked. “What did that man do to you?”
Raelynn flinched and pushed her face into his chest. When they had been together in high school, she liked not knowing when the punishment was coming.
While the guilt built, Daddy also knew when to catch her off guard and let her release all her emotions.
But now… now she couldn’t bear the thought of waiting and not knowing when it would come.
“I… Nothing happened,” she whispered.
Daddy cupped her face, forcing them to look at each other. “Something happened. You and I both know it. Can you tell Daddy what happened?”
She shrugged and tried to look away, but he kept a firm grip on her face.
“Tell Daddy,” he encouraged her. “I’m not going to get mad at you. I’m not going to do anything but listen and comfort you.”
“Later?” she asked.
His eyes narrowed. “Are you just trying to get out of it and hope that I forget?”
Guilt overtook her, and she nodded. “Yes.”
“Baby, Little Fairy. Everything is going to be okay,” he gently said.
“I just don’t want you to do something stupid and try to find him. He’s dangerous. He knows dangerous people, and we just found each other. I don’t know if I can survive knowing you either died or are in jail.”
“I promise I won’t do anything this time,” he replied.
“When I did something wrong, he used to make my punishments a surprise. Sometimes it would be in the middle of the night when I was asleep. Sometimes it would be in the middle of eating or when I was in a vulnerable mental state. He liked to toy with me and see how much of a reaction he could get out of me,” Rae explained, the words spilling out faster than she could talk.
“And eventually I was always on edge, trying to keep my guard up so I didn’t get hurt. ”
“Was this before or after he hurt you and made you hearing impaired?” Daddy asked.
“It was before. It only got worse when I couldn’t hear him.” Her voice cracked. “I don’t want to talk about this any longer. I just want to forget and not think or make any decisions.”
Daddy kissed her forehead. “Okay, Little Fairy. Thank you for telling me. Daddy is so proud of you.”
Raelynn just wanted to forget about everything. She wanted Daddy to take care of her and help to push everything away, so she didn’t have to even think about it once.
“Can I now be Little?” she whispered.
Daddy nodded. “Anything for my Little Fairy.”
She snuggled into his chest and let out a sigh of contentment.
“Such a good girl,” he praised her. “Why don’t we go sit on the rocking chair in your room while I feed you?”
Daddy stood up with her in his arms as he walked into the kitchen and got everything he needed.
“Hmm, does my Little Fairy want to be swaddled?” he asked.
Rae didn’t want to make any decisions today, and she knew Daddy wasn’t really asking her, but the thought of him asking a question had her gripping onto his shirt a little tighter.
“It’s okay, Little Fairy. Daddy is going to swaddle you. If you need to get out, then we’ll come up with something to do so you don’t have to speak,” he explained as he walked into a room.
Her eyes briefly scanned the smaller room to see a crib in the back corner and a rocking chair in the left corner. But there wasn’t much else in the room.
“This room is supposed to be yours. I got these things because I figured you would like them, but I didn’t want to get anything else, and you wouldn’t like it.
I honestly wanted to go out with you to figure out what you wanted to put in your room.
I wanted you to have the freedom and not feel like you had to say yes to something because I had already bought it,” Daddy said as he sat in the chair, placing her sideways on his lap.
Rae’s head was in the crook of his arm as she looked up at him.
“Daddy isn’t going to swaddle you right now.
I don’t want you to be drinking and not be able to tell me if you need to stop,” Daddy explained.
“But after we can swaddle you. I think I even got an adult-size wrap, so if you wanted to be on my front or back while I do things around the house, then you can be. Daddy doesn’t know if he wants you to be away from me for a long period of time. ”
Her arms relaxed against her body as she snuggled into his body. He was saying all the right things. It was like he was reading her mind. Rae didn’t want to be far away from him… not when everything was still overwhelming, and she just wanted to crawl into a hole and not see anyone.
“I think when you’re particularly feeling small, we can do that.
That way, neither one of us has to be away from each other.
I like that idea, and I think we’re going to have to do it quite a bit.
Or maybe when you’re feeling that Little, I’ll just make sure to have everything in one room, so we don’t have to leave,” Daddy said as he pushed the nipple into her mouth.
Raelynn started to suckle as she looked up at Daddy. Things were going a lot better than she had thought they were. It had been many years since they had done this together, yet it felt like yesterday when they were in high school.
“Daddy also thinks that, from now on, we’ll stay close to each other.
I don’t know if I want to be far away from you.
I know I won’t be able to take you with me if I have to go on a club run, but I will be leaving you in good hands, so neither one of us has to worry a ton.
I’m never not going to worry about you, but maybe it’ll get easier to have somebody look after you if I have to go somewhere. ”
Tears glistened in her eyes as she thought of Daddy leaving her. She didn’t want to be away from him. She didn’t want him to get into trouble. What if something happened to him and she didn’t find out for a while, or he was in a different state and she couldn’t come to him before he died?
“Little Fairy. We are not thinking about that. We’re going to think about what you want to do when you get used to hearing all these sounds again.
Do you want to go visit the clubhouse? Do you want to go get ice cream?
Do you want to go to a zoo?” Daddy asked.
“I think when you’re comfortable, it will take three or four days to be able to do everything you want.
I’m thinking we could go to the zoo and get all the food you want there, and then get ice cream the following day, and we can both get a stomachache.
Well, that wouldn’t make me a good Daddy if I allowed that. ”
Rae listened to Daddy as he talked to her about anything and everything. It soothed her, knowing that Daddy was there and paying attention to her.
“It’s okay, Little Fairy. Daddy is going to swaddle you and keep you close,” Daddy said as she whined when he sat up from the rocking chair.
He held her one-handed as he did something on the ground. Before she knew it, she was being placed on top of a blanket.
“If at any point you need to get out, you can tell me, but if you don’t want to speak, how about you bat your eyelashes at me a bajillion times?
That way I know it’s serious and will get you out of this as soon as possible,” Daddy said as he started to wrap the blanket around her.
“Can you nod or blink twice to let me know you understand?”
Rae blinked twice, and a smile blossomed across Daddy’s face. She wanted to keep that smile on his face forever. It lit him up in a way she hadn’t seen since their high-school days, when he didn’t know he was leaving and everything was perfectly fine and safe.
“Such a good Little Fairy. My good Little girl. You and I are going to rock in the rocking chair until one of us gets tired of it,” he said as he picked her up.
Daddy didn’t know that she was willing to do anything if it meant she got to be close to him forever. He was everything to her, and she was happy just being near him.
“Daddy is going to tell you a story about a man who had to leave his Little behind and how he went searching for her every single day after a year,” Daddy said.
“Hmm, but I think maybe I should tell you a different story. A story about a girl taking her chance with a Daddy. One Daddy who didn’t deem himself worthy of anybody, especially not taking care of that Little girl. ”
Rae listened to him, letting his soothing voice lull her into a dreamless sleep.