Chapter 10
“Stranger In My House” by Tamia
Alani didn’t know why her heart cracked when he walked out the door. It felt like a permanent goodbye, like he was leaving her in a strange land she didn’t know how to navigate. This house intimidated her. She watched him leave and then reluctantly sat at the table Mara had prepared.
Alani grabbed the fork. “Thank you for this,” she begrudged. She was polite despite hating the fact that Mara had taken over her kitchen. “Wow, this is pretty good,” she admitted begrudgingly.
“Thanks. I’m glad you like it, Alani,” Mara replied with a warm smile.
Alani let her guard down a bit. “I’m sorry if I’m defensive.
I just feel like such a guest here,” she admitted.
The sprawling Okafor estate was beautiful, but it felt so impersonal as she looked around the perfectly designed space.
The home was like something out of a magazine.
It was bright and filled with neutral-colored walls, carpet, and furniture.
It was modern, with its top-notch finishes, but grounded with natural woods and stone accents throughout.
It looked like the perfect family lived between these walls.
A man and wife, with children who went to private schools and attended church each Sunday.
It was almost true, except for the fact that a gangster inhabited these walls.
Alani wished Ethic had been able to stay. She didn’t quite know what to do with herself in his absence.
“You’re not a guest here,” Eazy said. “This is your home.”
“You moved in and literally threw all the old furniture out. You redesigned everything. You said you didn’t want anything in here that was left over from somebody else. Daddy let you have your way with every detail. You love this house,” Bella added.
“Yeah, you even changed the dishes!” Eazy added. “We wrote on them, then broke them into a million pieces. It was so much fun!”
“Why did we do that?” Alani asked, confused.
“Because you like to make a memory of everything,” Bella laughed. “We wrote down what we wanted to let go of with a Sharpie marker, then we tossed them onto the floor. The contractors charged Daddy extra for the cleanup.”
Alani laughed and shook her head. “Sounds like we made a mess.”
“We did,” Bella co-signed. “But it was perfect. Everything under this roof is Alani-coded. It’s not even the same when you’re not here.”
“See,” Mara added. “You’re the queen of the castle, Mrs. Okafor.”
Alani scoffed and smiled at Mara’s attempt to reassure.
She sensed some sarcasm in her tone, but with Bella and Eazy, she felt nothing but warmth.
They were welcoming and loving in a way that made Alani feel needed.
Even if she couldn’t quite remember the ways she filled space in their lives.
They finished their meal, and then Mara helped Alani into the family room.
“You guys can relax. I’ll clean up this mess and take baby True to her nursery.”
“Can you bring me the monitor, please?” Alani asked.
“Of course,” Mara agreed.
“I think Lily should be here soon,” Bella said.
“Oh, yes, I forgot to inform Ethic, but Lily called before you guys arrived. She won’t be able to start right away, which is why I’m here for 24-hour care for the time being, but no worries. I’ve got it covered. You guys relax while I get this little one settled,” Mara informed.
Alani hated how immobile she was. It was so hard to care for herself, let alone her baby girl. Her heart ached a bit as she watched Mara carry True up the stairs.
Alani sank into the cushions of the couch as Bella and Eazy gathered around.
“Here’s your favorite throw blanket and your fuzzy socks,” Eazy offered. He sat on the floor in front of her and grabbed the remote control for the TV.
“You guys don’t have to sit here with me. I promise I’m okay. What would you normally be doing on a Saturday afternoon?” she asked.
“Sitting here with you,” Eazy answered as he turned on the screen. “We always spend Saturdays with you. You make us breakfast, and we watch old shows from the olden days and work in your greenhouse on Saturdays.”
“Shows from the olden days?” Alani was amused. “What shows might that be?”
“You’ve got us streaming the original Fresh Prince. Bel-Air came out, and you told us about the first one, so we’ve been binging the seasons.”
“And that’s considered old?” Alani protested. “It’s a classic! Classic is different than old.”
“If that makes you feel better,” Bella teased, smiling.
“It’s really funny, though,” Eazy piped up.
“Thank you, Big Man! At least somebody knows good TV around here.” Alani threw up her hands in faux despair.
“But it’s kinda old too,” Eazy added.
“I’ll show you old,” Alani laughed, squeezing Eazy’s collarbone playfully and tickling him. He laughed, and Alani showered him with a relentless finger attack. Eazy flopped around, yelling and howling for dear life. The house seemed smaller with the sounds of laughter filling it.
“Eazy, be careful with her,” Bella fussed. Eazy was all boy all the time. “Eazy!”
Bella’s tone caused Alani and Eazy to pause. “Just stop before you hurt her! She’s barely better! You’re playing too much!”
Alani heard the anger in Bella’s voice, but most of all her words reflected fear.
“Bella, baby, I’m fine,” Alani said. “I won’t break.”
“You’re not fine! You almost died! You almost left us, and you didn’t even come back the same. Everything’s messed up now!” The earnestness in Bella’s tone told Alani that her condition was troubling Bella deeply.
The look of sadness on Bella’s and Eazy’s faces brought the weight of her situation down on Alani’s shoulders. They had been so helpful and supportive of her recovery that Alani had missed how afraid they truly were.
Alani used all her strength to reposition herself on the couch, making room for them on both sides of her. “Alright, come here, you guys,” she said, patting the open seats.
“I’m really sorry for playing rough,” Eazy stated.
“Don’t be sorry, Eazy. I’m okay,” Alani stressed.
“I’m not made of glass. Come on, come closer.
” She beckoned them, and they climbed into her space.
“Your sister is just worried. A big thing happened in our lives. It’s okay to have big feelings.
You’ve carried a lot since all this happened, Bella.
” Bella leaned her head on Alani’s shoulder, and Alani wrapped them both in love.
With her arm around Bella’s shoulder and Eazy’s head resting in her lap, she soothed them.
“I’m getting better every day. You don’t have to be afraid.
I might not be as strong as I was before, but I promise you that it’s going to get better.
” Alani could feel the tension and stress radiating off them, and she promised herself right then and there that she would do everything she could to recover as fast as possible, even if that meant allowing Mara to stay.
“What if you never get all your memories back? It doesn’t feel like you love us the same,” Eazy admitted.
“Oh, baby boy.” Alani couldn’t explain how or why her heart turned to mush.
No, she didn’t remember, but here she was, destroyed because Eazy was hurting.
That was muscle memory. It had to be. Love was exercised, and clearly, she never missed a day with these kids because her love for them was strong.
Blind love. Instinctual love. A mother’s love.
“Love is funny in the way it keeps record.”
“What do you mean?” Bella asked.
“Well, it’s not always a direct memory. I may not be able to recall the big things, but love is recorded in the little things, too.
The way my heart races nervously when your father walks in the room.
The way I can tell when you’re awake and about to knock on my room door every morning before you even make a sound,” she said to Eazy, nudging his shoulder with her own.
“The way I instinctively play thumb war, whenever you hold my hand. Or the way my ears perk up when I hear you outside with the other kids on Susan Street. Even if you’re a few houses down, I can pick you out of the crowd.
” She turned to Bella. “Or the way I automatically feel pure joy whenever you walk into a room. My mind may be a little foggy, but the heart is a muscle, and my muscle memory is filled with all of you. My body reacts to the two of you as if I birthed you myself. I don’t need to remember to know that I love y’all.
It’s just there. It’s a muscle, and it was exercised often because it’s still strong even now that my mind is weak,” Alani explained.
“How is that possible?” Bella asked, confused.
“Love isn’t a game of the mind. It’s one of the heart.
” Alani shrugged. “The mind can say one thing, and the heart will speak a completely different language. I love you guys very much. I feel it so strongly that my heart heals a little whenever you’re around.
I’ve lost a lot, and I’m trying to figure out how to accept that.
It makes me sad thinking about certain things in my old life, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not appreciative of each of you.
I’m sorry if my health makes you feel uncertain.
I’ll do better because I do love you, and I want you to be certain about that. ”
“It felt like our entire world would end, when you wouldn’t wake up,” Bella admitted. “I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared. I just feel like you’re going to close your eyes one of these nights and not wake up.”