Chapter 10 #2
“Sweet girl.” Alani cupped Bella’s chin with one gentle hand.
She had noticed that Bella was always on call, always caring for her around the clock.
She was never far, and if Alani needed anything, Bella was on top of it.
“I’m right here. You can rest, Bella. You don’t have to take care of me or feel like you have to watch me every second of every day.
I’m going to get better.” Bella had been attached to her at the hip since she had awakened.
Eazy too. They took shifts sitting with her, and as she took in their faces, she noticed for the first time how exhausted they looked.
Worry and stress adorned them. “It’s not your job to take care of me, guys.
It’s mine to take care of the two of you. Come on.”
She lifted the plush throw that covered her and invited them in.
“How about today we just rest? We lay here, watching shows from the olden days,” she said, nudging Eazy playfully. “And we just let it be a normal day. God has a plan for this family, and it doesn’t end in loss, sickness, or grief. That sound okay?” Alani asked.
Bella placed her nose to Alani’s cheek and closed her eyes as she inhaled her scent. Alani leaned into Bella lovingly and caressed the top of Eazy’s head.
“Thank you for being our mom, even when you’re hurting,” Bella whispered.
Alani ached for this type of connection. Motherhood was her favorite role, and while Eazy, Bella, and True were love personified, her mind couldn’t help but drift to Kenzie.
“That’s what a mother does,” Alani answered. She was hesitant to say the words that were floating in her mind, but she couldn’t stop herself. “Bella, did you guys ever meet Kenzie?”
Bella’s anxiety skyrocketed, and her chest tightened. “No, I didn’t get to meet her.”
“I met her once in a dream,” Eazy said.
Alani felt the frog building in her throat. “Was she happy in your dream?”
Bella’s soft hand touched Alani’s cheek, clearing the renegade tear that was running from her eye.
“She was smiling, so I think she was,” Eazy said.
Alani squeezed her eyes closed tightly, fighting to stop the sob from escaping her chest. She hurriedly swiped at her tears and cleared her throat.
“Good, that’s good, Eazy. If she ever comes to you in a dream again, tell her I miss her and that I’m sorry and that I love her,” Alani whispered. “Will you do that for me?”
Eazy nodded. “I will,” he replied.
“Okay,” Alani sighed as she tried to release the grief she held and hide her sorrow. “Let’s turn on the show.” Her attempt to feign wholeness was futile. She was in pieces, and Eazy and Bella were picking them up off the floor.
“It’s okay. You can cry.” Eazy’s grace made Alani squeeze him tighter, and she found herself in the middle of two amazing little humans.
“I’m really sorry she’s not here,” Bella whispered.
There was a guilt building in Bella’s chest because with one question, Alani had pulled Bella into the middle of a huge web of lies.
Bella and Alani had always been honest with each other.
Bella trusted Alani more than anyone in the world, and she felt terrible for knowing the truth about Kenzie.
Bella would be lying if she said that she was only protecting her father.
She was protecting herself as well. She needed Alani in her life.
She knew that if Alani had to relive the death of Kenzie, it was a good chance that Alani would leave for good.
Bella couldn’t chance that, so she became an accomplice to Ethic’s greatest sin.
It was hard, but it was necessary, and Bella told herself it was for everybody’s good.
Bella had been dying for this version of Alani to re-emerge from the fog, only to be confronted with a truth so ugly she was afraid to face her.
“Me too,” Alani responded. She wondered what life would have been like had Kenzie been a part of her existence in Ethicland.
Would the blending of their children have been seamless, or would they have struggled to make each piece fit?
Would Eazy have protected Kenzie wholeheartedly?
Would Bella be the perfect example? Would Kenzie have spent time with Mo and the twins?
What would her room have been like in this mansion?
How would Ethic have been with a child that he hadn’t fathered?
Would Kenzie have loved him? Alani yearned to know this dynamic, but her reality was bleaker.
She was rich in love from this family, but the sacrifice she made along the way was devastating.
She would never get over the loss of a child.
Even when days were good, they were equally bad because her loss knew no end.
Even with memory loss, she didn’t forget. “She would have loved it here.”
“What was she like?” Eazy asked.
“Eazy!” Bella chastised.
“It’s okay,” Alani said. “Kenzie was the sweetest baby girl. She was so kind and funny. She was the easiest baby ever. Nannie kept prepping me for sleepless nights and how tired I would be after she was born, but she was so peaceful. I remember being so obsessed with her that I would just watch her sleep for hours.” Alani’s voice was small but held so much joy that it made Eazy smile.
“She was the most beautiful baby. The day she was born was the first day I ever felt true love.”
“And you remember her? How come you can’t remember us?” Eazy asked. “Is it because we’re not your real kids?” Eazy asked.
Alani shook her head. “No, Eazy, that can’t be true,” Alani reassured. “You are my babies. I chose you, and I will keep choosing you forever and a day.”
That seemed to comfort him, but when she looked at Bella, there was turmoil in her eyes.
Before she could probe the source of Bella’s distress, Eazy asked another question that knocked her off her feet.
“Do you remember Love?”
“Eazy, shut up!” Bella snapped.
Alani felt a tug in her soul at just the mention of Love’s name. “Bella, don’t talk to him like that,” Alani chastised. “Now, who is Love?”
Alani could tell that Eazy was now afraid to speak up.
“Bella?” Alani asked.
“It’s not our place to tell you things that will hurt you more,” Bella whined.
Alani braced herself. “Bella, who is Love?” Her voice was stern and elevated, almost panicked.
She felt the answer before it was spoken. It resonated throughout her entire body. Grief was tricky that way. It was triggered easily, and it was rising within her. The sadness that filled Bella’s eyes didn’t help.
“Excuse me, guys, maybe you should save this conversation for your dad.” Mara suddenly appeared in the doorway, and she held up the baby monitor for Alani.
“I’m sorry, what?” Alani shot back. “This really doesn’t concern you, Mara.”
Mara shifted uncomfortably, motioning an open and unthreatening hand towards Bella and Eazy.
“You seem agitated, and I just want to make sure we’re keeping things calm. You have some questions, and maybe your husband can provide more clarity than your kids,” Mara gently suggested.
“The comings and goings in this home isn’t your job, Mara. I’m talking to my kids,” Alani said.
“She’s crying,” Mara said softly.
Alani looked down at Bella and Eazy. Her breath caught as sudden dread tightened her chest.
“Oh, Bella,” Alani whispered. “I’m sorry. Eazy, nooo,” she consoled. “Baby, come here.” Alani pulled them close.
“Are you mad?” Eazy asked.
“No, Eazy, never. I’m not mad,” Alani whispered. “Why are you crying, Bella?”
“I just don’t want to bring back bad memories for you,” Bella admitted truthfully.
Bella knew the horror that was hiding in the shadows of the Okafor household.
It had taken her a lot of long talks with her father and many sessions with her uncle, Nyair, to even process the circumstances that led to Alani being in their lives.
It wasn’t a truth that was easily digestible.
She loved her father fiercely, and Alani was the biggest blessing to happen to them all, but the tragedy that brought her to them was haunting.
Bella thought of Kenzie often. The guilt she felt for the love Alani gave her was something she never spoke of.
She knew it was all supposed to go to a little girl that her father had accidentally hurt, and as she watched Alani grieve over the years, Bella grieved with her silently, always being a supportive love, a supplemental love.
Bella worked just as hard as Ethic to feed Alani’s heart.
No one knew it, but her worst fear was thinking about the day Alani would wake up and decide she couldn’t be with Ethic anymore. The threat felt closer than ever.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, guys. Everything’s fine. I just want to remember my life. It feels like I’m missing so many important details. You said the name Love, and my entire body came alive. I’m sorry for being pushy.”
“Bella, why don’t you go get that measuring tape and suit so I can take care of Eazy,” Mara suggested.
Alani’s feelings were shattered when they stood up and walked away from her.
She planted her face in her hands in distress as she willed herself not to cry.
“I’m sorry for overstepping,” Mara said.
“Just go away,” Alani whispered as she stood to her feet. Mara went to assist, and Alani held up a hand in protest. “I’ve got it. Please, just let me do it myself.”
Mara stood back, feeling conflicted as her eyes followed Alani’s every step. Mara’s gaze stayed fixed as anxiety clawed at her throat. If Alani fell, she would be fired, and she couldn’t afford to lose her place in the Okafor household. She had a job to do, and she was determined to complete it
“You’re on your feet without a walker. You’ve been pushing yourself all day. This isn’t helping anything. The inflammation alone from your muscles being overworked is probably very painful by now. You’re going to land yourself back in the hospital.”