Chapter 18 #2
“You’re really good with her,” Ethic said, peering curiously at Mara as she pushed back and forth, while True rested against her. “Do you have children? I guess I just assumed you didn’t because you’re so available for us.”
“Oh no, no kids,” Mara said. “Something about the responsibility has always terrified me. Having to feed them and teach them and keep them safe. God forbid if something ever happened to them. I wouldn’t be able to live with that. So, I’m the rich auntie. I’m very good at that role.”
Ethic chuckled and folded his arms as he leaned against the doorframe.
“She’s so beautiful,” Mara said. “She looks a lot like Bella.”
“She does,” Ethic agreed proudly.
“You look tired. Is there anything I can do to take something off your plate?” Mara asked, frowning up at him as she rubbed circles into True’s back.
“You’re doing everything I need you to do. Taking care of my wife and my baby,” Ethic’s tone was appreciative, endearing.
“I’ll do whatever you need me to do. Please don’t hesitate to ask. It must be hard to care for everyone, and not have anyone to care for you. Where do you go when you can’t be strong?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never not been strong,” Ethic replied.
Mara bit her bottom lip, and a smile spread wide across her face. “Okay, Mr. Okafor. We all have our moments,” she teased. “A blind man can see that you’re strong. Everybody deserves to slip sometimes. If you ever need a soft place to land. Just know, I can take care of you, too.”
Am I fucking tripping? Ethic thought, brow lifting in astonishment.
Mara was so professional that he almost thought his arrogance was leading his thoughts.
Any other woman and Ethic would have thought she was throwing pussy his way.
Or maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t gotten his dick wet since before Alani had the baby that had his mind in the gutter.
He loved his wife dearly, but he was still a man, and to not notice Mara was to pretend the sky was not blue.
He didn’t want to read too much into it and make himself look foolish, so he let it ride.
“I’m good. You do more than enough,” Ethic said.
“You mind if I take her?” he asked.
“Of course,” Mara said. “Daddy’s here,” she cooed as she stood and handed True off to him.
Ethic received love in human form. He remembered when he hadn’t believed in God, but this little doll was breathing proof that someone was pulling strings upstairs.
“You make beautiful children,” Mara said, scoffing.
“This is all Lenika,” he said, unable to pull his eyes away from True.
“When you get some time, I’d like to go over Alani’s course of treatment,” Mara said.
Ethic glanced up. “I got time now.”
“Well, I know she’s doing well physically, but I think it might be wise to invest some time into mental health services,” Mara suggested.
The words snatched his attention away from his daughter.
“Is that a concern?” he asked.
“A bit, but it’s not uncommon with this type of brain injury,” Mara said. “She seems a little volatile with me sometimes. Seeing things that’s not there. Irrational fears. Paranoia. Sometimes, even recalling things that didn’t happen. She said you…” Mara paused.
“She seems to think or suspect that you’re not who you say you are,” Mara finished.
Ethic’s blood ran cold.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. It’s a completely irrational thought, but she’s just exhibiting symptoms that are concerning.
Yes, her legs are working, but she’s not well, Ethic.
Sometimes I worry about her with your daughter.
I found her mumbling something about teaching you a lesson.
She was just staring at True, leaning over her and caressing her cheek, but she kept mumbling that she wanted to show Daddy how it feels to lose a heartbeat. Does that make sense to you?”
Ethic couldn’t identify where the air was in the room.
“When was this, Mara?” Ethic asked.
“This morning,” Mara answered. “But I’ve noticed little things since she’s come home. Postpartum is real. Depression and psychosis are real after having a baby. She’s been through a lot of trauma. I just want you to be aware.”
“Received, Mara. Thank you,” he said. “You mind giving me and my princess a little time?”
“Of course. I’ll go get dinner started and check on all that screaming your son and grandson are doing.”
He nodded, and once he was alone, he pulled True to his chest.
Her eyes were like pools of the purest innocence. She was so calm in his embrace. She was tiny and warm, and he could feel her sweet breath against his neck. He sat in the nursery, alone, fearing the conversation happening rooms away and reflecting on the one he had just had with Mara.
They had felt like a warning, an omen. Mara had made Ethic feel like Alani may not be mentally sound enough to care for their daughter.
Like she was a danger to True, and that soured on his gut.
The room was still, but his soul was busy.
His mind was a war zone, and several battles were being fought simultaneously.
Yara. Alani. Kenzie. Morgan. A massacre of guilt and unwanted memories tore him apart until he could barely distinguish reality from his fears of what hadn’t occurred yet.
Anxiety. He had adopted it, and it was crippling.
Everything about True reminded him of the daughter they’d lost. She wasn’t his, but she should have been.
Kenzie should have been under his roof, running around, contributing to the noise.
Instead, she was in the ground. The brutality of that fact never softened.
And if Alani had paranoia about him surrounding her daughter, he couldn’t say shit because her paranoia was merely sirens telling her to be alarmed.
He couldn’t convict her of instability when he was the monster hiding in plain sight.
Mara had indicated that Alani could be harmful to his children, not once, but twice.
Mara was notating behavior that was concerning.
Alani was losing herself, spiraling under the pressure of recovery and grief.
The embolism had left her susceptible to depression, and his worry was real.
Ethic was the last person who could write her off as crazy.
He knew what it felt like when a mind was breaking under the pressure of a truth it couldn’t fully hold.
He lived with that shit daily. He couldn’t call her crazy when he knew Alani was just feeling what was hidden behind the walls of this home.
He just wanted to save her, but how could he do the task when he needed to save her from himself?
“How you holding up?” Nyair asked.
“I have no idea,” Alani sighed. “I feel like I’m completely losing my mind.”
“You got to give yourself some grace, La,” Nyair soothed as he stood before her, hands tucked in his jacket pockets.
The wrinkles in his forehead and sympathy in his eyes embarrassed Alani.
“You seem to be getting around a lot better. You’re independent.
Always hated to need somebody. It’s okay to need your people and let them take care of you right now. ”
“Something doesn’t feel right about me being here, Ny. This isn’t a house. It’s a prison,” Alani whispered, eyes watering.
Nyair was a man caught in the middle.
“I promise you, it isn’t,” Nyair’s answer was certain, calm.
“He hid my dead son from me. The kids walk around here, tiptoeing around me. They all choose their words so carefully.” She went down the mental list that had been building. “I called Nannie, and she fussed me, Nyair. Like if I kept digging, I was going to find something.”
“So maybe you should take heed,” Nyair answered.
“You think we would allow you to be here if you weren’t loved well?
You think I would let you be with a man I thought would hurt you?
Ethic would erase every inch of a man’s life over you.
He’s erased every threat or inconvenience in your life since the day he met you, except the one he couldn’t see.
He couldn’t protect you from this complication, and we all see how hard this is for you.
You can’t remember how much you love these people, but you do, Alani.
You weren’t okay for a long time before you met Ethic. ”
Alani huffed in frustration as she pulled the covers off and slowly arose from the bed.
“What are you doing, La? Get back in bed,” Nyair reasoned.
“No, Ny!” she whispered harshly. “I’m not tripping. My intuition is screaming at me to listen.”
She was louder than she meant to be, and Nyair watched her struggle as she made her way to the dresser.
“I found Kenzie’s autopsy in his safe, Nyair. Why would he have that? I don’t even know if I can trust him.”
“You can,” Nyair said. “He loves you very much.”
“That’s not weird to you, though? To have an autopsy report hidden away? Look, I’ll show you.”
She pulled open the top drawer, and her heart sank when all she saw was undergarments.
“Where is it?” she whispered to herself. “Nyair, it was in here! He moved it! He had to!”
“Just calm down,” Nyair said, taking a step in her direction.
Alani pulled out the few items that occupied the drawer. “It was here!”
“Alani, baby…” Ethic’s voice brought instant tears to her eyes as she looked to the door, where he suddenly appeared. “Everything okay in here? You’re screaming.”
“Did you take it?” The question came out like an accusation, and she swallowed hard as a cry built inside her.
“Take what?” Ethic asked, genuinely confused. Alani’s eyes bore into his.
“I found Kenzie’s autopsy report, Ethic.”
“Lenika…” Ethic stood there, holding her child, their child. The only one she had left.
“Why did you have it?” she asked.
“I don’t have it, baby,” Ethic said as he glanced at Nyair. “I’ve never had it. You never ordered an autopsy, Alani.”
Alani’s eyes shifted from Ethic to Nyair, and it cut him that she needed confirmation from someone else to find truth in his words.
“He’s right. There was no autopsy, La,” Nyair confirmed.