Chapter 7
Noah
“I don’t know how it works in Germany, but wasn’t it possible to track down your parents? With your first name and date of birth, they should have been able to find your birth certificate.”
Luca shakes his head, his lips pressed together. “In the small town where I was found, there was no Luca with my birthday, and across Germany there were too many. Luca isn’t exactly a rare name.”
I hardly dare ask what happened next, knowing that what he’s hinted at recently didn’t sound like a fairy tale. “So what happened to you then?”
“I don’t remember, but according to my file, I was placed in a temporary care facility. The plan was to find an adoptive family quickly.”
“What went wrong?” My voice is quiet, I don’t even know why. No one cares about us, we’re lost in the anonymity of the huge campus, and yet this conversation feels incredibly intimate.
“According to the records, I was quickly placed with a family who, with a heavy heart, had to give me up after three months.” With both hands, he puts “with a heavy heart” in quotation marks, a bitter smile playing around his lips.
I’d like to ask him why. What has to happen to not be able to keep a two-and-a-half-year-old?
“I wouldn’t settle in at daycare. I couldn’t be separated from my foster mother, and she had to go back to work. ”
What does it do to a child to be abandoned twice in a row?
When I was little, my parents were great.
I have many wonderful childhood memories until I was about eight and my father realized that I’m not good at soccer or other sports, that I argue with words rather than using my elbows to get my way, and that I’d rather lose myself in the world of books than compete with the other boys.
Since then, I only exist when I’m needed.
On occasions when it would be strange if their only child wasn’t present, like my father’s sixtieth birthday.
“You see, I know what it feels like to be alone. For twelve years, I was the boy nobody wanted, shuffled back and forth between group homes and foster families all over Germany. Then I came to my fathers, who hadn’t actually planned on having a third child but still wanted to give me a chance.
For the first time in my life, I was with people who had consciously chosen me, who wanted this to work out and did everything they could to make it happen.
Everything I am, I owe to this family.” Luca’s voice trembles as he says the last words, and I have to swallow hard to get rid of the lump in my throat.
Maybe I was wrong after all, maybe he isn’t such a superficial jerk. Maybe we’re more alike than I’m willing to admit. “Are you adopted?”
“Yes, after four years as their foster child, my fathers asked me if I wanted to be adopted, just like my brothers, and I said yes. To be exact, I burst into tears, but we won’t tell anyone that.
” Luca grins at me sheepishly, and I smile back.
A genuine smile. I can’t remember the last time I truly smiled, and even if I wanted to, I couldn’t stop it.
My stomach feels warm, my chest expands, and even though I feel incredibly stupid doing it, I’m enjoying the moment.
Soaking up whatever I can, knowing it’ll be over soon and my life will be cold and lonely again.
***
“Hey, Luca.” The slender brunette flounces down on our table, as close to Luca as possible. He grumbles an unfriendly “Hello” and doesn’t even look up from his laptop.
I would’ve realized immediately that I’m not welcome, but she has an enviable amount of self-confidence. Cheerfully she chatters on, telling him something about a party at her apartment where Luca absolutely has to come. It’s evidently the event of the semester. “So, what do you say?”
Completely surprised, Luca looks up. “Are you talking to me?”
“Haha, yeah. Do you see anyone else here?” I’m sitting right across from her, I can see her crystal clear, and I know she can see me just as well.
I ignore her dig. We’ve been sitting in the library for two hours, picking out literature for our project, and she’s the fourth woman to hit on Luca.
Two young men have also tried their luck.
Not to be negative or anything, but this is super annoying.
Every time it pulls his focus, and it takes him ages to get back on track.
“What about Noah?” He looks up at her with raised eyebrows, before looking at me, but she just shrugs and laughs.
“So, are you coming tonight?” She flutters her false eyelashes imploringly, and I seriously doubt the effect of that beauty trend.
Luca is beautiful. There is no denying that as I stare at him. His bright blue eyes form such a stark contrast to his thick, black lashes, and his even, pale skin. So different from mine. Why are the guys I like never in my league?
“Come on. We need you. It’s no fun without you.”
He inhales much more sharply than I’ve heard him do before. By now, she should’ve understood that this is her last chance to bow out gracefully. “It’s no fun with you either. Please, take the hint: I’m not coming.”
As she slinks away, red-faced, I press my lips together to keep from bursting out laughing.
“Can you actually do anything around campus without someone constantly hitting on you?”
Rolling his eyes, Luca lets his head sink onto the table. “Why do you think I’m in the library so rarely?”
“Because you don’t feel like studying?”
He stares at me, almost shocked. “Are you serious? If I didn’t feel like studying, I’d be doing something else. I’m late because I just can’t seem to manage my time, and afterwards I disappear so fast to make sure no one has the chance to chat me up.” That makes a terrifying amount of sense.
“Okay, let’s say you don’t feel like dealing with all the drama around your person, then why do you play along?”
Luca thinks for a moment. “It just kind of took on a life of its own. I like parties, I like meeting new people, I like sex.”
I cannot believe how openly he said that. Fuck, my ears are turning red. I need a distraction, a change of subject, safe ground. Fast. “But you don’t let anyone get close to you. You told me that yourself, and now I understand why. No repeats means no feelings for you that could get hurt.”
He shakes his head with a smile. “You’re really good. I like how your brain works.”
Is that a compliment? Do you say “thank you” in a situation like this? My cheeks are getting hot, and I’m sure I’m about to turn bright red. Fantastic.
“No need to blush. I mean it.”