Chapter 9
Noah
“Hey, are you coming to the cafeteria later?” For the third time, someone is hitting on Luca.
For the third time, someone is talking to him even though he’s obviously in a conversation with me, even though I’m in the middle of talking.
It’s as if I’m not even here. I take a loud, audible breath, but the young woman doesn’t seem to care.
“Do we know each other?” With a practiced eye, Luca scans the petite blonde’s body, but I can’t tell if he likes what he sees. I wait for the faint smile that stings every time he gives it to someone else and sends butterflies fluttering in my stomach when it’s for me.
“Not yet, but I thought we could change that.”
Still no smile. Hmm, that’s strange, her line wasn’t that bad.
“No, thanks. I’m going with Noah.” He brushes her off rather uncaringly, and she has enough self-respect not to beg. Four weeks with Luca Delfosse and I could already write a book with the title How to Beg for a Date as Pitifully as Possible.
“Too bad, maybe another time?”
“Unlikely,” Luca mutters, already looking away from her.
“We’re having lunch? Good to know.” I look at him with raised eyebrows, trying to look stern, but I can barely suppress the little grin tugging at the corners of my mouth.
“I’ll treat you to a hot chocolate, but don’t stand me up later. Please.”
I pretend to be thinking hard, but Luca sees right through me. Laughing, he puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me along. “Come on, we need something sweet before our next class.”
He doesn’t let go. We’re outside the cafeteria, and his arm is still loosely draped over my shoulder.
We’ve fallen into step, as if we walked like this all the time.
My shoulder presses against his side, such an innocent touch, yet my body is on fire.
I’m hot, my skin is tingling, and my heart is pounding too fast.
It doesn’t mean anything, not to Luca, that’s just the way he is. I’ve seen him like this countless times before. But for me…
No one has ever held me like this before.
When I think about it, I can’t even remember the last time anyone held me at all.
I’m desperately trying not to lean in too much, not to completely embarrass myself.
Not like last week, when he stroked my cheek and I snuggled up to him like a stray dog that’s never known affection.
Though… it feels so damn good to feel another person’s touch. Fuck, that’s pathetic. I shouldn’t let this happen, shouldn’t even be enjoying it, but I’m only human, after all.
With a satisfied smile on his face, Luca holds out the blue cup to me. I’m just about to reach for it when he furrows his brows.
“What’s wrong?”
“You do like hot chocolate, right? Would you have preferred coffee? Fuck, I should’ve asked you. I’m sorry, I…” Where did that stutter come from? That’s so unlike him. With a frustrated snort, he lets his head fall onto his chest.
“I like hot chocolate. No worries.” I try to force a reassuring smile, and I think it worked, because Luca looks at me and his eyes sparkle. God, those eyes. Why isn’t it summer? Maybe he’d be wearing sunglasses, and I wouldn’t have to constantly see what I can’t have.
Even though it’s tearing me apart, I hold his gaze. Suddenly, his expression changes, softens. There’s no childlike enthusiasm left, there’s… Well, when the leading man in a movie looks at his partner like that, they…
For that thought alone, I’d gladly let the ground swallow me whole. No one has ever wanted to kiss me before, and no one wants to kiss me now. Certainly not Luca Delfosse, who’d only have to snap his fingers once and the whole campus would be at his feet. The very idea is so absurdly embarrassing.
When I was younger, I was still hoping that maybe, someday, someone would see something in me.
I know I’m not handsome, I do have eyes in my head.
Short, red hair, a face full of freckles, and, as the cherry on top, thick glasses that I rely on because otherwise I can see about as much as a mole.
By the time my gym teacher figured that out, I’d already had ten balls hit me in the face and was the laughingstock of the class.
I had sports glasses, but the teacher wouldn’t let me wear them.
No one has ever looked at me the way Luca is looking at me right now, as if… as if he likes what he sees.
“Hey Luca!” The moment pops like a balloon. We both turn toward the voice, my heart still pounding in my throat.
“Valentin, hey, nice to see you.” Luca gives him a genuine smile, and I bite my lower lip hard enough so that I don’t feel my heart twinge. I’m ridiculous—I know better than to get my hopes up. Rookie mistake.
“Yeah, same. I was just passing by, saw you, and thought, hey, this must be a sign.”
Luca is sitting here with another guy—looking pretty cozy—and yet Valentin thought it was okay to come over to us and strike up a conversation with him. Wow, not even a stranger thinks that there might be something more between us. Hello, reality check.
“I had fun with you at the party. Afterwards, too.” He winks at Luca and grins knowingly. “I thought maybe we could do that again.”
Do what exactly? Shove your tongue down his throat? Suck his dick? Or be fucked from behind against the wall until you saw stars? Oh yeah, I might not have any experience, but I know how sex works.
I have plenty of time to imagine what others are doing in their bedrooms or wherever they are going at it, and to jerk off while feeling lonely and alone. Just once—that’s all I want. I just want to know what it feels like.
But, I have to admit Valentin is cute. Not much taller than me, but with thick brown hair that falls loosely to his chin, brown eyes, and smooth skin with a light olive complexion.
He’s a looker, and he knows it judging by the way he reaches up to his neck, letting his short T-shirt ride up and reveal his toned abs.
“Sorry, no repeats. Besides, I don’t have time anyway.” Luca looks at me with a slight smile as he answers.
“Oh!” Valentin’s face lights up, and he sizes me up from head to toe. Instinctively I shrug my shoulders. “Cute! And so shy. Have fun, you two!”
With those words, he waves one last time, then turns around and walks away. No drama, no begging. Luca and I are still standing side by side, he looks at me and once again, I wish it meant something, but it doesn’t. It never does with Luca. No repeats.