Chapter 19
Noah
“What are you doing this weekend?”
Is he serious? What does he think I’m doing? I’m meeting up with my imaginary friends, of course. We’re throwing a huge party from Friday night until Monday morning. Confused, I raise an eyebrow and give him a sharp look.
“My fathers are having a barbecue with family and friends. Louis is coming with David, and Jannis and Dayyan are there anyway. Valérie is coming with their fathers too. It’s going to be a big bunch of people, and I wanted to ask if you’d like to come.
” I’ve only been to Luca’s place once before, on the day of our first kiss.
The day I stormed out of the house, past his father, without introducing myself or saying goodbye.
Since then, we’ve always met at my place.
“Have you talked to your parents about this? Do they know you’re inviting me?” My mother wouldn’t let someone with “manners like that” into her house a second time.
But Luca just beams from ear to ear. “It was actually Paps’s idea. They’d love to meet you.”
I’m not convinced. “Why?”
“You’re my boyfriend, we’re always together, and I’m hardly ever home.
They just want to know the guy who’s turned my world upside down.
” As he says this, he wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me against his chest. He’s a little too forceful, a little too wild, and my glasses slide down my nose, but I don’t resist. If I’m honest with myself, I love it when he holds me like this.
It’s so Luca, and I know it’s genuine as are his feelings for me.
I’m already dreading the moment when he realizes he’s had enough of me, that I’m too boring, and that he wants to move on. I’ll be alone again and I honestly can’t think of anything worse. He’s brought so much color and fun to my life—I don’t think I could bear being by myself again.
“We can pick up your stuff later, and you can come over to my place tonight.” Luca looks at me expectantly, but the sparkle in his eyes fades the longer he waits for my answer. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to. I can come to your place, or would you rather be alone?”
No, not at all.
“That’s not it. Are your parents really okay with me staying over the whole weekend?”
“We have plenty of room. There are so many people at our place, one more won’t make a difference.” I never made a difference anyway, so everything will be just like always.
“How many are we talking about?” The way Luca says it, it sounds like a soccer team.
“If everyone comes, there’ll be nineteen of us.” Holy shit. My decision is made in a flash.
“I’m coming with you today, so not everyone will be new tomorrow.” That, and I don’t want to sleep alone or be by myself in this huge apartment.
“Hi Papa, hi Paps!” Luca’s loud voice echoes through the house when we enter it later that day.
“Hi Coco! Ah, you must be Noah. Nice to finally meet you. I’m Adrien, Luca’s father.” A tall man with salt and pepper hair and tattooed arms holds out his hand to me. He radiates calm and serenity, and my nervousness subsides, making the smile on my lips feels surprisingly genuine.
“Hello, you two!” Another tall man floats lightly down the stairs. He was in the kitchen the last time I ran away. “Hello kiddo.” He pulls Luca in affectionately and ruffles his curls.
My heart stings at the sight. My parents’ eyes never light up when they see me. No one hugs me at home either. All I get is a critical sideways glance, when I’m lucky.
“Hello, Noah.” With an open smile, he turns to me. He has at least as many freckles as I do, and they’re darker and even more visible on his pale skin. Yet, somehow they look good on him, not like they do on me. “I’m Philipp. The other father.”
I reach for a slender, delicate hand and am surprised by Philipp’s firm handshake.
“Dinner’s at 7:30. Make yourself at home, Noah.” I don’t think he really means that, but I don’t tell him. Instead, I thank him politely and hope Luca will tell me what happens next.
“Shall we go upstairs? Or do you want to go out into the garden while the weather’s nice?”
“Going upstairs sounds good.” With a playful grin, Luca grabs my hand and pulls me along behind him.
“If I kiss you now, will you stay here, or do I have to tie you to the bed first?”
My expression must show my shock, because he immediately slaps his hand over his mouth. “Oh God, shit. No, that was a joke. I didn’t mean it that way. I’m sorry. I would never… not without your consent. Fuck. I’ll shut up now.”
With his shoulders slumped, Luca sinks down onto the edge of the bed and buries his face in his hands.
Sometimes he gets insecure and I still haven’t figured out where it comes from.
It’s almost as if he’s just as afraid of doing something wrong as I am.
Carefully, I slide between his legs, cup his cheeks with both hands, and lift his head. “Hey, Chéri, look at me.”
“Chéri?” An amused smile spreads across Luca’s face. Even the little laugh lines around his eyes are visible, I’m making a total fool of myself right now. My heart is pounding in my throat, and my tears are welling up. Even my lower lip is trembling. Fuck, no crying now.
“I’ve never had a nickname before, not from anyone outside the family.” Luca’s voice is soft, but I hear every word. “Thank you, that means a lot to me.”
Just two months ago, I would have laughed at him, today I know he’s telling the truth. Because I know by now that the chill lover boy persona is nothing more than a facade, deep down he’s still the abandoned and rejected child.
“Yeah?” Even though my head is trying to convince me I’m making a complete fool of myself here and Luca is just waiting to make fun of me, my mind and my heart know he’d never do that.
“Yeah. Kiss?” I have to smile, as I always do at that question, confirmation enough for Luca to lean back and pull me onto the bed with him. His lips find mine, his arms hold me tight, and even though I still don’t understand what he sees in me, for this moment there’s no doubt: he wants me.
***
If it were up to me, I’d freeze time and keep the party to just Luca’s family.
They’re big and loud, but so incredibly open and warm.
There’s been more laughter here in the last twelve hours than there was at our house all last year, at least when I was there.
No idea what goes on with my parents when they’re alone.
“When are the guests coming?” My voice trembles with nerves, and I wish I could bite my tongue.
Luca is just about to answer when the doorbell rings. “Now.”
Smiling, he wraps both arms around my neck and kisses me. “Relax. Everyone’s nice. Come on, let’s see who’s here.”
He was right, everyone really is nice. No disapproving looks, no fake smiles. That’s why it’s not a big deal that Luca was just pulled away by his brothers. I look around the garden for a quiet corner and spot a bench pretty far in the back. It’s already taken, but I head over anyway.
“Hey, um, can I sit down?” The young man with the blue-gray eyes and dark brown curls stares at me in surprise. “I can leave if you’d rather…”
“No, please sit down. Usually, everyone just leaves me alone.” Fantastic, one social faux pas at the whole event and I’m the one who steps right into it. “You’re Noah, Luca’s boyfriend.”
He eyes me from head to toe with interest. His gaze darts across my face and upper body in no discernible pattern. His eye movements are frantic, as if he’s having trouble focusing.
“Strange, I always imagined Luca’s boyfriend differently. I’m Chrissi.” His words hit like an arrow, and a pain so real radiates out that I clutch my chest for a second before I answer back.
“Handsome? Attractive? Hot?”
Chrissi looks at me, confused, holding my gaze for a brief moment. “What? No. Loud.”
“Loud?” I try to make eye contact again, but Chrissi is staring off into the distance, ignoring me.
“You know what I mean.” No, I have no idea. “Aside from the fact you’re trying to hide your insecurity, you’re completely yourself. No act, you’re real, vulnerable. That’s beautiful.”
“How…?” That’s all I can get out. How does he know that? Am I that obvious?
“You don’t have to be afraid. Luca is crazy about you.” Once again, Chrissi scrutinizes me with a piercing gaze, then he stands up. “I’m thirsty.”