Chapter 20
Luca
“Hey! There you are. I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” I plop down next to Noah on the bench, as he continues to stare after Chrissi with a furrowed brow. “Everything okay?”
Gently, I pull him into my arms and he follows immediately. Smiling shyly, he turns his head toward me and kisses me. I love it when he takes the lead, when he takes what he wants, and even though I’m still curious about what went on with Chrissi, I deepen the kiss until Noah lets out a soft moan.
It’s pitch black and cold when we pull apart and head upstairs to my room. Louis and David are nowhere to be seen, and Valérie has probably gone off with Jannis and Dayyan, while Maxi is playing Mario Kart in the living room.
“Where’s your brother?” I ask as I walk by, but Maxi just shrugs.
As I get settled in my room, Noah speaks up.
“Is there something wrong with Chrissi’s eyes?
” Noah is standing a little away from the window, watching what’s happening in the garden when I wrap my arms around him from behind.
My parents are sitting around the fire pit with Nika, élias, Micki, and Mathéo.
Muffled laughter drifts through the window, and my gaze wanders further through the dark garden.
“Why do you ask?”
“His eyes move incredibly fast, and they never stay still. He can barely maintain eye contact. It’s as if he has trouble focusing.”
“Not that I know of. But Chrissi is highly sensitive and reacts strongly to visual stimuli. His eyes have always been like that.”
“But…” It takes him a while to continue his sentence. “I don’t want to sound like a jerk, but is it just me, or is it incredibly exhausting to talk to him? He made me so nervous.”
I shake my head, I know the feeling all too well, and the guilt that comes with these thoughts. “At school, nobody wants anything to do with him. At least that’s how it was when I was still at school. It was pretty hard at times.”
“What’s he doing now?” I can feel Noah raising his eyebrows against my cheek.
“He’s still in school. He’s graduating next year.”
“That’s not what I mean. Look. Is he dancing?”
“Chrissi has been dancing ever since he could walk. According to Paps, he was always at the studio with Nika from a very young age. He started ballet when he was three. He was already dancing in our garden when I first came here. And always in the dark.”
When Chrissi does a spectacular jump, Noah flinches. “Oh, wow, he’s good, isn’t he?”
I nod thoughtfully. “Paps says Chrissi is already better than he ever was. And Paps was very successful. Chrissi can’t handle being on stage, which makes dancing very difficult career wise.”
Gently, I pull Noah away from the window.
Chrissi has it hard enough, I don’t want to take the peace and freedom he finds in our garden away from him because, right now, he thinks no one can see him.
I turn Noah around and slowly guide him toward the bed.
My lips find his, and I lose myself in our gentle kiss, in his slender body in my arms, in the soft sounds, and in the irregular breaths.
I lose control. My hands want to touch him, so I sweep them broadly across his back.
I run my fingers through his hair, press him against me, let my hips roll, grab his ass…
Shit, I have to slow down. I’m going too fast for Noah again, being too impetuous, too greedy.
But I can’t help it—it’s all him. He drives me crazy in the best possible way.
And yet I have to bring it down a notch, because he’s standing all tensed up in front of me, clawing at my T-shirt with both hands.
I’ll be honest, I’m not used to my partner having no experience. Usually everyone moves at my pace, we would’ve had sex long ago and I would’ve moved on. Just the thought that I might have missed him, never met him, never seen him smile, terrifies me.
Would I have worked with him if I’d been there when partners were picked in class? Pretty sure the answer is no.
I stay still, holding Noah close, but not too tightly, and he relaxes.
It doesn’t bother me that he has no experience, that he needs time.
In a way, I even think it’s pretty cool that I’m the first person he touches and kisses, and that I’m the first to touch him.
I reach behind my back and pull my T-shirt over my head, so Noah is left holding just a lump of fabric.
He laughs briefly in surprise, and I love it when he laughs.
When his gaze softens completely and the little crease between his eyebrows disappears.
Noah loves to laugh at just about anything, he isn’t even picky.
But he only laughs when he’s relaxed and feels safe, and that almost never happens.
When he does though, his whole face lights up and his freckles dance.
His laughter is captivating, you immediately want to laugh along, even if you don’t know what he’s laughing at.
Noah’s eyes widen, desperation in his gaze. “Are you serious? Why did you take your T-shirt off?”
“Um, because I thought you’d feel better if you weren’t the only one topless.”
“I’m not topless.”
Sheepishly, I scratch my neck. “Not yet?”
For a brief moment, he stares at me, shaking his head in disbelief. Then he finds his voice again. “Have you looked at yourself? Your body is insane. Just looking at it gives me an inferiority complex!”
Dramatically, he covers his eyes and peeks through his fingers.
“You already have one of those.” My tone is deliberately playful, and I pull Noah toward me by his hips. His body follows, but his hands are raised high, as if someone were threatening him with a gun. “You’re allowed to touch me.”