Chapter 1
One
Val
“The bitch deserved everything she got,” James snarled, slurring his words as the officers helped stabilize him.
The smell of alcohol wafted in the air while they dragged him down the stairs just feet from where I was sitting, wrapped up in a black and red buffalo plaid blanket with my tears freezing against my cheeks.
A female officer approached me, but I was too out of it to notice. “Are you sure you’re okay to stay here alone tonight?” she inquired, leaning in and placing her hand on my shoulder, causing me to flinch. She jerked backward quickly. “I’m so sorry, I should have known better.”
She should have, but I also wished I wasn’t in a position in which a hand lightly touching me on the shoulder didn’t trigger every single memory of the past few years.
“It’s okay.” I offered her a smile, attempting to reassure her I didn’t hold her mistake against her.
“Molly,” another female officer approached us. Her voice was stern, yet somehow still calming. “If you can’t monitor your actions better we are going to have to move you to a different department.”
“I’m-” Molly hung her head and kept her eyes focused on her feet. “Yes, ma’am.”
The other officer sat down on the step next to me so she could check on me. She attempted to talk me into changing my mind about going with the EMTs to get checked out. I didn’t need to though.
This time, I managed to call the police before things got too far out of hand.
The officer wasn’t a fan of my final decision but still, she provided me with a list of phone numbers for local support groups in the area as well as next steps I should take.
She emphasized the word "should" and gave me a piercing look.
The last thing I wanted was to be sitting in a room with others who had endured similar things to what I had. No offense to them, I just didn’t want to relive the experiences. I wanted the memories to die along with my relationship.
I watched as the officers got into their cars and drove off. James’ outline loomed in the backseat of the police car. Once the street darkened, the hustle and bustle of the excitement which had drawn my neighbors from their beds wore off.
A couple of the nosier ones made their way over to inquire about what had happened, but I was pretty sure the bruising around my eye, busted lip, and prints left by his hands around my neck told them everything they needed to know.
Some of them turned their backs and looked the other way, while others offered their condolences and support if there was anything I needed.
What I needed was to get out of this town. It had brought nothing but pain and heartache into my life since I moved here, but I had no idea where I was going to go or what I was going to do. I knew I wasn’t going to stay, especially not in this house I once called home.
My phone started vibrating in my pocket. I pulled it out just enough to see the screen. Apparently word had made its way to my best friend, Summer.
I answered with confidence, just in case I had gotten lucky. “Hey, babe.”
“What the hell is going on over there?” Summer always had a way with words, letting them slip without hesitation.
Most people didn’t understand, but her blatant honesty was one of a couple of different reasons we got along so well.
I never had to worry about her sugar coating anything, and if I ever needed an opinion, she was the first person I turned to.
There was only one thing I had never disclosed to her, and now, there was no denying or even trying to hide it.
I made an attempt to reassure her. “Summer, I’m okay. I promise.”
“Did you get checked out by anyone?” Summer’s question made me cringe, knowing my response would not thrill her.
“It’s nothing I’m not used to.” The words spewed from my mouth before I had a chance to stop them. “This time wasn’t as bad.”
Crap. I hadn’t told her.
Summer was pissed. “Excuse me?” I could hear the frustration in her voice as it trembled; she was ready for a war.
“I swear to God, Val, if the court doesn’t put his ass away I will.
” She went on about her friends who owned pig farms. I zoned out, and mouthed the words as she said them.
It was all the same stuff she had always talked about when she was heated.
“It’s fine.” I finally cut her off. “I don’t plan on dropping the charges against James so you can save some of your energy for watching the fights tomorrow.”
Summer was a huge fan of watching the United Fighting League every Saturday night. She had always tried to get me to come over to watch, but I had no interest in sitting around, drinking beer, and yelling at the television over some stupid sporting event.
Summer didn’t waste time inviting me. “You should come.”
“Now, you know I don’t-” She cut me off before I could finish my response.
“I’m not taking no for an answer.”
I was quiet for a moment, trying to think up an excuse. Any excuse.
“There will be plenty of appetizers and other snacks.”
Boy, was she good. I hesitated a moment more before she won me over completely. “Plus, I have an idea and it’s sure to prevent you from saying no.”
I let out a staggered sigh. “I’m listening.”
“What is one thing James would never let you do?”
I thought for a minute before responding, “Stretch the holes in my earlobes.”
Summer giggled. “Okay, think something more along the lines of what we could accomplish in an evening.”
Then it came to me. The first red flag James had shown me early on was his displeasure and insistence I could never color my hair anything not natural-appearing with highlights.
With the thought of doing something for myself I had never been allowed to previously, I couldn’t contain how excited I was. “You want to color my hair?”
“And cut it?” Summer didn’t delay to ask. “Let’s get rid of some of the energy your hair has been harboring. It’s been years since you’ve gotten an actual haircut; you and your hair will both feel so much better.”
Sold. I didn’t even hesitate. “You know what? Let’s do it.
” I was glad to have a best friend who had gone to cosmetology school.
Even though she never did anything with her acquired knowledge, it did come in handy from time to time.
“I’ll go to the Mane Street Supplies tomorrow and pick out a color. ”
“Perfect. I’ll see if there’s anything else I need and text you if I do.” Summer had successfully twisted my arm. “See you at six then?”
“See you.” I hung up the phone and rose from the front steps. This evening's encounter with James came swooping back, causing me to grip the rails to stabilize myself before slowly walking to the door.
Happy Holidays! The sign on the front door greeted me. I scoffed at it; the only thing happy about it was I was finally free from the hell I had been living in. I pulled the sign from the door and chucked it in the trash as I walked through the kitchen to grab an ice pack from the freezer.
Damn it’s late. I thought while glancing over at the clock. How is it already one in the morning?
The bedroom lay disheveled, a testament to the fight we had earlier in the night.
My adrenaline surged, helping me ensure James wouldn’t put me back in the hospital.
Summer would have flipped her lid if she knew the truth about what had happened last spring.
I wish I’d had the courage to tell her then.
“I’m sorry Val, I know I need help.” James pleaded. “I’ll see a therapist. I’ll be the man you need me to be. Promise.”
For a while, I trusted him. I could see the changes and didn’t regret my decision to stay. We were happy again… finally. Then his mother died, and a switch flipped. James was back to his old ways instantly.
Every night there was a reason to drink.
Occasionally he would accompany it with a bump or two of cocaine, and then came the abuse.
It felt crazy to say, but I preferred the nights he was drunk and high compared to the nights he had only been drinking.
Multi-substance James didn’t hang well. So the violence never lasted long.
He would typically end the night with his head dangling over the toilet, followed by yelling at me to clean up his mess.
I paused in the doorway at the other end of the kitchen.
The bedroom was haunting and sleeping there felt like an impossible task.
I grabbed my pillow along with the bedspread and made my way back to the living room.
The couch might not have been ideal for a few hours of sleep, but it was a much better option than what had previously been our room.
The pillow fit perfectly against the armrest and I sat down, pulling the queen-sized spread over my body. Reaching over I grabbed the remote, searching for my favorite show, New Girl, and hit play. I didn’t normally attempt to sleep with background noise, but tonight was an exception.
Sleep came fast as I drifted off contemplating my uncertain future.