Chapter 2
Two
Val
A few hours later I was up with the sun, unable to get much sleep after the night’s theatrics.
I got up and walked over to the kitchen, grasped the coffeepot and filled it up with water before pouring it into the basin.
Afterwards, I added an aromatic scoop of dark roast coffee into a disposable filter.
I inhaled deeply taking in the essence as I hit brew and stepped away to go to the bathroom.
While washing my hands, I struggled to look in the mirror, knowing I wasn’t going to love the person in the reflection staring back at me.
The physical abuse had been one thing, but the constant mental gymnastics James played with me wore me down just as much, and I was too tired to love myself anymore.
“You really should wear makeup,” he would lecture. “Without it, it makes me want to fuck you with a bag over your head.” It was one of the most commonly used insults, aside from comments about my fluctuating weight each month as I got closer to starting my period and erratic hormones.
I snuck a quick peek in the mirror, glancing back down as soon as I got a glimpse of what my face looked like. Knowing I needed to have an idea, I gathered as much strength as I could in preparation to get hair color before going over to Summer’s.
“It can’t be as bad as you think.” I always gave myself pep talks like this, regardless of whether I wanted to hear them or not.
I took a deep breath and looked up, shades of red, blue, purple and even yellow in some spots started from my forehead and made their way down to my chest. Perfect replicas of James’ hands were left pressed against my neck and I suddenly regretted ever agreeing to leave the house.
I ran my fingers through my hair, in an attempt to gently remove some of the tangles, but instead of fighting through the hot mess I called hair, it was easier to take a shower and allow my conditioner and wet brush to work their magic.
Ding.
The sound of the timer let me know the coffee had finished brewing.
I splashed my face with some cold water to help wake up a little bit so I could enjoy a cup before taking a shower and going on my little adventure.
I opened my phone and shuffled my playlist, getting the speaker set up for listening to music while I showered, but a pre-game dance party never hurt.
I danced out of the bathroom, shuffling and be-bopping into the kitchen. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t have to play the perfect housewife and was finally able to be… me.
This was going to take some time to get used to but I was already enjoying the idea of being able to go braless if I wanted, or lounging around pantsless while I worked.
I could color my hair, wear black lipstick, and finally enjoy life without a ton of rules and the guidelines I had been expected to follow.
Wow, maybe things were worse than I thought.
My feelings and emotions were running rampant. As the feelings started to become overwhelming, I slipped on a tile and came crashing down to the ground, staring up at the ceiling and managing my breathing, bringing it back down to a normal pace.
Maybe not today, but I’ll get there soon. I hoped. I’ve never actually met someone in a similar situation as me so I wasn’t really sure what to expect as far as timelines go. I knew I wanted to feel better sooner than later.
I rolled over onto my stomach and pushed up off the ground, rising back to my feet. Ow. I rubbed my hip and hobbled carefully over to the coffeepot, the journey I had initially been on before I got distracted by Funeral Grey by Waterparks.
Opening the cabinet, I grabbed my favorite cup with a skull on it and #CoffeeQueen written on the inside of the cup. It had been a gift from Summer a few Christmases ago and even came with a skull mixing spoon.
Tucked toward the back side of the cabinet, something caught my eye. I stood on my tiptoes and grabbed the piece of metal, pulling it out.
As soon as I saw it I laughed, I had forgotten all about this sign, and there was no way it was going to continue residing in the cabinet any longer.
I propped the sign up next to the coffee pot and stood back admiring my newly found rebellion.
Though, I wasn’t sure exactly who I was rebelling against since the asshole was in jail.
“I like my coffee black, like my soul,” had been an inside joke between Summer and I for ages.
The first time we had ever met was at a coffee shop and we hit it off like we had been the best of friends for years.
When it was Summer’s turn to pay for our coffee she asked me, “How do you like your coffee?” and without even thinking I snapped back with the response: “I like my coffee black, like my soul.”
In my mind, I think it was that exact moment which solidified the fact we knew we were soulmates in best-friend form.
As I poured the dark brew into my cup, I couldn’t help but be grateful even through this hell, I had obtained the closest thing to a sister one could have. Regret over my thoughts about leaving town came rushing at me.
Or maybe I’ll find a reason to stay.
I glanced up and realized the beauty shop would be opening soon.
I wanted to get there as close to opening as I could so I could avoid any unnecessary interactions and crowds of people.
I hurried off to the bathroom, turning on the hot water full blast in an attempt to wash all the negative memories from my body.
Especially the most recent: James’ sweat and spit still gripping tightly to my skin.
Once I had finished showering, I stepped in front of the bathroom sink, taking my hand and brushing it across the fogged-up mirror.
I stared at my naked body, running my hand over my tattoos and across each of my scars, straightening as my slate-gray eyes met the eyes of my reflection.
We stood there, looking into each other’s souls, searching for the answers to what would happen next.
My hair was long. It went down to the middle of my back.
Blonde with even blonder highlights was as close to rebelling as I had been allowed, and today, I despised it.
I took my hair in my hands, gathering it up, raising and lowering it while I peered into the mirror looking at what it could be like at various lengths and promising myself I could trust Summer not to mess it up – even if she did, it would grow back!
I threw my hair up in a messy bun, which only revealed more of the bruising. Letting out a sigh and opening my makeup drawer and began applying heavy layers. By the time I was done, everything was cakey, but I didn’t care. It was better than the alternative of having people stare.
As far as my neck went, thankfully, it was a cool enough day. I wasn’t going to appear out of sorts if I went out wearing a cute scarf.
I selected a cropped turtleneck from the closet and paired it with my favorite flannel and a black scarf. Then, I rushed to the dryer to get my ripped up dark wash jeans.
I finished the ensemble with a basic pair of black tennis shoes and my black and white skull purse. As I walked over to look into the full-length mirror, I put my hands in my pockets and stood flush with the mirror.
Passable. At least I didn’t feel like there was anything standing out that would cause people to stare.
My phone buzzed and I glanced down and noticed the time. Shit, I’m behind schedule. I quickly grabbed my keys and dashed out the front door, locking it behind me before I crunched through the fallen leaves to get to my car.
It was eerily quiet, the crisp air almost burned my nose. I looked back at the house and for a brief moment I considered dashing back inside and staying there until I no longer looked like a busted up freak.
You’ve gotta get yourself together, Val.
I could hear Summer’s voice in my head pepping me up and cheering me on. I got in my car and secured myself into my seat, my phone connected to the bluetooth without even prompting and the song Little Girl Gone by Chinchilla started to play.
Alright. I bobbed my head. If I needed a sign everything was going to be okay, this was it. I started singing along, bouncing in my seat as I threw my car into drive and began heading down the road.