35. Jude
Jude
I stacked up some wooden charcuterie boards and grabbed as many glasses as I could hold. Depending on the cider, we usually used wine or pint glasses. But these ones were more delicate, champagne style, because today’s tour had been a celebration.
A group was visiting from Toronto and staying in a nearby rental cottage.
They’d come here under the guise of exploring some small towns and leaf peeping, but one of the men had been emailing me for months, secretly planning the perfect proposal.
All of them were in on it, except the girlfriend—now fiancée—of course.
Being part of those special moments, making sure everything went even better than expected, and seeing the awe on people’s faces, that was one of my favourite parts of having the ciderhouse here.
But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it made me feel a bit lonely. The lingering afterglow of excitement had faded. In its wake, I was left alone.
I knew I was damn lucky to have Kasey, Colt, Wells, and the rest of Autumn Creek by my side. But I wanted the rest of it, too. The magic, the romance, someone to come home to every night.
I let out a long sigh and added a few more glasses to the dishwasher. Things like that took time, I couldn’t just snap my fingers and expect a fiancée right now.
But I could hope.
I was lucky to learn from my grandparents that love was like an apple tree. It needed time to grow and tending to keep it flourishing. I just needed to find that seed of possibility. And fuck, I felt like I was close to it with Harlow.
I’d had girlfriends before, sure. But I was admittedly intense—if I couldn’t see forever I didn’t see the point. But I could see it with her.
It felt so right having her here, in my town, with my friends and family.
I just wanted her to stay. It was selfish, I know, but I wanted to hold onto her.
In the back of my mind, I knew for certain that our hard work would pay off—there was no way the festival wasn’t going to turn out well.
But I hated seeing her anxious like this.
And if something did go wrong, what would I do then?
I almost didn’t want to entertain the thought. I quickly stood and gripped the butcher block counter. But that was part of growing the tree, right? Dealing with the frost and helping it survive.
Casual wasn’t on the table for me. Certainly not with Harlow Spencer. But maybe I could compromise in other areas.
I washed and dried my hands, then dragged one through my hair as I thought.
For her, maybe I could do a bit of distance. I didn’t want to—my entire life was in Autumn Creek—but I didn’t want to give up on her. And I wouldn’t dare hold her back from her dreams either.
If she couldn’t stay, maybe she’d find something in Ottawa or Kingston. Maybe even Toronto or Montreal would work. I could drive a few hours just to see her smile.
Even then my heart clenched at the thought of not being able to care for her and see her every day. I wanted her closer, not farther away. I was so fucking gone for Harlow Spencer. It was obsessive.
I wanted everything with her, because she deserved absolutely everything a man could offer. But she also deserved a man who would compromise for the sake of her happiness.
An hour later, Harlow arrived looking like a dream.
She wore a rust coloured dress with long sleeves and a low neck that had me lost at the sight of her.
It was short and flowy, paired with slightly scuffed knee-high boots.
But she had a strained tightness to her expression as she looked around the ciderhouse.
Then her eyes found mine through the large windows and the crease between her brows fell away. I threw open the door and let out a low whistle.
“It’s for the photoshoot,” she protested.
“You don’t need to explain. I like it when you dress up pretty. Plus, if it ends up anything like our last photoshoot, it won’t matter what you’re wearing right now.”
Her eyebrows shot up and as I walked over she elbowed my side. “Jude!”
I didn’t even care, I just pulled her into my arms and pressed my lips to the top of her head.
She could elbow me all she liked, as long as it melted away the stress from her body. She might be shooting daggers at me with those chocolate eyes, but I could tell my teasing that took her mind off things.
She finally looked up at me, from where I had her wrapped under my arm, and said. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”
“We just had a tour, so…”
“So, no plaid?”
“I thought it would be an eyesore for their photos.”
“Ruin the aesthetic?” she quipped.
“Something like that.” I led us around the back of the ciderhouse, to the orchard. “Either way, it means everything is all set up for us.”
She murmured softly, “I do kind of miss seeing you in flannel.”
Before I could tease her, her jaw dropped as she caught sight of the decorated trees.
A few trunks were wrapped in fairy lights, shining subtly as the sun lowered toward the horizon. There was a basket with a plush rug rolled up in it, alongside a few bottles of Bramley Cider.
“What do you think?” I let my hold on her drop and I stepped back.
“It’s beautiful.”
My chest filled with pride. It was nothing compared to Ben and Payton’s elaborate picnics, but it showcased the lush apple trees and the beauty of our farm. But the best part of it all was seeing her take it in.
Watching Harlow here—surrounded by the vignette I’d created with a proposal in mind—was doing something to my brain. It felt like a short circuit.
But I didn’t have time to daydream about Harlow Spencer and how I wanted to fuck her under an apple tree—
No.
We had Margot arriving as our photographer in only a few minutes. A photoshoot with a stiff dick was not top of my to-do list anytime soon. So, I kept naming all the apple varieties I could think of until my brain focused on something else.
Harlow was waving to Margot by the time I caught up with reality again, and that subtle worry was back in her expression.
Good timing.
“Hey!” I called out. “Did you find the farm okay?”
“Your instructions were perfect. Right down to the tree.” Margot swept her short braided hair over her shoulder. “You guys look gorgeous! Are you ready to be my models?”
Harlow drifted back toward me and we nodded.
“Perfect, it’s going to look incredible on the blog.” She analyzed the scene. “I really want to capture the romance of this place. I’m aiming for this post to hit a couples’ tourism niche. But if any poses feel uncomfortable, we don’t have to do them.”
“We’ll be fine,” Harlow said, before quickly adding, “Anything for the photos.”
“Okay then. I’ll just get you two over here, while we’re still getting a lot of light.”
We followed her instruction, moving over to a tree that wasn’t covered in lights.
“Could you reach for an apple, Harlow?”
She nodded stiffly beside me and stepped up on her toes, grasping above her for a ripe Winesap apple.
I stood beside her, trying not to focus on the camera, but I was painfully aware that I wasn’t meant to be looking at it. Then all of a sudden, Harlow stumbled, and my attention was entirely on her. The camera disappeared from my mind. I reached out, grabbing her waist.
Her spiced vanilla scent enveloped me as I stepped in closer, and I felt her body soften. Memories of our first tour of the farm flooded through me. I had held her tight as she climbed a ladder to pick an apple, and I’d almost kissed then and there, despite how uncertain we’d been with each other.
The temptation was even stronger now, because I knew for certain how her lips felt against mine.
Margot made an enthusiastic noise. “Perfect, keep holding her.”
I stiffened. I almost forgot we have company. But Harlow looked over her shoulder and her smile calmed me. She reached up, and with me there to steady her, she balanced on one foot.
I wasn’t entirely sure if her reaching was just for a pose, or if she actually wanted to pick an apple. But after a couple misses, I leaned in close and whispered, “Jump.”
She hesitated for a brief second “You sure?”
“I’ve got you.”
She nodded, and I held her up so that she stayed in the air for a few seconds. Then her body brushed slowly against mine as I lowered her down, now with an apple in hand.
“I’ve definitely got that shot!”
I stepped away from Harlow as Margot spoke. I needed a few inches of distance between us.
I’d underestimated how hard it would be to act platonic with Harlow after I knew what she felt like, soft and needy, beneath me. My body and brain weren’t acting in unison. Especially when I knew there was something going on in that head of hers.
Why is she upset? Is the emotion on her face regret?
I knew how I felt, but I needed to know what page she was on.
I ran a hand over the nape of my neck, trying to clear my mind. This photoshoot was important marketing for the festival. I just needed to act normal, then I could check in with her as soon as this was done.
“Let’s move over there,” Margot continued. “Harlow, are you okay with sitting on the ground?”
I reached for the rolled up rug that was part of the table setup and spread it out between the two decorated trees before she could reply.
“So you don’t get dirt on that dress.”
“Thanks.” Harlow smiled, and I immediately felt a bit lighter.
Margot looked in her bag and sighed. “I just need to grab a different lens from my car, I’ll be right back.”
As soon as it was just the two of us again my worries began to dissipate. Things were so easy with Harlow. I sat down on the rug and she joined me.
“Is there something on your mind?” I finally asked. Maybe I should’ve waited, but the unknown was gnawing at me.
“Is it that obvious?”
I shook my head. I just paid far too much attention to her. Somehow she’d gone from a stranger just over a month ago, to the person I looked for first in every room.
She took a deep breath. “I’m just worried about my job.”
“Hey. Worrying won’t fix anything.” I gave her shoulder a squeeze. “It won’t change the hard work you’ve already done. You’ve got an offer no matter what.”
But then she blurted out. “I’ve got an offer for another job, too.”
Oh.
“That’s good,” I responded slowly, but my words sounded like a question.
She looked flushed and slightly unsure as she replied. “It’s in Vancouver. The pay is great, it’s a senior position, and it’s a step up, just like the role here. So, if I don’t get the full-time position in Autumn Creek, I might take it…I think I’d have to.”
Vancouver.
That was farther than I feared. A five-hour flight. Days of driving.
My first instinct was to back away. Long distance was difficult, and with my job it wasn’t sustainable. With the farm I could never move away. In the past this would have been my sign to cut things off. But that thought was brief. This is Harlow. There was no chance in hell I’d do that.
So I pulled her into my arms, tucking her against me. “Sweetheart, that’s great.”
“Is it?” Her voice wobbled.
“If that’s the job you want, then you deserve to take that chance.” I meant it, really, but my body still felt strained.
It took a second for her to respond, and when she did her voice was quiet.
“I don’t want to leave…still, I feel like I might have to. I’ve just started living for myself, am I just going to end up stampeding over my personal life again? Vancouver is a long way from here.”
“Don’t let it weigh on you right now, you have time to figure it out.”
I was trying to take my own advice, too. Don’t worry about things that aren’t happening yet. But I could feel her slipping through my fingers.
Harlow nodded softly, and I pressed a kiss into the side of her head. I let my arm unravel from her shoulders as Margot started to make her way back to us.
“You guys look great. Keep staring, just like that,” she called out.
I hadn’t even realized that we were staring. But I didn’t dare move my eyes from the ones in front of me. I wanted to see them this closely every day. Chocolate brown, rich like earth after a storm. Maybe I could at least memorize them.
I’d take what I could get.