CHAPTER SEVEN #3
“I don’t know. I don’t know anything. She went to get breakfast and never came home.
I vowed to protect her. Vowed to keep her safe.
This is why I never allowed her to go places alone, well at least without me watching her.
The world’s an ugly place. It’s not safe for someone so precious to walk the streets alone.
It’s my fucking fault.” I confess that I’m to blame.
“It’s not your fault Dima. These men are monsters. They took me. I couldn’t stop them. I never thought you’d find me. I was sure it was my time. They told me today was the day I expired. You saved me brother.” Pawel extends his arms and in a rare moment of emotion he hugs me.
We hadn’t hugged like this since we were kids.
My mind drifts off into the past and I dissociate.
Sitting in the corner of the room hugging my tiny child-sized knees I’m an inconsolable sobbing mess.
I feel pathetic after being labeled a worthless abomination.
My stomach hurt from hunger and in desperation I’d taken a piece of bread from the cupboard not realizing the slices had been counted by mother and now I was being punished.
Pawel stands helplessly in the doorway and watches Mother beating me with her shoe, before Father staggers from the kitchen drunk and rambling. He slams his beer bottle down on the table, pulls off his belts and proceeds to lash me across my back as I turn away and cower in the corner.
I look to Pawel to save me, but he says nothing. I know he’s afraid, but we both know him being beaten doesn’t happen often. He’s their favorite child.
And now I fucking know why. Because I was never their child.
I laugh as all my old memories fall into place and begin to make sense. I finally have some kind of understanding of who I really am. My whole life was a lie.
Fuck. It stings.
After beating the shit out of me they leave me alone, sobbing like a baby and wishing I’d die. It’s a few days before my tenth birthday. Pawel waits until they’re out of sight and creeps over to me.
“It’s okay, baby brother,” he says and wipes the tears from my eyes. “Don’t cry, Dima.”
“I didn’t mean to take anything, but my tummy hurt.” I admit.
“I know. Let’s go upstairs to our room and I’ll share some snacks with you.” He throws his arms around me and holds me tight, allowing me to cry my little heart out. I soak his shirt with my tears.
That day was one of the saddest days of my life. But nothing like the saddest. The saddest was Grandma paying some heartless bastard to kill my sweet dog, Inessa. That hurt even more than my own father ... Ruslan ... trying to end my life.
Fuck that bitch. She paid the price for her wickedness and in doing so she ignited a fire within me and triggered the monster inside. If someone asked me if I’d do it again, I fucking would.
“I love you brother,” Pawel says pulling me back to the present. His voice is heavy with emotion, and his hands grip the back of my jacket.
I struggle to respond. I’m not used to sharing emotions with him.
“You know we’re cousins, right?” I ask.
“You’ll always be my brother, Dima,” he replies.
I pass Pawel the spare balaclava from my pocket and he slips it on.
A familiar scream hits my ears.
It’s her. It’s Natalia. It’s my Little Sparrow.
The sound nearly drops me to my knees, and I grip harder onto Pawel.
For a second, the world stands still before it tilts and sends my vision tunneling until all I see is red.
My chest seizes to function, my throat closes, and I want to fucking tear myself apart for allowing this situation to have happened.
It’s your fucking fault. Your demons let this happen. You created this world. It’s your burden to bear. Anything you touch burns. You’re fucking cursed, Dima. Everyone we love has been dragged into this situation because of you.
Shut the fuck up. Stop it. Fucking stop. Arghhhh fuuuuuuuuck.
You know it’s true, Dima. You know you belong in Highspring Hall with the other crazies. Oh, mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the craziest of them all? HAHA! It’s you, Dmitry Rushlakov.
SHUT! THE! FUCK! UP!
“Dima, are you listening to me?” Pawel asks.
He’s been speaking to me this whole time but I haven’t heard a fucking word instead the demon lurking inside of me taunts me.
It gets in my fucking head and I can’t escape.
I haven’t had my meds in a week. I know I need them.
I’m scared I’ll end up back in the asylum; back sitting in the madness that is the crazy chapel. I can’t go back. I won’t go back.
I need to find Natalia, protect her. Hold her.
Love her. Keep her safe. Forever. And when I save her, not if, but when because I fucking will, I’ll never let anything like this happen again.
I’ll fight my demons to protect my Little Sparrow.
She’s too precious for this fucked up world.
Too precious to be caged unless it’s my cage because I’ll keep her with me, always.
She can spread her wings, but I’ll always fly beside her.
“Natalia,” I rasp, shoving the panic down, letting it turn into rage. Rage I can use.
I reach for the door.
“Dima, wait.” Pawel pulls me back.
“Get the fuck off me, brother. I’m getting my girl back and killing every last one of these motherfuckers. You hear me? We’re fucking getting my girl back, Pawel.”
I take the pistol I’d just used to kill these pigs and press it into his palm.
His hands shake, but his eyes burn with a familiar fury and I’m certain his anger at the situation is growing.
He understands what Natalia means to me.
After everything we’ve been through he understands me better than most people.
“We need to be smart about this. We can’t’ go rushing in. We’ll both be killed.” He tries to talk me into being calm and collected.
“Just stay with me, okay.” I tell him, gripping his shoulder. “We kill them all. No hesitation, understand?”
He nods.
I know he knows how to shoot. Grandpa taught us both well. We’d use targets on the farm, trees, bottles lined up on the old stone wall, wild animals that’d sneak through trying to kill our livestock. We rarely ever missed.
The sound of Natalia pleading tortures me, but Pawel is right—if I want to save my girl I have to move carefully and that’s what we do.
We move together, silent but deadly, slipping through the maze of corridors following the sound of my girl’s sweet voice. She’s trembling. That only makes my need for vengeance and violence stronger. I palm my knife and hold it close waiting to use it for its intended purpose.
The first asshole we come across doesn’t even see me coming—I slam my blade into his throat, muffling his gurgle with my hand as he collapses.
Hot blood sprays my arm. It feels exactly as I remember.
He bleeds the same way all pigs do. The smell hits my nostrils, but I don’t even blink instead I inhale.
It fuels my rage and I crave more. I want to fucking stab him over and over again until there’s no flesh left to stab into, but I don’t—I can’t.
Instead, I push his body into a storage room and continue on with our hunt.
Pawel takes down the next one, wild but effective. A silent bullet right in between his eyes so fast he doesn’t even get the chance to scream. Unable to contain my rage I slam my blade into the bastard’s gut.
Pawel looks at me with wide eyes, breath ragged. I nod once. No words are needed. Just blood between two brothers.
We push forward, clearing room after room. And then I see them—more girls.
Locked away behind bars, huddled in corners on dirty mattresses like broken dolls waiting to be played with, then tossed aside and either left for the next monster or condemned to death.
Girls of all ages look at the two of us—their eyes hollow.
Souls destroyed and terrified. Their bodies shake, fearing we’re the bad guys but they don’t scream.
They don’t move. They’ve been conditioned to obey this uniform and learned silence is their savior.
I wish I could reveal myself, tell them I’m not one of them.
Tell them I’ll save them all and set them free.
Each one like a fractured bird trapped in a cage.
They don’t need to speak; their expressions tell me everything I need to know.
Each one a soul, broken. Some look so broken like they’d given up on hope a long time ago, while others lift their heads but don’t speak for fear of the repercussions if they do.
They need your help. You’re selfish, Dima. Why is it always about you and what you want. What you claim you need?
Fuck, not now. Pull yourself together, Dima. Stop this bullshit. Natalia is relying on you.
This time I know I’m selfish. I accept that. But Natalia is my priority and so we move forward.
“Fuck,” I growl under my breath, my grip on the knife tightening. Pawel stares, jaw clenched, and I see the same fury in him.
“We don’t have time to free them—not yet. Natalia comes first. But I swear to God, if I make it out alive, I’m burning this entire operation to the ground,” I say loud enough for the girls to hear me.
“You said her name’s Natalia?” A tall, tanned beauty moves to the steel door of their cage.
“Yes. Her,” I answer and show her the image on my phone.
“The Bear took her to Vlad’s office. Go through that door over there.” She points. “Then up the staircase to the second floor, second room on the right,” she says confidently.
Her sincerity reminds me that I’m human and I show her my face. “Thank you. I’ll get you all out of here.” I promise.
“I’m Maddie.”
“You have my word, Maddie,” I reply and slip the balaclava back down.
We head in the direction Maddie gave and move through the door.
As I round the corner, a roaring scream pierces my ears.
“Natalia!” I shout. I can’t fucking hold back any longer.
Gunfire explodes down the hall in our direction. Bullets fly off the metal walls.
Fuuuuuck.
Pawel and I dive for cover, my blade ready. Pawel clutches the pistol. Now’s the time for Grandpa’s trusty Tokarev. It’s old, strong, and powerful. As I pull it from my waistband and cradle it in my hands it feels like my grandpa is by my side.
It’s chaos—voices shouting, heavy boots pounding, gunpowder and blood filling the air as we trade blows.
And through it all, the only thought I have is the one I scream at the top of my lungs.
“Natalia!” I repeat my war cry. “Natalia!”
We shoot hard and fast, ducking behind walls and reloading heavily. I’m conscious of my girl being on the other side so I don’t try to shoot through the wall. Instead, I weave back and forth, in and out until I’ve taken them all out and all that remains is the final resistance.
I blast through their bullet proof vests. Grandpa’s Tokarev is a gift from my savior, and we soon cut through the last wave of men, leaving bodies in our wake. I kick open a heavy door and freeze.
She’s there.
Natalia.
My girl is standing all alone in the middle of an office. She clutches a piece of paper. Her hair wild, her eyes sharp and burning with fire. She falls into me, her chest heaves with relief.
“Dima.” She breathes.
I’m across the room in two strides, grabbing her face, my mouth crashing against hers, tasting gunpowder and sweat, and Natalia. My fucking heart is still trying to break out of my chest.
“You’re alive,” I rasp; my forehead pressing against hers.
She nods. “I was looking for Pawel. And the main one—he’s still here.
I can feel it. He ... he took me Dima. I thought it’d be easier.
I thought I’d walk in here and they’d exchange us.
They showed me Pawel. He had a sack over his head .
.. he didn’t know I was here. This is my fault, Dima. I’m sorry, I .... ”
“Natalia,” I say cutting her off before she says another word.
“Don’t you dare blame yourself. None of this is your fault.
It’s my fault, okay. It’s always been my fault.
I should’ve kept you safe. I never should’ve allowed myself to be sent away to the asylum.
If I’d have never left, you wouldn’t have been dragged into this world. ”
“Dima, no. I was sold to Nikolai. I’ll explain but right now I want to get out of here. Let’s go home, please.”
“My Little Sparrow. We’ll get through this life together.
I made you a promise and I meant every fucking word.
You’re the reason I live, the reason I breathe.
The reason I’ve survived this life. You keep my heart beating.
If I’d have lost you, Sparrow ... I’d have no reason to keep living.
You’re my entire world Natalia Petrova and one day I’m going to make you my wife.
” I can hardly breathe but I need to tell her how I feel.
I know we’re not out of danger yet and all it takes is one man, one gun, one bullet or one blade.
Because I’d sacrifice myself a million times if it meant my girl got to live even just one more day.
“You’re my reason too, Dima.”
“Let’s go home,” I say, my voice like iron as I take hold of her hand.
Her fingers intertwine with mine. I lock my other hand securely around my grandpa’s gun. They’re sticky with the blood of those who dared to fuck with the people I love.
I turn to see Pawel exhausted, blood on his shirt, gun still in hand. His eyes meet mine and then Natalia’s. Relief is written all over his face. Relief that she’s alive but I know it’s more so the relief of knowing the consequences for the world had she not been.
I may not have had the perfect mother and father, but my girl, my brother and my grandpa are all the family I need.
We’ll move forward—three broken souls, bound by trauma and violence, ready to take the whole fucking bratva down.
I’ll keep my promise to free the girls, and I’ll burn this whole fucking place to the ground.
I squeeze tighter onto Natalia’s hand, we’re ready to leave, but then a ghost enters the room—heavy footsteps, leaning on the doorframe with one hand and grinning with the presence of someone who gets off on hurting others.
“Hello, Natalia,” the ghost says with his whole chest.
I step forward and move my girl, so she’s shielded behind my back. I won’t let him haunt or hurt her ever again.