33. Emerson Two Lines
emerson: two lines
I KNEW BETTER THAN TO read too much into it. Sure, yeah, I couldn’t keep my balance at yoga. So what?
“Mommy!” Carter said insistently, looking up at me. I was holding a cup of tea, staring out the window, in a daze.
“Yes, sweetheart?” I asked, trying to focus on her little face, the wisps of white-blond baby hair around her temples and forehead, trying not to think of the pregnancy test by my bathroom sink.
I had taken dozens of pregnancy tests. All negative.
This one is going to be negative, too, I told myself.
Even still, a tiny flicker of hope welled up inside me.
“I said, what if I run out of petals?”
I smiled at her and rubbed her soft cheek, still plump with baby fat.
I pulled her to my side and took a sip of the hot Rooibos tea. “Sweetheart, how well do you know your aunt Caroline?”
“Pretty well,” she said. “Is she in charge of the petals?”
I nodded.
“Oh, then we’ll never run out. We can fill the whole world with petals!” she squealed, throwing her arms up in the air. I put the tea down on the wide windowsill and picked up my baby girl.
“You are a silly goose!”
She giggled as I kissed her several times in quick succession.
Kyle walked out of our room, in his boxers.
He ran his hand through his hair and grinned sleepily.
Kyle and I had been together a long time now.
We had been through a lot: my previous called-off engagement, a surprise pregnancy, a devastating hurricane, and now, a wedding.
Sometimes in the ebb and flow of our daily lives, I forgot to notice the little things, the really important ones—like the fact that that man was smoking hot.
“Babe,” he said. “It’s two lines.”
For, like, a millisecond, I wasn’t sure what he meant. Two lines. My heart began to race. “Two lines?” I asked.
He ran toward me and wrapped his arms around Carter and me, kissing my lips and then her cheek. In that moment, I realized how hard this had been for him too, how much he wanted to be a dad again. Of course he did. He was the absolute best at it.
I handed Carter to Kyle as she said, “What’s two lines?” Kyle made up something about the water fountain at school, as I scurried off to the bathroom. I picked up the white stick and gasped, looking at my shocked face in the mirror. Two lines!
I was thrilled but also didn’t want to get too excited.
I opened the vanity drawer, unearthed another Clearblue test, and removed it from its wrapper.
Almost instantly, it had two lines too. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
This was what I had been waiting for. It felt like a miracle.
I took a moment to feel so, so grateful.
Kyle and I were going to have another baby to love, more little toes and a tiny nose, and, eventually, a toddler that would see the world with such joy, such enthusiasm, that it would feel like we were seeing it again for the first time too. I absolutely could not wait.
I ran out to the kitchen, where Kyle and Carter were now cooking pancakes together.
“Two tests, Kyle! Two positives!”
He grinned from ear to ear and said, “Let’s go tell Caroline!”
I shook my head. “She’s probably already at the airport on her way to Peachtree.” My heart swelled again. Our wedding! Our baby! Our family! What a great, great day.
He nodded and knitted his brow. “Well, we should call her, then. We need to tell her right away.”
I cocked my head to the side. That was kind of strange. I mean, sure, I wanted my sister to know, but why wouldn’t he include Sloane? Or my mom? Whatever. It didn’t matter. “Would it be okay if we, I don’t know, waited a little bit? Maybe until after the wedding?”
Kyle gestured toward Carter. “I think the jig is up, honey.”
I laughed. “It’s not that. It’s just… I don’t know. I want to have a secret for a little bit.”
He groaned. “I hate secrets.”
I walked over and leaned into him. “I know, sweetheart. But isn’t this one fun?”
He grinned down at me.
“I want to know a secret, Mommy!” Carter said, jumping up into the air.
“Are you sure?” I teased.
She nodded, wide-eyed.
“You,” I whispered, “are going to get to wear a flower crown at the wedding.”
She gasped. “Really?”
I nodded. “Truly!”
She wrapped her arms around my leg, Kyle flipped the pancakes, and I put my hand to my stomach. For the moment, life felt unfathomably complete.