Chapter Eleven #2
“The only reason I can read and write is because I taught myself on the nights I couldn’t sleep.
I’d use a flashlight I found in the barn and read books my mom left behind in an old trunk.
Everything I know how to do today is because I taught myself.
There was never any guidance from my aunt or uncle.
They simply made their demands and expected me to comply or I’d be punished.
That’s why I hid the fact that I found my mom’s old things and never let them get too close to me.
I couldn’t ever call for help because they took the cord of the phone with them if I was ever left home alone.
I was only allowed in their house to clean and prepare their meals.
I was never allowed off their farm for any reason.
I couldn’t even go to the library with my aunt when she went once a week.
“I guess they eventually got tired of me because one day I was picked up by a group of men. My uncle laughed in my face telling me he sold me off to the highest bidder to do with me as they wished. He taunted me with what they’d do and tried to break me even more than he already had.
I was locked in a cage in a room with several other women and girls.
They auctioned us off and that’s how I met Kreed.
He bought me and then brought me here. Since I had nowhere else to go, I chose to stay here.
Should I not have made that decision?” I ask the large man who hasn’t taken his eyes off of me since I started talking as I realize tears are sliding down my face and landing on the table and my hands.
“You absolutely made the right decision, Annistyn. I’m sorry you had to live through all of that.
And I know it’s not even a fraction of what you’ve been through.
I can see the pain in your eyes and I know you have an eatin’ disorder.
No one had to tell me that because I can see it.
Most of the women in this club have been through hell and back in one form or another.
Kreed’s own mom has lived through hell and she raised him on her own.
That’s her story to share though. Thank you for trustin’ me, Annistyn.
I know openin’ up was really hard for you.
Let me ask you a question,” he says and I know I made the right decision in talking to him even if I know nothing about him.
I take a minute to think about it and finally nod my head. I’m not sure if I’ll answer his question, but he can ask me anything he wants to.
“How do you feel about Kreed? Do you see him just as some kind of hero who saved you? Or do you feel somethin’ more for him?” he questions me and I pause as my breath catches in my chest.
“Kreed is a really good man. He’s done way more for me than he ever had to.
While I would really like to get to know him as a man, I know he’s looking for his person and that will never be me.
I’m too broken and damaged to be who he needs at his side.
He deserves everything pure, sweet, and innocent in the world.
Someone who can love him with every inch of her soul and beat of her heart.
Even if I were to heal, I would still have issues I deal with daily.
I’d cower in a large crowd and have to fight daily just to eat enough food to nourish my body so I can do the simple everyday tasks everyone does.
That’s not the kind of woman he needs to have in his life,” I answer him as honestly as I can because there is no other answer to give him.
I know my place in this clubhouse and it will never be at someone’s side.
“You’re in love with him. Even if you don’t recognize that’s how you feel, it’s the truth,” Tank states as he gets up and slowly walks over to the table I’m sitting at while I try to wipe away the tears still sliding down my face.
“Annistyn, I think you’re exactly what Kreed needs in his life.
I’ve known him a very long time because he spent time with Caleb, or Reckless as you know him, from the time they were in kindergarten.
Those two were never apart if they could help it.
Kreed doesn’t let anyone get too close to him.
It took Caleb a lot to get him to open up and become his best friend and the brother they call one another.
Once you’re in with him, he’ll burn down the damn world if it means keepin’ those he loves safe and whole.
“I haven’t been here for very long and I’ve already seen how he treats you.
When he came into the clubhouse yesterday, you were the only person he wanted to see.
He didn’t stop movin’ until he laid eyes on you in the kitchen and watched you from the doorway while talkin’ to Viper.
He greeted you before his own mom and that boy loves his mom.
However, sayin’ that I think you’re exactly what he needs, right now you aren’t strong enough to be the woman he needs.
That’s a fact you know to be true. With time and the help you need, you’ll be exactly who Kreed will want at his side.
And once you are, he’ll treat you like a queen without second thought.
Do you know what you have to do, Annistyn? ”
“I do. My cousin Roger has a ranch and I’ve been talking to him about going there for treatment.
Everything I would need is there and I think it’s my best option at this point.
Honestly, I’m scared to leave the clubhouse though.
To leave Kreed and know he’ll more than likely forget me while I’m healing,” I tell him as honestly as I can while finally looking up at him.
“Trust me, that boy ain’t ever gonna forget you, Annistyn.
He’s already in love with you and is just waitin’ to know what you need from him,” Tank informs me with a smile on his face as if he hasn’t just dropped a bombshell on me.
“I’m gonna head to bed. You’ve got a lot to think about and figure out in the next few days.
Just know everyone here will do what we can to support you and Kreed as you both navigate this new journey you’re about to start. ”
“Thank you, Tank. You’re the first person I’ve ever told about my past,” I say as he stands from the table and looks down at me with that same gentle smile.
“No thanks needed, Annistyn. Just get the help you need so you can learn to be the woman you were meant to be. The one your parents would want you to become,” he says before disappearing again as if he were never in the room with me.
For a few minutes, I simply remain sitting at the table and let the tears slide down my face.
When I can finally pull myself together, I wipe the tears away and stand from the seat I took.
Getting back to work, I clean the entire common room before moving on to the kitchen.
Before I can get breakfast started, Skylar walks in and starts cooking.
She reintroduced herself to me when she realized I was too overwhelmed yesterday and forgot her name.
Skylar wasn’t upset and instead laughed because she told me she was the same way when she first joined the Wild Kings.
She shared stories with me as we worked together and I helped her cook breakfast for the entire crowd here today.
It was a lot of food and hard work, but I enjoyed being in the kitchen with her and learning from a woman who clearly loves to cook and bake for those she loves.
It was peaceful and something I wish I had experienced more of growing up.