Chapter Twelve
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LAST NIGHT WAS very eye opening. For the first time since bringing Annistyn to the clubhouse, she opened up.
I’m not even sure if she realized I was in the shadows while she talked to Tank in the common room.
I watched from afar as tears rolled down her face unchecked and he let her say what she had to.
It broke my heart not to go to her and hold her in my arms while she broke apart in front of a stranger.
However, I’m not surprised in the least because Tank has that effect on everyone he comes into contact with.
You really have no choice but to spill your guts when he sets his sights on you.
It’s the only reason I said as much as I did about Annistyn in my office with him and Playboy yesterday.
I wasn’t planning on saying as much as I did and I really didn’t say a lot.
We’ve all learned over the years if we want to hide something from the world around us, we need to stay as far from Tank as we possibly can.
He just doesn’t make it very easy to do.
What really broke me was when she said she wasn’t good enough to be the woman at my side.
That she’s too broken and even after she receives help, she still won’t be strong enough to live in my world.
Annistyn is stronger than anyone I know after the hell she’s lived through.
No one will ever compare to her in my eyes and I will do whatever it takes for her to realize she’s the only woman I’ll ever marry and settle down with.
I want her as the mother of my children and the one I turn to when I don’t have the strength to fight a battle on my own.
For years that has been between Caleb and my mom.
Moving forward, I want it to only be Annistyn.
No one else will ever be able to take her place in my heart.
To complete my soul in ways I never dreamed possible.
One day, I hope she sees herself the way I see her and I will do everything in my power to ensure it happens.
When Skylar woke up to cook breakfast for everyone, she saw me hiding in the shadows while watching Annistyn.
“She’s a good woman, Kreed. Been through a lot of shit and none of it was her fault.
I recognize the signs even if no one else does.
Every ol’ lady here can see what you do in her.
Be patient and don’t push for more than she’s ready for.
Annistyn will give you everything you ever need if you let her come to you,” she said as we watched Annistyn load the dishwasher with dirty dishes while singing along to whatever song she had playing so low because she didn’t want to wake anyone else up.
“She’s the strongest woman I’ve ever met. And with all of you in my life, that’s sayin’ somethin’. I will take things as slow as she needs because there will never be anyone else for me, Skylar,” I respond without taking my eyes off the woman in question.
“Didn’t expect anything less from you, Kreed.
You’re one of the good ones and I know you’ll get what you deserve in this life.
The two of you truly deserve one another and I know we’ll all be called when you get married.
Even if she wants to keep things small. I’m already planning your wedding cake,” she says, a smile on her face as I turn my attention to her.
“You have that much faith in me? In us?” I question her as Cage joins us and wraps his woman in his arms.
“If there’s anyone I have faith in, it’s the two of you.
You look at her the way Cage and Joker still look at me no matter who’s around.
And she turns to you when she needs someone at her side.
You’re her person, Kreed. Just be the man we all know you are,” she responds before kissing Cage and heading into the kitchen while making sure Annistyn knows she’s in there with her.
Everyone seems to be making sure my girl is comfortable and they don’t do anything that might scare or upset her.
Even the little kids running around are careful around her.
I wouldn’t expect anything less from my extended family and love them even more because they’ve already accepted her into the fold and are simply waiting for her to accept them back.
“She’s not wrong, Kreed. Known you a long time and I’ve never seen you like this before.
You’ve found your person and if you give her the time and love she needs, you’ll never regret a single second with her.
She already loves you but doesn’t realize that’s what she feels.
She’s never experienced pure love before and you can give her that.
We’re all here for you no matter what either one of you needs.
Don’t push us out and lean on us when you need to,” Cage says as we watch our women work in the kitchen together.
***
Walking back in the clubhouse after hanging out with the kids, I immediately look for Annistyn.
She came in a little while ago after spending hours taking pictures of everyone in the family.
Cali couldn’t stop singing her praises and Roger was right at her side giving her tips each time she lined up her next shot.
The two of them are becoming very close and I love that for her.
Annistyn finally has a family member who loves her unconditionally and treats her with nothing but love and respect.
He understands her triggers and I watched as he removed her from a few situations that might have had a negative impact on her.
Roger didn’t call attention to the situation, he simply moved her away and got her focused on something else. I’ve never seen anything like it.
Annistyn is sitting at a table with Maddie, my mom, Cali, Sam, and Zoey.
They’re all laughing at something as my girl holds Dakota in her lap.
She splits her attention on the little girl as she colors and the conversation around her.
I watch on as Roger brings her a plate of food and know he’s making sure she eats because she won’t think about it.
She’s got a sandwich, chips, and a can of soda in front of her now.
I walk over to her and pull a chair up with me as I sit between my mom and Annistyn.
“I’ve never had soda before. Is it good?” she whispers as the rest of the girls all turn their attention elsewhere around the room.
“It is good. You might need to get used to the carbonation in it though,” I respond as I reach over and open the can for her. “This is orange and the kids really like it. Bryce only wanted this to drink for the longest time and we had to limit him so he added water and milk to his meals.”
Annistyn takes a small sip and I watch on as the carbonation makes her scrunch up her nose before she swallows. Before she can do anything, a small burp escapes her and Dakota starts laughing.
“Auntie silly,” she says in her small, sweet voice.
I can’t help but laugh because I should have warned her she might burp from the soda.
“Excuse me. I’m so sorry,” Annistyn says while looking down at the table and avoiding eye contact.
“Honey, nothing to be sorry about. We all burp when soda is involved. You can’t help it,” my mom assures her with a smile on her face as Annistyn looks up at her. Everyone around the table agrees with my mom as I nudge her plate closer so she’ll eat.
“If you don’t want the soda, I’ll get you somethin’ else,” I promise her as she picks up her sandwich and starts to eat.
“I think I’d like to try and finish it,” she tells me and I’m proud of her for trying something new today. “Mom, why don’t we go out and sit out back for a while. It feels like it’s been forever since I had a chance to talk to you.”
“Okay,” she says as I let Annistyn know we’ll be right out back if she needs me.
My mom and I walk to the back door of the clubhouse and she leads me to one of the picnic tables away from everyone else already outside.
The two of us sit in the sun for a few minutes and simply watch the kids race around playing some game.
All of the older kids are keeping a close eye on the younger ones as we’ve done growing up.
Bryce doesn’t let Rory out of his sight as they play and she rides her bike through the grass.
“How have you been feelin’?” I finally ask my mom and give her my full attention. “I should have been checkin’ in more and bein’ a better son.”
“Honey, you’ve had your hands full with Annistyn.
I don’t blame you one bit. If you needed to know something, Sam or Playboy would have called you.
They see me every single day and make sure I have everything I need or want.
Playboy makes sure I’m not working too hard and gives me lots of breaks.
They’ve got the Prospects taking care of the yard for me and Shy has planted all of my favorite flowers around the house,” my mom answers as she smiles up at me.
“It’s way past the time you should be living for yourself and taking care of that beautiful woman inside. ”
“You like her?” I ask, needing my mom to be on board with Annistyn being in my life.
“I really do like her, Kreed. I know she’s been through a lot.
It’s written all over her actions and in her eyes when she forgets to hide her pain from the world around her.
I was the same way for so long after I left your sperm donor.
I can see how much you already care about her, Kreed.
Have you finally found your person?” my mom asks me as I look at her and give her a smile I can’t stop or hide from anyone.
“She’s my person. I knew it the second I saw her.
It doesn’t matter to me if she’s damaged right now.
Annistyn is strong enough to put herself back together with the right help and a good support team at her back.
I think she’s puttin’ a pretty good team in place.
Tank talked to her last night for a while and she opened up for the first time since I brought her here.
I think it was what she needed,” I answer my mom as I look out across the yard once again.
“Annistyn already has a good start when she’s ready to take that step and start the healing process.
You already know it won’t be an easy road and some days will be better than others.
You need to be there for her every single day and never let her push you away.
She’ll want to try to do things on her own and you need to give her space but not so much that she doesn’t rely on you after that.
Be her silent support as she completes each step of the recovery process and let her lead you.
You only saw a small portion of what I went through when I left that asshole, Kreed.
The parts I couldn’t keep from you no matter how hard I tried.
I have a feeling Annistyn’s recovery will be a lot harder and longer than what I went through.
Be her guiding light when she can’t find a way out of the darkness, Kreed.
That’s what she’ll need from you,” my mom says, a lone tear sliding down her face as I turn to look at her and realize again how strong this woman is.
“She thinks she’s too broken to be the woman at my side,” I inform my mom as my heart breaks again.
“That’s because she’s been conditioned to believe that about herself, Kreed.
Annistyn has been beaten down so much that she believes she won’t ever be a strong woman who deserves love or the good things in life.
You have to be the patient man I know you are and show her she’s worth all of that and so much more.
It will take a long time for her to truly believe she can be your woman,” my mom says, the truth of her words washing over me because I know she’s right.
Annistyn has never been shown love and I want to be the man who gives her the world and makes her believe she deserves it simply because of who she is and how much she means to me.
“I want to give her everythin’ her heart desires.
I want to marry her, cherish her, and have babies with her.
She’s the only woman I’ll ever want, Mom.
I won’t take a second with her for granted and will ensure she doesn’t push me away because she’s havin’ a bad day,” I promise my mom before I turn the conversation back to her.
“I’m happy you have Sam and Playboy but you didn’t answer how you’re feelin’.
Do I need to move you here so I can keep a closer eye on you? ”
“I don’t think we need to take that step right now, Kreed.
Eventually I have a feeling I’ll move here with you though.
I want to be near Annistyn and you. To help her on the days she doesn’t feel she can make it through without falling back on old habits.
That way, you can also keep an eye on me, Son.
I know you worry, but you really don’t need to.
I’ve slowed way down and I’m not working multiple jobs at once.
Sam, Playboy, and the others help me whenever I need it.
I’m still not thrilled to be around a lot of the guys in the club and they respect that.
Most of them work outside my house and keep their distance.
Here, I know you’d have the guys help me and Reckless would step up before any of them.
You boys are my world and I will end up moving here sooner rather than later,” my mom says, making me smile because that’s what I want to hear from her.
“I’ll be ready to move you here the second you’re ready, Mom. And I’ll make sure you have a house on the compound. I’m sure Annistyn will want you close as she gets to know you more,” I say before we go back to watching all the kids play.
The day seems to fly by as I check on Annistyn several times and find her talking with Roger in a quiet corner.
Whenever someone gets too close to them, they stop talking and begin again when they’re alone.
I’m not sure what they’re talking about, but I’ll give her the privacy she seems to need right now.
By the time I notice her starting to yawn, I walk up and take her upstairs for bed.
She showers while I wait for her and then slides in next to me.
The only time I’m able to hold her is when she’s asleep, but I’ll take it for now.
Eventually, I’ll be able to sleep with her wrapped in my arms all night long as she lays on my chest. That’s what I want more than anything.
I’ll wait as long as it takes for her to get to that point.