Chapter 31
THIRTY-ONE
Anger vibrates through me as I stand under the hot water. Closing my eyes and unclenching my hands, I try to find release from the giant weight sitting on my chest.
I thought I’d feel better after a couple of hours on the ice. Fuck, I thought that about coming back to Valley, too. That’s really why I skipped the funeral. I wanted to get back to school and back to normal. Back to Sienna.
Instead, every day I just wake up and feel shitty all over again. I turn off the shower and wrap a towel around my waist. The locker room is empty and dark. I didn’t bother turning any lights on when I came in.
Adam sits in his stall, leaning back.
“Fuck off. I’m perfectly capable of dressing myself.”
He says nothing. I really wish he’d tell me to shut the fuck up or clock me. Maybe that would make me feel better. It certainly couldn’t make me feel worse.
I ignore my buddy as I get dressed, hoping he’ll get the hint and leave. I’m in no mood to have a heart-to-heart. I’m in no mood to do anything but go back to the apartment where I can shut myself in my room and not speak to anyone.
But Adam didn’t come all the way here in the middle of the night to let me be a broody asshole.
“Well?” I ask, antsy to get this over with. “Say whatever it is you came to say.”
He sighs. “I love you like a brother. You’re my best friend in the whole world. I just want to be here for you.”
“You didn’t even like Carrie,” I say again. It’s petty as hell, but it’s true. Adam never liked Carrie. No one was happier than him when we finally broke up for good.
“Because I know that she fucking cheated on you,” he screeches, voice low. Immediately, his features morph, and he lets out an exasperated sigh. “Fuck. I’m sorry.”
Well, shit.
“How long have you known?” I ask, then, “How do you know?”
“I overheard you on the phone one day. I wanted to ask you about it, but I figured you’d tell me when you were ready to talk about it.”
“Yeah, that never would have happened.” I didn’t tell a soul the real reason me and Carrie broke up.
Until Sienna. Besides, it may have been the last straw, but we were heading that way for a while.
We drifted apart, became different people, wanted different things.
I guess I didn’t want to give my friends any more reasons not to like her.
“So, yeah, I wasn’t her biggest fan. Because I’m your biggest fan and I will always have your best interests in mind. I didn’t think you should be with her, but I didn’t hate her. I’m not glad she’s gone.”
“I know.” I rough a hand through my hair. “Fuck, I know. I’m so goddamn angry, and I don’t know why.”
“Because you’re hurting. You still cared about her.”
“It doesn’t make any sense. I can’t wrap my brain around it.”
We’re quiet for a beat.
“Sienna went back to her dorm.”
The knife in my gut twists, but I nod. “Good. I’m shit company.”
“You need to talk to her.”
“And say what?”
“Look, Rhett, I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but we all just want to be here for you. Sienna included. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know,” I grit out.
“Do you?” He lets me get by without answering. “Are you ready to head back to the apartment?”
“Maybe you’re right. I should go see Sienna. What time is it anyway?” I pat my pocket for my phone and then remember I destroyed it.
“After two in the morning.”
“Or tomorrow.”
“She’ll be up,” he says and claps a hand on my shoulder. “Text me if you need anything.”
Despite Adam’s encouragement, I don’t go see Sienna. I wander to her dorm and then walk home slowly. She has to skate tomorrow and as much as I want to see her, I know it’s selfish of me.
I send her an email. One quick line, Good luck tomorrow.
Then I pass the fuck out and hope that tomorrow is better.
I’m up early despite having gone to bed so late. Before I even open my eyes, the events of last night make my head throb. But worst of all, Sienna’s not here.
I check the time and hop into the shower. I have a lot of people to apologize to in a short amount of time if I’m going to catch Sienna before she skates today.
Heath and Ginny are in the living room.
“Rhett,” Ginny says, sitting up. She looks hesitant and I fucking hate that. I’ve known Ginny for years, since she was a junior high kid dropping off her brother at college. Now she looks afraid of me.
“I’m really sorry about last night.”
She gets up and hugs me.
Heath tips his head. “Feeling better?”
I shrug. “A little, I guess. Don’t feel like throwing anything.”
He chuckles. “Good because these thin ass walls can’t handle it.”
I glance up to the small hole in the wall where my phone hit. “I’ll fix it. Seen Adam?”
“Out back,” Ginny says, letting me go.
Adam and Reagan are sitting on a lounge chair together, talking and laughing. So happy. I want that.
He looks up when I step outside. “Hey, you’re awake.”
Reagan turns and smiles at me. “I should go get ready for Sienna’s competition.”
She kisses Adam and leaves us alone.
“I’m sorry for everything,” I say. “I lost my head. It’s no excuse.”
“Don’t worry about it. Already forgotten.”
“Thank you for checking on me even when I don’t want you to.”
He chuckles. “I’m gonna remember you said that for next time.”
“God, I hope there’s not a next time like this.”
His expression sobers. “Are you on your way to the arena?”
“Soon. I have a few things I need to take care of first.”
“I meant what I said last night. I always want whatever is best for you. I like Sienna. She’s sweet and caring, and I’ve never seen you so happy. That must be hard, considering everything else.”
“She’s incredible. I love her. I love her in ways I never thought I could love a person. I thought it would be enough.”
Enough to move on and to not feel the agony of losing a girl I’d known my whole life.
Adam nods. “I should have made you stay for the funeral. I didn’t know what you needed. I still don’t, but I’m here.”
“I know that, and I appreciate it. I should have stayed, but that’s on me.”
He stands and hugs me. “Whatever you need. I’m here.”
“In that case, can I borrow your phone?” I hold up what’s left of mine.
He laughs. “Yeah, of course.”