Chapter 33
THIRTY-THREE
Road-tripping with Maverick is as fun as you’d imagine. He has the best playlists, at every gas stop he loads up on tons of candy and junk food, and he doesn’t let me get too in my head and convince myself that this was all a terrible idea and we should turn around.
Okay, he doesn’t stop that last thing from happening, but he does laugh and make me feel better when I voice all the really awful thoughts churning in my brain.
On the morning of our second day, I see a sign for South Dakota. “Do you think we could make a stop?”
“Yeah, we’re about three hours away from Rhett. You want to have brunch and talk about the epic way you’re going to confess your love?”
I stare at him unblinking. “No, but now I’m worried just saying the words is going to be really lame.”
He chuckles. “Where do you want to stop?”
“Elias is training nearby. I’ve never met him and we’re so close.” Also, I think I need a pep talk from my best friend because my stomach is in knots.
Maverick hands me his phone. “Punch in the address.”
“Thank you for doing this. All of it. Talking me into it and driving. Elias is going to lose his mind.”
“How’d you meet Elias?”
“YouTube.” I grin. “He was documenting his journey, living and skating with long QT. I stumbled onto it right after I was diagnosed and we exchanged some messages, that led to texts, which led to us talking every day, sometimes multiple times a day. He’s kind of my best friend.”
“Always strictly friends?” He studies me carefully.
“Always. You’ll understand when you meet him. He’s impossible not to like. Kind of like you.”
“Throwing me off with a compliment or is that sincere?” He shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter, I accept.”
When we get to the arena where Elias is training, I end up having to call him so we can get in. Auburn, South Dakota may be a small, nameless city, but the arena is big and grand and heavily monitored.
“What? How?” He stops six feet away and then rushes forward and crushes me in a hug. “You’re real.”
“That would have been some impressive catfishing.” We gawk at each other for a few minutes. His dark hair curls around his ears and his brown eyes are a shade lighter than they’d seemed through the phone. He’s tall, which I knew, and has that lanky but strong build of a typical male figure skater.
He’s the same in person, and any weirdness I felt at finally meeting him in person is quickly dissolved when I discover it’s just as easy to be with him in person as it is on the phone.
I angle my body to introduce the guy at my side. “This is Johnny Maverick.”
“Traded up already?” Elias lifts a brow.
Mav cackles. “Traded up. That’s hilarious, and thanks for saying up instead of down.”
“The other one is currently on my shit list, so it isn’t hard to look better than him right now.”
“Elias!” I slap his arm.
“I know. I know. His ex died. It’s awful, but I’m still pissed he took off.”
The guys shake hands and then Elias takes us on a quick tour of the building. It’s impressive and I find myself already missing the hours I’ve been lucky enough to spend on the ice the last four years. Oh, how I’m going to miss skating every day.
“I have to get back. How long are you staying? Can we skate together?”
“I would love that.” I look to Mav. “Do we have time?”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t mind checking out that ice myself.”
“Awesome.” Elias grins. “Sit wherever, don’t talk to the mean-looking lady with the flaming red hair, and I’ll be done in about two hours.”
“Mean-looking lady with the flaming red—Ah! Found her.” Mav leads the way to a row about midway up.
I snort. “That’s his coach and she’s amazing.”
There are two other pairs on the ice, but it’s Elias and Taylor I focus on.
I’ve seen videos online of their competitions and some clips that Elias has sent, but they’re even better in person.
Taylor has this presence about her and Elias is a great partner, syncing with her and making every movement seem so connected and like it’s all about her.
“What are you doing over there?” I ask Mav a while later. We’ve barely spoken since we sat down since I’ve been so enthralled with watching. He’s leaned back smiling at his phone.
“Sexting Kota.”
“What?!” Well, that definitely has my attention. “No way. Let me see.”
He sits up and shows me a picture of Dakota holding Charli. “O-kay. I was expecting something a little… sexier.”
“She’s watching her for me while I’m gone.”
“That’s nice, but how is that sexting?”
“Trust me. I invented this move.”
“What move?”
“Sending chicks I’m interested in pictures of my dog to get their attention. It’s a signal and way more effective than nudes.”
“Wait a minute.” I pull out my phone and scroll up toward the beginning of mine and Rhett’s text history, then show Mav.
He covers his mouth with a fist. “Worked, didn’t it?”
“Of course you traveled with your skates,” Elias says as I step onto the ice.
“Mav did too.” I nod my head to where he’s skating around, hockey stick in hand.
“This place is incredible.” I look up and take in the view from down here. “And here I was feeling sorry for you being in small-town hell.”
“It’s pretty nice,” he admits. His gaze goes to Taylor.
“How are things?”
“Good. We decided to give dating a shot.”
I stop. “Dating?”
“Yeah, it isn’t a big deal. We figured the only way to keep things from being weird was just to date, give in to the chemistry.”
I laugh. The first time I’ve really, truly genuinely laughed in a week. So hard I can’t stop for a full minute.
“I’m sorry,” I say, clutching my stomach. “I don’t mean to laugh. Do you really think this is the less weird route?”
He flashes a sheepish grin. “Probably not, but she kisses like a damn goddess about to be struck down by Zeus.”
“Is that good?”
“It’s…” He holds his hands together in front of his face. “So good.”
“I’m happy for you then.”
“It’ll be good while it lasts,” he says with forced lightness in his tone. I hope for his sake that it ends as casually as it started. He’s so close to reaching his gold-medal dreams.
“So…” He starts. “What’s the plan? You’re going to just show up at Rhett’s house and then what?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I just need to tell him to his face that I love him. Maybe he already knows, but until I’ve said the words out loud I’m going to feel like I didn’t do everything I could.”
“You still haven’t told him?”
“You’re dating your partner?”
He flashes a sheepish grin.
“It probably won’t matter. He loves me and that wasn’t enough. I think he wants to protect me.”
“From?”
“My broken heart.”
“Did he say that?” Elias looks pissed at the prospect.
“No, not exactly, but he said that the last thing he wanted to do was hurt me or bring more stress into my life.”
He gives me a small smile.
“I guess I can’t blame him for thinking I can’t handle it considering I nearly fainted when we found out Carrie had died.” I hate so much that he has any question that I’m capable of being there for him. And I hate even more that I let him down when he needed me most.
“Honey, you’re not broken. He knows that. Or he should. Don’t even try to play the woe-is-me card. You’re the strongest person I know. You’re a motherfucking badass. He said it for the same reason you haven’t told him you love him.”
“I just haven’t found the right time. Sorry your ex-girlfriend died, but hey, consolation prize, I love you.”
“You’re no one’s consolation prize.”
“I know.” I sigh. “And I know he doesn’t think that. But what if…” I place my hand over my heart.
“What if he can’t deal with being with someone who could drop dead at any minute?”
“It is a lot. Especially now.”
“We’re all ticking time bombs. You’re scared. He’s scared. Life is fucking scary.”
“People don’t like to be reminded of their mortality.”
“True.”
Elias and I don’t get the luxury of believing we’re untouchable. We know better, but anyone that gets close to us has to accept that too and that can be a really hard thing to admit.
“What if he can’t get over this? What if he doesn’t come back?”
“Then Rickie really is a dumb hockey player.” Elias takes my hand. It’s so weird being here with him, skating, like we’ve done it a million times before. “Do you want to meet Taylor?”
“Oh my gosh, really? Is it weird if I ask her for an autograph?”
He laughs under his breath. “Oh, she’s going to love this.”
Mav and I climb back into his SUV. We’re only a few hours from Rhett’s house and the nerves and anticipation slam into me.
“This was an awful plan. How did I let you talk me into this?” I ask Mav when we’re on the freeway.
“It’s a great plan and I talked you into it.”
All too soon the signs for Rochestertown start appearing indicating we’re close.
“Maybe we should wait until tomorrow. He could still be busy or, I don’t know, out with friends.”
“Really?” Mav asks with a chuckle. “No can do. I’ve gotta be north of the city for dinner. I have just enough time to drop you, say hey to Rhett, and get back on the road.”
“You’re leaving me?”
“Relax. I’ll be back later tonight.”
“What’s north of the city?”
“The Wildcats. My team.” He taps the Wildcats hat resting on the dash. “Forgot I was a big shot pro hockey player, didn’t you?” He winks.
“I don’t think you get to call yourself a big shot pro hockey player until you play an actual pro game.”
He grins.
“Do they let you drop in and practice during the Valley off-season?”
“Nah, just have a meeting with the coach and my agent.”
I’m too worried about seeing Rhett to pry, but a few minutes later Mav asks, “Wanna know a secret?”
I nod.
“I’m not going back to Valley next year.”
“Why not?”
He shrugs a big shoulder. “It’s time. We won a national championship. There’s no topping that.”
“Wow. Does anyone else know?”
He shakes his head. “It’s our little secret.”
I blow out a shaky breath as he exits the freeway.
He takes his eyes off the road for a second to look at me. “You’re gonna be fine.”
“What if he isn’t excited to see me?”
“That’s what you’re worried about?”
“I hate surprises. They never go as planned.” Something Elias said earlier keeps replaying in my mind. “Stop. Pull over.”
Mav’s brow furrows but he pulls into a coffeehouse parking lot just off the freeway. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, but I can’t do this.”
“Sie—”
“Not because I’m afraid he doesn’t want to see me.” I turn to face him. “I’m a motherfucking badass.”
Mav’s body shakes with laughter. “Yeah, you are.”
“He asked this one thing of me. I can’t roll up and try to convince him not to do it.”
“What about telling him you love him?”
“I will, but for now, I think I have to believe in what we have. If I show up there, I’m basically proving that I can’t handle whatever life throws at us. I can. I’m strong enough. If he wants to run, that’s on him. But I’m here or I was there. I was strong enough but he wasn’t.”
“I’m not sure I follow,” Mav says.
I open the door, phone in the other hand. “Give me five?”
“Stay. I’ll grab some coffee.”
“Thanks.” I shut the door and Maverick gets out of the vehicle.
I have no idea what I’m going to say, but my finger hovers over Rhett’s number when a text pops up.
Rhett
Hey, angel. Back in MN and have a new phone.
A second one pops up while I’m rereading the first for a third time.
Rhett
This is just something I have to do. I can’t explain it. I know it’s the worst possible timing with school ending, but I can’t come back until I’m sure… Fuck, I don’t even know what I need to be sure of.
Rhett
I’m sure that I miss you.
I type out a dozen responses. I want to tell him how I feel and beg him to come back. Of course, I do. I miss him. But if he doesn’t want to lean on me right now, I can’t force him to.
Me
I miss you too. I get it. Do what you have to do, but I’m here if you need anything.
I power off my phone so I don’t crack and tell him I love him over text message. He’ll come back. He has to.
Mav climbs back into the driver’s seat, hands me a cup, and sets his in the middle console. “Well?”
“I’m sorry that I dragged you fifteen hundred miles from school for nothing, but I have to let him do this his way.”
He nods slowly. “You’re sure?”
“Positive.”
“All right.” He slides on his sunglasses. “Wanna meet my new team?”