Chapter 21
Atlas
It took me way longer to find her than I wanted to.
By the time I tracked down the warehouse, Trevor’s car had already been here for fifteen minutes.
My stomach drops to my feet as I prepare myself for what I might see here.
She’s been gone for twenty-four hours. I don’t even know if she’s still alive, but I know either way, Trevor won’t be after this.
Gavin is in my earpiece but I no longer hear him over the sound of my pounding heart.
I know he has a drone in the sky to run thermals and keep an eye out for any trouble, but I don’t wait for him to tell me what I’m running into. I already wasted enough time. I draw my gun and throw open the warehouse door.
I duck down when a bullet buzzes right past my head.
I go to return fire but stop dead in my tracks.
It’s not Trevor shooting at me. I’m frozen for a second, my brain trying to catch up to what I’m currently seeing.
I came here to rescue her but there’s a gun aimed at me, and she’s the one holding it.
She’s drenched in blood but I can tell it’s not hers.
I glance around to take in the scene. There doesn’t look to be anyone else here, well besides Trevor’s dead body.
Her knife is still sticking out of his neck as blood continues to pool in a puddle at his feet.
Damn, I just missed all the action. She doesn’t seem to be in shock or upset over his death either.
She looks every bit of the name I gave her. The chaos was palpable. You could feel it in the air– an electric feeling. Like any sudden movement would cause the air to spark. I’ve never seen her this unhinged.
My dick twitched at the sight of the carnage she unleashed.
I don’t know what that says about me, but I didn’t care to dwell on it.
She could shoot me right now and I’d probably smile.
She was bathed in his blood and looked like the queen of hell.
I’m not exactly happy she had to get her hands dirty, but she made my job easier by taking him out.
Now I just had to talk her down so she’d let me take her home.
“Lower the gun, Emily.”
“Why the fuck should I?”
“Because I’m not here to hurt you.”
“Then why the fuck are you here? How did you find me anyways? Trevor mentioned you were keeping something from me. Are you in on this?”
“I came to save you.” Her smile was manic as she put her finger back onto the trigger but pain flickered in her eyes before she masked it. Seeing that look on her face started to unravel me. My composure was starting to slip away.
“Clearly, I don’t need you to save me. Why would you risk your life to do that anyways? You don’t even know me.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Chaos.”
The gun shook in her hands a little, almost like she wasn’t sure what to believe before she raised it to my head.
“How do I know I can trust you?” Her voice cracked on the last two words and I couldn’t hold back anymore.
No matter what the fallout will be from this I can’t keep the truth from her anymore.
She can hate me, but after everything that’s happened, she deserves to know.
“Oh Darling Chaos, don’t you fucking get it?
Haven’t you figured it out yet? Those memories you’re missing belong to me.
You belong to me! You might not remember, but I could never forget.
You own my soul, Chaos. Whether you remember that or not!
I know I’m in that head of yours somewhere.
I see the recognition flicker in your eyes before it vanishes again.
It’s torture. My heart breaks again every time it fades. ”
Emily
It’s too much. I squeeze my eyes shut to try and block him out but the opposite happens.
Memories start flickering behind my closed lids like an old movie projector.
Flashes of this man that feel too real to have been figments of my imagination.
Too many thoughts and images fight for control.
My hands shoot up to cover my ears. The cold metal of the gun barely registers against my warm skin as I press in against my temple.
I want it all to stop but it doesn’t– Image after image, one memory to the next.
Every single one involves him. All the dreams I was having lately weren’t dreams, but memories that were locked away. His voice is bouncing around my psyche like a skipping CD. It’s suffocating.
I remember EVERYTHING! I remember the fact I changed my name because I was running from my old life.
The fake documents I hired some weird kid to make for me.
The night we met at Elixirs flashes in my mind, that time he fucked me on the hood of his car.
I remember the way he always looked at me.
It was like he was the only one who saw the real me.
I blink and my mind flashes to us arguing.
The night I left replays in my head like I’m reliving it.
Along with the memories, comes the flood of emotions that accompany them. Tears are streaming down my face and I don’t think they’re stopping anytime soon. I’m breaking down bit by bit, unraveling further and further with each new memory unlocking.
I remember leaving the bar. I was so drunk I don’t even know how I got into the driver seat without falling.
I blink again and the memory flashes to me tossing my phone out the window.
Another blink, another memory, this time it’s drifting off the road into the small ditch.
I relive the taxi ride and the voicemail I left Atlas from the taxi driver’s phone.
The headlights as I looked up towards the noise.
The sound of the wreck replays in my head.
It’s too much. It’s all too fucking much.
Is it possible to drown inside your own head?
It feels like a river of shit I didn’t remember and I’m trying to swim to the surface, but cinder blocks are chained to my feet weighing me down.
The pressure keeps building with nowhere to go, so I do the only thing I can to try to ease it– I SCREAM.
I scream with everything I have, until my lungs burn with the need for air.
When the burn becomes too much, I finally give in and inhale. As soon as the air inflates my chest, my body gives up the fight. My knees buckle and the sting as they connect with the concrete hits me, but I’m too trapped inside my head to care.
“Spoon. Spoon. Spoon.” I mumble the word over and over again like it has the power to make everything stop. That’s what he said right? That I need to say my safe word if it’s ever too much?
I’m lost in the panic for what feels like forever but it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes when I feel arms wrap around me.
He pries the gun from my hand and I hear the distinct sound of it clattering to the floor.
That does the trick. I snap out of the panic attack as I begin pushing his arms away.
I don’t want to be held right now, I don’t want to be coddled.
I want fucking answers and Trevor is no longer alive to give them to me.
Shit that’s right, I killed someone. What’s going to happen now?
I was so wrapped up in my own head I completely forgot.
I look at Trevor’s dead body but I still don’t feel guilty about it.
Honestly, I think I killed him too quickly.
He should’ve suffered more. The idea of actually getting a therapist sounded pretty nice right about now, but then I’d have to admit to my crimes, and I didn’t have time for that.
Atlas lets go without much of a fight and follows my gaze to Trevor.
“We need to deal with him and get out of here before cops come looking. Let me make a call real fast, then we can try to get you cleaned up.”
I nod and look down to see I’m still covered in blood. Damn, I made such a mess. Atlas is trying to talk quietly but I can hear every word.
“Yeah Gavin, I got her. No. Look I can explain everything later but I need you to call Ramos. He has connections. Just tell him I need a clean up and send him my current location. Okay. How much time do I have? Got it. Call me if you see trouble.”
He ends the call and walks towards me. He looks stressed and I’m not sure if I blame him.
Taking his hoodie off, he tosses it at me.
I put it on without any argument and pulled the sleeves down to cover up my blood stained hands.
This is the best we’ll be able to do in regards to cleaning me up.
It’s not like there’s any water here to wash off and I know we’re probably almost out of time.
Atlas heads for the exit and I quietly follow after him. He seems to have a plan and I still want answers. We walk a few blocks before I break the silence.
“Why didn’t you just tell me the truth when we met? Why all the games?”
“We don’t have time for this. Look, I’ll tell you everything when we get to my house.”
“Tell me now, Atlas. No more secrets between us. Don’t you think we had enough of that? I want fucking answers and I’m not going anywhere until I get them.”