Chapter 22
Atlas
The walk home felt longer than it was. I should’ve driven home from the warehouse, maybe I could’ve avoided all of this.
The further I walked away from her, the heavier the sinking feeling in my stomach got.
I didn’t mean to tell her any of that, but I panicked and the moment I opened my mouth it all spewed out like word vomit.
All this time keeping everything to myself and I crumble the moment she asks me about it.
I wasn’t ready to face the consequences.
She closed her eyes and I ran. I didn’t want to look into them while I watched the love she had for me fade.
I’d rather she had shot and killed me back at that warehouse than watch her leave again, so I left before she could.
I knew there was no way she’d pick to stay with me after everything I just revealed to her.
I don’t deserve her and she’s smart enough to know that.
I’m pacing my room, attempting to pack a bag but my thoughts are all over the place.
I can’t stay here without her. It’ll also kill me to leave.
None of the solutions I come up with seem to be good enough.
My steps falter when there’s pounding at the door.
Who’d be pounding like that on my door right now?
Whoever it is, I just hope it isn’t the cops.
Storming to the front door, I sling it open without checking the peep hole first. My temper was already boiling over at the fact that this person interrupted my downward spiral. I wanted to self-destruct in peace.
It definitely wasn’t the cops. No. On my door step stands my Darling Chaos in all of her glory.
She’s freshly showered and dressed to destroy anyone who stands in her way.
Her hair is still wet and hanging in waves down her back.
She’s dressed in a plain black cropped shirt with a black and white plaid skater skirt.
She paired the outfit with a pair of black high top converse.
The green of her eyes is so bright, they look like they’re on fire.
I swear I can visibly see the chaos and anger currently swirling in them and even though it’s aimed at me, she’s breathtaking.
Her emotions are palpable. The air between us is charged with them.
My lips part as if I have any idea what to say to her, but she cuts me off.
“You don’t get to say that shit and fucking leave, Atlas! You destroyed my entire world and then walked away like it didn’t matter. Like I didn’t fucking matter!”
The pain in her voice hurts because I know I’m the person who put it there, but I’m not ready for this conversation. I’m not ready for her to hate me. “I can’t do this right now. Just…just take time to think about everything and we can talk about it another time.”
“I want to talk now, Atlas. I need answers.”
“You don’t know what you need right now. Just go.”
“Fuck that! I’m not going anywhere until we talk about this. You can’t… Why’d you tell me all of that and then just fucking leave?”
“I was scared! Are you happy now? I was scared!”
“You don’t get to push me away just because you’re scared. How about you grow a pair and stop being a damn coward.”
“What did you just call me?” She rolled her eyes before her smirk turned crazed. She looks at me like she’s about to dump gasoline on the entire situation.
“What? Your ears stop working? Pretty sure you heard me the first time, pretty boy. I called you a coward. Am I wro-” My lips crash against hers, cutting off whatever else she was about to say.
As frustrating as it is to admit, she’s right.
I’m a coward but there’s something I want before it’s too late. Her.
Emily
The words die in my throat, cut off by his lips on mine. It’s intoxicating. He’s not sweet or gentle. The kiss is destruction and devastation. It’s soul shattering yet not enough. I want answers to every question screaming in my head. Pulling back from him, I break the kiss.
“Why?”
He shakes his head from side to side as he pulls me closer to his body and shuts the door behind us. I was so focused on him, I completely forgot we were standing in his doorway.
“Can you just stop asking for answers right now?”
“No.” My answer is blunt but the fact that he’s still dodging my questions is starting to annoy me.
“You were just kidnapped. Stop being a damn brat for one second and let me enjoy the fact I have you in my arms before you leave again.”
He’s crazy if he thinks I’m going anywhere after all of this, but I don’t tell him that and I’m not giving up that easily. “Make me. Make it worth it or start talking.”
The next thing I know, my feet are off the ground and in the air. This motherfucker flips me upside down as if I weighed nothing. It’s like he thinks he’s some male entertainer or some shit– such an asshole. My hands shoot to grab his waist to brace myself.
This takes ‘face down ass up’ to an entirely new level.
My thighs are over his shoulders with feet in the air crossed behind his head. I’m eye level with the tent in his pants. My skirt flips up revealing my ass to him. One of his hands is digging into my hip to keep me in place. If this is how he wants to play then fine.
I move my mouth closer to him and bite him through his jeans– not hard enough to hurt him– but the hiss that escapes makes liquid pool at my center, so I bite him again.
His other hand comes down in a heavy smack against my left cheek, and his teeth sink into my thigh just below the apex.
Based on the sting radiating from where his mouth is, I already know it’s going to leave a bruise if it doesn’t break the skin.
Good. I loved having his marks on my body.
“Now do as you’re told or I won’t be so nice next time.” My smart remark escapes as a gasp on my lips as he licks me through the thin fabric separating his tongue from my center.
“Undo my belt for me, Chaos. Be a good girl and pull me out before I’m left with a zipper imprint on my dick because of you.
” His words of praise melt my bratty attitude enough that I’m willing to do as I’m told, my body humming with anticipation.
I pull his dick free and it bobs against my lips.
I keep my mouth close to him. Close enough that when I wet my lips, my tongue flicks across the salty bead of precum already leaking from his tip.
“Stop being a fucking tease and open that bratty little mouth. Put me where I belong. You can’t run your mouth if it’s full,” His hand lets go of my hip and tangles in my hair.
He pulls my head back fair enough to make me open my mouth in a low moan before he shoves my head down on him, until he’s filling my mouth completely.
He removes his hand from my hair long enough to pull my panties to the side before returning.
Tangling his fingers into my hair at the nape of my neck he uses his hold on my hair to set my pace, dragging my mouth up and down his length as he blows cold air against me.
“Already so wet for me,” I moan around him as he begins to suck and lap at my clit.
He’s deliberately teasing me, working me closer and closer to my release without letting me go over the edge.
“Make me cum and I’ll finally let you finish.
If you swallow every drop, then we can have that conversation you wanted. ”
I hollow my cheeks, sucking a licking with complete abandonment.
I’m not sure what pushed me more; the thought of getting to finish or finally getting the answers I wanted.
I swallowed around him, gagging slightly on his length.
The harder I worked, the faster he did. He matched my pace, his mouth and fingers working more and more moans out of me.
The moment his salty taste hits my tongue, I detonate.
My thighs squeeze around his head as I suck him dry, swallowing every last drop.
Once we were both completely spent, he plopped me down on his couch before collapsing right beside me.
“What do you want to know first?”
Straight to it. At least he kept his word about talking after. I can also admit I’m not as angry as I was when I first arrived, so I ask my first question. The one question that started it all. “Why did you place a tracker on my phone and why didn’t you stop me from leaving?”
“I didn’t tell you at the time because I didn’t want to scare you, but I was pretty sure someone was stalking you.
There were threatening letters I found and destroyed before you saw them.
I thought the tracker would be an extra layer of protection in case anything happened.
After everything that’s happened, I’m pretty sure Trevor was your stalker, and I think he caused the accident.
I didn’t stop you from leaving because I was a selfish prick and didn’t think you’d actually leave. Not really at least.”
“I mean that makes sense. I ran knowing there was a chance he’d chase after me.
I think I used to love Trevor, but now that I reflect on it, I think I was just hoping I’d one day be enough for him to love me.
We were young when we met. I did whatever he asked because I thought that’s what love was.
He told me what to wear and how to act, and for a while, that was okay.
It wasn’t until five or six years later I realized I was the only one compromising.
It was always what he wanted and when he wanted it.
He wasn’t physical with me, ever, but my mental health started draining.
I didn’t know how to end it without pushing him over the edge or having him guilt trip me into staying, so I ran.
As soon as I had the fake documents made up, I packed a small bag and I left in the middle of the night.
I wanted to start over. I thought a new name meant I could actually be myself.
I knew he’d come looking for me. He acted like he owned me.
Like I was his property. I figured a new name would also let me hide from him. ”
“Do you have any other questions?”
“Honestly, none that really matter. I think you said most of it earlier.”
“Can I ask a few then?”
“Sure. What do you want to know?”
“What happened the night you met me? Why me of all people?”
A smile twitches on my lips. “On my first night away from him, I decided I was going to dress how I wanted for the very first time and I went to a bar. I felt your eyes on me and it felt like you were the first person in my entire life to actually look and see the real me. You didn’t look at me like I didn’t belong there.
You looked at me like I was the only person in the room.
You made me want to be bold, so I let my body take over and I ignored every single thought telling me to leave. ”
“Do you regret ever meeting me? After everything that’s happened?”
“No, Atlas. I could never regret meeting you. I’d relive it all again if it means you’ll still look at me like this.”
“Like what?”
“Like I’m not broken. You look at me like I’m the only person in the room. You look at me like you love me…”
“You’re far from broken. You’re the strongest person I know. And yeah, when my eyes land on you, no one else matters. My skin prickles whenever you enter the same room I’m in. I could never not see you.”
He grabs my chin tilting my face up so my eyes meet his. “Of course, I love you. It’d be impossible not to. You’re my yellow, Chaos. I didn’t even know what that meant when you first said it, but I think you always have been.”
“You’re my yellow too, Atlas. Always will be.” His movement falters before I visibly see his sigh of relief.
“Does that mean you’re not leaving again?”
“Leaving was never an option. Look at what happened last time I tried. You’re stuck with me now, Atlas.” He chuckles at that before finally letting go of my chin.
“So Chaos, what do I call you now? Emily or Maizyn? As long as you’re mine, I’ll call you whatever you want.”
“I was never myself when I was Emily. It always felt like I was pretending to be something I wasn’t. I think the first time I ever felt like myself was when I was Maizyn. Emily was who Trevor wanted me to be and I feel like I killed Emily when I killed him.”
“Then Maizyn it is. For real this time. We’ll do a legal name change and make it real. Are you ready to go?”
“Go where?”
“Back to where everything started.”