Chapter 27
Chapter Twenty-Seven
ERIKA
A multitude of rides later, the queasy feeling in my stomach wasn’t from the life defying spin of the Zero Gravity we’d just exited. I beelined for the cake tent to check on Josh, telling Vinny and Knox I’d meet them at the front gate in a few minutes.
On the way, I ran into Drew heading the opposite direction. I called after him and jogged a few steps to catch up. “I’m really sorry. About all of it.”
He shrugged but kept his gaze fixed somewhere over my shoulder. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not,” I said quietly, reaching for his hand before I could overthink it. “I never meant to put you in the middle or hurt you. You didn’t deserve that.”
His jaw tightened, but he nodded once. “I know.” He pulled his hand from mine and walked away. I let him go, wishing I’d been more careful, and hating that an apology couldn’t undo the embarrassment I caused him.
Inside the cake tent I only found Marty. “Where’s Josh?”
“He stayed maybe a half-hour. That was…” She rolled her wrist. “An hour ago. Then he had a dreadful argument with Milly. He’s usually tactful, but I’m afraid he broke it off with her in a bad way and, bless her heart, she didn’t take it well.
Timothy was kind enough to help get her home, at least I think he walked her to her car. ”
“Timothy was kind?” I blinked trying to picture that.
“He’s not all piss and vinegar, hon. When a lady needs help, he can behave like a gentleman.
” Marty’s forehead wrinkles deepened. “I’m worried about Josh.
I’ve seen him have bad days, but today between the two tough clients, the inspection, dealing with coming here and then Milly…
” I heard the tension in her voice, even though she kept it even.
“I can’t leave to check on him until after the raffle in an hour. He won’t reply to my texts.”
“I’m sure he’s fine. Maybe he needed to get away from the festival and all.” I forced fake happiness into my tone but had to concentrate to swallow the bile burning its way up my throat.
The look Marty shot me told me she wasn’t buying my false cheeriness. “We have rough days all the time, but the past few weeks would be too much for anyone.”
A chill worked its way through me. “You think it’s serious? Him not replying?”
“I’m worried. He always replies to my texts.”
I’d lost a good friend from vet school after one too many bad things happened on his job. An out-of-context video went viral.. After a particularly bad day, that wonderful soul took his own life. It was too easy to OD on a drug from the clinic.
“If you can watch Vinny for a bit tonight, I’ll go check on Josh right now. I promise. I’ll have Knox bring him by before he goes home.” I felt terrible shuffling Vinny around, but he seemed to be having fun hanging out with Knox.
* * *
Twenty minutes later, I knocked at the front door of Josh’s early 1900s house just off Main Street. No answer.
Please be okay.
One more knock.
Silence.
My stomach twisted so hard I thought I might puke. He might be with someone else. The thought clawed right through my ribs. It’d be fast for a rebound, sure. But it wasn’t like he’d have to try hard. There were plenty of women who’d line up for a chance to warm his bed.
Was I trying to convince myself not to go in?
If I walked in and found him tangled up with another woman, I’d blow that situation to pieces without hesitation.
I’d rip the whole room apart if I had to.
And then—then I’d give him every bit of the heartbreak he’d earned by leading me on and making me believe we might still have something real.
I pressed my palm to the door, trying to steady myself. I’d go in slow, just to make sure he wasn’t actually—God forbid—hurting himself. I just needed to know he was alive, breathing, not drowning in whatever darkness he carried.
I used the key Marty lent me to let myself in. Marty had agreed to watch Vinny and keep him at her house after the festival. Knox had been kind when we parted, but he didn’t like the thought of me running over here to Josh’s house.
I paused in the foyer. The hallway smelled refreshing, the pine scent of wood cleaner wafting from the floor. I could hear the muffled sound of a TV somewhere deeper in the house.
“Josh?” I called out. The wood floor creaked under every step, the sound echoing.
A massive wooden side table and a wardrobe-style cabinet filled the foyer, both pieces vintage and gracefully worn.
They looked intentional, as if someone with an eye for design had chosen them.
I wondered if he’d hired an interior decorator.
I didn’t find him in the main dining room or kitchen. Relief washed over me to find him on a normal sofa in front of a gigantic TV screen. He had his head craned back like he was…
I ran for him and shook him. “Don’t you dare be dead.”
“Wh-What?” he looked groggy. His hair was damp as if he’d just climbed out of a shower.
“Did you take something or drink something?” No evidence of paraphernalia or a pill vial.
“What’s wrong? I didn’t do anything. I’m just tired of everything and everyone. If there’s a new crisis… Not tonight.” His head flopped back against the sofa again. “I’m not on call. You are. Leave me alone.”
I gripped his arm. “Swear to me you didn’t take anything.”
“I drank a beer.”
I leaned in to stare at his eyes. No drug-induced dilation.
I straddled to sit across his hips and hugged him tight, even if I couldn’t get my arms all the way around him.
“I thought I lost you when you didn’t answer the door.
Marty said you wouldn’t reply to her texts. Then you didn’t reply to me either.”
“Lost me to what?” He stiffened in my embrace. “Why are you here?”
“You had a very bad day. So many vets suicide after one of these days. I wasn’t sure.
” I leaned back to really look at him. He looked like the boy I never stopped loving.
The boy who turned into an adult, and I loved him too.
After I brushed hair off his face and out of his eyes; leaning in, I kissed him gently.
“You might make me mad enough to spit but I can’t do any of this if you aren’t here. Just the thought of you…”
His hands wrapped me to hold me against him. “I’m right here.”
I whispered, “You’re a great vet. You had a shitty day. People took their stress out on you, but you didn’t do anything wrong. Then you broke up with your girlfriend.”
“I could’ve done better today.” It came out gruff.
I let go to sit up. “You did the best you could.” I ran my thumb over the knuckles of the hand he held closest to me. “That’s all any of us can do. Look at me.” I waited until he did, which took so long that I almost forced him to look. “I want to hear you say I am a great vet.”
“I’m a great vet. Does that make you happy?” His question lacked enthusiasm. “I don’t need a confidence booster. I’m good.”
“You don’t look good. I want you to say out loud: I am the sexiest man in town who drives all the women crazy.”
“I’m not saying that bullshit.”
That had a bit more of the bite I expected. Good.
“Are you not going to say it because you don’t believe it, or do you have a smidge of modesty I don’t know about?” I tried not to smile.
“There’s only one woman I hope I drive crazy.” His large hands roamed up my back. The air between us became charged with something different. It buzzed with repressed feelings, desperation, and longing.
His eyelids closed. “You should go. Don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what?” I rocked back, still balanced on his lap.
“Don’t give me hope.”
Hope is what kept me from taking a breath. I slid closer, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “Pretty sure I already did that. At least, hope in the sense that I want you in a way that defies logic.”
He dropped his head, groaning my name.
I kissed along his neck and tugged his scrub top down to gain access to a collarbone.
“I can’t resist this. It’s been a hell of a day.” His voice had taken on a husky tone. “I don’t want to be your next mistake.”
“I didn’t come over here for this. But…” I reached down to cup him through his pants, feeling him swollen and huge against my palm. “You don’t need to save me from you. Seems like you already tried to do that once long ago. We need to talk about that.”
“Some other time.” He lost whatever bit of self-control remained. He grabbed the back of my head and kissed me so hungrily I thought I was going to die from asphyxiation. He pulled away to remove my shirt. At the same time, I pulled his scrub top over his head.
I hadn’t seen him shirtless. His upper body was sparsely haired, with taut muscles that he must work hard to keep.
The ridges led to more ridges that disappeared into jeans that did nothing to hide the massive tent his groin was pitching.
I dragged my gaze up from the strong contours to find him watching me with heavy lidded eyes.
I wanted him so much. This was bad. We’d both probably suffer professionally.
Or he might hurt me again. But I knew this man.
Josh wasn’t selfish or entitled, even if I threw those labels at him when I was angry.
He was loyal and caring. He was protective, which I didn’t think I needed, but maybe I did.
I could live without someone looking out for me, but I’d missed him doing it.
He’d always been the one there for me through the hardest parts of my younger years.
He put a hand lightly on my waist and stared at me. As in, he stared at my body, at least the parts I’d just bared. He kept on staring to the point I wiggled and wondered if there was something wrong.
He whispered, “You’re so unbelievably beautiful. We don’t have to do this, not if you’re just making a point or trying to make me feel better.”
A tight breath slipped past my lips. “You’re beautiful too. I don’t want this just to make you feel better. You stole this from us a long time ago. Touch me.”
He cupped my breast through the bra gently and waited. My gaze fluttered to his.