Chapter Thirty-Six
Derek
Five weeks.
Five weeks of showing up at Kat’s door every morning. Five weeks of breakfast with my daughter and the woman I loved. Five weeks of slowly, carefully building something that felt more fragile than glass and more precious than anything I’d ever held.
And now I was about to fuck it all up by taking Kat on an actual date.
I sat in my truck outside her house, hands gripping the steering wheel, trying to remember how to breathe like a normal human being instead of a man on the edge of a goddamn panic attack.
You’ve got this, I told myself. You’ve been having meals with her for weeks. This is just dinner. Somewhere else. Alone.
Yeah. That was the problem.
Alone with Kat meant no Frankie as a buffer. No easy conversation about schoolwork or what movie they wanted to watch. Just me and her and all the shit we’d been dancing around while we pretended breakfast was casual and normal and not the most important part of my entire fucking day.
I checked my reflection in the rearview mirror.
I’d shaved. Put on a button-down shirt that Sam swore made me look “approachable” instead of “like you’re about to murder someone.
” I’d even worn the boots Jack said were “date boots” instead of my usual work boots, though I still wasn’t entirely sure what the fuck the difference was.
You look fine, I told myself. Stop stalling.
I climbed out of the truck and walked up to the porch, my heart hammering against my ribs like it was trying to break free. I raised my hand to knock, then hesitated.
What if she’s changed her mind? What if she opens the door and tells me she can’t do this, that it is too much, too fast, too—
The door swung open before I could finish the thought.
Maggie stood there, one hand on her hip, a knowing smirk on her face.
“Well, well,” she said, looking me up and down. “Don’t you clean up nice.”
I blinked at her. “Where’s Kat?”
“Still getting ready.” Maggie stepped aside, gesturing for me to come in. “You’re early.”
“I’m on time.”
“Same thing.” She closed the door behind me and called over her shoulder, “Rhoda! Derek’s here!”
Rhoda appeared from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dish towel. Her eyes lit up when she saw me, and I immediately knew I was in trouble.
“Oh, Derek,” she said, her voice dripping with amusement. “You look nervous.”
“I’m not nervous.”
“You’re sweating.”
“It’s warm outside.”
“It’s January,” Maggie deadpanned.
I shot her a look, but she just grinned.
Nox wandered in from the hallway, took one look at me, and snorted. “You taking Kat on a date?”
I nodded.
He studied me, his expression far too knowing for a ten-year-old. “Tank says when you kiss a girl on a date, you gotta use your tongue. Is that true? Are you gonna tongue kiss Kat?”
“Nox,” Maggie warned.
“What? I’m just asking.” He shrugged and looked at me again. “Tank told me that when you go on dates with girls, you gotta like... kiss them and touch them. A lot. Like, everywhere.”
“Nox!” Maggie’s voice cracked like a whip. “That is completely inappropriate.”
“What? Tank said it’s how you know if you really like someone. He said he tongue kisses girls all the time and that’s why he gets those purple marks on his neck. Are you gonna get purple marks, Derek? Are you going to touch Kat’s—”
“Nox!” Maggie stood up so fast her chair scraped backward. “That is enough. You do not repeat what Tank tells you. Ever. Do you understand me?”
Nox grinned, clearly pleased with the reaction he’d gotten. “But he said—”
“I don’t care what Tank said,” Maggie growled. “You do not talk to adults like that.” She pointed toward the hallway. “Go check on Frankie and Cami. Now.”
Nox rolled his eyes but got up, muttering something under his breath as he disappeared down the hall.
“Why did I ever agree to let Nox spend time with that man?” Maggie muttered.
Rhoda was trying not to laugh. “Because Nox needed a way to pay for the damage he did to Tank’s bike.” Maggie looked like she wanted to strangle her little brother.
I just stood there, feeling like I’d walked into a goddamn ambush.
“Sorry about that,” Maggie said, shaking her head. “He’s been spending too much time with the guys at the clubhouse.”
“It’s fine,” I said, though my face felt hot.
“It’s not fine,” Rhoda said, still grinning. “But it is funny.”
Maggie shot her a look, then turned back to me. She stepped closer, her eyes narrowing as she studied me like I was a piece of furniture she was considering buying. “You’re sweating.”
“I’m not—”
“You’re definitely sweating.” She reached out and adjusted my collar, her movements efficient and motherly. “At least the shirt’s decent. Could be worse. Could be a lot worse.”
“Thanks?” I said, unsure if that was a compliment.
“So,” Rhoda said, settling into the armchair like she was getting comfortable for a show. “Where are you taking her?”
“Dinner.”
“Where?”
“A restaurant.”
“Which one?”
I hesitated. “Does it matter?”
“It matters if you’re taking her somewhere terrible,” Maggie said.
“It’s not terrible.”
“Is it fancy?” Rhoda asked.
“It’s... nice.”
“Nice or nice?” Maggie pressed.
I stared at her. “What’s the difference?”
“Nice is the diner,” Rhoda said. “Nice is somewhere you need a reservation.”
“I made a reservation.”
Both women smiled like I’d just passed some kind of test.
“Good,” Maggie said. “Kat deserves nice.”
“I know that.”
“And you’re going to be a gentleman,” Rhoda added.
“I’m always a gentleman.”
Maggie snorted. “I’m just saying... tonight’s about Kat. Not Frankie. Just her.”
I nodded, my throat tight. “I know.”
“And you’re nervous,” Rhoda said gently.
“I’m not—” I stopped, exhaled. “Yeah. I’m nervous.”
“Good,” Maggie said. “You should be. It means you care.”
I did care. More than I’d ever cared about anything in my entire fucking life.
A door down the hall opened, and I heard soft footsteps. My heart stopped.
I turned toward the hallway, and then—
Fuck.
Kat appeared in the living room doorway, and every coherent thought I’d ever had evaporated.
She was wearing a dress. Dark blue, fitted at the waist, falling just above her knees. Her hair was down, soft waves framing her face. She’d done something with her makeup, not a lot, just enough to make her eyes look even more devastating than usual.
She was breathtaking.
And she was looking at me like she was just as nervous as I was.
I couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. Couldn’t do anything but stand there like a fucking idiot while she walked toward me, her eyes locked on mine.
You don’t deserve her, the voice in my head whispered. You’re just like me. A killer. She’s going to realize it eventually and—
No.
I shut that voice down hard, the way Haizley had taught me. The way I’d been practicing for weeks.
That wasn’t my voice. That was my father’s. And he didn’t get to have a say in this.
I’d done the work. I’d faced my demons. I’d proven—to Haizley, Jack and Sam, to Kat, to Frankie, to myself—that I wasn’t him. That I could be better.
That I was better.
Kat stepped further into the room, her eyes searching mine.
“Hi,” she said softly.
“Hi.” My voice came out rougher than I intended. I cleared my throat. “You look... fuck, Kat. You look beautiful.”
A faint blush colored her cheeks. “Thank you.”
Behind me, I heard Maggie whisper something to Rhoda, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t look away from Kat.
“You ready?” I asked.
She nodded, grabbing a small purse from the table by the door. “Let me just say goodbye to Frankie.”
As if on cue, Frankie appeared in the hallway, Cami right behind her. My daughter looked between me and Kat, and a slow smile spread across her face.
“You two look nice,” she said.
“Thanks, sweetheart,” Kat said, leaning down to kiss Frankie’s forehead. “You be good for Maggie, okay?”
“I’m always good.”
“Uh-huh.” Kat straightened, then looked at Maggie. “Thank you for watching her.”
“It’s no problem,” Maggie said. “The girls are going to have a great time.”
Frankie walked over to me, and I crouched down so we were eye level.
“Have fun, Dad,” she said quietly.
My chest tightened. She’d started calling me that a week ago, and it still hit me like a freight train every single time.
“I will,” I said. “You have fun too.”
“Oh, I will.” She grinned, then leaned in close and whispered, “Don’t forget protection.”
I choked.
“Frankie,” Kat said sharply.
“What?” Frankie stepped back, all innocence. “I’m just saying. Safe sex is important. They taught us that in health class.”
“You’re homeschooled,” Kat said.
“Yeah, and you taught me that.”
Maggie was laughing now, not even trying to hide it. Rhoda had her hand over her mouth. Nox was grinning from the hallway.
Kat looked like she wanted the floor to swallow her whole.
I stood, biting back a smile. “We’ll keep that in mind.”
“Derek,” Kat hissed.
“What? She’s right. Safe sex is important.”
Frankie high-fived Cami, looking entirely too pleased with herself.
Kat grabbed my arm and practically dragged me toward the door. “We’re leaving. Now.”
“Have fun!” Frankie called after us. “But not too much fun!”
“Frankie!” Kat’s voice was mortified, but I could hear the laugh underneath it.
I opened the truck door for Kat, and she slid in, her face still flushed.
As I walked around to the driver’s side, I caught Maggie’s eye through the window. She gave me a thumbs-up, and I nodded.
I climbed into the truck, started the engine, and looked over at Kat.
She was staring straight ahead, her hands folded in her lap, her shoulders still shaking slightly with suppressed laughter.
I pulled out of the driveway, and we drove in silence for about a minute before Kat turned to me, her eyes glinting with mischief.
“So,” she said, her voice dripping with amusement. “Protection, huh?”
My face went hot. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” She was definitely enjoying this. “I’m just saying what Frankie said. Safe sex is important.”
“Kat.”
“She has a point, though.” Kat bit her lip, trying not to smile. “Very responsible of her to bring it up.”
“She’s twelve,” I muttered, gripping the steering wheel. “She shouldn’t even be thinking about that shit.”
“She’s homeschooled by a woman who apparently teaches very thorough health classes.” Kat’s voice was teasing now, playful in a way that made my chest tighten. “I wonder where she gets her confidence.”
“From you,” I said flatly. “She definitely gets it from you.”
“Me?” Kat pressed her hand to her chest in mock innocence. “I would never.”
“You absolutely would.” I shot her a look. “And you’re enjoying this way too much.”
“I am,” she admitted, not even trying to hide her grin. “You should see your face right now. You look like you’re about to combust.”
“That kid is too smart for her own good,” I muttered, shaking my head. “Way too smart. And apparently has no filter.”
“I wonder where she gets that from too,” Kat said sweetly.
I groaned. “This is payback, isn’t it? For me not shutting her down immediately.”
“Maybe a little.” Kat reached over and squeezed my arm, her touch gentle despite her teasing. “But mostly, I’m just enjoying watching you squirm. You looked absolutely mortified back there.”
“I was not—” I stopped, exhaled. “Okay, I was. Your daughter just told me to use protection in front of your friends.”
“Our daughter,” Kat corrected softly, and something in my chest shifted at the words. “And yes, she did. Very loudly.”
I glanced over at her, and she was smiling—a real smile, not mocking, just genuinely amused and warm.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, but her voice was full of laughter. “I really am. But that was the funniest thing I’ve seen all week.”
I reached over and took her hand, threading my fingers through hers. “She’s a great kid.”
Kat finally looked at me fully, and the tension in her shoulders eased. “She really is.”
“Yeah.” I squeezed her hand. “She’s been raised by a great mom.”
Kat’s cheeks flushed pink at the compliment, and this time it wasn’t from embarrassment. She squeezed my hand back, and we both dissolved into quiet laughter as I pulled onto the main road.
With Kat’s hand warm in mine, I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
Peace.
Not the absence of fear or doubt or guilt.
But the presence of something stronger.
Hope.
And for the first time in my life, I believed I deserved it.