Chapter Thirty-Seven
Katrina
The drive home felt both too long and not long enough.
Derek’s hand was warm in mine, his thumb tracing lazy circles over my knuckles. The gesture was simple, intimate, and it made my heart race in a way that had nothing to do with fear.
What happens when we get home?
The question had been circling in my mind since we left the restaurant.
Since he’d looked at me across the table with those intense eyes and told me I was beautiful.
Since he’d laughed at my terrible jokes and listened, really listened, when I talked about Frankie, about the orchard, about the life I was trying to build.
He made me feel seen.
Not just looked at but truly seen. Like he could peer past all the walls I’d built and still wanted what he found behind them.
It terrified me.
It thrilled me.
And God help me, I wanted him.
I’d been fighting it for weeks, months, really. Fighting the pull I felt every time he was near. Fighting the way my body responded to his voice, his touch, the way he looked at me like I was the only woman in the world.
But tonight, sitting beside him in the quiet darkness of his truck, I didn’t want to fight anymore.
I wanted to surrender.
The thought sent heat pooling low in my belly, and I shifted in my seat, suddenly hyperaware of every point of contact between us. His hand in mine. The warmth radiating from his body. The way his jaw flexed when he glanced over at me.
“You okay?” he asked, his voice low and rough.
“Yeah.” My voice came out breathier than I intended. “I’m good.”
His eyes darkened, and I knew he heard it—the want, the need I was trying so hard to hide.
“Kat.” My name on his lips sounded like a prayer and a warning all at once.
“Derek.” I squeezed his hand. “I’m okay. Really.”
He didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t push. Just kept driving, his thumb still tracing those maddening circles on my skin.
When we pulled into my driveway, my heart was pounding so hard I was sure he could hear it.
Derek put the truck in park but didn’t move to get out. He just sat there, staring at the house, his jaw tight.
“Do you want to come in?” The words tumbled out before I could second-guess them.
His head snapped toward me, his eyes searching mine. “Kat—”
“Just for a little while,” I said quickly. “Frankie’s at Maggie’s for the night, and I... I don’t want the evening to end yet.”
The truth of it hung between us, heavy and electric.
Derek’s hand tightened on mine. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” And I was. Terrified, but sure.
He nodded slowly, then climbed out of the truck and came around to open my door. His hand was warm and steady as he helped me down, and when my feet hit the ground, he didn’t let go.
We walked to the front door in silence, my keys jingling as I unlocked it. The sound felt too loud in the quiet night.
Inside, I flipped on the lamp in the living room, casting everything in soft, golden light. Derek closed the door behind us and stood there, hands in his pockets, looking like he was trying very hard not to touch me.
“Can I get you something to drink?” I asked, my voice shaking slightly. “Coffee? Water?”
“Kat.” He took a step toward me, and the intensity in his eyes made my breath catch. “I didn’t come in for coffee.”
I swallowed hard. “What did you come in for?”
He closed the distance between us in two strides, and suddenly he was right there, so close I could feel the heat radiating off his body.
“You,” he said simply. “I came in for you.”
My heart stuttered. “Derek—”
“I need you to understand something.” His voice was rough, raw with emotion. “I’m not here because I want a quick fuck. I’m not here because I’m lonely or bored or looking for something to pass the time.”
He reached up and cupped my face, his thumb brushing over my cheekbone.
“I’m here because I am in love with you. Because I have been since the moment I saw you standing in that kitchen, looking at me like I was something dangerous. Because every day I don’t touch you, don’t kiss you, don’t make you mine, feels like I’m suffocating.”
My breath came in short, shallow gasps. “Derek—”
“I want you, Kat. I want you so fucking bad it’s killing me. But more than that, I want us. I want to wake up next to you every morning. I want to be there when Frankie needs help with her schoolwork. I want to build a life with you, a real life, not just stolen moments and half-truths.”
His forehead pressed against mine, and I could feel him trembling.
“But if you’re not ready, if you need more time, I’ll wait. I’ll wait as long as it takes. Because you’re worth it. You’re worth everything.”
Tears pricked at my eyes. “I’m scared.”
“I know, baby. I know.” His thumb caught a tear as it slipped down my cheek. “But I’m not going anywhere. I’m not him. I’m here, and I’m staying, and I will spend every day for the rest of my life proving it to you if that’s what it takes.”
Something inside me cracked open, something I’d been holding onto for so long I’d forgotten what it felt like to let go.
“I don’t want you to wait,” I whispered.
His eyes snapped to mine, dark and intense. “What?”
“I don’t want you to wait.” I reached up and fisted my hands in his shirt, pulling him closer. “I want you, Derek. I want this. I want us.”
“Kat...” His voice was strained, like he was barely holding himself back.
“Kiss me,” I breathed. “Please. Just kiss me.”
For a moment, he didn’t move. Just stared at me with those burning eyes, his chest heaving.
And then he snapped.
His hand shot to the back of my head, fingers tangling in my hair as he pulled me against him. His other arm wrapped around my waist, lifting me slightly as he backed me against the wall.
And then his mouth was on mine.
Raw. Desperate. Consuming.
He kissed me like he was drowning and I was air. Like he’d been starving and I was the only thing that could satisfy him. His tongue swept into my mouth, claiming, possessing, and I moaned against him, my hands clutching at his shoulders.
“Fuck,” he groaned against my lips. “You taste so fucking good.”
His hips pressed against mine, and I could feel how hard he was, the thick length of him pressing into my stomach. Heat flooded through me, pooling between my thighs, and I arched against him, desperate for more.
“Derek,” I gasped as his mouth moved to my neck, sucking and biting at the sensitive skin there. “Please—”
“Tell me what you want.” His voice was rough, commanding. “Tell me, Kat.”
“You.” My voice was barely a whisper. “I want you.”
He pulled back just enough to look at me, his eyes dark with desire and something deeper, something that made my heart clench.
“Say it again.”
“I want you, Derek. I want you to...” I broke off, my cheeks flushing.
“To what, baby?” His hand slid down my side, over my hip, his fingers digging into my thigh. “Tell me what you want me to do to you.”
“I want you to fuck me,” I whispered, and the words sent a thrill through me.
Something feral flashed in his eyes. “Yeah?”
“Yes.” I pulled him closer, my lips brushing against his. “Please.”
He didn’t need to be told twice.
In one smooth motion, he bent and lifted me into his arms, my legs wrapping around his waist instinctively. I gasped at the sudden movement, clinging to his shoulders as he carried me down the hall toward my bedroom.
“Which door?” he asked, his voice strained.
“End of the hall.”
He kicked the door open and carried me inside, setting me down beside the bed. For a moment, we just stood there, breathing hard, staring at each other.
And then I reached for the hem of my dress and pulled it over my head.
Derek’s eyes went dark as he took me in—standing there in nothing but my bra and panties, my skin flushed, my chest heaving.
“Fuck, Kat.” His voice was reverent. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”
I reached behind me and unhooked my bra, letting it fall to the floor. Derek’s jaw clenched, his hands fisting at his sides like he was physically restraining himself from touching me.
“Your turn,” I said softly.
He didn’t hesitate. His shirt was off in seconds, revealing the hard planes of his chest, the tattoos that covered his arms and torso. I’d never seen him shirtless before, never like this. Last time we did this was fast and hot in Jack’s office.
I stepped forward and pressed my hands against his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart beneath my palms. His skin was hot, his muscles tense.
“Kat.” My name was a warning and a plea.
I looked up at him, and the raw need in his eyes made my knees weak.
“I want to taste you,” I whispered.
His breath hitched. “Baby—”
“Please.” I slid my hands down his chest, over the ridges of his abs, to the waistband of his jeans. “Let me.”
For a moment, he just stared at me, his chest heaving. And then he nodded.
I unbuckled his belt with trembling fingers, then popped the button on his jeans and slowly lowered the zipper. He was hard—so hard—and when I slid my hand inside his boxers and wrapped my fingers around him, he groaned.
“Fuck, Kat.”
I stroked him slowly, marveling at the size and weight of him in my hand. He was thick, long, and already leaking at the tip.
I sank to my knees in front of him, and his hand immediately went to my hair, his fingers tangling in the strands.
“You don’t have to—”
“I want to.” I looked up at him, and the sight of him, standing over me, his eyes dark with desire, his chest heaving, made heat pool between my thighs. “I want to taste you, Derek.”
I pulled his jeans and boxers down, freeing him completely, and my breath caught. He was beautiful, thick and hard and perfect.
I leaned forward and licked a slow stripe up the underside of his cock, from base to tip, and he groaned, his hips jerking forward.
“Fuck, baby. That feels so good.”
Encouraged, I wrapped my lips around the head and sucked gently, tasting the salty tang of him on my tongue. His hand tightened in my hair, not pulling, just holding, grounding himself.
I took him deeper, inch by inch, until he hit the back of my throat. I gagged slightly, and he immediately started to pull back, but I grabbed his hips and held him there.
“Kat—”
I pulled back, then took him deep again, setting a slow, steady rhythm. His groans filled the room, low and guttural, and the sound sent a thrill through me.
“Fuck, your mouth feels so good.” His voice was strained, his hips starting to move in time with my movements. “So fucking good, baby.”
I hollowed my cheeks and sucked harder, my hand wrapping around the base of his cock and stroking what I couldn’t fit in my mouth. His breathing grew ragged, his grip on my hair tightening.
“Kat... baby... I’m gonna...”
I sucked harder, wanting to taste him, wanting to feel him come apart because of me.
But suddenly, he pulled back, his cock slipping from my mouth with a wet pop.
“Derek—”
“Not like this.” His voice was rough, his chest heaving. “The first time I come, it’s going to be inside you.”
He pulled me to my feet and kissed me hard, his tongue sweeping into my mouth. And then he was lifting me again, tossing me onto the bed, and I bounced with a surprised laugh.
He climbed over me, his body covering mine, and the weight of him, the heat of him, made me moan.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he murmured, his lips trailing down my neck, over my collarbone, to my breasts. He took one nipple into his mouth and sucked hard, and I arched off the bed with a cry.