Chapter 9
Adriana
Five Summers Ago…
I duck into Don Rogelio’s laundromat, needing space to breathe, to smoke and not feel like my chest is going to crack from the inside out.
It’s after hours, so he won’t be coming back in till the morning, and even if he smells the residue of herbs, I always blame it on the incense.
I steady my breathing, Lenny’s upstairs—tense that Yael is back.
And me?
Stuck.
Stuck in the middle, trying to lie to myself, or maybe numb myself, at this point.
My finger moves over the top shelf, searching for the jar that keeps the goodies.
I wonder if Lenny could see it, or am I just creating a problem in my head that doesn’t exist. Maybe it’s because I'm too aware of my own thoughts. It’s my conscience telling me I'm guilty.
I let out a sigh. Exhaling harshly through my nose as I grab the container, a frown forms on my lips when I open the lid. No lighter but my joint is still there.
“Fuck,” I grumble, before dipping my hand inside as if magically a lighter will appear. Then, the sound of soft and deliberate footsteps has me freezing in place. Recognition prickles my skin, every hair standing on end. I don’t need to turn around to know that behind me is Yael.
“Need a light?” he says, his tone carrying a smug smile I can feel without having to see.
I turn around.
“No, I’m all good,” I quip back, feigning enthusiasm and even managing a thumbs up, but he just gets closer, pulling a lighter from his pocket, and still not wearing a shirt. Still looking good as ever. Standing so close, I could touch him with zero effort.
So close all I can smell is his spice body wash and the kush he’s holding onto in his pocket. I watch as his hand moves to the exposed part of my side, tracing the small flower tattoo on my left rib.
“It’s new,” we say together.
For him, a question.
For me, an answer.
“Always in sync, you and I.”
His finger continues to trace the outline, causing my skin to pebble under his touch.
I should stop him, but having him so close after all this time has me dizzy.
I can’t think of a reason strong enough to stop whatever is happening right this second.
My breath catches as his hand moves lower, playing with the rim of my waistband.
“So why do we always end up out of rhythm?” I ask as he leans in, his nose trailing on my jawline, causing my pulse to skyrocket.
Quickly, I place the unlit joint between my lips, praying that I can stop him from trying to kiss me, because I don’t know if I would be able to stop him.
Not with his lips on mine. Because one thing is certain—I’m a sucker for those plump juicy lips, and the movement of his tongue against mine.
And you know how they say, ‘once an addict, always an addict.’
“Maybe we’re dancing separate songs, you and I,” he replies softly before lighting the joint and pulling away.
Taking a deep hit in, I hold it there and then release, letting the smoke curl around us.
I feel the marijuana working my system, my body relaxes and my eyes grow heavy.
Passing the joint to Yael, I watch his lips close around it, and a shiver of pleasure jolts through me as the memory of his lips on me comes to mind.
“I can help you remember,” he teases as if he could read my mind, and maybe he could.
All I do is offer a tight smile—real cool, Adri—before shoving his chest lightly, to which he quickly takes advantage of his reach.
His hand wraps around my wrist, not hard enough to hurt but hard enough to hold me in place.
He keeps my hand on his chest, feeling the slow and steady rise of his chest, along with the frantic beat of his heart.
Suddenly, the room spikes in temperature, and my breathing becomes slow. His heart thumps away beneath my palm.
“Yael—” But whatever would’ve come next dies on my lips when he pulls me into him. My tits touch his chest, parts of our bare skin connecting, and the sparks fly.
“We can’t.”
“You were mine first,” he counters with ease.
I swallow hard. “Everyone is outside.”
He smiles, tugging at my waist band. “I can make it quick.”
Maybe this is the moment I inherit all the bad juju, and I know better than to give in.
But I am seventeen, hopeless and in love.
I should push him away. I should tell him no, but my silence speaks louder.
And when he leans in, feeding me more of the herby smoke, I lose all my senses, and his hand fists my waves.
I drag in all the smoke he’s shotgunning into my waiting mouth.
Lava replaces my blood, burning me from the inside out.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs, removing the joint from his lips, not allowing me a moment to recover before kissing me.
His hands cup my ass, lifting me into him, then pressing me into the washing machine as we deepen the kiss.
The sounds of our moans die the moment our tongues glide against each other.
My legs wrap around his waist, daring him to do more.
“I thought he takes care of you,” he whispers against my lips, and then the guilt smacks me in the face.
“He does,” I say, trying to pull away, but his hand fisting my waves keeps me in place, or might be the fact my legs remained locked around his waist. “Nobody can give you what I can,” Yael growls. “Nadie te va hacer sentir como yo. Tu eres mia, Adri.” *
His words have me grinding against him. I should feel shame but all I feel is love.
Want.
I might have put the nail in the coffin but he covered it in dirt.
Ending it all. What else could I do but move on?
I didn’t want a thug. I had dreams, and Yael only cared about money.
And even as I recounted all the reasons why we couldn’t be, my heart reminds me of the one reason why we could.
My hands greedily caress him as we kiss slowly this time, his tongue trying to memorize the feel of my mouth.
That was the thing about Yael. He’s all passion, and every kiss feels like worship.
There was nothing about his touch that didn’t bring pleasure.
“Be with me,” he pleads. “Choose me,” he breathes.
“Please,” he begs, and my heart clenches or maybe my legs, I don’t know.
At this point, I'm high on weed. High off him. All I know is the world around us narrows. My heart stutters, and suddenly, I’m dizzy.
“Please.” He kisses the corner of my lips where his favorite beauty mark sits.
“Put me out of my misery for just one night.”
“I can't.”
I try to use my hands, flattening them out on his chest, stopping this madness, but my vision blurs when his lips descend on mine.
I’m so lost in the moment until the voice in the back of my head wins.
Reason takes over and I bite down on his lip, his blood spilling slightly in my mouth.
“Adri,” he groans, pulling away, his hips thrusting into my throbbing center.
Even through my shorts I can feel the dampness of my arousal and given the look on his face, he can tell I’m wet.
Just when I think all hope is lost, and I’m about to tumble down the hill of damnation, Yael stops with a sigh.
“If you want me to stop, just say the word,” he says, pulling away but still looking me in the eyes. It takes me a bit, but when I answer, I immediately regret it.
“I’m sorry.”
“Fuck, Adriana don’t. I don’t want to unless you do,” he says as he sets me down. “I’m sorry, Adri.”
“Yael.”
“We’re good, Ciela. You don’t have to explain, I understand,” he says as he places a soft kiss on my forehead.
Quietly, he turns away and leaves. I don’t know how long I’m down there staring at the small pile of ants on the ground, when the sound of men shouting breaks me from my trance.
In a hurry, I rush back outside only to find Lenny and Yael on the ground.
More like Lenny on the ground while Yael’s fist connects with his face in a sickening force.
“No fighting here, Chulo.” Neno pulls at Yael to get him off Lenny.
“What the fuck happened here?” I ask, moving closer, but I'm pulled back by Joel. My brother turns to me, and suddenly, I can feel his judgement. Like he can see it in my face what I was doing, as if he knew the two men who share the same blood now fight for his sister.
“YAEL Cruz!” he shouts. “Get off.”
He places a chokehold on Yael’s neck, whose arm goes up automatically in surrender. And just like that my two worlds collided—and I was the one who lit the match.
Fuck.
* Nadie te va hacer sentir como yo. Tu eres mia, Adri. - Nobody is going to make you feel like I can. You're mine, Adri.