10. Erik
ERIK
Erik was tired enough, but instead of sleeping, he spent the night tossing and turning, thinking about Jenny and Gael.
The two of them had been through so much already, and somehow turned it around into a bond so strong that it humbled Erik to see it. What they had was precious, a perfect balance that only a fool would tinker with.
But he’d let his own feelings out yesterday without meaning to.
He really wasn’t sure how he was supposed to live without them once they were gone.
When daylight finally leaked in around the shades, he got out of bed, did a hundred pushups, a hundred crunches, and a couple of stretches, then headed to the bathroom for a shower.
As steam filled the little room and the hot water pounded against him, he tried to clear his thoughts.
But it was no use, they kept going right back to Jenny.
And today, he was going to look at houses with her, in a game of pretend that he knew was going to cut a piece out of his soul when it was over.
Don’t think about it, he told himself.
But somehow, that advice didn’t work now that Jenny was back in his life.
He dressed quickly, grabbed his coat, and then went back for a small notebook and a pen, figuring it couldn’t hurt to take a few notes today.
Even if he wasn’t ready yet, Jenny was right—he should eventually buy a house for himself.
There was no point waiting for a fiancée who wasn’t coming.
It only made sense for him to live his life.
He could always think about buying a house in Boston…
That kind of talk would scare Jenny away though. And even if she wanted him there, he had the Center to think about.
Her life was there, his was here, and everything between them was complicated by their situations and their past anyway.
But it didn’t stop his mind from spinning fantasies, or his heart from thundering at the thought of spending another day with her, basking in the light of her smile—so close and yet a million miles away from having her in his arms.
He headed into town to kill a little time and stopped at the bakery for coffee.
The owner, Mal, seemed to always be working. He had a feeling that she was lonely too. He could see the edges of it in her smile and taste it in the poignant sweetness of her concoctions.
Why don’t I do us all a favor and just fall for the sweet baker?
But his heart had only ever shattered for one woman.
“Hey, Erik,” Mal said from the counter as he entered the fragrant and beautifully decorated space. “What can I fix for you today?”
“First of all,” he said. “Thank you so much for those trays you brought over on Christmas. You have no idea how much everyone loved them.”
“That’s so nice,” she said, looking really pleased. “And I’m so glad. It was fun to put them together.”
“Are you sure I can’t pay you for them?” he asked. “Even just for the cost of the food?”
“Absolutely not,” Mal said right away. “That was a Christmas gift to myself, being able to contribute.”
Erik sometimes wondered if people in town knew how much money he had.
He suspected not. Mal drove an older car and wore neat but much-loved clothing under her aprons.
It meant even more that she donated so much to the Center when he saw how she scrimped on other things.
She donated a daily box of “leftover” goodies up at the senior center too, a big enough box that it was clear she was making extra every day on purpose.
He promised himself he’d find a way to return the favor and help her out one day.
“Well, in that case, I’d love to get two coffees and a hot chocolate with cinnamon to go, please,” he told her. “And a box of whatever pastries you like best.”
“Excellent,” she said. “Congratulations again on having your new family in town. Everyone is so happy for you.”
“Thank you,” he said, feeling terrible that it wasn’t true.
“Bring them by sometime,” Mal said. “I’d love to say hello.”
“I will,” he told her, hoping there would be time before this was all over. The days seemed to be melting away so fast.
Mal hummed to herself as she fixed up his order, putting a gorgeous array of pastries in a white bakery box with the shop sticker on it.
When she rang him up she didn’t charge him as much as he’d expected.
He waited until her attention was on the receipt and then stuck a couple of twenties in the tip jar.
He hadn’t exactly been subtle, but he hated feeling like he was taking advantage, and Mal worked hard and seemed to give away as much as she sold.
A generous tip was the least he could do for now.
He’d parked all the way down by the Co-op Grocer’s, just to get a little fresh air. Walking back, he couldn’t help noticing the sweetness of the little town, as he did almost every day.
Two women in knit hats were talking and walking their dogs, a tiny dachshund and a big dog of no recognizable breed. They waved to a couple coming in the other direction, and the woman lifted one hand from her husband’s wheelchair to wave back as the husband winked and blew the ladies a kiss.
Further along, a gaggle of children laughed and called out to each other as they scampered up and down the snowy benches of the mini-amphitheater outside the library while their parents and caregivers chatted on the sidewalk above.
One day, maybe Erik would know all their names. For now, he was still so new in town that it hardly seemed right for him to be showing Jenny and Gael around.
But this place was so small and so special, and he was happy to share what knowledge he had with them.
He got into his SUV, carefully placing the tray of hot beverages on the floor of the passenger side and the box on the seat, and started the engine.
He quickly passed the landmarks of the tiny town, feeling glad that everyone still had their Christmas decorations up.
His own parents had always been adamant about getting every trace of the holidays packed up and put away on the twenty-sixth.
Here in Trinity Falls, there seemed to be an unspoken pact to keep the spirit of the season going for as long as possible.
One of the guys at the Center who grew up in town told him about a New Year’s Day tradition of putting out candles in waxed paper bags. He suspected that after that all of the holly branches, wreaths, and lights would finally begin to disappear.
The suburban homes spread out into farmland, and before he knew it he was driving past the lake to the inn.
Now that he was this close, he couldn’t help thinking about yesterday and that fireside talk he’d shared with Jenny.
They were supposed to be making up a pretend relationship. So why did it feel like they were starting a real one?
The thought of the fire in her dark eyes, and the way her lips parted when he told her he couldn’t live without her set his heart pounding all over again.
She’s going through a lot, he reminded himself again. It’s enough that she’s helping me with the wedding. I can’t ask for more.
But he couldn’t deny that he wanted more.
Pulling up at the inn for the second day in a row, he parked, grabbed the drinks and the bakery box, and headed in.
“Oh, look at that,” Trudy said in a pleased way when she spotted him. “You brought Jenny and Gael some breakfast treats.”
“Isn’t that nice?” her husband Ward said, looking up from his paper.
“I actually brought them for you two,” Erik told her, placing them on the counter. “Thank you for looking out for my two favorite people.”
Trudy’s eyebrows shot up for a second at that, and he could hardly blame her. After all, she was in on their fake engagement secret.
But she only nodded and smiled and didn’t make a peep, until she opened the box.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” she said. “Ward, look at this.”
Ward was out of his chair in a heartbeat for his wife. He wrapped an arm around her and gazed down at the treats.
“Very nice,” he said. “Cinnamon rolls are my favorite.”
A moment later, Erik heard footsteps on the stairs as Gael popped into view, his dark eyes sparkling, followed by Jenny.
Her long hair was down around her shoulders, and she wore a sweet smile, like she couldn’t wait for their day of fun to begin.
Erik had to take a breath to steady himself.
“You’re here,” Gael said happily. “We’re going to look at houses.”
“We sure are,” Erik told him. “I brought you a hot chocolate with cinnamon to warm you up.”
“You drink hot chocolate with cinnamon?” Gael asked, his eyes widening.
“Well, I learned it from your mom,” Erik allowed.
“And she learned it from me,” Gael said excitedly. “And I learned it from my abuela.”
“She sounds like one special lady,” Trudy said approvingly.
“She was,” Gael said, nodding. “She died.”
“I’m very sorry to hear that, young man,” Ward told him.
“Thank you,” Gael said. “She’s in heaven now. Can I have my hot chocolate?”
Erik plucked it out of the tray and handed it over, more than a little bit in awe of the resilient boy, who seemed to be able to make himself at home in any situation.
“Coffee?” he offered Jenny.
“Yes, please,” she said, taking it when he pulled it out.
Their fingers brushed and he felt a sizzle of electricity shoot through him.
“I’ll take that cardboard tray,” Trudy offered. “If you don’t need it. I use them to start seedlings.”
“Perfect,” Erik said, taking his own coffee out and handing it over.
“Good luck out there,” Ward said.
“Have fun,” Trudy told them.
“We always do,” Gael said happily, heading for the door.
They all stepped outside, but Jenny waited for a moment when she reached the top of the steps.
As Gael dashed down the snowy walkway to the SUV, Erik couldn’t help watching after him, moved by the perfect portrait of childhood.
Jenny looked up at Erik with a faint smile on her face, as if she were wordlessly telling him she had been thinking the same thing.
His heart surged with emotion, and he was grabbing her hand before he realized what he was doing, squeezing it lightly in his and praying she didn’t pull away.
But Jenny’s smile only grew softer, and she squeezed his hand back.
How am I supposed to hold back when she looks at me like this?