Chapter 18
Elodie
What a mess. It doesn’t matter what Ortak says, this is my fault.
I’m the one who has been sending the mixed signals.
Not only to Gannen, but to his father. For the last month, I’ve been acting like the three of us are one happy family.
I have come to love Gannen like my own son.
How could I not? He is sweet, affectionate, and so loving.
His hearts are the purest things to ever exist. Of course he would be confused.
I wipe my snotty nose with a small piece of leather and shove it in my pocket.
While we were unpacking everything, Alanda had brought a basin of fresh water and some of the berries that act like soap.
I use it to wash my hands and splash my face.
Not that I think it’ll help the splotchy disaster I’ve made of myself, but it makes me feel slightly better.
Time creeps by and Ortak and Gannen still haven’t returned.
I hop back and forth across the length of their tent more times than I can count.
My whole body is twitchy. I sit. I stand.
I sit again. Mostly, I worry. I’ve just about given up waiting and move to go look for them myself when the door flap swings open.
When Ortak walks in, my heart drops to my stomach.
Straight on his heels, though, is Gannen and the damn organ jolts back to life.
I jump to my foot and grab my crutches to rush toward him, but before I can take a single hop, he collides with me and holds me in a tight embrace.
I squeeze him back even harder and the tears that had dried up flow again.
“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Gannen probably can’t even understand me, given the fact I’m nearly sobbing, but I just keep repeating the words over and over.
We hold each other—with him continuously nuzzling his cheek against my chest—until I finally stop crying. I draw back, cradle his face, and kiss his forehead.
“Will you forgive me for hurting you?” I look him directly in the eyes.
“Will you forgive me for running away?”
“You don’t even need to ask. I’ll always forgive you.”
“I love you, Elodie,” Gannen says as if it’s that simple.
Of course, I almost start crying again, but manage to keep it together. “I love you, too. No matter what, okay?”
He nods. “Okay.”
I tug him against my side and look at Ortak. Like always, his expression is inscrutable and yet it’s as if there’s an emotion of some kind…right there, just waiting for me to figure it out. Except, I can’t seem to decipher it. Or maybe you just don’t want to. I ignore the voice in my head.
The silence starts to become uncomfortable. Enough that Gannen fidgets. Finally, Ortak breaks the silence.
“I could scent the food at the central fire on our way through the village. The shefir has asked for all the tribespeople to come to the evening meal so that we may share our first of many together. He wishes to welcome the Krijese into the tribe and introduce us so we can begin to get to know one another.”
My mouth falls open slightly. “That’s actually a really great idea. I’ve heard from a lot of people how glad they are that you’re here.”
“It will be a change that will take much getting used to,” Ortak admits.
“Change is difficult, but that doesn’t mean it has to be bad.”
“No, not all change is bad,” he says with a tonal shift that gives me pause. I wish I could see what’s going through his mind right now. “We should head toward the central fire.”
I blink at the abruptness, but nod. I’m not sure I’ll be able to eat with the way my stomach’s still in knots, but I need to be there.
Not only because the shefir requested it.
Gannen steps away, but doesn’t go far. Just enough that I can position my crutches and then he’s practically attached to me again.
Ortak holds the door flap aside as we exit, and he follows us as we make our way through the village.
There’s a buzz of excitement present in the air.
It’s almost tangible. The sound of voices is constant when it’s near the evening meal time as everyone winds down from their duties and the warriors who’ve been out hunting return.
Tonight the volume level is higher. It’s not from yelling or anger that I can tell. More like there are nearly thirty new additions to the tribe. A hive of activity is visible the closer we get to the fire.
“Looks like people are arriving.”
“Kala was firm in his suggestion we arrive early and offer any assistance we can, even if the Tavikhi do not accept. They have a structured existence we are still learning and do not want to disrupt that with our presence. It will take time for us to fully adapt to one another,” Ortak says.
“I don’t think Zander, or anyone else here, expects the integration of the tribes to go perfectly the first night. There are a lot of different personalities, some of them strong ones.” Which is an understatement. “It’s going to be an adjustment for everyone that requires patience.”
Gannen laughs. “Krijese are not well know for their patience.”
We reach the perimeter of the seating area and pause, giving me a chance to lean down slightly and get closer to him. “Humans aren’t either, so you’re in good company.”
He grins up at me, and I wink.
“Take Elodie to her seat and we will offer our help to those preparing the meal,” Ortak tells Gannen.
“Alright.” The younger Krijese flags me forward. “I will make sure you get your favorite one.”
I laugh and follow as we wind our way through the seating area until we reach a carved log I jokingly referred to as my favorite one night when we sat on it. Gannen had asked why I loved it so much. I said it wasn’t as hard as any of the other benches beneath my ass.
After that, every evening he and Ortak spent here eating with me, he always made sure that was the only place where I took my meal. It wasn’t long before everyone in the village knew it was “Elodie’s” so they all saved it for me.
“Here it is.” Gannen pats the surface “Rest and we will bring you your meal.”
“Thank you.”
He heads off to meet up with Ortak. Sitting here alone gives me time to observe them—him—and maybe admit what I’ve been trying to deny in recent days. There’s no doubt I love Gannen. He’s worked his way into my heart and filled a hole inside of me I didn’t even know was there.
I think about the first time Gannen asked me if I had an interest in being a mother. How I’d been awkward and unsure at the question. Back then, I didn’t know how to answer him, because it had never been a question I looked too hard at.
Why should I? There was no sense of permanence in my life.
I was constantly running away from responsibility.
Away from my problems. Nothing satisfied me.
Not until I ran from Earth to another planet and met a young alien boy who made me realize how much capacity for love I had.
If Gannen asked me the same question today, my answer would be unequivocally yes, so long as I was his.
But with that brings his father. I placed Ortak firmly in the friend category.
That’s what I told myself and everyone else.
He and I were friends. But recently there’s been another voice whispering inside my head wondering if that’s all his or all he could be.
I’ve been steadfastly ignoring it—tuning it out—whenever I hear it.
My biggest fear is Ortak not being as aware of me as I’ve become of him.
Riley and Astrid joke about how often we touch each other and sit close and the way he allegedly looks at me.
It’s during those times when I feel as though we’re the only two people around.
There’s nothing saying Ortak feels the same way.
I mean, he certainly isn’t. Not once has he given me any sign that his feelings might run deeper, now or in the future.
That’s why I’ve kept my mouth shut. I’d rather be his friend than nothing at all.
“You look lost in thought.” Iris stands in front of me and glances at the empty spot on the log. “Do you mind if I sit for a few minutes?”
“No, of course not. Please.” I scoot over a couple inches.
She quietly glances around, a smile growing. “It’s hard to believe this is our new home.”
“Ortak said something similar.”
“Did you know I lived here for a short time before Kala and I became mates?”
I startle. “You didn’t live in the human settlement?”
Iris shakes her head. “The day the ship I was on arrived, Remi and Zydon extended the invitation from Zander to anyone who would like to join their village. Before I knew what I was doing, I accepted. No sooner had I stepped foot into the settlement than I was leaving and becoming a member of the Tavikhi tribe.”
Now that Iris mentions it, I have a vague recollection of the last ship arriving and one person going with the Tavikhi when they finished helping unload the supplies. I didn’t realize it was her.
“I met Sorin before I met Kala. He came to village one day to teach Talek, Cecily, and Carter how to throw an axe at a target.”
I snort. “That explains why Gannen asked me shortly after they rescued me if I knew how to throw one.”
Iris chuckles. “Those boys are obsessed with doing it, especially now that Gannen’s gotten so good. He practices more than Sorin ever did, I think.”
“He wants to match Sorin in regards to how well he hunts. He has several years of learning to catch up on. The guilt about how much he held Gannen back weighs on Ortak, but he’s doing his best to make up for it.”
“I know life is different here than back on Earth. The children who wish to, learn how to hunt animals when they’re still practically babies.
It’s not typical for someone Gannen’s age to not be fully skilled already,” Iris says.
“More than once I’ve had to remind Ortak that Gannen is only fourteen and technically, at least according to human standards, still a child.
He has plenty of time before he needs to become a grown up. ”
Selfishly, I want Gannen to stay a child for longer. I want him to still hug me and nuzzle his cheek against mine or against my chest, especially after Iris told me it’s how Sorin expresses his love for her.
“Kala asked me to be his mate only so Sorin could have a momo.”
“What?” That has my full attention.
“Sorin was desperate for a mother and apparently, I was the only one who fit the bill.” Iris grins. “The way he played being a coy little matchmaker was adorable.”
I could see Sorin in that role easily enough. “Obviously it worked.”
“It was supposed to be a mating of convenience. I agreed to move to the Krijese village and become mates with Kala, because it meant Sorin would be my son.”
“A mating of convenience? Obviously that didn’t work considering you have Jiasha.” I laugh.
“What can I say?” Iris playfully tosses her hair. “I’m hard to resist.”
“Yes, you are.” Kala comes over and bends to give her a kiss.
Her lips fits perfectly in the space between his two tusks and she presses them tightly against his closed mouth slit. I have to glance away from the intimate gesture, because I can suddenly picture walking up to Ortak and kissing him the same way.
They separate and both turn toward me. I avoid eye contact so they don’t know what I’ve been thinking. Iris lays her hand on my thigh and I finally meet her gaze.
“If there’s something you want, you should fight for it.”
Before I can respond, she lets Kala help her stand. “If you’ll excuse us, we’re going to see if we can help with anything.”
The two of them walk away, leaving me to my thoughts.