Chapter 3
Julia
“He just showed up?” Holland asked as she moved a picture frame to another part of the shelf.
I nodded, dusting behind her. I didn’t work at her shop, but I couldn’t just stand around and do nothing while she worked.
And because I tended to wring my hands or bother her with my nervous ticks, she generally gave me something to organize or handed me something to clean with while I was there.
Not because she needed the help, but because she knew I needed to calm down.
I liked Ethan’s wife, and I was glad that I’d become closer to him and his family over time. Close enough that I felt free to talk to Holland about Kincaid and Ronin and what’d happened when my husband’s ex-boyfriend came to town.
“Is Ronin okay?” Holland asked, continuing to organize while I dusted.
“He says he is. But he’s closed off.”
“Does he tend to do that when things happen? Big things?” Holland frowned.
“I keep asking you weird new questions. But I think it’s more that I know you, but I don’t know Ronin all that well.
I don’t know how he usually reacts to things.
Probably because he just rolls with the punches and tends to act as if nothing’s wrong when I’m around him. ”
I smiled at that. “Well, that’s Ronin. He keeps everything inside himself and pretends that nothing is wrong so he can take care of everybody else. He usually shares his feelings with me, but right now, he’s hiding everything, and I don’t know what to do about that.”
“What do you think is hurting him more right now?” Holland asked, her voice low.
No one else was in the store since the place hadn’t opened quite yet.
But soon, the tourists would be in, coming in droves, and I would leave Holland to it so she could get to work and not have my problems bothering her.
It was nice to have a friend to talk to, though.
I wasn’t very good at opening up to people.
Ronin had been the first person I’d truly bared myself to and found my place.
“Sometimes, I have to dig things out of him, but he opens for me. Honestly, I think he feels guilty. Guilt over hating Kincaid all this time, thinking the man left him for reasons that were all on Ronin, and not things that were so extraordinary and out of his control.”
“And it’s not just the two of them. And not you,” Holland added.
I winced. “Ronin doesn’t talk about Alexis much.
Hell, he doesn’t even talk about Kincaid often, and I know we need to talk about him.
As for Alexis? She just didn’t fit with them.
And I know they tried a permanent triad like the three of you have, but it didn’t work out.
In the end, Alexis cheated and left them. ”
Holland’s eyes widened. “She cheated?”
“Yes, and it was horrible. Ronin has always been very timid—or at least untrusting—when it comes to forming new attachments because of it. It took us a while to figure out who we were to each other because I have my own issues, and he needed to get over his. I thought we had made it past that, but Alexis hurt him, then Kincaid broke him.”
My voice cracked at the end of that statement, and I shook my head when Holland reached out. “I’m sorry. I’m fine. I just need to talk to him. I think we need to work it out first.”
“I know Ronin loves you. You do, too. Yes, you should talk to him. Figure out what he wants.”
I bit my lip. “I don’t know what I should do.”
Holland shook her head. “I don’t know either. But you are his wife, you took vows. You two need to talk and figure out what you both want. Kincaid came back. Maybe to apologize, or perhaps for Ronin himself. But that’s not how things are going to work.”
“You’re right. I’m not going to walk away,” I said on a laugh that held little humor. “But I do need to work out what Ronin wants.”
“And you, too,” Holland said softly. “You need to dig into what you’re feeling also.”
I swallowed hard and did my best to change the subject to babies and weddings that had nothing to do with me. I needed time to think, and I had to talk with my husband.
By the time I made it home, people were out and about, running their errands, and I felt a little bit better about what I needed to do.
I pulled into the driveway, parked, and looked at the home we had made together.
Ronin had bought it for himself after the relationship with Alexis and Kincaid took its turn.
Ronin needed a one-story home because stairs weren’t easy on his prosthesis, and frankly, I didn’t mind.
Although I loved the look of some two-story homes against the backdrop of the Rocky Mountains, a nice ranch-style home was perfect for me after long days where I wanted to curl up next to my husband and remember that I was blessed in some ways, even if the horrors of some things never truly went away.
“Baby?” Ronin asked from the side of the car. I started, realizing my window was open.
“Crap. I need to close the window, and then I’m coming inside.”
He frowned, reached forward, and rubbed his knuckle against my cheek. I leaned into him, craving his touch. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly, letting out a breath.
His eyes darkened a bit, and then he nodded. “Let’s get you inside. I think we have a few things to talk about.”
Dread and something else turned inside me. We needed to discuss things. That’s what we did in our relationship. The first thing he had told me when we started dating was that for the two of us to work, we needed to have open communication.
It wasn’t always easy to bare yourself to another, but honesty was the best, and it worked for us. And that meant I needed to be completely honest with Ronin.
I got the window up and made my way into the house, moving into Ronin’s space as we walked together.
“Need me to make you a drink?” Ronin asked.
“You mean like a bloody Mary? It’s like not even noon yet.”
My husband smiled and leaned forward, brushing my lips with his. “I love you, Julia.”
Tears pricked the backs of my eyes, and I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed him soundly. “I love you too, husband.”
“Let’s take a seat, and then I guess we should talk.”
I nodded and walked to the living room. I sank onto the couch, letting the cushions envelop me.
Ronin sat next to me, his thick thigh pressing against mine.
I loved the feeling of him touching me, the heat of him.
He had dark eyes and darker hair and had filled out even more after he left the military.
He was all muscles, his upper body built.
Not as built as Kincaid, but very muscular.
I didn’t know why that thought even entered my mind, but I pushed it away. At least for now.
“You’ve been quiet,” I said suddenly, and Ronin nodded.
“I’ve had to get over a lot of misconceptions I’m trying to trace back to my past. I was so wrong about a lot of things, and I hate that.”
I nodded and tangled my fingers with his. “Kincaid looks like he’s been through hell but has come out the other side.” I let out a breath. “And he came here for you,” I whispered.
Ronin froze. “He might’ve come here for me, but seeing as I’m married, it doesn’t matter. Does it?”
I didn’t answer and put that thought aside for the moment. “After Kincaid told us everything that happened with his sister and him getting hurt, we all hugged, and then he left. He gave us his number, but we didn’t promise we’d see him again or anything. I need to know what’s going to happen.”
My voice broke again, and I hated that I was crying over this.
My husband looked so sad, broken once again over a man that he had loved.
And I didn’t know how to fix it. I remembered Kincaid, recalled the way he looked as if he had glimpsed happiness once again, only for it to be taken away from him.
The man had lost so much. From the stories Ronin had shared, the other man had been boisterous and happy, and was a good guy.
He might’ve made mistakes, but we all did. I liked the Kincaid I had seen, and I didn’t want him to be in pain. Just like I didn’t want Ronin in pain. But I didn’t have the answers.
“What’s going on in that mind of yours?” Ronin asked, trailing his finger across my chin again.
“Do you miss him?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
Ronin let out a breath. “Yes.” He sighed. “I always have. I missed what we had, more than I missed what we had as a triad with Alexis. Or maybe because Alexis broke both of us, and then Kincaid left, and I felt like I did everything wrong. That I wasn’t good enough. He ghosted me.”
Ronin leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes. This was my husband, the man I trusted more than anything. And he was honest with me—not something everybody had. There was no jealousy, not for the way Ronin loved and cared for those around him.
He was so open and willing to help anyone in his circle. I couldn’t be jealous of how my man had loved another in his past. But I could ache for the fact that he didn’t have what he once had.
“Now that you know, though, do you know what you feel?” I asked, cringing. “That’s not a very helpful thing to ask.”
Ronin sighed and rested his hand on my thigh. His thumb slid along my jeans, and I rested my head on his shoulder, needing to touch him. “I loved him, Julia. You know that. But you’re my wife.”
I let out a little growl. “That is not a very good thing to say.”
Ronin sat up and frowned at me. “What?”
“You can’t say, ‘Of course, I miss him, but you’re my wife,’ as if I’m a barrier holding you back from your one great love.
” I rolled my eyes, and Ronin narrowed his.
He reached out, cupped my cheek, his fingers curling around the back of my head, and pulled me closer. My breath caught, and I met his gaze.