Chapter 4
Ronin
I bit my lip and stepped into the coffee shop.
Ethan’s sister-in-law, Madison, owned the place, and since she was also our friend Lincoln’s cousin, it felt like a good, safe place to come and meet Kincaid.
Julia had a business meeting and hadn’t been able to join us, but if everything worked out, she would be part of this in every way imaginable.
I still felt like I was making one mistake after another as I tried to keep up with my feelings.
And the main one? Guilt. Not even anticipation. Because I never wanted to hurt my wife. Julia was the center of my world, just like I had told her. The idea that I could hurt her because we were trying to see if someone else could be part of our shared life haunted me.
I knew that as long as we were together, we could figure anything out. But saying the words wasn’t enough. We would have to put those words into action, and that wouldn’t be easy.
Madison was behind the counter, her blond and pink hair wrapped up in a bun on the top of her head. She grinned at me as I made my way to the counter. “Hi,” I said, knowing I sounded a little off.
She gave me a weird look before she smiled. “Hey there. I didn’t know you were off today.”
“Marcus has things under control, and I took a long lunch. Something I needed to do.”
She searched my face and then went to the espresso machine. “Do you want your usual or more sugar? I feel like you might need more sugar.”
That made me grin, and I nodded quickly. “I think I could use all the sugar you could possibly give me.”
“You want to tell me what you’re doing?” she asked, her voice casual. Too casual. She was worried about me, but I didn’t blame her. I was acting out of character, and it was because I was worried. Scared. Freaked out. All of the above.
“Considering that anything I say to the Montgomerys gets passed around to the entire family pretty quickly since you’re all a tight unit, I should tell you.”
Madison frowned. “I can keep a secret. If that’s what you want.”
I shook my head. “No, you can tell Aaron. Keeping things from your husband probably isn’t the best idea.”
She smiled and looked down at her ring, a quick gesture that I wasn’t even sure she knew she made. They were newlyweds, and I knew their courtship had been unusual, but she seemed happy.
I hoped I could find my happiness too. No, that wasn’t right. I’d already found my happy. Now, I needed to keep it without changing it irrevocably.
“Anything you say to your barista is like talking to your bartender. Or your therapist. Maybe. I’m not a hundred percent sure because most of the time, people want coffee and they leave. But I am here for you.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that. “You really are.”
“Of course, I am. Now, this is your usual with extra whipped cream and caramel sauce. You’re going to have to brush your teeth a little extra today once you’re done with it because the amount of sugar is probably not the best thing for you. But sometimes, we need that kick.”
I reached into my wallet, and she shook her head. “No need to pay this time. All I need is for you to tell me what you’re thinking right now.”
I grimaced. “That was one way to get it out of me.”
She smiled. “Ronin.”
I sighed. “My ex-boyfriend is meeting me here because Julia and I have decided to ask him out on a date.”
The place was nearly empty since it was an off time, and there wasn’t a rush, but I still looked over my shoulder as I said that, afraid someone might hear.
I never wanted to hide who I was, but it didn’t mean I needed to blast all my insecurities while still figuring out my path.
Madison, to her credit, only widened her eyes a fraction before giving me a quick nod. “Well, then. That’s a lot. And it’s good, right? You’re happy?”
I took a moment before I nodded. “Yes, I think so. It was Julia’s idea. The fact that she can’t be here right now when I do this tells me that while it might have been her idea, she still wants me to be the one to say it.”
“Because you might be the one who needs to,” Madison whispered. “It’s not easy putting yourself out there, but you’re the one with the connection. And perhaps she knows that you need to be the one to speak to him first.”
“You know, sometimes I think once you marry into the Montgomerys, you become wise in things. It’s a little weird.”
Madison shrugged. “Believe me, I know. It gets weirder the longer you’re with them.”
“Thankfully, we’re not looking to add a Montgomery to our relationship.”
“I don’t know. If you’re ever looking for a fourth, I hear there’s a whole set of cousins that are all nice and single.”
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “Let me make sure I don’t ruin everything I already have and love by adding one person before I think about adding another.” I frowned. “No. I wouldn’t add a fourth. That doesn’t feel right.”
Madison paused. “The idea of adding one, Kincaid in particular, sounds and feels right?”
“Maybe. And that’s why I’m here. And all the while, I’m promising myself I’m not going to hurt my wife.”
“You won’t. You’re a good person, Ronin.”
“I sure as hell hope so.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, and Madison’s smile widened. “So, is Kincaid the sexy redhead coming in with eyes only for you?”
“Behave,” I whispered. Madison made a zipping motion with her fingers over her mouth, her eyes twinkling.
I took my coffee, gave her a tight nod, and braced myself as I turned.
Kincaid stood there, his jeans tight across his thighs, his T-shirt worn but not scraggly looking.
His hair was out of control, curling at the ends, and he needed to trim his beard, but it still looked sexy as fuck.
He had full sleeve tattoos, and from what I remembered, more tattoos down his back and sides.
He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen, rugged and sexy as hell.
And he had only gotten better with age.
My heart thumped in my chest, and I hoped to hell we weren’t making a mistake.
But I had missed Kincaid.
And I loved my wife.
So, if this was what Julia wanted, then maybe I should allow myself to want it, as well.
Kincaid smiled at me, but the expression didn’t reach his eyes. Oh, yes, he was as confused as I was. That was good. Or weird.
Probably weird.
I tilted my head, indicating an empty table in the alcove where no one could overhear, and Kincaid gave me a tight nod. I went to the table, and Kincaid went to get himself a drink.
Madison was sweet and unassuming, and I was happy that she didn’t grill him. Not that I thought she would. She was good people—all of the Montgomerys were. And I was grateful that I had them in my life. But I couldn’t think about them right now. No, this was all about Kincaid. And Julia.
My touchstone and my center.
Kincaid slid into the seat across the table from me, a black coffee in his hand. The man I had once loved with all of my heart looked down at the sugary concoction in front of me and raised a brow.
“Madison and I figured I needed a little jolt.”
Kincaid shook his head and sipped his coffee. “Damn, this is good.”
“Madison is the best. She finds great beans and roasts them to perfection.”
Kincaid looked around the place. “I like it. There’s another little bakery and café around the corner, too.”
“A friend of a friend owns that one. They’re not in competition, though. They simply feed into each other. But yeah, good coffee all around.”
“Good to know,” Kincaid said softly, tapping his fingers on his mug.
“You’re probably wondering why I asked you here.”
“Just a little,” he said tentatively.
Thank God for the sugar, I needed it. “Julia and I were talking—”
Kincaid cut in. “I like your wife. Looks like you did well. Not that, you know, it matters what I think. Just thought I should say something.”
That made me smile. Maybe this would be easier than I thought. Or not. “Julia’s amazing. She was the best thing that ever happened to me at that time in my life. We fit as soon as we met each other.”
Kincaid smiled, this one reaching his eyes. “Hell, I’m glad you found her. Sucks for me, but then again, I’m glad you’re at least talking to me and not throwing shit at me.”
I shook my head and resisted the urge to reach out to him. “Anyway, Julia and I were talking about you.”
Kincaid’s jaw tightened. “I am sorry for bursting into your house like that. I honestly didn’t know you were married. I never want to come between you and Julia. I really do like her.”
I let out another breath. “I’m glad you like her. Because Julia wanted to ask you something.”
“And yet, you’re the one here?” Kincaid asked.
I ran my hand over my face. “Yeah…and I’m doing a shit job of it, too.”
“Maybe, but why don’t you tell me what you’re thinking?”
“Julia and I were talking. And while she should be here, I think she put me in this situation so I would sit down face-to-face with you.”
“What situation?”
“We’d like to ask you over for dinner,” I said quickly, then took a sip of my sugary drink.
Kincaid blinked slowly. “Okay. I’m trying to figure out what you’re saying here. Because I miss you, Ronin. And as much as I want to say that you and I can just be friends, and I can hang out with you and your wife, I don’t think I’m strong enough for that.”
I let out a shaky breath. “And that’s why we want to ask you over for dinner…as a date.”
Kincaid froze. “Run that by me again?”
“Julia and I haven’t been actively looking, but we have talked about finding a third for our relationship.
That is something we’ve discussed, and she’s the one who brought it up now.
I don’t know if this is a good idea or if we’re going to ruin everything we could have, but something in my gut—and something sure as hell in hers—says that maybe we can work something out.
That maybe you being here right now when we’re looking to perhaps add another to our relationship is important. ”
I watched as Kincaid ran his hands through his curls. “You’re asking me out on a date. With both you and your wife.”
“I know it’s stupid,” I mumbled.
“No, it’s not. It’s sort of how you and I asked Alexis out,” Kincaid growled.
I flinched. “Julia isn’t Alexis.”
“You know, from the way that Julia looks at you, from the way she opened her arms to me when I was sitting in your house, invading everyone’s space, I could tell that immediately. But, Ronin, what do you want?”
I met his gaze. “I don’t know yet. But I do know that I missed you.
And I love my wife, and she wants to see what happens, and that lets me think that I want to see what happens.
We could mess this up. And we could only end up friends in the end.
But Julia? She’s the center of my universe.
I don’t want to lose that, but I don’t want to lose you again either. ”
I was baring my soul to this man, and I felt like I was making all the mistakes, but he looked at me and then reached out and traced his finger along my palm.
And then his fingers went to the ring on my second to furthest finger and tapped the metal there.
“This isn’t like dating before,” Kincaid said. “You’re already very much entangled.”
“I am. And when you come over for dinner, you can see exactly how. But I don’t know, Kincaid. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but this feels right.”
“I’m going to be an idiot if I say yes.”
“Maybe.”
“But I could be even more of an idiot if I say no.”
And then Kincaid pulled his hand back and gave me a tight nod. “We can see. Just dinner. And if I walk away just being your friend and Julia’s? Then maybe that’s okay with me. Because from what I saw from your wife, she’s amazing.”
“She’s more than,” I corrected.
“Most likely. And I don’t want you to get hurt or hurt her in what we do.”
“Then let’s not. Let’s figure it out.”
“When is dinner?” the former love of my life asked, and the world fell away around me, yet it clicked into place inside me at the same time.
We might be making the gravest of mistakes, but something inside me told me we should take the leap.
I wasn’t a simple man, nor were the two people that had wrapped themselves around me. And maybe that was okay. Perhaps we could work this out. Or maybe I would end up hurting the woman I loved, and the man that I thought maybe I could have again.