Chapter 8
Carnage
I swear I hear soft knocking coming from somewhere, but every time I perk up to listen it’s gone.
Tap, tap, tap.
There it is again. I sit up slowly, blinking in the darkness, tensing as my bedroom door opens. Rue peeks inside.
“Um, hi. Sorry to wake you. Can I come in?”
“Yeah, of course. What’s wrong?”
He enters the room, lingering by the door and staring at the floor, dressed only in his briefs.
“Rue? What’s wrong?”
“It’s stupid.”
“Tell me anyway.”
He sighs. “Sometimes I have a hard time sleeping in new places. There’s so many sounds and stuff. I was wondering if I could sleep in here. I don’t mind being on the floor, I’m just having trouble being alone.”
That’s not what I was expecting. “Yeah, you can sleep here.” I flip the bedding back, then realize too late that I’m naked, as I usually am when I sleep. It’s dark enough in here that Rue probably didn’t notice, but I don’t want to seem like a creep. “Give me a sec.”
“Oh, of course.” Rue turns away. “Sorry to be a bother.”
“You’re not.” I grab my sweatpants from the foot of the bed and tug them on. “Okay.”
Rue turns and glances up at me. I can just make out his expression in the bit of moonlight brightening the room. He looks shy and scared and I hate that.
“The bed is big enough for two.”
“Oh, um… are you sure?”
“I’m sure. And you have my word that I won’t touch you.”
“I wasn’t worried about that.”
I pat the mattress. “Come on. It’s late.”
“Actually, it’s early. It’s, like, two in the morning.”
“Then you need to get some sleep.”
Rue climbs into my bed and pulls the blankets up to his neck as he stares up at the ceiling. I join him on the other side, also lying on my back.
“Do you need to talk about anything before we go to sleep?”
“Not really. I mean, maybe. I don’t know.”
I turn on my side, propped up on my elbow. “What’s on your mind?”
“How am I gonna get out of this mess?” He exhales loudly.
“You got me away from Leon, but now what? I don’t have anywhere to go, I don’t have money, I don’t even have a place to live probably.
What if I get a job and stuff and Leon just finds me again?
I guess I could leave town but, how and where to go?
I chose Mistone and that was a dumb mistake, but I thought it was better than going to New York or LA. I’m a mess. A terrible mess.”
His voice cracks and I realize he’s crying. Well, shit. I’m not good at comforting people.
“Uh, try taking a few deep breaths.”
Rue covers his face with his hands. As his body shakes with tears, I shift uneasily, then reach out and put my hand flat on his chest. He rolls toward me and presses his forehead to my chest. I don’t know what to do, so I tentatively rub his back as he sobs.
I’ve never seen a man cry. Not once. But instead of feeling uncomfortable, I just want to make him feel better. I want him to feel safe.
“Rue.”
“Sorry,” he mutters, face still pressed against me. “I’m okay.”
After another few moments, I reach under his chin and lift his face. His cheeks are wet, his eyes red and a little swollen, the tip of his nose is pink, and fuck, he’s beautiful.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly. “It’s so pathetic to cry.”
“It’s not.”
“Really?” He raises an eyebrow. “Have you ever cried?”
“I’m emotionally stunted, so maybe not the best example of expressive men.”
He smiles slightly then rolls onto his back again as he wipes his face. “It’s just a mess. I never in a million years thought I’d be in an abusive relationship, if you can even call it that. God, I’m so stupid.”
“Stop saying that. You aren’t stupid.”
“I am. I wanted an experience that was out of character for me, so I picked the scariest man in the club to flirt with. He got me drunk, took me to his place, and the rest is history.”
“Do you think he drugged you?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t remember much about that night, but it might’ve just been alcohol.
I drank a lot and I’m a lightweight. At least he didn’t take advantage of me.
I guess while I was still conscious I told him I was a virgin.
For whatever reason, he liked that about me, but then, you know, he decided he was gonna fuck me on his birthday and let all his friends do the same. ”
My jaw drops. “You’re a virgin? Like, completely?”
“Can you be a partial virgin?”
“Um, no, I guess not.”
“I grew up in a conservative city with a religious family. I couldn’t be out, and try as I might, I couldn’t get it up with girls. So yeah, I have zero sexual experience except being a toy for Leon.”
“What the fuck does that mean? I thought he didn’t touch you?”
“He didn’t have sex with me, but he touched me. He groped me a lot, masturbated on me. Shit like that.”
My rage grows with each word that leaves his mouth. “Fuck.”
“Like I said, I’m stupid.”
“Last time I’m gonna say this: Don’t call yourself stupid again. I mean it. Choices are sometimes good and sometimes not, that doesn’t make you stupid. You reached out to me, and that was smart.”
Rue nods. “I hear you.”
“As far as what happens next, what do you want to happen?”
He shrugs, avoiding my eyes. “I just want to live my life, you know? I want to figure out what that looks like. Get a job, find a place to live, maybe make some friends. Now I’m always gonna be looking over my shoulder for Leon or one of his thugs to snatch me up again.”
“Well, I can handle Leon.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean.”
His eyes go wide. “You mean, kill him?”
“Sure. If that’s what you want?”
A deep crease appears in Rue’s brow. “You would kill someone for me?”
“I mean, as long as he’s a piece of shit, which Leon clearly is, I don’t have a problem with it.”
I can’t quite read the expression on Rue’s face, but it’s not fear, which is good. He’s not afraid of me.
“That’s a lot of responsibility,” he finally says softly.
“It is, yes.”
“What would you want in return?”
“What?”
“I don’t have money to hire you. So what could I give you if you were to do something like that for me?”
“Rue, come on. We’ve been over this. My involvement isn’t tit for tat. It’s not transactional. Consider it a favor or a good deed. Mistone will be a better place with one less predator in it. I just need to get it approved by Shadow and I’m good.”
Rue studies my face for a long moment. “Can I think about it? This is a lot.”
“Of course you can. Until then, you’re perfectly safe and welcome here.”
“Thank you. At least one choice I made turned out okay.”
“See? You’re not stupid at all.”
He smiles, and it’s so sweet it unravels a tiny knot in my chest. A virgin. I’ve never even met an adult virgin before. Doesn’t happen in the circles I run in and have for most of my life. He’s too sweet for this world. Certainly too sweet for mine.
“Try to get some sleep, okay?”
Rue nods. “Okay. Thanks for… well, for everything tonight.”
“You’re welcome.”
He closes his eyes, and within a few minutes, his breathing softens. It’s nice that he feels safe enough with me to lower his defenses and finally get some sleep.
Tomorrow, I’ll need to come up with an action plan about Leon. I doubt Shadow will have any issue letting me go rogue on this one, but I need to get it approved just the same. Once Leon is out of the picture, Rue should feel safe enough to move on with his life.
It’s nice knowing I can be helpful to him in this way. Rue is sweet and definitely alluring, but the last thing he needs is another man leering at him. I chuckle to myself as I close my eyes. I finally have a hot man in my bed and I can’t do a damn thing about it.
The next time my eyes open, my phone is buzzing and I’m hot. There’s a very warm body wrapped around me like an octopus, and it takes a second for me to remember why.
Rue.
Carefully, I grab my phone from the nightstand and open the Murder Buddies chat.
Phantom: Breakfast is served.
My stomach grumbles on cue, and Rue stirs, his soft hair tickling my ribs. I need to piss, and I definitely need to eat, but I don’t want to disturb him.
As carefully as possible, I try to scoot out from under him, but he murmurs and holds on tighter. That’s when I realize his mouth is latched onto my skin right under my arm on my ribs and he’s gently sucking my flesh. Interesting.
A little too interesting for my dick. It swells uncomfortably, trapped by the thick material of my sweats, making me want to tear my skin off for some relief from all this stimulus. I have no choice but to wake Rue.
“Rue, I need to get up.”
“Mmm.” His murmur vibrates through me, sending tendrils of heat snaking down my body, heading straight for my cock. “Noooo.”
I chuckle, dragging my hand through his soft hair. “I really need to pee.”
He stirs, tilting his head and blinking his eyes open. As soon as he focuses, he gasps, scooting away quickly.
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry.”
“S’okay.” I slide out of bed and hurry to the bathroom before he can see what his morning cuddles have done to me.
I piss and splash cold water on my face, and when I come back out, Rue is sitting on the edge of the bed, his face in his hands.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m not a freak, I swear.”
“Yeah, I didn’t think you were.”
“I was dreaming and you were there and it was very confusing.”
“It’s okay, Rue. Really. No harm done.”
He lowers his hands and looks up at me, his eyes zeroing in on my torso. “Shoot.”
“What?”
“I, um, I left a mark.”
I look down, lifting my arm to see the red spot where he was sucking my skin. Hmm. That’s kind of hot, not gonna lie.
“It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not. You think I’m weird now, and I violated your personal space.” He smacks his forehead and I pull my head back.
“Hey, don’t do that.” I walk over and sit next to him. “I’m not weirded out and you didn’t offend me. You were sleeping. It’s totally fine.”
“It’s an old habit,” he says softly. “I had a stuffie I used to suck, and then a pillow. I tried my fingers, but it seems I’m only soothed if it’s something else.”
“Okay. Well, I’m glad you found some comfort, then.”
He gives me a hard look. “I’m weird. I know I am.”
I stretch my neck from side to side. “Listen, Rue, if you’re gonna be around me, then you have to stop saying unkind things about yourself. I don’t like it. What does ‘weird’ even mean?”
“Not normal.”
“Then what does normal mean? Do you think I’m normal?”
He blinks several times. “No, but your not normal is good.”
“Maybe yours is too.”
He half shrugs, looking at the floor again.
“Are you hungry? Breakfast is ready.”
“Yes, I’m hungry. Do you guys have bananas?”
“Probably. Why? You like them?”
“Yes.”
“Then let’s go get you a banana.”
Rue pops into the bathroom for a few minutes while I message the chat that we’ll be down and to get a banana ready. By the time we hit the kitchen, the other guys are in the dining room, but there’s a whole bunch of bananas in the center of the island.
Rue smiles and pulls one from the stem.
“You need more than just that.”
He nods, then fills his plate with bacon, eggs, and toast. “Do you guys eat like this every day?”
“No, but we try. Depends on what jobs we have. Things have been slower since we revamped our process.”
“Revamped your process?” He sniffs his food then pops a piece of scrambled egg into his mouth. “What does that mean?”
“Long story. Want some coffee?”
He shakes his head. “Orange juice is good.”
“Let’s go sit.”
I lead Rue to the dining room where the others are. Even Shadow has joined us this morning. Boone is telling a story about some guys he used to hang with, and the mood feels lighter than it did at lunch yesterday, for sure.
Rue eats quietly, but I can tell he’s listening to everyone talking.
He seems observant and curious, and more than once I notice his eyes on Colson, who looks super glam today with his hair flowing in pretty waves over his shoulders and his complexion bright.
It’s no wonder Specter fell head over heels for the guy.
Rue leans close to me. “Is Colson approachable?”
“Very. Why?”
“I don’t know. I was thinking maybe I could talk to him about some things.”
“Like?”
“Like things I don’t want to talk to you about. Things Colson might understand better.”
His answer confuses me. “Should I be offended?”
He laughs softly. “Of course not. I guess I was wondering if he could be a friend. A different kind of friend than you are.”
Ah. I think I get it. Colson isn’t one of us. Rue probably feels like he might have more in common with him. “He’s great. You should talk to him.”
Rue smiles, then goes back to finishing his breakfast. When the conversation dies down, he shifts his attention back to Colson.
“Um, Colson?”
Colson looks over, smiling.
“Are you busy after breakfast? I was wondering if you had a few minutes to chat.”
Colson’s gaze softens. “Sure. I’m around all day.”
“But we were going to—” Specter says, but Colson cuts him off with a soft kiss on the lips.
“You’ll have plenty of me in due time, lover, don’t worry.”
Specter’s eyes heat as he nods. So whipped. It’d be hilarious if it weren’t so damn cute.
“I don’t want to mess up your plans though,” Rue says.
“You’re not,” Specter says. “Colson is right. We have plenty of time.”
“Okay then. Thanks.”
After breakfast is done and the dishes have been cleared, I watch Colson and Rue walk out into the garden.
“What’s that about?” Phantom asks me.
I shrug. “I think he sees something in Colson. Like a friend or someone he might have something in common with. All of this has been a little overwhelming for him.”
“If anyone can ground him, it’s Colson,” Specter says, stacking the clean plates in the cupboard.
“I think so too.”
“So things are good with your prisoner?” Wraith asks, swinging his legs. He draped himself over an armchair after we moved to the rec room.
“He’s not my prisoner, and please don’t say that in front of him.”
Wraith mimes zipping his lips.
“I need to talk to Shadow about going rogue and taking this Leon piece of shit out.”
Whisper raises his eyebrow. “It’s like that?”
“It is. He’s trouble, and it’s possible he’s going to keep stalking Rue. Guys like that don’t tend to back off easily.”
“No,” Wraith says. “Tell us if you need backup.”
“Of course.” I glance out the French doors at Colson and Rue talking on a bench. Colson is smiling sweetly and holding Rue’s hand in a comforting way.
I find myself smiling too as I watch the interaction.
I wonder if Rue will want to sleep in my room again tonight, and whether that’s playing with fire.
I’m a pretty upstanding guy when it comes to sex and consent, but I’m only human.
Waking up with his gorgeous body wrapped around me and his mouth on my skin pushed my limits, and I’ll be damned if he thinks he has to sleep with me for repayment.
Anyone who sleeps with me does it because they fucking want to.
And I doubt Rue knows what he wants.