Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
NYROBI
By the fourth day of sticking myself with needles, I had officially decided two hundred and fifty thousand dollars wasn't enough.
I wasn't giving the money back or nothing crazy like that.
Let's not get stupid. But whoever came up with this surrogacy shit should've put a little extra fee in there for waking up every morning knowing I had to willingly stab myself before I could even brush my damn teeth.
I stood in the bathroom staring at the little setup I'd made on the counter. Medicine, alcohol wipes, needles, and the instructions the clinic had gone over with me enough times that I could probably teach somebody else by now. Still didn't make me like it.
The first couple days, Mama offered to help.
Absolutely not.I loved Juanita with everything in me, but that woman couldn't even watch somebody get blood drawn on TV without turning her head.
I wasn't trusting her with a needle anywhere near my body.
So every day, I handled it myself. Then complained about it for at least thirty minutes after.
My phone started vibrating against the counter.
I didn't even have to look.
Kaizleigh.
I picked it up and read the message.
You do your medicine yet?
I stared at the screen. Before I could answer, another came through.
Don't forget you have to do it around the same time.
Then:
Did you eat?
I closed my eyes.
This bitch was getting on my nerves.
I typed back.
Good morning to you too.
The bubbles popped up immediately.
GOOD MORNING lol did you do it? I'm literally standing in the bathroom with the needle.
Okay good. Call me after.
Why?
So I know you did it.
I looked at myself in the mirror.
“Lord.”
From down the hall, Mama yelled, “What?”
“Nothing!”
My phone rang.
I looked at Kaizleigh's name and declined it and of course she called again.
Then a text came through.
Bitch answer the phone.
I laughed.
Bitch I'm trying to take the medicine YOU keep calling me about.
That stopped her. Finally. I put the phone down before she could find another reason to bother me and looked at the needle again.
I wasn't scared of them anymore.Didn't mean I enjoyed the shit.
The clinic had explained why I needed everything and what each medication was supposed to do.
Prepare my body. Get my uterus ready. Make sure everything was where it needed to be before they transferred the embryo.
I listened. Took what they told me to take.
Went where they told me to go. And somewhere between all that, my body started feeling like it didn't completely belong to me anymore.
My stomach stayed bloated. My titties hurt.
I was tired. Then irritated. Then emotional for no fucking reason.
Two nights ago, I almost cried because Mama ate the last of my ice cream.
Not that I really cared about the ice cream. At least I didn't think I did. But when I opened that freezer and saw the empty container sitting there like somebody had personally disrespected me, I had to go to my room and sit down.
Mama found me ten minutes later. Asked what was wrong.
I told her to leave me alone. She saw the empty container in my hand and laughed so hard she started coughing.
That pissed me off worse. The next morning there were three new containers in the freezer.
I still hadn't apologized. I wiped the spot on my stomach, took a breath and did what I had to do.
“Shit.”
It wasn't even that bad. I just liked being dramatic.
I threw everything away the way the clinic told me to, pulled my shirt down and grabbed my phone.
Seven missed messages all from Kaizleigh. I called her. She answered before the first full ring.
“You did it?”
“No. I flushed all the medicine down the toilet.”
“Nyrobi.”
“Yes, I did it.”
“Why you play so much?”
“Why you call so much?”
“Because I need to make sure you're doing everything right.”
“Girl, you think I'm playing around with two hundred and fifty thousand dollars?”
“It is not just about the money.”
“I know that.”
“Do you?”
I paused.
“Kaizleigh.”
“What?”
“I know.”
Her voice softened.
“Okay.”
I sat on the edge of the tub.
“When you going to stop checking on me every five minutes?”
“When the baby gets here.”
“Hell no.”
She laughed.
“You better get used to me.”
“I will block you.”
“No, you won't.”
“Try me.”
“I'll just call your mama.”
I sat straight up.
“Don't you fucking dare.”
“She answers.”
“Because she likes you.”
“I like her too.”
“That's the problem. Y'all done formed some little friendship behind my back.”
“It ain't behind your back.”
“Whatever.”
She laughed again.
“Your appointment is at eleven tomorrow.”
“I know.”
“Don't eat?—”
“I KNOW.”
“Okay, damn.”
“Kaizleigh, I got the same instructions you got.”
“I just want everything to go right.”
That shut me up. I could hear it in her voice. The nerves underneath all the checking. The reason she called so much wasn't because she thought I was stupid. She was scared. And after everything she'd already been through, I couldn't even blame her.
“I got you,” I told her.
She got quiet.
“I know.”
“Then stop calling me every damn hour.”
“Okay.”
“Promise?”
“No.”
I laughed.
“At least you honest.”
“I'll see you tomorrow.”
“Aight.”
“Love you.”
I froze.
She froze too.
Neither one of us said shit for a second.
Then Kaizleigh started laughing.
“Oh my God.”
“Girl.”
“It slipped!”
“Don't be telling me you love me.”
“I tell everybody I love them!”
“You better go tell your husband.”
“I do!”
“I don't need to be included.”
“You love me too.”
“Goodbye, Kaizleigh.”
“Say it back.”
“Bye.”
“Nyrobi!”
I hung up.
Mama was standing in my bedroom doorway when I came out of the bathroom.
“What?”
She smiled.
“You got a friend.”
“I got a stalker.”
“She sweet.”
“Too damn sweet.”
“You like her.”
“I do.”
Mama's smile got bigger.
“Don't.”
“I ain't say nothing.”
“Your face did.”
She laughed and headed down the hallway.
I followed her.
As annoying as Kaizleigh was becoming, Mama wasn't wrong.
I did like her. More than I expected to.
And that made all of this feel a little different than it did when I first said yes.
At first, I could separate it. The Stylez needed something.
I needed something. They had money. I had a uterus that worked.
Simple.
Except it wasn't really simple anymore. I knew Kaizleigh now.
I knew how she laughed. How she cried over damn near everything.
How nervous she got before every appointment even when the appointment wasn't for her.
I knew she had already saved baby furniture on her phone even though Billion kept telling her to stop looking.
I knew she wanted this baby so bad that sometimes I could see her trying not to want it too much.
That was the part that made me nervous. Because money was one thing. Disappointing somebody was another. And I was starting to care whether I disappointed her. Transfer day felt different before I even opened my eyes.
I didn't know how to explain it. Nothing had happened yet. There was no baby. No pregnancy. Nothing inside me except whatever the hell Mama had cooked the night before. Still, I woke up and stared at the ceiling longer than usual. Today was the day they were putting an embryo inside me.
Their embryo.
I sat up and rubbed my face.
“Okay.”
Nobody answered. I wasn't talking to anybody anyway. I got dressed in the comfortable clothes the clinic suggested and kept everything simple. Black joggers, a T-shirt, slides.
When I walked in the living room, Mama was already awake.
She looked me up and down.
“You nervous?”
“No.”
“You lying.”
“I know.”
She smiled.
“Come here.”
I walked over. She wrapped her arms around me. For a second, I just stood there. Then I hugged her back.
“You sure about this?” she asked quietly.
That question hit different today. Before, it had always been about the money.
Was I sure I wanted to do this? Sure I understood?
Sure I wasn't letting desperation make a decision for me?
Now everything was signed. I'd taken the medicine.
My body was ready. And somewhere in a clinic was an embryo waiting for me to show up.
“I am.”
Mama pulled back.
“You don't sound sure.”
“I'm nervous. That's different.”
“Okay.”
“I know what I'm doing.”
“I know.”
“And after everything them people been through...”
I stopped.
Mama waited.
“I want it to work,” I added.
Her eyes softened.
“Then that's what we pray for.”
I nodded.
She kissed my forehead.
“Call me after.”
“I will.”
“And don't let that girl drive you crazy.”
I smiled.
“Too late.”
Kaizleigh was already at the clinic when I got there. Of course, she was and so was Billion. I walked into the waiting room and barely got through the door before Kaizleigh stood up.
“There she is.”
I stopped.
“Why you announcing me?”
“I wasn't.”
“Everybody just looked.”
Nobody had but that wasn't the point. She hugged me. I looked over her shoulder at Billion.
“Get your wife.”
He was sitting in one of the chairs with his ankle across his knee, looking entirely too calm for somebody who was about to have his possible future child put inside another woman.
“I tried.”
Kaizleigh pulled away.
“You nervous?”
“No.”
“She lying,” Billion said.
I looked at him.
“How the fuck you know?”
“Because you said no too fast.”
“Mind your business.”
“You are my business today.”
My eyebrows went up.
He caught himself.
“I mean the procedure.”
“Mhm.”
Kaizleigh looked between us.
“Can y'all please not start today?”
“Girl I can imagine how he controls you,” I said jokingly.
“I asked a question.”
“You answered my question and nobody asked you.”
Billion smiled.
That irritated me more.
“See.”
Kaizleigh grabbed my hand.
“Come sit down.”
“I know how to sit.”
“I know!”
I let her pull me toward the chairs anyway. The waiting room was quiet besides some soft music playing from somewhere I couldn't see. A couple sat across from us. Another woman sat near the window by herself.