Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
NYROBI
The second time around didn't feel anything like the first. Maybe because I knew too much now.
The first transfer, I had walked into everything wondering what each medication was going to do, what the procedure would feel like, whether I would somehow know the second that embryo was inside me.
I had spent the whole waiting period paying attention to every cramp, every ache, every little weird feeling my body made.
Just for that damn test to come back negative. Now I knew better.
A little cramp didn't mean shit. Sore titties didn't mean shit.
Being tired didn't mean shit. And Kaizleigh asking me seventeen times a day if I “felt different” damn sure wasn't going to make an embryo stick.
The doctor had already explained that the first transfer not working didn't mean anything was wrong with me.
It happened. Sometimes it took more than one attempt.
Kaizleigh understood that when the doctor said it.
Getting her heart to understand it was a whole different story.
She tried to hide how hurt she was after that first negative.
Did a terrible fucking job too. She smiled.
Said she was okay. Told me we'd try again.
Then hugged me for so long I knew her ass was trying not to cry.
I didn't know what to say to her. What could I say?
Sorry your baby didn't stick inside me?
That sounded terrible. So, I just hugged her back and let her have her moment. Now we were waiting for my body to be ready to do the shit all over again. And somehow, during that little space in between, Kaizleigh had damn near moved into my house.
Well…Their house.
The house they were letting me live in. Whatever.
She was there too fucking much. I'd come home from work and her car would be in the driveway.
Walk inside and she'd be sitting on the couch with Mama like she paid bills there.
Sometimes she'd bring lunch. Sometimes she'd pick up Mama's prescriptions.
One day I came home and the two of them were watching a movie with matching blankets.
Matching. Fucking. Blankets.
I stood in the doorway looking at them.
“Y'all getting real comfortable.”
Mama didn't even look away from the TV.
“We was waiting on you.”
“With matching blankets?”
Kaizleigh smiled.
“I bought you one too.”
Of course she did.
Billion came with her sometimes, but not nearly as much.
Usually he came because Kaizleigh had been there too long and he was coming to get his wife.
Or because something needed to be checked with the property.
The first time he came over after the transfer failed, I expected him to act different but he didn't.
He asked if I was good.
I said yeah.
He nodded.
That was it.
No weird sympathy. No looking at me like my uterus had personally failed him. I appreciated that more than I told him. Then again, I didn't tell him shit. He was still Mr. Stylez to me.
Well, Billion now. Somewhere along the way I'd stopped calling him Mr. Stylez every time I spoke to him.I didn't know when that happened.
Didn't really care either. He was Kaizleigh's husband.
My boss. The man whose baby I was trying to carry.
That was it. At least that was what I would've told anybody who asked. Nobody had asked. Thank God.
The hotel was packed by the time I got there that Friday.
Some business conference had damn near every room booked, which meant housekeeping was getting our asses kicked.
By noon, I had already cleaned enough bathrooms to start questioning every decision I'd ever made in life.
Ariel was pushing her cart out of a room when she saw me.
“You doing seven?”
“Half of it.”
“Lucky.”
“How?”
“I got six.”
“So?”
“Six got them conference people.”
“Everybody here for the same conference.”
“Not the people on seven.”
I stared at her.
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“They look cleaner.”
I laughed.
“You sound stupid.”
“I'm serious. Rich people don't leave rooms as nasty.”
“That is a lie.”
“Not the ones I had.”
“Well, congratulations.”
She leaned against her cart.
“You heard the Stylez here?”
I stopped fixing the towels on mine.
“Who?”
She looked at me.
“Don't do that. Your people.”
“They are not my people.”
“Mrs. Stylez be all up under you now.”
“She checks on my mama.”
“Exactly.”
“What you getting at?”
“Nothing.”
“Ariel.”
She smiled.
“I just said they here.”
“For what?”
“Meeting or something downstairs. Tiffany been running around acting like the president coming.”
I laughed.
“Tiffany always like that when they come.”
“Mr. Stylez fine.”
I looked at her.
She smiled wider.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“You just said his ass fine then looked at me.”
“Because you know him.”
“I know his wife too.”
“And?”
“And nothing. Yes, he fine. You got eyes.”
Ariel screamed.
“I knew it!”
“Girl, shut the fuck up.”
“You said it!”
“I also said he's married.”
“Married men can be fine.”
“Okay, and?”
“And nothing.”
She pushed her cart past me still smiling.
I shook my head.
People were irritating.
I went back to work. A couple hours later, I'd forgotten all about Billion and Kaizleigh being in the building.
That was how busy we were.I had two rooms left before my break, my feet hurt, and I was already planning what I was going to eat the second I sat down.I had just stepped out of one of the rooms when I heard something farther down the hallway.
I stopped.
At first I thought somebody was calling me. I looked both ways but it was nobody. I started pushing my cart again.
Then I heard a woman’s voice lightly screaming. It was loud enough to make me stop again. I frowned and looked toward the suites at the end of the hall.
“Hell.”
People really acted like hotel walls didn't exist. I kept moving. Then the woman's voice came through clearer. And something about it sounded familiar.
I took another step.
Heard it again.
My eyes widened.
“Bitch.”
Kaizleigh.
I knew that damn voice. I should've kept walking right then. Actually, I should've started walking faster. All I could hear was a clapping noise and Kaizleigh moaning Billions name.
Then I heard Billion. Not enough to make out every word. Just his voice, it was lower than usual. And my dumb ass stopped completely.
I stood there with both hands on my housekeeping cart staring at a closed hotel door like I had lost my fucking mind. There was no question what was happening in there now. It was cleat he was in there fucking the shit out of his wife.
I looked toward the elevators thinking to walk away but my feet didn't move. Another sound came from inside. Kaizleigh again. I bit the inside of my cheek.
Why the fuck was I still standing there?
This was my friend. Or whatever the hell Kaizleigh had become to me. And that was her husband. Her very fine husband, apparently doing something to her that had her forgetting they were inside a hotel where people actually worked.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
Go, Nyrobi.
I Still didn't move. Then I heard Kaizleigh say his name louder.
Not Mr. Stylez. Not the Billion I heard every day. She said that man's name like?—
I grabbed my cart.
“Nope.”
That was enough. More than enough. Way more than my ass should've heard.
I pushed the cart so fast one of the little shampoo bottles fell over.
I didn't stop to fix it.
By the time I reached the service elevator, my face was hot and my pussy was soaked. No lie tha shit had me all the way in tuned. I couldn’t only imagine that fine ass man on top of me.
I hit the button repeatedly like that was going to make the elevator move faster.
“What the fuck am I doing?”
The doors finally opened.
I pushed the cart inside and hit the button for another floor.
Then stood there staring at my reflection in the metal doors.
I was embarrassed. Nobody had caught me. Nobody even knew I was out there. But I knew. My ass had stood outside a married couple's hotel suite listening to them fuck. Not for long. But long enough. Too damn long.
I pressed my lips together. The worst part wasn't even that I'd listened. It was what listening had done to me. My body felt warm. That little uncomfortable ache between my legs had me wanting to slap myself. Absolutely the fuck not.
I shifted my weight.
“Girl, get your shit together.”
The elevator opened.
I pushed my cart out and went straight into the first empty room on my list.
I needed to clean something. Scrub a toilet. Change some sheets. Do literally anything that would get the sound of Kaizleigh saying her husband's name out of my damn head.
I snatched the pillowcases off the bed harder than necessary.
There wasn't anything wrong with being turned on by hearing people have sex.
That could happen to anybody.
It didn't mean I wanted Billion. It didn't. I had already admitted he was fine.
Everybody with functioning eyes could see that.
That didn't mean shit. He was married. To somebody I actually liked.
Somebody who trusted me enough to let me carry her baby.
That should've killed anything my body thought it was feeling immediately.
Except bodies didn't give a fuck about morals. Apparently mine damn sure didn't.
I yanked another pillowcase off.
“This is why you should've kept walking.”
The pillow didn't answer.
Good.
Because I didn't need nobody else agreeing with me today.
I managed to avoid both of them for almost an hour.
Not purposely.
At least that's what I told myself.
Then Tiffany asked me to take something down to one of the conference rooms.
I should've known. I walked out of the service hallway carrying a stack of folders, turned the corner— And damn near walked straight into Billion.
I stopped so fast the folders shifted in my hands.
He reached out and caught the top one before it fell.
“You good?”
No.
“Yeah.”
He handed it back.
I took it without looking directly at him.
“Thanks.”
“You sure?”
“Why wouldn't I be?”
“I don't know. You almost ran into me.”
“You were in my way.”
“I was standing still.”
“Exactly.”
He frowned.
“That don't even make sense.”
“It made enough.”
I tried to step around him.
“Nyrobi.”
Fuck.
I stopped.
“What?”
“You hear from the clinic?”
“Not yet.”
“When you supposed to?”
“Monday.”
He nodded.
“Kaizleigh said they might start you back on everything next week.”
“Probably.”
“You good with that?”
“Yeah.”
“Alright.”
Why the fuck was he being so normal?
Of course he was being normal.
He didn't know.
That was the problem.
I finally looked at him.
Bad decision.
His shirt sleeves were rolled up to his forearms. Same watch he always wore. Wedding ring right there on his hand. Nothing about him looked different. But my brain was being a nasty bitch and filling in shit I had no business thinking about.
I looked away…Fast.
Billion noticed.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“You acting weird.”
“No, I'm not.”
“Yeah, you are.”
“I gotta work.”
“You always gotta work when you don't wanna answer something.”
I looked at him.
“Why you studying me?”
His eyebrows went up.
“Studying you?”
“Yes.”
“I asked if you were good.”
“And I said yes.”
“Alright then.”
“Alright.”
He stared at me.
I stared back.
For half a second, neither one of us moved.
Then a door opened down the hall.
Kaizleigh came out.
I looked at her.
Her hair wasn't messed up. Clothes looked fine. Makeup still together. But I knew. And the second I looked at her, every damn thing I'd heard came rushing back.
She smiled when she saw me.
“Hey!”
I almost dropped the folders again.
“Hey.”
She walked over and hugged me.
I stood there stiff as hell.
She pulled back.
“What wrong with you?”
“Nothing.”
“Why everybody keep saying nothing today?” Billion asked.
I shot him a look.
Kaizleigh looked between us.
“What happened?”
“Nothing happened,” I said quickly.
Billion shrugged.
“She almost ran me over.”
“With what?”
“Herself.”
“I did not.”
Kaizleigh laughed.
“Girl, you okay?”
There she went.
Touching my arm, smiling at me and being sweet.
Meanwhile my trifling ass had just been standing outside a door listening to her get her back cracked.
I wanted to disappear.
“I'm fine. I'm just busy.”
“You ate?”
“Yes.”
That was a lie.
“Nyrobi.”
“I will.”
“Come eat with us.”
“No!”
Both of them looked at me.
Shit.
“I mean, I can't.”
Kaizleigh frowned.
“Why?”
“Because I'm working.”
“You get a break.”
“Not right now.”
Billion looked at me harder.
I refused to look at him.
Kaizleigh didn't seem to notice anything.
“Okay. Well, call me later.”
“I will.”
“And Monday?—”
“I know.”
She smiled.
“I wasn't gonna say anything.”
“Yes, you were.”
“I was just gonna remind you?—”
“Exactly.”
She laughed.
I finally smiled.
“There she go,” she said.
“Bye, Kaizleigh.”
“Love you too.”
“I didn't say that.”
“I know.”
She grabbed Billion's hand.
I looked away immediately.
“I gotta go.”
I walked off before either of them could say anything else.
I didn't slow down until I turned the corner.
Then I stopped.
Closed my eyes.
And leaned my forehead against the wall.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Nothing…Nothing was wrong with me.
I was a grown woman. I'd heard two people having sex. My body reacted. That was it. It didn't mean anything. I repeated that shit all the way back upstairs. It didn't mean anything when I finished my shift.
Didn't mean anything when I got in my car.
Didn't mean anything when I pulled into the driveway and saw Kaizleigh had texted me a heart.
And it damn sure didn't mean anything later that night when I got in the shower and Billion's voice crossed my mind before I could stop it.
I opened my eyes.
“No.”
I grabbed my body wash.
Absolutely fucking not.
I wasn't doing this.
That was Kaizleigh's husband.
The man whose baby I was supposed to be carrying.
The same man who had moved my mama and me into one of his houses when we had nowhere else to go.
Whatever little switch had flipped in my head today needed to flip its ass right back.
Because Billion Stylez wasn't mine to look at differently.
He wasn't mine to wonder about. And he damn sure wasn't mine to want.The problem was, before today, I'd never had to remind myself of that.