Chapter 14 #2
She walked into the kitchen. I followed her.
Not because I needed to. I could've left.
Probably should've. But I didn't. The house looked different now that they'd been there a little while.
Nyrobi had added shit. A candle on the counter.
Pictures on the refrigerator. A blanket thrown across the couch.
One of Juanita's plants sat near the window.
Little things.
It didn't look like one of our properties anymore. It looked like their home.
Nyrobi opened the refrigerator.
“You want something?”
“No.”
“Water?”
“I'm good.”
She grabbed one for herself.
Then another one.
She slid it across the counter toward me.
I looked at it.
“I said I'm good.”
“I heard you.”
“Then why give me one?”
“Because I know damn well you ain't about to stand in here watching me drink.”
I picked it up.
“Bossy.”
She twisted the cap off hers.
“You got a lot of nerve.”
I laughed and leaned against the counter.
For a second, it was quiet.
Nyrobi took a drink.
Then looked at me.
“How Kaizleigh doing?”
“Good.”
“That was too fast.”
I frowned.
“What?”
“You said good too fast.”
I almost laughed because that was the same shit I'd told Kaizleigh.
“She nervous.”
“I know.”
“She driving you crazy?”
“Yes.”
Nyrobi laughed.
“Thank God. I thought it was just me.”
“She took a pregnancy test this morning.”
Nyrobi stopped drinking.
“What?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Exactly.”
“She think she pregnant?”
“No.”
“Then why the fuck she take a test?”
“She doesn't know.”
Nyrobi's smile disappeared.
“Damn.”
“Yeah.”
She leaned against the other side of the counter.
“The first transfer fucked with her that bad?”
“More than she admits.”
Nyrobi looked down at her bottle.
“I felt bad.”
“For what?”
“When it didn't take.”
“That wasn't your fault.”
“I know.”
“Do you?”
She looked at me.
“I know logically.”
“And the other way?”
She shrugged.
“I don't know. When they told us it didn't work, the first thing I thought about was her face.”
I didn't say anything.
“She tried so hard not to look disappointed in front of me.”
“That's Kaizleigh.”
“She kept telling me it was okay.”
“That's her too.”
“And I knew she was lying.”
I looked down at the water bottle in my hand.
“She was.”
Nyrobi watched me.
“She cried?”
I nodded.
“Damn.”
“She's cried worse.”
The words came out before I decided whether I wanted to say them.
Nyrobi got quiet. I could've left it there. Instead, I kept going.
“The first miscarriage was probably the worst.”
She didn't interrupt.
“Not because it hurt more than the others. We just didn't know what the fuck was happening.”
I stared at the bottle.
“We were happy as hell. She had already bought shit. Nothing major, but little shit. Clothes. Some blanket she saw.”
Nyrobi's face softened.
“She still got it?”
“Yeah.”
“Damn.”
“I told her to put it away. She wouldn't.”
I shook my head.
“I used to walk past that damn blanket every day after we lost the baby.”
Nyrobi didn't say anything. Maybe that was why I kept talking. Most people tried to make shit better. Started telling you God had a plan. Told you it would happen when it was supposed to. Told you to stay strong. Nyrobi just listened.
“I didn't know what to do with her,” I admitted.
“What you mean?”
“I could fix everything else.”
She looked at me.
“Money?”
“Not just money.”
“Okay.”
“If something breaks, fix it. Somebody fucks up at the hotel, handle it. We lose money somewhere, figure out why. My father got a problem, solve it.”
I paused.
“But Kaizleigh laying in a hospital bed asking me why she couldn't keep our baby?”
I shook my head.
“I ain't have shit.”
Nyrobi's eyes stayed on me.
“That fuck with you?”
I laughed once.
“What you think?”
“I don't know. You don't really show nothing.”
“I show shit.”
“Like what?”
“I laugh.”
“That don't count.”
“I get mad.”
“You always look irritated.”
“That counts.”
She smiled.
I did too. Then it disappeared.
“Everybody was worried about her,” I said. “And they should've been. She was the one going through it physically. But people would come to the hospital, hug her, ask how she was doing, ask what she needed.”
Nyrobi nodded.
“Then they'd look at me and tell me to be strong for her.”
Her face changed.
“Damn.”
“Exactly.”
“So you never got to be fucked up about it.”
“I didn't have time.”
“That don't mean you weren't.”
I looked at her.
She held my eyes. Something about the way she said it hit harder than it should've. Maybe because nobody had ever put it that simple.
“You ever tell Kaizleigh that?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“What she supposed to do with it?”
“Listen.”
“She was already hurting.”
“So?”
I frowned.
“So I'm not putting my shit on top of hers.”
Nyrobi shook her head.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Say it.”
“You and me more alike than I thought.”
I almost laughed.
“How?”
“You think because you can carry something, that means you supposed to.”
I stared at her.
She took another drink.
“Sound familiar?”
“Don't start that therapist shit.”
“I ain't no therapist. Them people got degrees.”
“Then stop analyzing me.”
“You started talking.”
“That was my first mistake.”
She smiled.
I shook my head.
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“You said we're alike.”
“We are.”
“How?”
She looked toward the hallway where her mother had disappeared.
That told me before she said anything.
“Mama.”
“Yeah.”
Nyrobi ran her thumb over the label on her bottle.
“I don't remember when taking care of her became my whole life. It just did.”
“She been sick long?”
“Long enough.”
“And your sister?”
Nyrobi laughed, but there wasn't shit funny about it.
“Nysheca been Nysheca.”
“She still using?”
Her eyes came up.
“How you know?”
“Kaizleigh.”
“Of fucking course.”
“She worries about you.”
“She need to worry about herself.”
“She does both.”
Nyrobi sighed.