32. Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Two
Carson
“This is my friend Natalie,” Luna introduces the woman standing next to her to me and my family.
Rage stands up and greets her first. “Natalie, we finally meet.”
“This is Chance. You remember me talking about him, don’t you?” she asks, also using sign language.
Natalie smiles. “Your big brother,” she says while signing back. Her speech has a different cadence, and I realize she is deaf herself.
“Yep. The one and only.” Luna grins at Rage. “And this is Lily and Dan, and their son, Carson.” She blushes when she gets to me.
Natalie raises her eyebrows and whispers. “Good for you, girl.”
The two of them laugh.
“It’s nice to meet you,” my mom says, standing up and hugging her. “Luna’s told us so much about you. We’re happy you’re here to help us all learn ASL.”
My mom knew about all of this? They must have talked about this last night.
Luna continues around the club, introducing everyone to her friend as if she herself isn’t new here. Mom sits down beside me. “It seems Luna came to us at exactly the right time.”
I smile at her.
“Jackson told me Luna stayed with you last night.”
Goddamn rumors travel fast around here.
“Is that not okay?”
“It is.” She watches Luna and Natalie sit down with my sister and Tank. “Bringing her friend here was a great idea. It sounds like everyone in the club wants to learn sign language.”
“I think it’s in her nature … to help that is.”
My mom nods, but I can tell she didn’t hear a word I said.
Dad leans over and repeats it directly into her ear and she smiles.
“I agree. It is in her nature.”
The night moves on, and everyone seems to be having a great time. The somber mood of my dad’s announcement just yesterday is slowly being chased away by the moon … and Luna.
Serenity takes sleeping Mila from Rage’s arms. “I’ll see you upstairs.”
He nods, keeping his eyes on her until she disappears inside.
“Luna seems better,” he says, turning his focus to me.
“Yeah.”
“Mila finding her in the playhouse worked out pretty well.”
“Yeah.”
He sits forward. “What’s going on, Carson?”
I rub my hand over my head. “Nothing. It’s just … oh, I don’t know. Luna is busy helping everyone else, but she needs help too.”
“With?”
“I don’t think you really want to know.”
He takes a deep breath and relaxes back in his chair. “You’re right, I don’t.”
Luna tips her head back, laughing and spinning in a circle with Natalie. A couple of the club guys have them up and dancing.
“Carson, you’re looking too far ahead. Just stop for a fucking minute and look at how far she’s come. Luna stopped running. She’s here, introducing your family to the one and only childhood friend she ever had. Don’t you realize how incredible that is?”
“I know, I just don’t want her to spend so much time on everyone else’s problems that she forgets her own.”
“She’s interacting with Mila and me. I’d say that’s moving forward. I wouldn’t worry about it until she stalls out. That’s when you need to worry.”
“I guess you’re right. I just want her to be okay, you know?”
He kicks his boot against mine. “No, I don’t know. When the fuck were you going to tell me you were dating my sister?”
“I don’t know. Never.”
He laughs, but then he turns serious. “So, where are you and Cole at?”
“He told me tonight that he’s moving into the warehouse.”
“He’s scared. Things are changing. He hates change.”
“No. I’m the one who hates change. Cole loves it.”
“Yet you are the one stepping forward, and he’s running away to avoid it.”
“Are you saying I don’t know him as well as I think I do?”
“I think you’ve put your brother on a pretty high pedestal. He’s done the same to you. Fuck, what an amazing thing to have someone love you so much they’re blind to your faults. Cole thought you were always going to choose him first.”
I open my mouth to argue that I shouldn’t have to choose between them, but he beats me to it.
“And you thought Cole would never ask you to choose between him and the woman you love. But, goddammit, man, you guys need to take each other off the pedestal and realize you’re both human.
It’s okay for you to feel happy and him to feel sad.
You don’t have to do and feel everything in sync.
Besides, it was fucking creepy. This is much better.
More normal. Brothers aren’t always supposed to get along. ”
I laugh, looking over at Cole. He does look sad, and I am in fact very happy. It throws me off-kilter. Maybe Rage is right. Cole and I have always agreed on everything. Now I’m wondering if we’ve always agreed, or if one of us has always bent to the other.
Maybe Cole is right. Maybe we do need to live apart.
I don’t know, but right now, I haven’t seen nearly enough of Luna today. I’m tired of sharing her.
But I don’t get her to myself until we have Natalie settled in the guest room at the warehouse … and we’ve checked on my parents. Then and only then do I convince her it’s time to go home.
She hovers near the door. “I should …” she points to her van.
“You should stay with me,” I interrupt, tugging her into the house and falling onto the couch with her.
She laughs, pretending to fight me off.
“We didn’t ask Cole about me staying here.”
“I did. He says he doesn’t give a fuck. He’s moving into the warehouse.”
She pushes away from me, sitting up straight. “Carson …”
“He’s an adult. He can do whatever he wants.”
She looks at the door.
“Luna, stay. Cole made his choice. You don’t have to leave because of it.”
“I’m trying so hard, but nothing I do seems to help.”
“Luna, everything you’ve done helps. My god, woman.
You’ve single-handedly turned my mom’s condition into something manageable, and tonight when Natalie arrived …
” I have to pause for a second. “You invited your friend here, knowing it would ease the worries about my mom losing her hearing. You knew everyone would fall in love with her.”
“I know, right? She’s the best.”
I smile at her, shaking my head. “You don’t even know what you do, do you?”
She blinks rapidly.
“You’re easing everyone’s fears and doing it with love. Trust me, Cole sees it. Whatever he’s feeling, there is nothing you or I can do. We have to let him go through it. But I did see some progress tonight. At least you two are talking.”
“We weren’t talking, we were hiding.”
“Well, you were doing it together. That’s a start.”
“He puts himself down a lot,” she says.
Not Cole. He’s always so confident.
But if Luna is telling me this, then it must be true.
“He does?”
She curls up against me. “I don’t think he feels very confident without you.”
I rest my cheek against the top of her head. “I guess I understand that. I’ve felt that way before.”
I just didn’t know Cole ever felt that way.