Chapter Fifteen #2
“Your own little oasis. I can see why you never wanted to sell.”
He pointed to a cluster of hives set apart from the others.
“The ones on the end there, those are my grandfather’s.
I’ve had to replace the frames, of course, but the boxes are his.
I’ve painted them a few times over the years.
” Besides Lilah, he’d never pointed this out to anyone, certainly not Sophie.
He wasn’t sure why he was telling Cassie, but she seemed genuinely interested.
A few late foragers heading home ducked into the tiny entrances at the bottom of the hives. “Are all these bees descended from your grandfather’s?” she said.
“Some of them. Bees only live about a month, a little longer in the winter, so it’s a lot of generations, but some are from his stock. I wish he’d known I became a beekeeper. He would’ve liked that.”
“You really love them, don’t you?”
“I do. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than out here.
” He gently brushed off a bee that had become too inquisitive and was crawling up his arm.
“It’s peaceful. I never get tired of watching them.
And if you think about what they do in the world…
it’s humbling. People don’t realize we wouldn’t eat without pollinators.
” He stopped, fearing he might be on the verge of a lecture, but she just looked thoughtful.
They made their way back to the deck and watched the sky deepen until the trees turned violet and finally black, and the light slipped away entirely.
When the sauce was ready he found some utility candles in the closet and set them on small plates.
Not five-star, but the candlelight was a nice touch.
“You grew up here,” he said, curious. “How did you end up being such a city person?”
She was quiet for a moment. “It’s not that I set out to be a city person, it sort of turned out that way. Don’t get me wrong, I do like it here and the hike last weekend was gorgeous. And I have to say when I was in the city last week, it felt loud and chaotic.”
“But? It sounds like there’s a but coming.”
“No buts. I love the energy of the city. I won’t deny that. Growing up here was pretty dull and with my mom sick and all…” Her voice trailed off. “I guess it became easier to stay away.”
“And now you’re back when you don’t want to be.” He felt a tug of disappointment. As soon as she got her dad taken care of, she’d be on the first train back to Manhattan.
“I haven’t come back enough over the years. I’m not a good daughter.” She held up a hand when he started to protest “It’s true. I’m not proud of it. My dad needs me. I should have seen that sooner.”
“You’re here now. That’s what counts.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know.”
“Don’t sell yourself short; you’ve put your own life on hold to help him. That’s pretty selfless.” He poured them more wine, and they talked about other things. She told him she’d given up red meat for heart and brain health, which were interconnected.
He sipped his wine, amused. “I don’t have a chance on either count then.”
“Tofu’s an easy substitute. You can throw on a little soy sauce and bake it in the oven. It has a lot of protein and believe it or not, it tastes pretty good as long as you season it.”
He pulled a face. “I can’t imagine a universe where Lilah would eat tofu.”
“Don’t blame it on Lilah. You wouldn’t either.”
He grinned. “You’re right.”
“I’m a bit of a nut about all this stuff, I admit that. But you—” She looked at him frankly. “You’re in great shape. Is all that from lifting hives?”
“All what?” He felt himself getting warm.
Something about the way she was looking at him.
“I um…I like to hike. That and working the bees. That’s pretty much it, I guess.
” He got up to get them seconds so she wouldn’t see him squirm.
She was way more up front than any woman he’d ever known. But in a good way.
“You mean you don’t do anything else, like go to a gym? I find that hard to believe.”
“I put in a swing set for Lilah, if that counts.” He laughed. “But that was years ago.”
“Too bad they outgrow that stuff,” she said. “They’re five and then they’re twenty.” She regarded him over her wine, her eyes flickering gold in the candlelight. “What happened with your marriage? Do you mind if I ask?
His shoulders tightened reflexively. Talking about his marriage felt like poking at a scab with a fork. Healed over but still unpleasant. “What do you want to know?”
“Were you having problems for a while? Did you have any idea she was going to leave?”
He forced himself to unbunch his shoulders. She’d asked a fair question. “I should have known, but I guess I didn’t want to see it. We met in college and I was head over heels. Never really dated anyone else. And the way she was…basically self-absorbed…I didn’t know it could be any other way.”
She twirled her wine thoughtfully. “You don’t have any point of reference when you’re that young. Phil and I met in law school; we were kids too.”
Surprisingly, now that he’d gotten started, it was easier to talk about this than he’d expected.
“She never told me what she was thinking. In all the years we were together, I don’t think we ever had a conversation like this.
I knew she cared about her art, but I didn’t understand what she wanted from life. ”
“Maybe she didn’t completely understand either.”
He shrugged. “Maybe. But she never told me she was unhappy. That was dishonest. I only found out later that she’d planned for months to go to Colorado.
We had a kid for Christ’s sake. We probably couldn’t have fixed it but shutting me out—that was indefensible.
It took me a long time to forgive her for that.
I can handle pretty much anything except dishonesty. ”
Cassie was still for a moment. “Have you?” she said finally. “Forgiven her?”
He drained the last of his wine. “Like I said, it’s been a long time. All I care about now is making sure Lilah’s okay.”
To his surprise she laced her hand through his.
“I uh…don’t usually talk about all that stuff,” he said.
“I’m glad you did.” She stroked his thumb with her own, which sent a charge straight through him.
“I never expected this,” she said.
“This?” he repeated dumbly. The conversation had apparently taken a turn, but all he could think about was the way she was touching him.
“What’s happening with us.”
If she’d kept his hand another second, he would have abandoned his pledge to take things slow and carted her off to bed.
God knew he wanted to. But he was still trying to wrap his head around what she’d said, and anyway, what exactly was happening between them?
Sophie had trained him to be wary, but now he’d met a woman who made it plain how she felt.
After a moment she smiled self-consciously and disengaged her hand. “I admire that you love what you do. I mean that. Not everyone is lucky enough to wake up every day passionate about their work. I guess I’m a little jealous of that.”
“You are? I thought you liked your work.”
“I do. It’s interesting and useful and I’m good at it.” She gazed out the window, where small white moths were beating against the flood light. “But I don’t know if I’m passionate about it. I’m not sure I even know what that means.”
“Maybe you’re not doing what you should be doing,” he said cautiously. “What do you care about, I mean besides your family, obviously?”
She rested her chin on her hand, as though her head had become heavy.
“That’s the thing, I don’t know. What is there besides work and family and hopefully you make enough to be comfortable and find some happiness along the way.
But sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough.
” She gave him a wry smile. “You make me feel like a slacker.”
“What?” He was so stunned for a moment he couldn’t even respond. “You’re a smart, successful woman. How can you even say that?”
She raised a shoulder. “What have I accomplished?”
“You’re just down because life is tough right now. Everyone gets that way.”
“No seriously. What have I accomplished?”
“What have you accomplished?” He looked around, like the answer might be right there in the kitchen.
“You’re a lawyer, which in itself is an accomplishment, you have a great son, and okay he’s going through a rough patch, but what kids don’t?
And you’re caring for your dad, which is unbelievably hard and…
” He trailed off because of the way she was smiling at him. “What?”
“Keep going,” she said, eyes twinkling. “I like this.”
He tossed a balled-up napkin at her. “Oh, so this was a ruse to get me to tell you how wonderful you are?”
She laughed. “No, no, definitely not. Just me wringing my hands about what I want to do when I grow up.”
They left the dishes on the table and went into the family room, where he tossed Lilah’s stuff off the couch and put on some music.
Cassie was beautiful and straightforward and incredibly, she wanted him.
But what if they somehow found a way to be together?
If his passion made her uncomfortable, would he dial it back to please her?
Would his love for what he did and where he lived become a source of resentment if she never found her footing?
He didn’t know and couldn’t think because he was stroking her skin under that clingy top, and Cassie was arching her back in a very sexy way. She felt incredibly soft, and he was about to suggest she lose the top when Charlie jumped up, barking officiously.
Glenn groaned. “Lilah must be home.” Was it ten already, why hadn’t he let her spend the night at her friend’s? She was always clamoring to spend the night.
He brushed a last kiss on Cassie’s neck before sliding over a respectable distance.
“In here,” he called as the door slammed. “Come on in and say hello.”